Frasier Quotes
Frasier: You didn't tell him you were pregnant before the date?
Roz: Well, it's not the easiest thing in the world to tell someone. Besides, I was hoping my radiant glow would do the talking for me.
Frasier: Your "glow." Oh please, Roz. Do you ever think that anyone... could miss your radiant glow?
Roz: So I tell him, and he says "Fine, it's not a problem." Five minutes later, he tells me his pager is vibrating. He has an emergency. He has to go to work.
Frasier: Well, maybe he was telling the truth.
Roz: He sells wicker furniture. Who needs their end tables re-caned at 9: 30 at night?
Roz: Well, it's not the easiest thing in the world to tell someone. Besides, I was hoping my radiant glow would do the talking for me.
Frasier: Your "glow." Oh please, Roz. Do you ever think that anyone... could miss your radiant glow?
Roz: So I tell him, and he says "Fine, it's not a problem." Five minutes later, he tells me his pager is vibrating. He has an emergency. He has to go to work.
Frasier: Well, maybe he was telling the truth.
Roz: He sells wicker furniture. Who needs their end tables re-caned at 9: 30 at night?
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier, Niles, Daphne, and Martin are in Frasier's apartment, discussing Frasier's relationship
Frasier: You know, it's funny; as much as I care for this woman, there's something about this relationship that leaves me vaguely unsettled.
Niles: I might venture a theory at which you're sure to hoot. What may be making you uncomfortable is that for the first time you find yourself in the more…submissive rôle.
Frasier: What on God's earth are you talking about?
Daphne: I think what he means is: you're the girl!
Frasier: You know, it's funny; as much as I care for this woman, there's something about this relationship that leaves me vaguely unsettled.
Niles: I might venture a theory at which you're sure to hoot. What may be making you uncomfortable is that for the first time you find yourself in the more…submissive rôle.
Frasier: What on God's earth are you talking about?
Daphne: I think what he means is: you're the girl!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is trying to work out why Sam broke up with him. Roz thinks he is obsessing, and tells him off
Roz: I've been down this road so many times I call it “The Roz Expressway”.
Niles: I've heard that phrase before, but in a slightly different context.
Roz: I've been down this road so many times I call it “The Roz Expressway”.
Niles: I've heard that phrase before, but in a slightly different context.
TV Show: Frasier
Niles establishes that Frasier was not exactly in love; just saw it as a possibility for the future
Niles: Well, no wonder you're heartbroken; you've just lost the only woman you could even possibly sometime down the line perhaps fall in love with. I'm surprised the country music people haven't jumped all over this one!
Niles: Well, no wonder you're heartbroken; you've just lost the only woman you could even possibly sometime down the line perhaps fall in love with. I'm surprised the country music people haven't jumped all over this one!
TV Show: Frasier
Martin is practising his song with Frasier and Niles. There is one particularly high note giving him trouble
Niles: Why don't you start here (“Oh night”)? And I want to hear you really attack the note.
Martin attempts the phrase of music, and at the ensuing sound Eddie buries his head under a cushion
Niles: Sometimes the note sees the attack coming and retreats.
Niles: Why don't you start here (“Oh night”)? And I want to hear you really attack the note.
Martin attempts the phrase of music, and at the ensuing sound Eddie buries his head under a cushion
Niles: Sometimes the note sees the attack coming and retreats.
TV Show: Frasier
In a flashback to Frasier and Niles at school, the pair don't think much of the lunch in the cafeteria
Young Niles: This lunch is a culinary Hindenburg!
Young Niles: This lunch is a culinary Hindenburg!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is very quick to dismiss Daphne's suggestion of meeting her friend Claire for a date
Frasier: I would think by now that you'd know my policy on fix-ups.
Daphne: She's pretty, she's lonely and she's an underwear model.
Frasier: So you do know my policy. Off we go!
Frasier: I would think by now that you'd know my policy on fix-ups.
Daphne: She's pretty, she's lonely and she's an underwear model.
Frasier: So you do know my policy. Off we go!
TV Show: Frasier
Daphne has just told Niles and Frasier about discovering the ring
Niles: Do you know what that means?
Frasier: (ruefully) Yes! We’re going to hear what Mendelssohn’sWedding March sounds like on the banjo!
Niles: Do you know what that means?
Frasier: (ruefully) Yes! We’re going to hear what Mendelssohn’sWedding March sounds like on the banjo!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier is trying to establish whether Martin knows about Sherry’s previous marriages, by telling a falsified anecdote
Frasier: You know, Dad, I think it all hearkens back to the puritanical streak that still runs through this country. What do you think?
Martin: There's a yakkety-yak streak that runs through this family.
Frasier: You know, Dad, I think it all hearkens back to the puritanical streak that still runs through this country. What do you think?
Martin: There's a yakkety-yak streak that runs through this family.
TV Show: Frasier
[The station has hired a tough arbitrator, "The Hammer," to renegotiate everyone's contract. Gil's salary has been slashed, but Bebe and Roz come in cheering.]
Gil: How on earth did you get all that?
Bebe: Oh, we go way back, the Hammer and I. I know where the bodies are buried.... Usually, that's just a metaphor.
Gil: How on earth did you get all that?
Bebe: Oh, we go way back, the Hammer and I. I know where the bodies are buried.... Usually, that's just a metaphor.
TV Show: Frasier
Bebe confronts Frasier and presents him with a contract, promising that if he employs her again she will cut him a very good deal
Frasier: Isn't there a zebra carcass somewhere you should be hovering over?
Frasier: Isn't there a zebra carcass somewhere you should be hovering over?
TV Show: Frasier
Niles has broken down in tears in the middle of his therapy group. Frasier is trying to keep the patients calm by claiming it is empathy
Frasier: We've had quite a catharsis here. Now, traditionally it is the patients that make the breakthroughs, but we mustn't be sticklers.
Frasier: We've had quite a catharsis here. Now, traditionally it is the patients that make the breakthroughs, but we mustn't be sticklers.
TV Show: Frasier
Maris is ruthless in her pursuit of a divorce settlement
Niles: When we were courting, I sent her a Valentine that said: "You're the girl my heart adores, everything I have is yours". Now they're calling it a pre-nup.
Niles: When we were courting, I sent her a Valentine that said: "You're the girl my heart adores, everything I have is yours". Now they're calling it a pre-nup.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier finds Guy waiting in Niles' bed for him to return
Guy: You are not the Crane I want!
Frasier: You're not even the sex I want!
Guy: You are not the Crane I want!
Frasier: You're not even the sex I want!
TV Show: Frasier
About Annie
Niles: I grant you, she's cuddly, but isn't she a bit...what would the polite euphemism be? Stupid?
Frasier: Niles, she's just unschooled, like Eliza Doolittle. Find her the right Henry Higgins, she'll be ready for a ball in no time.
Niles: Leave it to you to put the "pig" back in Pygmalion.
Niles: I grant you, she's cuddly, but isn't she a bit...what would the polite euphemism be? Stupid?
Frasier: Niles, she's just unschooled, like Eliza Doolittle. Find her the right Henry Higgins, she'll be ready for a ball in no time.
Niles: Leave it to you to put the "pig" back in Pygmalion.
TV Show: Frasier
Lilith: Excuse me. I'm looking for Frasier Crane. They told me he'd be here.
Roz: Lilith, it's me. Roz. Doyle.
Lilith: Oh, yes, it's Frasier's fun-loving assistant...who's apparently had too much fun... loving.
Roz: Lilith, it's me. Roz. Doyle.
Lilith: Oh, yes, it's Frasier's fun-loving assistant...who's apparently had too much fun... loving.
TV Show: Frasier
[Lilith's husband has left her for their male contractor.]
Lilith: It's ironic, isn't it? No sooner do I get the closet of my dreams than my husband comes out of it.
Lilith: It's ironic, isn't it? No sooner do I get the closet of my dreams than my husband comes out of it.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: Speaking of buns I could do without, Lilith is back.
Niles: Oh, so that explains why blood was pouring from all my faucets this morning.
Frasier: Go easy on her. Her husband has left her, and get this...for a man!
Niles: Damn! I owe Dad five dollars!
Niles: Oh, so that explains why blood was pouring from all my faucets this morning.
Frasier: Go easy on her. Her husband has left her, and get this...for a man!
Niles: Damn! I owe Dad five dollars!
TV Show: Frasier
While Frasier waits in the hotel room, Lilith stealthily informs Niles, who is hiding in the en-suite, of his brother's amorous intentions
Niles: Does the man have no scruples? He specifically asked me last night to keep him away from you. But the minute my back is turned he sneaks back here and...(catches Lilith's eye) yes, I'm aware of the irony.
Niles: Does the man have no scruples? He specifically asked me last night to keep him away from you. But the minute my back is turned he sneaks back here and...(catches Lilith's eye) yes, I'm aware of the irony.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier: You know, it's funny; I have never stopped desiring you, Lilith, even though I know we are completely wrong for each other. But now, when I look at you, I will see the back of my brother's head! AND THAT IS ONE BUCKET OF ICE WATER, LET ME TELL YOU!!
TV Show: Frasier
Martin blames Frasier for the rift with Nikos' mother
Martin: I can't believe because of your big mouth, Zora won't even let me in her restaurant!
Frasier: Forcing you to go elsewhere when you have one of your frequent cravings for stuffed grape leaves and zither music(!)
...
Niles: It's a moot point. We're out of the family, thanks to Frasier's more-than-usually inept advice.
Martin: Can you imagine what it's like to live in the same city as your brother, and not see him for five years?
Frasier: No, but I'd like to give it a try.
Martin: I can't believe because of your big mouth, Zora won't even let me in her restaurant!
Frasier: Forcing you to go elsewhere when you have one of your frequent cravings for stuffed grape leaves and zither music(!)
...
Niles: It's a moot point. We're out of the family, thanks to Frasier's more-than-usually inept advice.
Martin: Can you imagine what it's like to live in the same city as your brother, and not see him for five years?
Frasier: No, but I'd like to give it a try.
TV Show: Frasier
Roz is swooning over the station's attractive new host
Roz: I can't work with a guy that handsome... No offense.
Frasier: Oh, none taken. Granted, when it comes to the looks department, Dr. Webber and I aren't in the same—
Roz: Species?
Frasier: Well, I was going to say "league," but species is so much more insulting.
Roz: I can't work with a guy that handsome... No offense.
Frasier: Oh, none taken. Granted, when it comes to the looks department, Dr. Webber and I aren't in the same—
Roz: Species?
Frasier: Well, I was going to say "league," but species is so much more insulting.
TV Show: Frasier
Gil: I must admit, I didn't notice he was all that handsome.
Roz: You didn't notice? You of all people?
Gil: Just what are you insinuating?
Roz: Well, you know... you're a little...
Gil: For your information, I happen to be a happily married man.
Frasier: You're... married?
Bulldog: To a woman?
Gil: Of course to a woman! Well, you've all heard me mention Deb. How many times have I said, "I must run along now, Deb will be waiting!"
Roz: We thought Deb was your cat.
Gil: She is not a cat! She is Mrs. Gilbert Leslie Chesterton, a Sarah Lawrence graduate, and the owner of a very successful auto body repair shop! Honestly, the conclusions people make just because a man dresses well, and knows how to use a pastry bag! [exits in a huff]
Frasier: Well, that's the first time I've ever seen a man "in" himself.
Roz: You didn't notice? You of all people?
Gil: Just what are you insinuating?
Roz: Well, you know... you're a little...
Gil: For your information, I happen to be a happily married man.
Frasier: You're... married?
Bulldog: To a woman?
Gil: Of course to a woman! Well, you've all heard me mention Deb. How many times have I said, "I must run along now, Deb will be waiting!"
Roz: We thought Deb was your cat.
Gil: She is not a cat! She is Mrs. Gilbert Leslie Chesterton, a Sarah Lawrence graduate, and the owner of a very successful auto body repair shop! Honestly, the conclusions people make just because a man dresses well, and knows how to use a pastry bag! [exits in a huff]
Frasier: Well, that's the first time I've ever seen a man "in" himself.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier runs into Niles in the elevator, and sees him wearing an absurd-looking grey cap
Frasier: Niles, what have we determined about your success with…impulse purchases?
Niles: Really? The salesman thought I could pull it off.
Frasier: My suggestion exactly.
Frasier: Niles, what have we determined about your success with…impulse purchases?
Niles: Really? The salesman thought I could pull it off.
Frasier: My suggestion exactly.
TV Show: Frasier
Martin has taken a simple but effective approach to exposing Bulldog as a charlatan
Frasier: Thanks, Dad.
Martin: I'm not a hero; I just wanted you to shut up.
Frasier: Thanks, Dad.
Martin: I'm not a hero; I just wanted you to shut up.
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier tells his family that he tried, and failed, to break up with Caitlin
Frasier: Why? Because I'm Frasier, and I'm a sexaholic!
Frasier: Why? Because I'm Frasier, and I'm a sexaholic!
TV Show: Frasier
Frasier tries to explain to Caitlin why he thinks things won't work out between them
Frasier: I'm basically your stuffy, buttoned down sort of guy, you're a free-spirited, adventurous mouse-painting, moon-howling sort of girl!
Frasier: I'm basically your stuffy, buttoned down sort of guy, you're a free-spirited, adventurous mouse-painting, moon-howling sort of girl!
TV Show: Frasier
Martin is excited about his trip to San Francisco with Duke to retrace their steps from their shore leave there in 1952
Martin: Back then, there was no place like Frisco for a single guy cruising the streets looking for a good time.
Frasier: You know Dad, I think you'll find Frisco hasn't changed all that much.
Martin: Back then, there was no place like Frisco for a single guy cruising the streets looking for a good time.
Frasier: You know Dad, I think you'll find Frisco hasn't changed all that much.
TV Show: Frasier
[Roz talks about having in-laws without being married.]
Roz: That's like posing nude for your art teacher and still flunking the course. [Frasier looks shocked] Shut up. I needed the credits.
Roz: That's like posing nude for your art teacher and still flunking the course. [Frasier looks shocked] Shut up. I needed the credits.
TV Show: Frasier