Friends Quotes
Monica: [Trying to seduce Chandler] I've always found the men's bathroom very sexual. Haven't you?
Chandler: No. And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out.
Chandler: No. And if I did, I don't think we'd be going out.
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Gary and Phoebe think they're a hotter couple than we are!
Chandler: Oh. So?
Monica: So we've gotta go upstairs and have a lot of sex and prove them wrong.
Chandler: Honey, you've got to stop this competitive thing. Just to beat some other couple you want me to go upstairs and have sex with you over and over and over and... I'm saying no to this why? Get your coat!
Chandler: Oh. So?
Monica: So we've gotta go upstairs and have a lot of sex and prove them wrong.
Chandler: Honey, you've got to stop this competitive thing. Just to beat some other couple you want me to go upstairs and have sex with you over and over and over and... I'm saying no to this why? Get your coat!
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Oh, my God. You smoked.
Rachel: I did not.
Chandler: Yes you did. You look happy and sick-- you smoked!
Rachel: All right, fine, but I had to. I had to do it for my career.
Chandler: I wish I had to smoke for my career.
Rachel: I did not.
Chandler: Yes you did. You look happy and sick-- you smoked!
Rachel: All right, fine, but I had to. I had to do it for my career.
Chandler: I wish I had to smoke for my career.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Hi, Ben. So you want to be an actor, huh? Well, I go to tell you, it's no picnic. There's ton of rejection. No stability. I mean, one day you're Dr. Drake Ramoray. The next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle. It's a tough life. I mean, sure, okay you can get up whenever you want, watch T.V. all day, meet tons of women in acting class... Who am I kidding? I can't talk you out of this. It's a great life.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Rachel, did it bother you when Ross flirted with other women?
Rachel: No, it bothered me when he slept with other women.
Rachel: No, it bothered me when he slept with other women.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: Ross! We broke up two years ago. You've been married since then. I think it's okay that we see other people.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: [sniffs] This sandwich does smell good...
Joey: Did I tell you to smell my sandwich?
Chandler: I can't smell your sandwich?
Joey: No! Half of the taste is in the smell! You're sucking up all the taste units!
Chandler: Okay, I'll give them back [exhales].
Joey: Did I tell you to smell my sandwich?
Chandler: I can't smell your sandwich?
Joey: No! Half of the taste is in the smell! You're sucking up all the taste units!
Chandler: Okay, I'll give them back [exhales].
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Man, I would be great in a war! I really think I'd make a fantastic military leader. I mean, I know I'd make general before any of you guys.
Chandler: Before or after you were shot by your own troops?
Chandler: Before or after you were shot by your own troops?
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Well, you all know that I am a pacifist, which means I am not interested in war - in any way. But when the revolution comes I will have to destroy you all; not you, Joey.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: So is Staten Island really an island?
Ross: Hence the name: Staten Island.
Joey: Oh, I thought it was like Long Island.
Ross: Also an island!
Ross: Hence the name: Staten Island.
Joey: Oh, I thought it was like Long Island.
Ross: Also an island!
TV Show: Friends
[Ross and Joey talk during a game of catch.]
Ross: They found a Paleozoic amphibian in the jaws of a Mesozoic mastodon! How did it get there?
Joey: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.
Ross: They found a Paleozoic amphibian in the jaws of a Mesozoic mastodon! How did it get there?
Joey: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Who would you rather sleep with: Monica or Rachel?
Ross: Dude, you are sick.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
Ross: Dude, you are sick.
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: [about which route to take to Vegas] Oh, if you take the northern route, there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees.
Joey: Great! Problem solved!
Phoebe: But on the southern route, there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Joey: Well, back to square one.
Joey: Great! Problem solved!
Phoebe: But on the southern route, there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.
Joey: Well, back to square one.
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Okay. You cannot tell Chandler. Okay? But I ran into Richard.
Phoebe: Which Richard?
Monica: The Richard.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons? Oh, my God!
Monica: No, my ex-boyfriend Richard. You know: the tall guy, mustache.
Phoebe: Okay, that actually makes more sense. How was it?
Phoebe: Which Richard?
Monica: The Richard.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons? Oh, my God!
Monica: No, my ex-boyfriend Richard. You know: the tall guy, mustache.
Phoebe: Okay, that actually makes more sense. How was it?
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: No! Phoebe, just because I'm alone doesn’t mean I wanna walk around naked. I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?
TV Show: Friends
Ross: [speaking through the phone to the pens Company] Yes, Hello! I have a question, uhm!... I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. [something at the phone]... A beard and a mustache. [Something at the phone again] oh! Thank you!...
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: [talking on the phone, drunk] Hello? Vegas? Yes, we would like some more alcohol. And you know, we would like some more beers, too... hello? Oh, wait... I forgot to dial!
?[There is a knock at the door.] ?
Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers!
?[There is a knock at the door.] ?
Ross: That must be our alcohol and beers!
TV Show: Friends
Joey: [To Rachel] Hey Rach, how you doin'?
Rachel: [grins] I'm doing good, baby. How you doin'?
Joey: Ross, don't let her drink any more!
Rachel: [grins] I'm doing good, baby. How you doin'?
Joey: Ross, don't let her drink any more!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Wanna hear something weird?
Phoebe: Always!
Ross: Rachel and me are still married.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: I didn't get the annulment. We're still married. Don't tell Rachel. Okay, see you later...
Phoebe: Always!
Ross: Rachel and me are still married.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: I didn't get the annulment. We're still married. Don't tell Rachel. Okay, see you later...
TV Show: Friends
Ross: I just don't want my tombstone to read, "Ross Geller: Three divorces."
Phoebe: Don't feel worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, "Ross Geller: Good at Marriage!" Y'know? Mine's going to say "Phoebe Buffay: Buried Alive."
Phoebe: Don't feel worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, "Ross Geller: Good at Marriage!" Y'know? Mine's going to say "Phoebe Buffay: Buried Alive."
TV Show: Friends
Ross: We were drunk! I would've married Joey with that amount of alcohol!
Phoebe: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!
Phoebe: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Yeah, why don't you move in with me? It'll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies. And you know about Naked Thursdays, right?
Rachel: Yeah, yeah. I think I'm gonna find my own place.
Chandler: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing, man!
Rachel: Yeah, yeah. I think I'm gonna find my own place.
Chandler: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing, man!
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Ninety percent of a woman's pheromones come out the top of her head! That's why women are shorter, so that men will fall in love when they hug them! [Ross is staring at Phoebe] Oh, come on, Ross, you're a scientist.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: She didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not going to waste a whole another hour there! I mean, I've only got a week left, you know? I've really got to start living now! [Picks up a car magazine and reads it]
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Ross, just for my own peace of mind — you're not married to any more of us, are you?
TV Show: Friends
Judge: Okay, you two are asking the court for an annulment?
Rachel: Yes, your honor, and here are... are forms, all filled out.
Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.
Ross: Fine, I’m mentally unstable.
Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Uh, yes, heroin and crack.
Ross: Crack isn’t even an intravenous drug!
Rachel: Well, you would know.
Judge: Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?
Ross: Oh, come on!
Rachel: Ross, please, I found the magazines!
Judge: And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you’re gay and addicted to heroin...
Rachel: Yes, your honor, and here are... are forms, all filled out.
Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.
Ross: Fine, I’m mentally unstable.
Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Uh, yes, heroin and crack.
Ross: Crack isn’t even an intravenous drug!
Rachel: Well, you would know.
Judge: Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?
Ross: Oh, come on!
Rachel: Ross, please, I found the magazines!
Judge: And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you’re gay and addicted to heroin...
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Why isn't that valet back with my Porsche?
Passer-by: Maybe because you've got the keys?
Passer-by: Maybe because you've got the keys?
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Here is the phone bill.
Joey: Oh, my God!!
Chandler: That's our phone number.
Joey: Oh, my God!!
Chandler: That's our phone number.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: You know what else I'm not gonna miss? [mockingly] "I'm Monica. I wash the toilet seventeen times a day, even if people are on it!"
Monica: "Hi, I'm Rachel. Is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, I better wash it and shrink it!"
Rachel: "I'm Monica. I don't get phone messages from interesting people, ever.
Phoebe: Hey, I call her.
Monica: "Oh my god, I love Ross, I hate Ross! I love Ross, I hate Ross!
Rachel: "Oh my god! I can't find a boyfriend, so I guess I'll just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!"
[Mad at Rachel's last comment, Monica angrily dumps one of Rachel's belongings into the cardboard box and walks away.]
Phoebe: Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations. [she pulls out a drawer and dumps the entire contents into the box
Monica: "Hi, I'm Rachel. Is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, I better wash it and shrink it!"
Rachel: "I'm Monica. I don't get phone messages from interesting people, ever.
Phoebe: Hey, I call her.
Monica: "Oh my god, I love Ross, I hate Ross! I love Ross, I hate Ross!
Rachel: "Oh my god! I can't find a boyfriend, so I guess I'll just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!"
[Mad at Rachel's last comment, Monica angrily dumps one of Rachel's belongings into the cardboard box and walks away.]
Phoebe: Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations. [she pulls out a drawer and dumps the entire contents into the box
TV Show: Friends
Ross: I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there will be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically, you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and live forever as a machine!
Chandler: And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.
Chandler: And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.
TV Show: Friends