Friends Quotes
Rachel: Seriously, Ross, breathe louder, that's great.
Ross: Y'know, We should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half-human, half-pure evil!
Ross: Y'know, We should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half-human, half-pure evil!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: How may centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Dr. Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!
Dr. Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!
TV Show: Friends
[Rachel is giving birth.]
Monica: I can't believe this is taking so long. How're you doing?
Rachel: Not bad. You know that feeling where you try to blow a St. Bernard out your ass?
Ross: And soon someone will call her "Mom."
Monica: I can't believe this is taking so long. How're you doing?
Rachel: Not bad. You know that feeling where you try to blow a St. Bernard out your ass?
Ross: And soon someone will call her "Mom."
TV Show: Friends
[Cliff's cast is itchy. Phoebe gets a spoon to scratch it.]
Cliff: Wow. I usually get to know a girl better before I let her spoon me.
Phoebe: Relax, it's not like we're forking.
Cliff: Wow. I usually get to know a girl better before I let her spoon me.
Phoebe: Relax, it's not like we're forking.
TV Show: Friends
[Rachel is giving birth.]
Ross: Let's go - one more time - one final push. Ready? 1... 2... 3!
Ross: Let's go - one more time - one final push. Ready? 1... 2... 3!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Keep pushing!
Rachel: Are you okay?
Ross: (slowly getting up) You have no idea how much this hurts!
Rachel: Are you okay?
Ross: (slowly getting up) You have no idea how much this hurts!
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: You can touch yourself in front of us, but you can't talk to Rachel.
Ross: What? When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?
Phoebe: Oh, please. Just before, when you were asleep in the lounge. That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV.
Ross: What? When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?
Phoebe: Oh, please. Just before, when you were asleep in the lounge. That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: Mon, what am I gonna do? It's been hours and it won't stop crying.
Monica: "She," Rach. Not "it." She.
Rachel: Yeah. I'm not so sure.
Monica: "She," Rach. Not "it." She.
Rachel: Yeah. I'm not so sure.
TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe is reading a book on how to stop a baby from crying.]
Phoebe: We've tried feeding, drinking and diaper changing. Oh, here's something: "Go back in time and listen to Phoebe."
Phoebe: We've tried feeding, drinking and diaper changing. Oh, here's something: "Go back in time and listen to Phoebe."
TV Show: Friends
[Chandler is begging to Elaine to not make him go to Tulsa.]
Chandler: Oh i love Tulsa, Tulsa is heaven,Tulsa is Italy, Please don't make me go there!
Chandler: Oh i love Tulsa, Tulsa is heaven,Tulsa is Italy, Please don't make me go there!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: I wonder why Ross said that he died?
Monica: Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist.
Chandler: He saw a therapist?
Monica: He used to have this recurring nightmare. It really freaked him out.
Rachel: Wow, what was it?
Monica: That I was going to eat him.
Monica: Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist.
Chandler: He saw a therapist?
Monica: He used to have this recurring nightmare. It really freaked him out.
Rachel: Wow, what was it?
Monica: That I was going to eat him.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: [Searching her address book for someone to date Joey] Ooh, here's a good one: Sandy Poopach.
Joey: [Stifles a laugh]
Phoebe: I guess that rules out Lana Titweiller.
Joey: [Bursts out laughing] AH-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Joey: [Stifles a laugh]
Phoebe: I guess that rules out Lana Titweiller.
Joey: [Bursts out laughing] AH-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe opens the door]
Phoebe: Oh, it's you.
Ross: With vegetarian corndogs! Come on, I just want to talk to you.
Phoebe: Oh, about what? How few ova I have left?
Phoebe: Oh, it's you.
Ross: With vegetarian corndogs! Come on, I just want to talk to you.
Phoebe: Oh, about what? How few ova I have left?
TV Show: Friends
Ross: And I ended up telling him that...
Phoebe: What?
Ross: You had a six-year-long relationship with a guy named Vikram.
Phoebe: What? Why?
Ross: Well, he seemed to... bum hard when I told him that you'd never been in a serious relationship.
Phoebe: If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend, I swear to Lucifer, a rabid dog would be feasting on your danglers right now!
Phoebe: What?
Ross: You had a six-year-long relationship with a guy named Vikram.
Phoebe: What? Why?
Ross: Well, he seemed to... bum hard when I told him that you'd never been in a serious relationship.
Phoebe: If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend, I swear to Lucifer, a rabid dog would be feasting on your danglers right now!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: [Rachel's cell phone rings] Hello?
Monica: Hey, Rach, it's me. Okay, I just got to Chandler's room, and I caught him... molesting himself.
Rachel: Ohh... that couldn't have been pretty. But you know? Guys do that.
Monica: Yeah? Uh, well, the weird part is... he was getting off... to a shark attack show!
Rachel: [gasp] No!
Monica: Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!
Monica: Hey, Rach, it's me. Okay, I just got to Chandler's room, and I caught him... molesting himself.
Rachel: Ohh... that couldn't have been pretty. But you know? Guys do that.
Monica: Yeah? Uh, well, the weird part is... he was getting off... to a shark attack show!
Rachel: [gasp] No!
Monica: Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Why don't you sit down... get yourself comfortable... because I have a little surprise for you.
Chandler: Well, well, well. It must be five in Tulsa because it's "sex o'clock" in NYC!
Monica: Okay, this is how much I love you.
[Monica plays a shark documentary and rolls over Chandler's side, while Chandler gets a confused look]
Chandler: Honey? Why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around?
Monica: Oh, is, is this not the good part? Do you want me to fast-forward to something... toothier?
Chandler: No, I'm just not sure that y-you got the right movie, that's all.
Monica: Oh. Well this is the only one they had at our video store. Oh, but they did have something called "Crocodile Killers"... or does it always have to be sharks?
Chandler: Does what always have to be sharks?
Monica: Honey! We-- look, we could do something else. D-Do you want me to get into the tub and... thrash?
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: It's okay. It's okay, I still love you. Let me be a part of this.
Chandler: Let me be a part of this!
Chandler: Well, well, well. It must be five in Tulsa because it's "sex o'clock" in NYC!
Monica: Okay, this is how much I love you.
[Monica plays a shark documentary and rolls over Chandler's side, while Chandler gets a confused look]
Chandler: Honey? Why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around?
Monica: Oh, is, is this not the good part? Do you want me to fast-forward to something... toothier?
Chandler: No, I'm just not sure that y-you got the right movie, that's all.
Monica: Oh. Well this is the only one they had at our video store. Oh, but they did have something called "Crocodile Killers"... or does it always have to be sharks?
Chandler: Does what always have to be sharks?
Monica: Honey! We-- look, we could do something else. D-Do you want me to get into the tub and... thrash?
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: It's okay. It's okay, I still love you. Let me be a part of this.
Chandler: Let me be a part of this!
TV Show: Friends
[Ross and Rachel are locked out of the apartment, with baby Emma inside.]
Rachel: Oh, no! What if she jumps out of the crib!
Ross: Can't hold her own head up... but yeah, jumped.
Rachel: Oh, my God! I left the water running!
Ross: Rachel, relax. You did not leave the faucet running.
Rachel: Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996!
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if the window's open, a bird could fly in there and —
Ross: Oh, my God, you know what, I think you're right! I think — you know what? Listen, listen: a pigeon... no, no, wait, an eagle flew in, landed on the stove, and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death-grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!
Rachel: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.
Rachel: Oh, no! What if she jumps out of the crib!
Ross: Can't hold her own head up... but yeah, jumped.
Rachel: Oh, my God! I left the water running!
Ross: Rachel, relax. You did not leave the faucet running.
Rachel: Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996!
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if the window's open, a bird could fly in there and —
Ross: Oh, my God, you know what, I think you're right! I think — you know what? Listen, listen: a pigeon... no, no, wait, an eagle flew in, landed on the stove, and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death-grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!
Rachel: Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Oh, for God's sake, Judy, pick up the sock, pick up the sock, PICK UP THE SOOOOOOOOOCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! (her friends stare at her, scared) I'm sorry, was that rude? Di-di-did my little "outburst" blunt the HIDEOUSNESS that is this evening?!
TV Show: Friends
[Ross is talking to Emma on the couch]
Ross: And that's why, no matter what Mommy says, we really were on a break! Yes we were, yes we were! [picks up the baby] Oh, you're the cutest little baby ever! You're just a little bitty baby, but you got big beautiful eyes, a big round belly, and a big baby butt! [sighs] I like big butts. [sings the first few lines of "Baby Got Back." Emma starts laughing.] Oh, my God, you're laughing! You've never done that before! Daddy made you laugh! Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot! You want to hear more? [sings another line and Emma laughs again] I'm a terrible father!
Ross: And that's why, no matter what Mommy says, we really were on a break! Yes we were, yes we were! [picks up the baby] Oh, you're the cutest little baby ever! You're just a little bitty baby, but you got big beautiful eyes, a big round belly, and a big baby butt! [sighs] I like big butts. [sings the first few lines of "Baby Got Back." Emma starts laughing.] Oh, my God, you're laughing! You've never done that before! Daddy made you laugh! Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot! You want to hear more? [sings another line and Emma laughs again] I'm a terrible father!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Guess what? Emma laughed today!
Rachel: What? And I missed it 'cause I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie? What'd you do to get her to laugh?
Ross: Well, I sang... I rapped... 'Baby Got Back'.
Rachel: What? You sang to our infant daughter a song about a man who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?
Ross: Well... if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy body image, because even women with big bottoms, or juicy doubles, can... (sees how angry Rachel is) Please don't take her away from me.
Rachel: What? And I missed it 'cause I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie? What'd you do to get her to laugh?
Ross: Well, I sang... I rapped... 'Baby Got Back'.
Rachel: What? You sang to our infant daughter a song about a man who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?
Ross: Well... if you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy body image, because even women with big bottoms, or juicy doubles, can... (sees how angry Rachel is) Please don't take her away from me.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: No, no we're not together. We're not a couple- we're definitely not a couple.
Saleswoman: Oh! Sorry.
Joey: Wow, you, uh, you seem pretty insulted by that. What, I'm not good enough for you?
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again.
Saleswoman: Oh! Sorry.
Joey: Wow, you, uh, you seem pretty insulted by that. What, I'm not good enough for you?
Chandler: We're not gonna have this conversation again.
TV Show: Friends
[Monica and Phoebe greet Amy]
Monica So, welcome! Uh, is this the first time you're seeing Emma?
Amy: Yeah, I-I think so. [to Phoebe ] It's nice to meet you, Emma. [Amy holds out her hand to Phoebe]
Phoebe: [she shakes Amy's hand and corrects her] Phoebe.
Amy: Oh, that's a funny noise.
Monica So, welcome! Uh, is this the first time you're seeing Emma?
Amy: Yeah, I-I think so. [to Phoebe ] It's nice to meet you, Emma. [Amy holds out her hand to Phoebe]
Phoebe: [she shakes Amy's hand and corrects her] Phoebe.
Amy: Oh, that's a funny noise.
TV Show: Friends
Amy: I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of "Emily".
Ross: Emma.
Amy: [to Phoebe] Emma, Ross wants you.
Phoebe: PHOEBE!
Amy: [whispers to Ross] Why does she keep making that noise?
Ross: Emma.
Amy: [to Phoebe] Emma, Ross wants you.
Phoebe: PHOEBE!
Amy: [whispers to Ross] Why does she keep making that noise?
TV Show: Friends