Friends Quotes
[At the Lamaze class, mother-to-be Carol panics after seeing a videotaped birth.]
Ross: Everything's going to be all right.
Carol: What do you know?! No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi! Is that your nostril? Mind if we push this POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"
Ross: Everything's going to be all right.
Carol: What do you know?! No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi! Is that your nostril? Mind if we push this POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"
TV Show: Friends
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Chandler and Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no. With him. I'm on this field, and they... they hike me the baby. And I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us.
Chandler and Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no. With him. I'm on this field, and they... they hike me the baby. And I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Chandler: You know, you'd think I would.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Chandler: You know, you'd think I would.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?
Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: Ha, ha, ha!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: "Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black."
Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: Ha, ha, ha!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: "Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black."
TV Show: Friends
[The gang is playing poker.]
Rachel: I will see you... and I'll raise you. What do you say... want to waste another buck?
Ross: No, not this time. [he folds] So what'd you have?
Rachel: I'm not telling.
Ross: Come on, show them to me. [He reaches for her cards. Rachel covers them up]
Rachel: No!
Ross: Show them to me!
Rachel: Get your hands out of there! No!
Ross: Let me see! Show them!
Chandler: You know, I've had dates like this.
Rachel: I will see you... and I'll raise you. What do you say... want to waste another buck?
Ross: No, not this time. [he folds] So what'd you have?
Rachel: I'm not telling.
Ross: Come on, show them to me. [He reaches for her cards. Rachel covers them up]
Rachel: No!
Ross: Show them to me!
Rachel: Get your hands out of there! No!
Ross: Let me see! Show them!
Chandler: You know, I've had dates like this.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: [To Ross] Boy you really can't stand to lose can you, your face is getting red and little veins popping out of your temple.
Phoebe: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants.
Phoebe: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Hey you know what I just realised?, Joker is Poker with a J! — Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's Joincidence with a C!
Chandler: Hey, that's Joincidence with a C!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: (dancing with joy that she's gotten a job interview for asisstant buyer at a department store) (to Ross) I'm gonna get your money
And I've got an interview
And your fly's still open (Ross looks down)
Ha, I made you look
And I've got an interview
And your fly's still open (Ross looks down)
Ha, I made you look
TV Show: Friends
Joey: All right, all right. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to The Russian Tea Room.
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to The Russian Tea Room.
TV Show: Friends
Samantha: Do you know anything about fixing radiators?
Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?
Samantha: Of course.
Joey: Oh. Then no.
Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?
Samantha: Of course.
Joey: Oh. Then no.
TV Show: Friends
(Rachel's ex-fiance Barry just came in Monica's apartment door)
Barry: Rachel, I can't marry Mindy anymore. I want you.
Ross: [had been looking forward to asking her out] We really need to start locking that door!
Barry: Rachel, I can't marry Mindy anymore. I want you.
Ross: [had been looking forward to asking her out] We really need to start locking that door!
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf-blower picked up.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf-blower picked up.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat...
Phoebe: You know he's gay?
Ross: I just wanna clarify this: Are you outing Mr. Peanut?
Phoebe: You know he's gay?
Ross: I just wanna clarify this: Are you outing Mr. Peanut?
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.
Monica: Still... it's just such reckless spending.
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Monica: That was me.
Monica: Still... it's just such reckless spending.
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Monica: That was me.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
TV Show: Friends
Ross: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream.
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and it was someone else's subconscious.
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and it was someone else's subconscious.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.
Rachel: No, forget it.
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there... Joey was there, too.
Joey: All right!
Ross: Was there... uh, huh, huh, huh... anybody, anybody else there?
Rachel: No.
Ross: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out, uh, mints or anything?
Rachel: No, it was just the three of us.
Ross: Huh!
Joey: So, tell me. Was it, like, you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
Rachel[laughing]: You know what?
Joey[laughing]: What?
Rachel[laughing]: There were times when it wasn't even me.
[Chandler and Joey laugh until they look at each other]
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. [hugs them]
Rachel: No, forget it.
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there... Joey was there, too.
Joey: All right!
Ross: Was there... uh, huh, huh, huh... anybody, anybody else there?
Rachel: No.
Ross: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out, uh, mints or anything?
Rachel: No, it was just the three of us.
Ross: Huh!
Joey: So, tell me. Was it, like, you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
Rachel[laughing]: You know what?
Joey[laughing]: What?
Rachel[laughing]: There were times when it wasn't even me.
[Chandler and Joey laugh until they look at each other]
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. [hugs them]
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: [singing]They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch
Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
You cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry and you cry...
[Ross gives Phoebe a dollar]
Phoebe: Thanks, Ross!
Ross: I'm paying you to stop.
Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
You cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry and you cry...
[Ross gives Phoebe a dollar]
Phoebe: Thanks, Ross!
Ross: I'm paying you to stop.
TV Show: Friends
Monica: I wanna baby!
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh really when?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Uh... Uh....
Monica: What is it, is there something fundamentally un-marry-able about me? Well?
Chandler: Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack!
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh really when?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Okay, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Uh... Uh....
Monica: What is it, is there something fundamentally un-marry-able about me? Well?
Chandler: Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Carol's late. She's going into labor and still in the cab.
Rachel: Don't worry Ross. It's probably $2.00 for the first contraction and 75 cents for each additional contraction. [laughs, sees that everyone's looking at her] What? It's okay when Chandler does it?!
Chandler: You gotta pick your moments.
Rachel: Don't worry Ross. It's probably $2.00 for the first contraction and 75 cents for each additional contraction. [laughs, sees that everyone's looking at her] What? It's okay when Chandler does it?!
Chandler: You gotta pick your moments.
TV Show: Friends
Carol's Doctor: [to Carol] How do you like your contractions?
Carol: [with an air of false joy] Oh, they're wonderful! Each one's like a party going on in my uterus!
Carol: [with an air of false joy] Oh, they're wonderful! Each one's like a party going on in my uterus!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: [to Susan] It's because of you we are stuck here.
Phoebe: Hi I am Ben. Ben to the rescue.
Phoebe: Hi I am Ben. Ben to the rescue.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station..
Chandler: [to Joey] Now you are scaring me.
Chandler: [to Joey] Now you are scaring me.
TV Show: Friends
[Joey tells the group about his participation in a fertility study.]
Joey: I mean, I just go down there every other day and… make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey — but at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!
Phoebe: Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!
Joey: I mean, I just go down there every other day and… make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey — but at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!
Phoebe: Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!
TV Show: Friends
[Chandler and Joey are talking like cavemen.]
Chandler: Men are here.
Joey: We make fire. Cook meat.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing. No get invited back.
Chandler: Men are here.
Joey: We make fire. Cook meat.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing. No get invited back.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.
Chandler: Crazy bitch.
Chandler: Crazy bitch.
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left.
Monica: Oh, no, she's out having drinks with Carl.
Ross: Oh. Hey, who's Carl?
Monica: You know that guy she met at the coffeehouse?
Ross: : No.
Phoebe: Oh, well, you see, there's this guy she met at the...
Ross: At the coffeehouse, right?
Phoebe: So you do know who he is!
Monica: Oh, no, she's out having drinks with Carl.
Ross: Oh. Hey, who's Carl?
Monica: You know that guy she met at the coffeehouse?
Ross: : No.
Phoebe: Oh, well, you see, there's this guy she met at the...
Ross: At the coffeehouse, right?
Phoebe: So you do know who he is!
TV Show: Friends
Joey[to Ross]: Haven't you ever gotten beat up before?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: I mean, by someone besides Monica.
Ross: No.
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: I mean, by someone besides Monica.
Ross: No.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: (regarding Ross' birthday gift to Rachel) I can't believe he got you that! It must've cost him a fortune!
Chandler: Oh, come on. Ross? Remember back in college when he fell in love with Carol and got her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Rachel: What did you just say?
Chandler: (realizing he'd just revealed Ross' feelings, he stumbles) Crystal duck.
Rachel: No, no, the love part.
Chandler: (hyperventilating) Flennen!
Rachel: Oh, my god!
Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no, no, no!
Joey: That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time
Chandler: Oh, come on. Ross? Remember back in college when he fell in love with Carol and got her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
Rachel: What did you just say?
Chandler: (realizing he'd just revealed Ross' feelings, he stumbles) Crystal duck.
Rachel: No, no, the love part.
Chandler: (hyperventilating) Flennen!
Rachel: Oh, my god!
Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no, no, no!
Joey: That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time
TV Show: Friends