Friends Quotes
Ross: [Watching the fight on TV where Pete gets injured and talking to Monica] This is ironic. Out of your last two boyfriends, Richard didn't want to have kids, and from the looks of it now Pete can't!
TV Show: Friends
Mrs. Green: [looks out the window] Oh my God, there's an unattractive nude man [Ugly Naked Guy] playing the cello.
Rachel: Yeah, well just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.
Rachel: Yeah, well just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.
TV Show: Friends
Mrs Green: Oh, this is so much fun, just the girls! Do you know what we should do? Does anybody have any marijuana?
Rachel: [Shocked] God!
Monica: All right, look. Nobody is smoking any pot around all this food!
Mrs Green: Well, that's fine. I never did it, I just thought I might. So, what's new in sex?
Rachel: [Shocked] God!
Monica: All right, look. Nobody is smoking any pot around all this food!
Mrs Green: Well, that's fine. I never did it, I just thought I might. So, what's new in sex?
TV Show: Friends
Rob: Maybe if you just played some... regular kiddie songs?
Phoebe: No. What do you, what do you want me to be — like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
Rob: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.
Phoebe: Who's Barney?
Phoebe: No. What do you, what do you want me to be — like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
Rob: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.
Phoebe: Who's Barney?
TV Show: Friends
Ross: This is so exciting. I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year!
Chandler: What, you never look down in the shower? (everyone looks at him) What, I can't make one reference to the classic "monkey-as-penis" joke?
Chandler: What, you never look down in the shower? (everyone looks at him) What, I can't make one reference to the classic "monkey-as-penis" joke?
TV Show: Friends
Susie: Excuse me. Is your name Chandler?
Chandler: Uh, yes, yes it is.
Susie: Chandler Bing?
Chandler: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?
Chandler: Uh, yes, yes it is.
Susie: Chandler Bing?
Chandler: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?
TV Show: Friends
[Rachel and Monica see Jean-Claude Van Damme on the set and Monica is smitten.]
Rachel: So why don't you go talk to him?
Monica: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah!
Rachel: What? So you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?
Monica: He could hear me!
Rachel: So why don't you go talk to him?
Monica: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah!
Rachel: What? So you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?
Monica: He could hear me!
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what? You can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tank, you know, holding claws…
TV Show: Friends
[The gang observes a video of a young, fat Monica getting ready for prom.]
Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica: Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds!
Chandler: Oh. So how many cameras are actually on you?
Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica: Shut up! The camera adds ten pounds!
Chandler: Oh. So how many cameras are actually on you?
TV Show: Friends
(a woman has just run away from Chandler because of his bracelet Joey gave him)
Chandler: He could've gotten me a hat or a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me THE WOMEN REPELLER! The eyesore from the LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP!
Phoebe: It's not that bad.
Chandler: Easy for you to say; you don't have to go around wearing a REJECT from the MR. T COLLECTION! (imitating Mr. T) "I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry! I do, I do!"
Chandler: He could've gotten me a hat or a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me THE WOMEN REPELLER! The eyesore from the LIBERACE HOUSE OF CRAP!
Phoebe: It's not that bad.
Chandler: Easy for you to say; you don't have to go around wearing a REJECT from the MR. T COLLECTION! (imitating Mr. T) "I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry! I do, I do!"
TV Show: Friends
Ross: You have a date? Who with?
Monica: No one.
Ross: C'mon, what's his name?
Monica: Nothing.
Ross: Come on, tell me.
Monica: All right, but I'm very excited about this, okay, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
Ross: Oh, I promise. What?
Monica: It's Richard Burke.
Ross: Who's Richard Burke? Doc... Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a, uh, brother to Dad.
Monica: No one.
Ross: C'mon, what's his name?
Monica: Nothing.
Ross: Come on, tell me.
Monica: All right, but I'm very excited about this, okay, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
Ross: Oh, I promise. What?
Monica: It's Richard Burke.
Ross: Who's Richard Burke? Doc... Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a, uh, brother to Dad.
TV Show: Friends
Ross Whoa, whoa, whoa! Australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No, no, no, no, Homo Habilis was erect; Homo Austrapalithicus was NEVER fully erect.
Chandler: Well, maybe he was nervous.
Chandler: Well, maybe he was nervous.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Is this how it's going to work? Ross equals boss? What is this? 1922?
Rachel: What's with 1922?
Phoebe: Just... a really long time ago, when men used to tell women what do to a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing, but it sounds horrible.
Rachel: What's with 1922?
Phoebe: Just... a really long time ago, when men used to tell women what do to a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing, but it sounds horrible.
TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe and Rachel went to get tattoos. Phoebe chickened out.]
Rachel: Phoebe, how could you do this to me? This was all your idea!
Phoebe: I know, I know, and I was going to get it, but then he came in with this needle, and d—did you know they do this with needles?
Rachel: Really! You don't say! Because mine was licked on by kittens!
Rachel: Phoebe, how could you do this to me? This was all your idea!
Phoebe: I know, I know, and I was going to get it, but then he came in with this needle, and d—did you know they do this with needles?
Rachel: Really! You don't say! Because mine was licked on by kittens!
TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe got a call from a producer.]
Phoebe: You are not gonna believe this: I have just been discovered!
Chandler: Now, wait a minute. I claimed you in the name of France four years ago!
Phoebe: You are not gonna believe this: I have just been discovered!
Chandler: Now, wait a minute. I claimed you in the name of France four years ago!
TV Show: Friends
[Joey stops over at Chandler and Eddie's during breakfast to pick up his mail.]
Joey All right, that's it! He just comes in here, "Johnny New Eggs," with his moving the mail and his "See ya, pals!" [imitates Eddie's salute] And now there's no juice. There's no juice for the people who want the juice and need the juice. I need the juice!
Joey All right, that's it! He just comes in here, "Johnny New Eggs," with his moving the mail and his "See ya, pals!" [imitates Eddie's salute] And now there's no juice. There's no juice for the people who want the juice and need the juice. I need the juice!
TV Show: Friends
[Chandler and his roommate Eddie are talking about their ex-girlfriends.]
Eddie: So who broke up with who?
Chandler: I broke up with her. She actually thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia!
Eddie: Yeah! 'Cause everybody knows that the capital of Cambodia...
Chandler: ... is not Sean Penn!
Eddie: So who broke up with who?
Chandler: I broke up with her. She actually thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia!
Eddie: Yeah! 'Cause everybody knows that the capital of Cambodia...
Chandler: ... is not Sean Penn!
TV Show: Friends
Eddie (thinking what he's saying is a joke) I had this girlfriend, Tilly, and one morning we went to a restaurant and we got a huge stack of pancakes, and she says "Eddie," and I say "What," and she says "I don't think we should see each other anymore," and I immediately felt like she had torn out my heart and spread it all over my life. I feel like I'm going down a dark abyss and I'm fallin' and I'm fallin' and I'm fallin' and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop! (laughs, Chandler looks at him funny) That wasn't funny, was it?
TV Show: Friends
Tilly: I'm Tilly. (Chandler freezes) I can tell that Eddie's spoken of me.
Chandler: Yeah, your name came up... in a conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
Chandler: Yeah, your name came up... in a conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
TV Show: Friends
[Chandler has just told Eddie to get out of his apartment]
Eddie: Well, that's kinda outta the blue.
Chandler: (angry) THIS IS NOT OUT OF THE BLUE! THIS IS SMACK-DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLUE!
Eddie: Well, that's kinda outta the blue.
Chandler: (angry) THIS IS NOT OUT OF THE BLUE! THIS IS SMACK-DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BLUE!
TV Show: Friends
[Rachel is upset that Ross is telling her to hurry up.]
Rachel: This isn't about the movie theater. This is about you stealing my wind.
Ross: Excuse me — your wind?
Rachel: How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
Ross: You know, um... I don't have a... have a... problem with that.
Rachel: This isn't about the movie theater. This is about you stealing my wind.
Ross: Excuse me — your wind?
Rachel: How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
Ross: You know, um... I don't have a... have a... problem with that.
TV Show: Friends
Eddie: Fine! I'll go live in my brother's basement! And when he finds out I'm there, I'll go live somewhere else!
TV Show: Friends
Joey: [as repossesors are taking away his expensive stuff] Careful with that 3-D "Last Supper". Judas is a little loose.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: [about Joey's glass dog] So is he trained, or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the floor? Whoa-stay! Stay! Good fake dog.
TV Show: Friends
[Monica serves Chandler and Joey some leftover chicken.]
Monica: Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
Chandler: Well, how do you find clothes that fit?
Monica: Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.
Chandler: Well, how do you find clothes that fit?
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Richard's really nice and everything. Uh... It's just that we don't know him really well, you know, and plus, he's, you know... old—
[Monica glares at Chandler.]
Chandler: —er than some people. But, uh, younger... than some buildings!
[Monica glares at Chandler.]
Chandler: —er than some people. But, uh, younger... than some buildings!
TV Show: Friends
(Joey and Rachel are waiting for Phoebe to get back from her father's house)
Joey: [pulling out a sandwich] Want half of my sandwich?
Rachel: What kind is it?
Joey: Ham and olive spread, no mayo.
Rachel: [sarcasticly] Right, right, 'cause mayo would make it gross.
Joey: [pulling out a sandwich] Want half of my sandwich?
Rachel: What kind is it?
Joey: Ham and olive spread, no mayo.
Rachel: [sarcasticly] Right, right, 'cause mayo would make it gross.
TV Show: Friends
(a dog is trying to attack them and Joey throws his sandwich at him but he dosen't touch it)
Rachel: Okay, Joey, the dog will lick himself but will not touch your sandwich. What does that tell you?
Rachel: Okay, Joey, the dog will lick himself but will not touch your sandwich. What does that tell you?
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, "I want you, Dennis," and stuck her tongue down my throat. I love this party.
Joey: Quick volleyball question.
Chandler: Volleyball?
Joey: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
Chandler: Joey, a woman just stuck her tongue down my throat. I'm not even listening to you.
Joey: Quick volleyball question.
Chandler: Volleyball?
Joey: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
Chandler: Joey, a woman just stuck her tongue down my throat. I'm not even listening to you.
TV Show: Friends