Friends Quotes
[Joey stares at Monica's fake breasts.]
Monica: Joey, they're not real.
Joey: ...Uh, what?
Monica: Mine start miles beneath the surface. See. [squeezes one twice, it goes "HONK, HONK"]
Chandler: Wow, it's like porno for clowns.
Monica: Joey, they're not real.
Joey: ...Uh, what?
Monica: Mine start miles beneath the surface. See. [squeezes one twice, it goes "HONK, HONK"]
Chandler: Wow, it's like porno for clowns.
TV Show: Friends
[Phoebe arrives to tell the gang about her submariner boyfriend.]
Phoebe: He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together.
Rachel: So, wait — this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time?
[Chandler, mouth full, groans in frustration.]
Monica: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
[Chandler, mouth full, groans in frustration again.]
Phoebe: He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together.
Rachel: So, wait — this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time?
[Chandler, mouth full, groans in frustration.]
Monica: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
[Chandler, mouth full, groans in frustration again.]
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: We didn't do any of the romantic things I'd planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and, you know, coffee at Central Perk... Oh! I just got that!
TV Show: Friends
[Mindy's maid-of-honor Rachel appears in a poofy pink dress.]
Rachel: I can't believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous!
Rachel: I can't believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous!
TV Show: Friends
[Rachel enters in her maid-of-honor dress and huge pink hat.]
Chandler: I'm sorry — we don't have your sheep.
Chandler: I'm sorry — we don't have your sheep.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: No way! The most romantic song ever was The Way We Were.
Phoebe: Uh, see, I... I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on "Who's the Boss?"
?Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs??
Phoebe: Um, Hold Me Close, Young Tony Danza.
Phoebe: Uh, see, I... I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on "Who's the Boss?"
?Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs??
Phoebe: Um, Hold Me Close, Young Tony Danza.
TV Show: Friends
(Wheel of Fortune is on Joey and Chandler's TV and "_ount Rushmore" is on the board)
Joey: These people are stupid. It's Count Rushmore!
Chandler: You know, you should really go on this show!
Joey: These people are stupid. It's Count Rushmore!
Chandler: You know, you should really go on this show!
TV Show: Friends
[Joey can't believe Chandler is dating Janice again.]
Joey: Look, what do you want me to say?
Chandler: I want you to say that you like her!
Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna... pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.
Chandler: Thanks for trying. Oh, and by the way, there is no "Count Rushmore"!
Joey: Oh, yeah? Then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?
Joey: Look, what do you want me to say?
Chandler: I want you to say that you like her!
Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna... pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.
Chandler: Thanks for trying. Oh, and by the way, there is no "Count Rushmore"!
Joey: Oh, yeah? Then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?
TV Show: Friends
Answering Machine: You have two new messages.
Joey: What a cool job.(Answering Machine voice) "You have two new messages."
Joey: (Answering Machine voice) "Please pass the pie."
Joey: What a cool job.(Answering Machine voice) "You have two new messages."
Joey: (Answering Machine voice) "Please pass the pie."
TV Show: Friends
Monica[gives Joey a jar of jam]: Joey, this is for you. It's blackberry currant.
Joey: Aww. [tastes it] OHHHH!
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked [holds up one hand], or, or a big tub of jam. [holds up the other hand]
Joey: [nods] Put your hands together!
Joey: Aww. [tastes it] OHHHH!
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked [holds up one hand], or, or a big tub of jam. [holds up the other hand]
Joey: [nods] Put your hands together!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: What happened to your jam plan?
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now... Babies.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby.
Ross: What?
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Ross: Well, aren't you forgettin' something? What, what, what is, uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now... Babies.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby.
Ross: What?
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Ross: Well, aren't you forgettin' something? What, what, what is, uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!
TV Show: Friends
Monica: Don't do that guy thing where you go all distant and mean, just so that WE'LL break up with you.
Joey: You know about that?
Joey: You know about that?
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Jump off the high dive, stare into the barrel of a gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Joey, I assure you, if I were staring into the barrel of a gun, I would be pretty much peeing every which-way.
Chandler: Joey, I assure you, if I were staring into the barrel of a gun, I would be pretty much peeing every which-way.
TV Show: Friends
[Chandler enters the apartment to find Joey working with wood and the apartment filled with lumber.]
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey, hey, hey... so what happened — did a forest tick you off?
Joey: You know how you're always saying we need a place for the mail?
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Well, I decided to take it to the next step.
Chandler: You're building a post office?
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey, hey, hey... so what happened — did a forest tick you off?
Joey: You know how you're always saying we need a place for the mail?
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Well, I decided to take it to the next step.
Chandler: You're building a post office?
TV Show: Friends
[While Chandler naps against the wall in his room, Joey is drilling though the wall. As he drills, the drill bit comes though the wall right next to Chandler, who slams the door at Joey.]
Joey: Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?
Chandler: NO, YOU DIDN'T GET ME!! IT'S AN ELECTRIC DRILL! YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME!
Joey: Oh! Uh, sorry, did I get ya?
Chandler: NO, YOU DIDN'T GET ME!! IT'S AN ELECTRIC DRILL! YOU GET ME, YOU KILL ME!
TV Show: Friends
[Frank Jr. is doing his own style of martial arts on Monica's balcony, she and Phoebe are watching]
Monica: What kind of martial arts is that?
Phoebe: No kind.
Monica: What kind of martial arts is that?
Phoebe: No kind.
TV Show: Friends
(Ross has just finished explaining the "freebie list" (list of 5 celebrities a sexual partner can sleep with without conviction from the other) to Isabella Rosselini and she laughs in shock)
Isabella: You know, it's funny. Yesterday, I made a list of 5 goofy coffeehouse guys and I just bumped you for... that guy over there. [Ross looks away and Isabella gets away from him]
Isabella: You know, it's funny. Yesterday, I made a list of 5 goofy coffeehouse guys and I just bumped you for... that guy over there. [Ross looks away and Isabella gets away from him]
TV Show: Friends
[Janice asks the six Friends if they have ever had sex with each other.]
Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
Monica: What?
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no time!
Joey: Okay, but let’s say there was. How might that go?
Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
Monica: What?
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no time!
Joey: Okay, but let’s say there was. How might that go?
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: I'm never gonna find a roommate, ever.
Phoebe: Why, nobody good?
Chandler: Well let's see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. "Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing, Bing! Great apartment, Chandler Bing, BING!"
Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone "Chandler Bing," he said "Whoa, short message."
Phoebe: Why, nobody good?
Chandler: Well let's see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. "Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing, Bing! Great apartment, Chandler Bing, BING!"
Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone "Chandler Bing," he said "Whoa, short message."
TV Show: Friends
Ross: When you guys were kids, and played, uh, "Happy Days," who were you? I was always Richie.
Monica: I was always Joanie!
Joey: Question. Was, uh, "Egg the Gellers!" the war cry of your neighborhood?
Monica: I was always Joanie!
Joey: Question. Was, uh, "Egg the Gellers!" the war cry of your neighborhood?
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: I'm not sure about buying a mattress from Janice's ex-husband. It's like cheating on Chandler.
Monica: Not at these prices!
Monica: Not at these prices!
TV Show: Friends
Joey: If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, homo sapiens, is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, hey, I'm not judging!
Ross: Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, hey, I'm not judging!
TV Show: Friends
[The gang is trying to see if Ugly Naked Guy is alive by using a "poking device."]
Phoebe: He's alive! ALIVE!
Monica: And yet we're still poking him.
Joey: Retract the device! Retract the device!
Ross: He does not look happy.
Rachel: And now he's showing us his poking device.
Joey: [to Ugly Naked Guy] Hey, that's never gonna reach all the way over here, buddy!
Phoebe: He's alive! ALIVE!
Monica: And yet we're still poking him.
Joey: Retract the device! Retract the device!
Ross: He does not look happy.
Rachel: And now he's showing us his poking device.
Joey: [to Ugly Naked Guy] Hey, that's never gonna reach all the way over here, buddy!
TV Show: Friends
[The gang decides to play touch football.]
Joey: All right! We have to pick captains.
Chandler: And then Tennilles.
Joey: All right! We have to pick captains.
Chandler: And then Tennilles.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Hold on a second, Joe. Where do Dutch people come from?
Joey: Ah, well, the, uh, Pennsylvania Dutch come from Pennsylvania.
Chandler: And the, uh, other Dutch people? They come from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Joey: Nice try! See, the Netherlands is this make-believe place where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell come from.
Joey: Ah, well, the, uh, Pennsylvania Dutch come from Pennsylvania.
Chandler: And the, uh, other Dutch people? They come from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Joey: Nice try! See, the Netherlands is this make-believe place where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell come from.
TV Show: Friends
Monica: [singing and dancing] Forty-two to twenty-one, like the turkey, Ross is done!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: Okay everyone, this is my last cup of coffee.
[hangs over a couple of spots on the couch, gives it to Chandler, goes off]
Chandler: (as soon as he's sure she's out of earshot) Think I ought to tell her I ordered tea?
[hangs over a couple of spots on the couch, gives it to Chandler, goes off]
Chandler: (as soon as he's sure she's out of earshot) Think I ought to tell her I ordered tea?
TV Show: Friends
[After Chandler fools around with one of Joey's sisters.]
Phoebe: How can you not know which one?
Rachel: I mean, that’s unbelievable.
Monice: I mean, was it Gina?
Ross: Which one is Gina?
Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
Monica: No, no, no, that’s Dina.
Chandler: You see, you can’t tell which one is which either!
Phoebe: How can you not know which one?
Rachel: I mean, that’s unbelievable.
Monice: I mean, was it Gina?
Ross: Which one is Gina?
Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
Monica: No, no, no, that’s Dina.
Chandler: You see, you can’t tell which one is which either!
TV Show: Friends