Friends Quotes
Rachel: I broke up with you because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you.
Ross: You still love me?
Rachel: ...No.
Ross: You still love me?
Rachel: ...No.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: [referring to Rachel's oversized sombrero hat] Wait a minute, I know that hat. I was taken aboard that hat. They did experiments on me! I can't have children!
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: [looking at a picture] Me and Frank and Phoebe, graduation, 1965.
Phoebe: You know what that means?
Joey: That you're actually 50?
Phoebe: No, no that's not me Phoebe, that's her pal, Phoebe according to their High School yearbook, they were like BFF.
[everyone looks at her confused]
Phoebe: Best friends forever.
Everybody: Oh.
Phoebe: You know what that means?
Joey: That you're actually 50?
Phoebe: No, no that's not me Phoebe, that's her pal, Phoebe according to their High School yearbook, they were like BFF.
[everyone looks at her confused]
Phoebe: Best friends forever.
Everybody: Oh.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: [in the rain, with Chandler and Monica under Rachel's oversized sombrero hat] Now everybody wants to be under the hat!
TV Show: Friends
Bonnie: What are you guys doing?
Joey: [naked] We're playing strip Happy Days game.
Bonnie: Cool! I'll catch up! [takes off her sweater]
Joey: [naked] We're playing strip Happy Days game.
Bonnie: Cool! I'll catch up! [takes off her sweater]
TV Show: Friends
[Ross, Chandler and Joey are at Central Perk, talking about Rachel's 18-page letter.]
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went went wrong in our relationship! She goes on for five pages about how I was "unfaithful" to her! WE WERE ON A BREAK!
Chandler: OH, MY GOD! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
Ross: Fine! But this breakup was not all my fault. And at then she goes, "If you accept full responsibility-full responsibility-I can begin to trust you again. Does that sound like something you can do? Does it?
Joey: No...
Chandler: Look, you have what you want, you're back with Rachel! If you bring this up, you'll wreck the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Ross: You're right... Okay, I'll let it go. But you realize how hard it is to forget about it!
Joey: Sure it's hard! But that doesn't mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that beach trip that we should [turns to Chandler] never EVER talk about!
Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!
Joey: It's between us and the sea, Ross!
Ross: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went went wrong in our relationship! She goes on for five pages about how I was "unfaithful" to her! WE WERE ON A BREAK!
Chandler: OH, MY GOD! If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you!
Ross: Fine! But this breakup was not all my fault. And at then she goes, "If you accept full responsibility-full responsibility-I can begin to trust you again. Does that sound like something you can do? Does it?
Joey: No...
Chandler: Look, you have what you want, you're back with Rachel! If you bring this up, you'll wreck the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Ross: You're right... Okay, I'll let it go. But you realize how hard it is to forget about it!
Joey: Sure it's hard! But that doesn't mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that beach trip that we should [turns to Chandler] never EVER talk about!
Ross: What the hell happened on that beach?!
Joey: It's between us and the sea, Ross!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break this relationship!
Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from the copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!
Ross: I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for! I didn't finish the letter!
Rachel: What?
Ross: I fell asleep!
Rachel: You fell a-SLEEP?!
Ross: It was five-thirty in the morning! And you had rambled on for eighteen pages! Front and back! [leaves the room, then turns around] And by the way, y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e is "you are". Y-o-u-r is "your"!
Rachel: I can't believe I even thought of getting back together with you! We are soooo over!
Ross: [fakes beginning of sniveling and interrupts it saying...] FINE BY ME!
Rachel: And those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're home on Saturday nights playing scrabble with Monica!
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Sorry! But I feel bad about all that sleep you'll miss wishing you were with me!
Ross: Oh, no, don't worry about me "falling asleep." I still have your letter! [walks out]
Rachel: And, hey, just so you know — it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal! [slams door, revealing Chandler behind it]
Chandler: I knew it!
Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from the copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!
Ross: I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for! I didn't finish the letter!
Rachel: What?
Ross: I fell asleep!
Rachel: You fell a-SLEEP?!
Ross: It was five-thirty in the morning! And you had rambled on for eighteen pages! Front and back! [leaves the room, then turns around] And by the way, y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e is "you are". Y-o-u-r is "your"!
Rachel: I can't believe I even thought of getting back together with you! We are soooo over!
Ross: [fakes beginning of sniveling and interrupts it saying...] FINE BY ME!
Rachel: And those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're home on Saturday nights playing scrabble with Monica!
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Sorry! But I feel bad about all that sleep you'll miss wishing you were with me!
Ross: Oh, no, don't worry about me "falling asleep." I still have your letter! [walks out]
Rachel: And, hey, just so you know — it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal! [slams door, revealing Chandler behind it]
Chandler: I knew it!
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: Wow, they really got you guys, your T.V., the chairs...
Phoebe: Yeah. Your microwave, the stereo...
Joey: Aw, man! He took the five of spades! ?[looks through deck] ?Oh no, no, here it is.
Phoebe: Yeah. Your microwave, the stereo...
Joey: Aw, man! He took the five of spades! ?[looks through deck] ?Oh no, no, here it is.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: [reffering to the guy that just robbed them] You know what I'm going to do next time I see that guy?
Chandler: Bend over?!
Chandler: Bend over?!
TV Show: Friends
(Monica has just walked in on Joey and Chandler's freshly robbed by a stupid move by Joey apartment)
Monica: What happened?
Chandler: Well, let's see, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed.
Monica: What happened?
Chandler: Well, let's see, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed.
TV Show: Friends
Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler: I'm getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.
Chandler: I'm getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me.
TV Show: Friends
[Joanna runs into her fawning assistant Sophie.]
Sophie: Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!
Joanna: Oh, great! I'll keep it in my butt with your nose.
Sophie: Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!
Joanna: Oh, great! I'll keep it in my butt with your nose.
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Please don't kick Monica and Rachel out! This wasn't their fault, it was mine.
Mr. Treeger: You want me to kick you guys out instead?
Joey: No, you can't do that. Where would the chick and the duck live?
Mr. Treeger: You have pets?
Joey: No-no-no-no, those are nicknames. I'm the chick and Chandler is the duck.
Mr. Treeger: Huh... I would've thought it was the other way around.
Mr. Treeger: You want me to kick you guys out instead?
Joey: No, you can't do that. Where would the chick and the duck live?
Mr. Treeger: You have pets?
Joey: No-no-no-no, those are nicknames. I'm the chick and Chandler is the duck.
Mr. Treeger: Huh... I would've thought it was the other way around.
TV Show: Friends
Mr. Treeger: Hey, Duck. Is Chick home?
Chandler: Uhh...
Joey: I'm comin.'
Mr. Treeger: Okay. [to Chandler] Thanks, man.
Chandler: No problem... bunny... rabbit.
Chandler: Uhh...
Joey: I'm comin.'
Mr. Treeger: Okay. [to Chandler] Thanks, man.
Chandler: No problem... bunny... rabbit.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of a song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of "Pepper people."
TV Show: Friends
Joey: What the hell was that?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Kathy was being nice and you just walked away. I thought we had a deal.
Chandler: What do you want from me?
Joey: I want you to like her! But if that's too damn difficult for you, then the least you could do is pretend!
Chandler: I AM pretending.
Joey: Well, then do it better.
Chandler: Okay, uh, what do you say I go over there and tell her how much I like her? (Joey gives Chandler a thumbs-up.) No, no, it'll be good. I can tell her how much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment we met. That I'm so fantastically over-the-top want-to-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!
Joey: Well, that's pretty good, but you wanna tone it down a little.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Kathy was being nice and you just walked away. I thought we had a deal.
Chandler: What do you want from me?
Joey: I want you to like her! But if that's too damn difficult for you, then the least you could do is pretend!
Chandler: I AM pretending.
Joey: Well, then do it better.
Chandler: Okay, uh, what do you say I go over there and tell her how much I like her? (Joey gives Chandler a thumbs-up.) No, no, it'll be good. I can tell her how much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment we met. That I'm so fantastically over-the-top want-to-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!
Joey: Well, that's pretty good, but you wanna tone it down a little.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: You know what else is really great about him? Oh, what is the word for an adult who doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?
Ross: Oh... [knocks his fists together at Rachel]
Rachel: What was that?
Ross: Monica knows.
Monica: It's this dumb thing that Ross made up just to try to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger without actually having to give it. [to Ross] I remember I cried the night you made that up. It was the first time I realized I was cooler than my big brother.
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get ready... [knocks his fists at Monica]
Ross: Oh... [knocks his fists together at Rachel]
Rachel: What was that?
Ross: Monica knows.
Monica: It's this dumb thing that Ross made up just to try to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger without actually having to give it. [to Ross] I remember I cried the night you made that up. It was the first time I realized I was cooler than my big brother.
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get ready... [knocks his fists at Monica]
TV Show: Friends
[Ross and Cheryl are at her apartment.]
Cheryl: Would you like to come in?
Ross: Did homo erectus hunt with wooden tools?
Cheryl: According to recent findings!
Cheryl: Would you like to come in?
Ross: Did homo erectus hunt with wooden tools?
Cheryl: According to recent findings!
TV Show: Friends
Joey: Her place was really that bad?
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day? Well, like that — only, instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time and garbage is all that has survived!
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day? Well, like that — only, instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time and garbage is all that has survived!
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: Look, I just think it's time for you to settle down, you know? Make a choice, pick a lane!
Joey: Who's Elaine?
Joey: Who's Elaine?
TV Show: Friends
Joey: And what? Did you sleep with her?
Chandler: No! No, I just kissed her.
Joey: What?! That's even worse!
Chandler: ...How is that worse?!
Joey: I don't know, but it's the same!
Chandler: Look, Joey, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help myself. I think I'm in love with her.
Joey: Who cares?! You went behind my back? I would never do that to you!
Chandler: You’re right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey: Over the line? You — you’re — you’re so far past the line, that you — you can’t even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
Chandler: No! No, I just kissed her.
Joey: What?! That's even worse!
Chandler: ...How is that worse?!
Joey: I don't know, but it's the same!
Chandler: Look, Joey, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help myself. I think I'm in love with her.
Joey: Who cares?! You went behind my back? I would never do that to you!
Chandler: You’re right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey: Over the line? You — you’re — you’re so far past the line, that you — you can’t even see the line! The line is a dot to you!
TV Show: Friends
Monica: How cute is the on-call doctor?
Rachel: So cute I'm thinking of jabbing this pen in my eye.
Rachel: So cute I'm thinking of jabbing this pen in my eye.
TV Show: Friends
Phoebe: Yeah, but, Monica — do you really want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase "That's not how your dad used to do it"?
Monica: [indicating each of the group in succession] Fine! Judge all you want to, but: [to Ross] married a lesbian; [to Rachel] left a man at the altar; [to Phoebe] fell in love with a gay ice dancer; [to Joey] threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire; [to Chandler] living in a box!
Monica: [indicating each of the group in succession] Fine! Judge all you want to, but: [to Ross] married a lesbian; [to Rachel] left a man at the altar; [to Phoebe] fell in love with a gay ice dancer; [to Joey] threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire; [to Chandler] living in a box!
TV Show: Friends
Ross: Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Joey: No, I had sex in high school.
Joey: No, I had sex in high school.
TV Show: Friends
Rachel: No 'accountants'. And no one from 'Legal'... I don't like guys with boring jobs...
Chandler: And Ross was what? A LION TAMER?
Chandler: And Ross was what? A LION TAMER?
TV Show: Friends
Monica: [to Chandler] All right, I'm gonna show you something a lot of guys don't know. Rach, hand me that pad over there, please.[starts to draw]
Chandler: Well, you don't have to draw an actual woma— whoa, she's hot.
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones, you got one, two, three... four... five... six and seven.
Chandler: There are seven?
Rachel: Let me see that. Oh. Yep.
Chandler: [points] That's one?
Monica: Kind of an important one.
Chandler: Oh, you know what? I was looking at it upside down.
Rachel: Well, you know, sometimes that helps. [Chandler gapes.]
Monica: All right. Now most guys will hit one, two, three and then go to seven and set up camp.
Chandler: And that's bad?
Rachel: Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.
Chandler: Well, you might, if it were anything like seven.
Monica: All right. Uh, the important thing is to take your time. You want to hit them all and you want to mix them up. Keep them on their toes.
Rachel: Oooooo, toes! [Chandler stares.] For some people!
Monica: All right. You could start out with a little one, a two, a one two three, a three, a five, a four, a three two, a two four six, a two four six, four, two, two, four seven, five seven, six seven, [starts shouting] seven. Seven seven SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN [leans back in ecstasy with eyes closed and holds up the number seven]... And there you are.
Rachel: Yeah, that'll work.
[They stand up awkwardly. Rachel and Monica go in their rooms. Chandler goes into the bathroom. They all shut their doors.]
Chandler: Well, you don't have to draw an actual woma— whoa, she's hot.
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones, you got one, two, three... four... five... six and seven.
Chandler: There are seven?
Rachel: Let me see that. Oh. Yep.
Chandler: [points] That's one?
Monica: Kind of an important one.
Chandler: Oh, you know what? I was looking at it upside down.
Rachel: Well, you know, sometimes that helps. [Chandler gapes.]
Monica: All right. Now most guys will hit one, two, three and then go to seven and set up camp.
Chandler: And that's bad?
Rachel: Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.
Chandler: Well, you might, if it were anything like seven.
Monica: All right. Uh, the important thing is to take your time. You want to hit them all and you want to mix them up. Keep them on their toes.
Rachel: Oooooo, toes! [Chandler stares.] For some people!
Monica: All right. You could start out with a little one, a two, a one two three, a three, a five, a four, a three two, a two four six, a two four six, four, two, two, four seven, five seven, six seven, [starts shouting] seven. Seven seven SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN [leans back in ecstasy with eyes closed and holds up the number seven]... And there you are.
Rachel: Yeah, that'll work.
[They stand up awkwardly. Rachel and Monica go in their rooms. Chandler goes into the bathroom. They all shut their doors.]
TV Show: Friends
[At the doctor's office, Phoebe sits before a Petri dish with her brother and sister-in-law's embryos]
Phoebe: Hello, teeny embryos. I'm, I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi! I'm, I'm, I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know that we're doing this for Frank and Alice — who you know! You've been there! You know, they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on! Okay? And, and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm until you're ready to have them take you home. So. Okay. Oh! And, also, um, next time you see me, if I'm screaming, don't worry — that's what's supposed to happen.
Phoebe: Hello, teeny embryos. I'm, I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi! I'm, I'm, I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know that we're doing this for Frank and Alice — who you know! You've been there! You know, they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on! Okay? And, and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm until you're ready to have them take you home. So. Okay. Oh! And, also, um, next time you see me, if I'm screaming, don't worry — that's what's supposed to happen.
TV Show: Friends
Chandler: I was just at the bank and there was this really hot teller, and she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault!
Joey: Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza-delivery guy comes over, gives me the pizza, takes the money and leaves!
Chandler: What? No "Nice apartment. I bet the bedrooms are huge?"
Joey: No! Nothing!
Chandler: You know what? We have to turn off the porn.
Joey: Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza-delivery guy comes over, gives me the pizza, takes the money and leaves!
Chandler: What? No "Nice apartment. I bet the bedrooms are huge?"
Joey: No! Nothing!
Chandler: You know what? We have to turn off the porn.
TV Show: Friends