Frisky Dingo Quotes
X-tacle #2: That's not Crews, that's Nearl, the local retarded wino guy.
X-tacle #3: Yeah...right now. [Taps on the the car window, which Nearl rolls down] Hey, Nearl!
Nearl: I am Nearl!
X-tacle #3: You wanna make fifty bucks?
Nearl: Okay!
X-tacle #3: Yeah...right now. [Taps on the the car window, which Nearl rolls down] Hey, Nearl!
Nearl: I am Nearl!
X-tacle #3: You wanna make fifty bucks?
Nearl: Okay!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Chinese Sweatshop Truck Driver: Hey, you blind guys! You want ride?
Killface: Oh, God, thank you. Yes, please.
Xander: [to Killface] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Trusty Rusty. [to Truck Driver] Who even are you?
Chinese Sweatshop Truck Driver: [hesitatingly] Uhh... The bus!
Xander: Okay. They are the bus.
Killface: Oh, God, thank you. Yes, please.
Xander: [to Killface] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Trusty Rusty. [to Truck Driver] Who even are you?
Chinese Sweatshop Truck Driver: [hesitatingly] Uhh... The bus!
Xander: Okay. They are the bus.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: This bus could use a stick-up.
Xander: [blind] Yeah, it smells like shattered dreams.
Xander: [blind] Yeah, it smells like shattered dreams.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-tacle #1: Okay, got the tuxedo shirt.
X-tacle #2: Uhh...what is that?
Nearl: Everybody is Ken!
X-tacle #1: What is what?
X-tacle #2: That!
X-tacle #1: It's the shirt.
X-tacle #2: Really. And is it me, or is it 1987? A winged collar. Are you...doing this?
X-tacle #3: What are...what's everybody doing?
X-tacle #2: No, that's great. Maybe you and Nearl...
Nearl: I'm Nearl!
X-tacle #2: ...your f*cking prom date can borrow your dad's f*cking time machine...
X-tacle #3: Please don't do this.
X-tacle #2: ...and fly it into the gym down there at I'm-a-jackoff High School...
Nearl: Everybody!
X-tacle #2: ...and slow dance to Lisa Lisa and motherf*cking Cult Jam!
Nearl: Lisa Lisa, the one I adore!
X-tacle #4: [running in] I think it's the Cult Jam.
X-tacle #1: [as Ed McMahon] You are correct, sir.
X-tacle #2: No, he isn't, nor is that collar!
X-tacle #3: Can we just fix the collar?
X-tacle #5: [at sewing machine] Oh, sure, why not? I'll just do it tonight while I'm missing another recital.
X-tacle #2: Uhh...what is that?
Nearl: Everybody is Ken!
X-tacle #1: What is what?
X-tacle #2: That!
X-tacle #1: It's the shirt.
X-tacle #2: Really. And is it me, or is it 1987? A winged collar. Are you...doing this?
X-tacle #3: What are...what's everybody doing?
X-tacle #2: No, that's great. Maybe you and Nearl...
Nearl: I'm Nearl!
X-tacle #2: ...your f*cking prom date can borrow your dad's f*cking time machine...
X-tacle #3: Please don't do this.
X-tacle #2: ...and fly it into the gym down there at I'm-a-jackoff High School...
Nearl: Everybody!
X-tacle #2: ...and slow dance to Lisa Lisa and motherf*cking Cult Jam!
Nearl: Lisa Lisa, the one I adore!
X-tacle #4: [running in] I think it's the Cult Jam.
X-tacle #1: [as Ed McMahon] You are correct, sir.
X-tacle #2: No, he isn't, nor is that collar!
X-tacle #3: Can we just fix the collar?
X-tacle #5: [at sewing machine] Oh, sure, why not? I'll just do it tonight while I'm missing another recital.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-tacle #1: So...who's read Flowers for Algernon?
Nearl: Ken!
X-tacle #2: Oooh, about the kid with all the chains, and the goggles, and at the end he gets killed with a shotgun?
Xtacles #2, #3, #4: Boosh
X-tacle #1: That's Harrison Bergeron.
Xtacles #2, #3, #4: Hollywood Squares!
X-tacle #1: That's Tom Bergeron.
X-tacle #2: Brother of Menelaus!
X-tacle #1: Damn it, that's Agamemnon!
Nearl: Ken!
X-tacle #2: Oooh, about the kid with all the chains, and the goggles, and at the end he gets killed with a shotgun?
Xtacles #2, #3, #4: Boosh
X-tacle #1: That's Harrison Bergeron.
Xtacles #2, #3, #4: Hollywood Squares!
X-tacle #1: That's Tom Bergeron.
X-tacle #2: Brother of Menelaus!
X-tacle #1: Damn it, that's Agamemnon!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-Tacle #1: Nearl?
Nearl: "Mr. Crews" will do nicely. Although I can't say the same for that winged collar.
Nearl: "Mr. Crews" will do nicely. Although I can't say the same for that winged collar.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Nearl: Summer, 1977. Queen's"Bohemian Rhapsody" was playing on Everybody's Eight-Track as the nation slept in fear of the Son-of-Sam killer[X-Tacle's Gasp], and mourned the loss of our Favourite Son, legendary rock-and-roll icon Elvis Aaron Pres-
[An X-Tacle's Head Explodes]:
X-Tacle #1: Why are our heads still blowing up?
X-Tacle #2: Sorry. Sat on the remote.
X-Tacle #3: We should put that in a cabinet...
X-Tacle #2: Yeah.
Nearl: [continuing his story] And...
X-Tacle #3: That your fat ass can't fit in.
Nearl: Everybody! Just...Okay? And, Like Elvis, Xander Crews had...an identical twin! [X-Tacles Gasp]
X-Tacle #3: A twin?
Nearl: Twin Heirs, to the vast Crews Fortune, left behind by my murdered Parents. (shows them an identical photo to Xander's)
X-Tacle #1: Oh my God.
X-Tacle #2: [Referring to his Popcorn] Yeah, it's Cheddar.
[An X-Tacle's Head Explodes]:
X-Tacle #1: Why are our heads still blowing up?
X-Tacle #2: Sorry. Sat on the remote.
X-Tacle #3: We should put that in a cabinet...
X-Tacle #2: Yeah.
Nearl: [continuing his story] And...
X-Tacle #3: That your fat ass can't fit in.
Nearl: Everybody! Just...Okay? And, Like Elvis, Xander Crews had...an identical twin! [X-Tacles Gasp]
X-Tacle #3: A twin?
Nearl: Twin Heirs, to the vast Crews Fortune, left behind by my murdered Parents. (shows them an identical photo to Xander's)
X-Tacle #1: Oh my God.
X-Tacle #2: [Referring to his Popcorn] Yeah, it's Cheddar.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Dieing News Member: I need an ambulance... [coughs]
Wendell: I'll call you a Hearse. This is for Cody. [shoots a news crew member]
Cody: Dude, what are you doing?
Wendell: Ummm.... here hold this.
[Wendell tosses Cody the gun]
Wendell: Cody! What did you do! What did you do! You're going down for this Cody!
Wendell: I'll call you a Hearse. This is for Cody. [shoots a news crew member]
Cody: Dude, what are you doing?
Wendell: Ummm.... here hold this.
[Wendell tosses Cody the gun]
Wendell: Cody! What did you do! What did you do! You're going down for this Cody!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Young Nearl: I don't wanna go to the monkey hospital!
Young Xander: But Nearl wanna stay with mummy and daddy and brother Xandy!
Mrs Crews: No Xander, he's dead to us
Young Xander: (Starts crying)
Mr Crews: Now; who's for Denny's?
Young Xander: (Instantly stops crying) Grandslam!
Young Xander: But Nearl wanna stay with mummy and daddy and brother Xandy!
Mrs Crews: No Xander, he's dead to us
Young Xander: (Starts crying)
Mr Crews: Now; who's for Denny's?
Young Xander: (Instantly stops crying) Grandslam!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-Tacle #1: Oh My God I'm so friggin' sad!
Nearl: Yes! Here you go. [Hands X-Tacle a tissue]
X-Tacle #1: I'll take it thank you.
Nearl: But life in the hospital was a Picnic compared to Life on the Mean streets of...Town...
[Flashback]:
Nearl: ...But I want to stay forever living in the Hospital with you Mr. Ford!
Mr. Ford: Hospital closed Nearl.
Nearl: Uh Oh!
Mr. Ford: Now I gotta go and work in a damn Pet Store.
Nearl: I'd like that!
Mr. Ford: [Ignoring him] And you can thank Ron Reagan's ass for that! (He drives away)
Nearl: Thank you, Ronald Reagan. (Pauses to think) Your legacy is intact.
[Flashback Ends]:
Nearl: But thanks to you and your mysterious brain chemical, we shall savor the sweet nectar of revenge as we rise up, as one man, and DESTROY MY BROTHER, XANDER CREW--[Ronnie shoots Nearl in the head] Thanks, Ken! [Nearl falls over]
X-tacle #1: Ronnie!
Ronnie: What?
X-tacle #1: What is wrong with you!?
Ronnie: Hey, what? I do you favor.
X-tacle #1: This is why we can't have nice things! Thank you, Ronnie!
Ronnie: Look this is complicated enough without all this evil twin bullsh*t having.
X-tacle #1: You know, that is... actually, that's a pretty good point.
X-tacle #2: Good for you, Ronnie.
X-tacle #1: Yeah, it's complicated.
X-tacle #3: So, if Xander Crews really is Awesome X, then where is he?
Nearl: Yes! Here you go. [Hands X-Tacle a tissue]
X-Tacle #1: I'll take it thank you.
Nearl: But life in the hospital was a Picnic compared to Life on the Mean streets of...Town...
[Flashback]:
Nearl: ...But I want to stay forever living in the Hospital with you Mr. Ford!
Mr. Ford: Hospital closed Nearl.
Nearl: Uh Oh!
Mr. Ford: Now I gotta go and work in a damn Pet Store.
Nearl: I'd like that!
Mr. Ford: [Ignoring him] And you can thank Ron Reagan's ass for that! (He drives away)
Nearl: Thank you, Ronald Reagan. (Pauses to think) Your legacy is intact.
[Flashback Ends]:
Nearl: But thanks to you and your mysterious brain chemical, we shall savor the sweet nectar of revenge as we rise up, as one man, and DESTROY MY BROTHER, XANDER CREW--[Ronnie shoots Nearl in the head] Thanks, Ken! [Nearl falls over]
X-tacle #1: Ronnie!
Ronnie: What?
X-tacle #1: What is wrong with you!?
Ronnie: Hey, what? I do you favor.
X-tacle #1: This is why we can't have nice things! Thank you, Ronnie!
Ronnie: Look this is complicated enough without all this evil twin bullsh*t having.
X-tacle #1: You know, that is... actually, that's a pretty good point.
X-tacle #2: Good for you, Ronnie.
X-tacle #1: Yeah, it's complicated.
X-tacle #3: So, if Xander Crews really is Awesome X, then where is he?
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Barnaby, tell him thank you. [Xander Crews thanks him in a foreign language] Try to make it sound a little sarcastic.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Well, a train's not an iron rooster but that's what they call it in China!
Xander Crews: Really?
Old Spice: [Laughs, speaks in chinese] It's a colorful language.
Xander Crews: Really?
Old Spice: [Laughs, speaks in chinese] It's a colorful language.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander Crews: Oh, that's just crazy China man talk.
Killface: Barnaby, make those words English!
Xander Crews: I kinda think he said... death rabbits.
Killface: Barnaby, make those words English!
Xander Crews: I kinda think he said... death rabbits.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: And to what shall we drink? Simon will you be a lamb?
Phil: Uh, that this isn't just a big glass of poison?
Killface: Phillip! That hurts me!
Phil: It's just, I'd hate to beat cancer just to-
Killface: Oh, you beat cancer!
Phil: Yeah, just to drink poison. Yep, cancer free!
Killface: Good for you.
Phil: Also, twenty billionaire!
Killface: What?! You got full price for the Annihilatrix?!
Phil: Chompa chompa.
Phil: Uh, that this isn't just a big glass of poison?
Killface: Phillip! That hurts me!
Phil: It's just, I'd hate to beat cancer just to-
Killface: Oh, you beat cancer!
Phil: Yeah, just to drink poison. Yep, cancer free!
Killface: Good for you.
Phil: Also, twenty billionaire!
Killface: What?! You got full price for the Annihilatrix?!
Phil: Chompa chompa.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
["Previously" on "Frisky Dingo"]
Sinn: I can't believe Killface fired me. Well, revenge shall be mine.
Valerie: [kicking out the painting] No! Revenge shall be mine!
Sinn: I can't believe Killface fired me. Well, revenge shall be mine.
Valerie: [kicking out the painting] No! Revenge shall be mine!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-tacle #1: I can't believe Xander Crews had a twin brother!
X-tacle #2: Yeah, until Ronnie shot him in the face.
X-tacle #2: Yeah, until Ronnie shot him in the face.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-tacle #1: Has anyone got a prayer?
X-tacle #2: Oh! Uh... It's more of a limerick."
X-tacle #2: Oh! Uh... It's more of a limerick."
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-tacle #2: There once was a dead guy named Nearl. He rode around town on a squirrel. He said to the pig... I... don't actually have one.
X-tacle #1: Fantastic.
X-tacle #1: Fantastic.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: So if I'm here... this way... oh, here's an idea, indicate north. Otherwise it's not a map. It's just a drawing.
Xander Crews: So get this, he didn't even have a car.
Killface: Well thank God we sorted that out.
Xander Crews: Yeah.
Killface: Now will you please come on!
Xander Crews: So get this, he didn't even have a car.
Killface: Well thank God we sorted that out.
Xander Crews: Yeah.
Killface: Now will you please come on!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-tacle #1: Come on, no sense mopin' around here all day.
Ronnie: Yes, have too many sad memories here. [Knocks over Nearl's wreath.] Also is messy.
X-tacle #1: Say we...treat ourselves, go do something fun.
X-tacle #2: Ooh, let's go to the illegal underground Chinese rabbit fights!
X-tacle #3: Oh...my...god!
X-tacle #2: What?
X-tacle #3: Let's get there this instant!
Ronnie: Yes, have too many sad memories here. [Knocks over Nearl's wreath.] Also is messy.
X-tacle #1: Say we...treat ourselves, go do something fun.
X-tacle #2: Ooh, let's go to the illegal underground Chinese rabbit fights!
X-tacle #3: Oh...my...god!
X-tacle #2: What?
X-tacle #3: Let's get there this instant!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Barnaby, listen.
Xander Crews: What?
Killface: I thought I heard something. [Xander Crews screams and presses against Killface]
Xander Crews: I bet it's a chud.
Killface: We really need to get you some pants.
Xander Crews: Yeah, that's not a pickle.
Killface: I know. It's your penis.
Xander Crews: My penis? [deepens voice] My penis.
Killface: Barnaby...
Xander Crews: Scrinching back!
Xander Crews: What?
Killface: I thought I heard something. [Xander Crews screams and presses against Killface]
Xander Crews: I bet it's a chud.
Killface: We really need to get you some pants.
Xander Crews: Yeah, that's not a pickle.
Killface: I know. It's your penis.
Xander Crews: My penis? [deepens voice] My penis.
Killface: Barnaby...
Xander Crews: Scrinching back!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander Crews: So, what's the plan here, big 'un?
Killface: Well, first we follow this vented scum pipe to the lair of Torpedo Vegas, where we'll affect ingress through the drain in the men's lavatory. Once past the perimeter, you'll distract the first guard. [Xander is standing naked in front of a guard, rubbing his nipples]
Xander Crews: Oh, me so horny! You distracted?! Oh, you like tea bag, Chinatown?
Killface: While I excecute a stealth kill. [Killface comes up behind the guard and snaps his neck]
Guard: Ah, so...
Killface: Ha ha! Shh shh shh shh shh shh...yes, go see your mommy.
Killface: Well, first we follow this vented scum pipe to the lair of Torpedo Vegas, where we'll affect ingress through the drain in the men's lavatory. Once past the perimeter, you'll distract the first guard. [Xander is standing naked in front of a guard, rubbing his nipples]
Xander Crews: Oh, me so horny! You distracted?! Oh, you like tea bag, Chinatown?
Killface: While I excecute a stealth kill. [Killface comes up behind the guard and snaps his neck]
Guard: Ah, so...
Killface: Ha ha! Shh shh shh shh shh shh...yes, go see your mommy.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Then I'll face off with Torpedo Vegas mano-a-mano. Probably with katanas. [Killface slashes at Vegas with a katana]
Torpedo Vegas: You win this round... Killface... [the top half of his torso begins to slide off.]
Killface: Then I'll have a tearful reunion with Simon and we can all go home. Bing bong bing.
Xander Crews: Yeah. My part's kinda gay.
Killface: Hah! Wait til you hear Plan B!
Xander Crews: Uh...what's Plan B?
[They Round a corner and are faced with a dozen gun-wileding guards]
Guard: Fleeze, douche bags!
Killface: I don't actually have one.
Torpedo Vegas: You win this round... Killface... [the top half of his torso begins to slide off.]
Killface: Then I'll have a tearful reunion with Simon and we can all go home. Bing bong bing.
Xander Crews: Yeah. My part's kinda gay.
Killface: Hah! Wait til you hear Plan B!
Xander Crews: Uh...what's Plan B?
[They Round a corner and are faced with a dozen gun-wileding guards]
Guard: Fleeze, douche bags!
Killface: I don't actually have one.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: So that's your plan? Break in there, kill all the guards, and rescue Simon?
Killface: A simple, logical progression, Barnaby. [They are hit by spotlights]
Chinese Guard: Fleeze, douchebags!
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Yeah... yeah pretty much writes itself.
Killface: A simple, logical progression, Barnaby. [They are hit by spotlights]
Chinese Guard: Fleeze, douchebags!
Xander Crews/Barnaby Jones: Yeah... yeah pretty much writes itself.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Pneumatic tubes eh?
Torpedo Vegas: Obviously.
Killface: Can't put coins in those.
Torpedo Vegas: They were very clear on that. I'm not even sure where they go. All I know is that I can't put coins in them can I?
Killface: I -
Torpedo Vegas: Because I can't put coins in it!
Torpedo Vegas: Obviously.
Killface: Can't put coins in those.
Torpedo Vegas: They were very clear on that. I'm not even sure where they go. All I know is that I can't put coins in them can I?
Killface: I -
Torpedo Vegas: Because I can't put coins in it!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo