Frisky Dingo Quotes
Xander Crews: You got my money?
Killface: It's right here! You got my key?
Xander Crews: Duh!
Killface: [Petulant] You don't have to be crappy.
Killface: It's right here! You got my key?
Xander Crews: Duh!
Killface: [Petulant] You don't have to be crappy.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
[Arranging to swap the $20 billion check for the Annihilatrix key]
Xander Crews: We threw 'em! We throw 'em on three!
Killface: No, I-I think it's windy for...
Xander Crews: [Yelling quickly] One two three!
[Startled, Killface throws the check; it is caught by the wind before Xander (who didn't throw the key) can catch it]
Xander Crews: [Beat]... what the fuck, dude?!
Killface: You said throw it!
Xander Crews: Why?!... did I say that?!
Killface: 'Cause you're an idiot! And a liar! You didn't even throw yours!
[Pause]
Xander Crews: I was gonna keep them both!
Killface: You - Well, serves you right then!
Xander Crews: We threw 'em! We throw 'em on three!
Killface: No, I-I think it's windy for...
Xander Crews: [Yelling quickly] One two three!
[Startled, Killface throws the check; it is caught by the wind before Xander (who didn't throw the key) can catch it]
Xander Crews: [Beat]... what the fuck, dude?!
Killface: You said throw it!
Xander Crews: Why?!... did I say that?!
Killface: 'Cause you're an idiot! And a liar! You didn't even throw yours!
[Pause]
Xander Crews: I was gonna keep them both!
Killface: You - Well, serves you right then!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
[After Xander threatens to power up the Annihilatrix]
Killface: Xanderby, wait!
Xander Crews: Does this thing just start like a freaking car? Retarded.
[Xander turns the key; the ignition sequence commences]
Killface: Oh my God, you've armed it!
Xander Crews: Ahhh! Why did I also do that?
Killface: What is wrong with you?!
Xander Crews: My parents never established boundaries!
Killface: Xanderby, wait!
Xander Crews: Does this thing just start like a freaking car? Retarded.
[Xander turns the key; the ignition sequence commences]
Killface: Oh my God, you've armed it!
Xander Crews: Ahhh! Why did I also do that?
Killface: What is wrong with you?!
Xander Crews: My parents never established boundaries!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: It's alright, there's a failsafe.
Xander: I don't know or care what that is!
Xander: I don't know or care what that is!
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Valerie: [Mocking Killface] Oh please don't kill me. Please don't make it so appealing. I'm a douche. [shoots and misses, killing Phil instead]Damn it!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
X-tacles: (playing with beach ball, while everyone else screams) Boosh, boosh, boosh, boosh...
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Killface: Would've died, too, if those couplings hadn't melted.
Interviewer: 'Cause your plan was to push the Earth into the sun, right?
Killface: Obviously not, because, you know...end result
Interviewer: 'Cause your plan was to push the Earth into the sun, right?
Killface: Obviously not, because, you know...end result
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Where are we, what are we doing?
Dottie: We're going broke, is what we're doing
Killface: Well, that's hard to believe. I know we're all making sacrifices.
Dottie: (on €149 Schnapps) But I paid for this personally.
Killface: No, you didn't.
Dottie: We're going broke, is what we're doing
Killface: Well, that's hard to believe. I know we're all making sacrifices.
Dottie: (on €149 Schnapps) But I paid for this personally.
Killface: No, you didn't.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Oh, the smell of those barbecues. It’s like, just put my nose in a saddle. “Mmm, whose saddle is this? That’s uncle Taint’s. How long’s he been ridin’ Tex? Oh, pert near three days. Well, let’s eat... buddy.”
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Mr. Ford: Well... bad is a relative term.
(On the phone at his office)
Mr. Ford: I said, what you think about global warming? Huh? Well, get a job, you damn hippie! Huh? Aww, fuck you.
(Back to documentary interview)
Mr. Ford: Basically, I just make stuff up and fax it over there.
(cut from Mr. Ford's fax machine to Killface's)
Killface: Oh! Ooh! There's a fax coming!
(Back to documentary interview)
Mr. Ford: Some weeks he doin' good, other weeks, he's not doin'... he's not doin' any good.
(On the phone at his office)
Mr. Ford: I said, what you think about global warming? Huh? Well, get a job, you damn hippie! Huh? Aww, fuck you.
(Back to documentary interview)
Mr. Ford: Basically, I just make stuff up and fax it over there.
(cut from Mr. Ford's fax machine to Killface's)
Killface: Oh! Ooh! There's a fax coming!
(Back to documentary interview)
Mr. Ford: Some weeks he doin' good, other weeks, he's not doin'... he's not doin' any good.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: (campaign stop at A.M.E. Zion Church, dressed like Michael Vick) Hello, African Zionists. Pleasure to be here, and how about that Jesus Christ, hmm? He's one bad mother--
Churchgoer: You Hush your mouth!
Killface: I'm just talkin' 'bout Christ.
(At apartment)
Killface: We should send them a pie basket.
Dottie: They don't eat pie.
Killface: Yes, they do.
Dottie: Have you ever actually met a black person?
Killface: Of course! Sinn was black.
Dottie: I don't think a servant...
Killface: Indentured servant...technically
Dottie: How did you ever win the primary?
(Shot of Killface on top of bus in ticker-tape parade, banner reading "Thanks Killface. Global Warming Cured")
Killface: Duh.
Churchgoer: You Hush your mouth!
Killface: I'm just talkin' 'bout Christ.
(At apartment)
Killface: We should send them a pie basket.
Dottie: They don't eat pie.
Killface: Yes, they do.
Dottie: Have you ever actually met a black person?
Killface: Of course! Sinn was black.
Dottie: I don't think a servant...
Killface: Indentured servant...technically
Dottie: How did you ever win the primary?
(Shot of Killface on top of bus in ticker-tape parade, banner reading "Thanks Killface. Global Warming Cured")
Killface: Duh.
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Taqu'il: He's a one-hit wonder: global warming.
Killface: Cured it. (Baby Lamont chirps)
Taqu'il: Shut up, Baby Lamont.
Killface: Hey, bro!
Taqu'il: His foreign policy is unrealistic...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: His domestic policy is non-existent...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Health care...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Immigration...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Welfare reform...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Man, do you even know what these terms mean?
Killface: I...know that I cured global warming.
Taqu'il: See? He's a one-trick pony.
Killface: Well, it's a pretty big pony.
Killface: Cured it. (Baby Lamont chirps)
Taqu'il: Shut up, Baby Lamont.
Killface: Hey, bro!
Taqu'il: His foreign policy is unrealistic...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: His domestic policy is non-existent...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Health care...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Immigration...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Welfare reform...
Killface: Global warming.
Taqu'il: Man, do you even know what these terms mean?
Killface: I...know that I cured global warming.
Taqu'il: See? He's a one-trick pony.
Killface: Well, it's a pretty big pony.
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Dottie: I either just had a stroke, or the most brilliant idea ever.
Killface: Well, your blood's too thin for a stroke, so let's hear it.
Killface: Well, your blood's too thin for a stroke, so let's hear it.
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Wendell: (To Camera-man) Hey! Isn't that rival documentarian Michael Moore's fat ass?
Cameraman: what? where?
Wendell: just, look... Just, Point the camera over there.
Cameraman: Huh?
[The camera goes to the side. A gunshot is heard. The camera goes back.]
Wendell: Cheese and rice, he shot himself! [There is a pause.] With my gun somehow.
Cameraman: what? where?
Wendell: just, look... Just, Point the camera over there.
Cameraman: Huh?
[The camera goes to the side. A gunshot is heard. The camera goes back.]
Wendell: Cheese and rice, he shot himself! [There is a pause.] With my gun somehow.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Camera Man: Excuse me!
[Camera zooms in on Xander, standing in the street, with a see-through pink shirt, and pink shorts. There is a pause.]
Xander: .....What?!
[Camera zooms in on Xander, standing in the street, with a see-through pink shirt, and pink shorts. There is a pause.]
Xander: .....What?!
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Camera Man: Well, it's been a year now-
Xander: A Year?! It's really been a whole year? What's today?
Camera Man: Thursday.
Xander: Oh my God, it has been a year.
Xander: A Year?! It's really been a whole year? What's today?
Camera Man: Thursday.
Xander: Oh my God, it has been a year.
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Camera Man: Why couldn't you go to your girlfriend?
[Clip shows, of Grace Ryan standing outside her door with a pie.]
Xander: If I wanted to be smothered to death, I'd go back to the Xcalibur and fess up. If I go back to the Xcalibur and fess up, I'll be smothered to death. That's in our Charter.
[Clip shows, of Grace Ryan standing outside her door with a pie.]
Xander: If I wanted to be smothered to death, I'd go back to the Xcalibur and fess up. If I go back to the Xcalibur and fess up, I'll be smothered to death. That's in our Charter.
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Camera Man: This is a documentary about Killface.
Xander: Killfa-[Scoffs]-is it called Check Me Out, I Suck? Guk-guk-guk [deapthroating sounds]
Xander: Killfa-[Scoffs]-is it called Check Me Out, I Suck? Guk-guk-guk [deapthroating sounds]
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Xander: Can you even be gay for a robot? [in robot tone] Beep-beep, I am a gay-bot!
Xtacle: ..Y-..you think we're robots?!
Xander: [in robot tone] May I offer you a robot blowjob?
Xtacle: ..this-this is just armor! [clanks helmet]
Xander: Power down gay robot; that is an an earthman order!
Xtacle: Okay...
[Xtacle takes off helmet, revealing a human head.]
Xander: [Gasp]
Xtacle: Yeah, you see?
Xander: You look.. so... real!
Xtacle: [exhasperated sigh]
Xtacle: ..Y-..you think we're robots?!
Xander: [in robot tone] May I offer you a robot blowjob?
Xtacle: ..this-this is just armor! [clanks helmet]
Xander: Power down gay robot; that is an an earthman order!
Xtacle: Okay...
[Xtacle takes off helmet, revealing a human head.]
Xander: [Gasp]
Xtacle: Yeah, you see?
Xander: You look.. so... real!
Xtacle: [exhasperated sigh]
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Xander: So, what's this whole movie deal about Killface?
Camera Man: Actually, he's running for president.
Xander: He's what?! How?!
Camera Man: Yeah, cause when he activated the Anihalatrix, he cured Global Warming.
Xander: Wait, no, I turned it on!
Camera Man: Well, he says he did.
Xander: Son of a BITCH!
Cmaera Man: Yeah, so do cabs ever come by here?
Xander: Well, you know what? If he's running for President, then so am I!
Camera Man: Well, it takes, like, tons and tons of money to run for president.
Xander: [Holds up check containing his billions.] Well, is that enough? Ka-kow!
Camera Man: Hey, when did you get the check back?
Xander: Oh, just right after that whole incident with it blowing away. [Flashback, Xander comes down from Annihilatrix in elevator]
Xander: Yeah, have fun getting the shit stomped outta you by the Xtacles when I go back to my house to get my Awesome X gear from that hooker who was living there the last time I... [check blows into his face] ...checked.
Xander: Apparently, it's been here the whole time...SUCKERS!!
Camera Man: Actually, he's running for president.
Xander: He's what?! How?!
Camera Man: Yeah, cause when he activated the Anihalatrix, he cured Global Warming.
Xander: Wait, no, I turned it on!
Camera Man: Well, he says he did.
Xander: Son of a BITCH!
Cmaera Man: Yeah, so do cabs ever come by here?
Xander: Well, you know what? If he's running for President, then so am I!
Camera Man: Well, it takes, like, tons and tons of money to run for president.
Xander: [Holds up check containing his billions.] Well, is that enough? Ka-kow!
Camera Man: Hey, when did you get the check back?
Xander: Oh, just right after that whole incident with it blowing away. [Flashback, Xander comes down from Annihilatrix in elevator]
Xander: Yeah, have fun getting the shit stomped outta you by the Xtacles when I go back to my house to get my Awesome X gear from that hooker who was living there the last time I... [check blows into his face] ...checked.
Xander: Apparently, it's been here the whole time...SUCKERS!!
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Carter: Mr. Ford, via satellite. American voters--what do they want?
Mr. Ford: Really, all Americans want is cold beer, warm pussy, and someplace to take a shit with a door on it.
[Pause, everyone staring at the camera blankly]
Carter: Up next...
Mr. Ford: (interrupting) I mean you don't want the dog looking at you.
Carter: Ok...
Mr. Ford: Really, all Americans want is cold beer, warm pussy, and someplace to take a shit with a door on it.
[Pause, everyone staring at the camera blankly]
Carter: Up next...
Mr. Ford: (interrupting) I mean you don't want the dog looking at you.
Carter: Ok...
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Carter: Immigration--why not have a massive pedestrian overpass to Canada?
[TV shuts off]
Xander: Man, I was gonna do a pedestrian overpass to Canada. I was gonna call it the "Spicspan."
[TV shuts off]
Xander: Man, I was gonna do a pedestrian overpass to Canada. I was gonna call it the "Spicspan."
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Xander: I need somebody who gets me, and also somebody who's a fighter, Stan. Just a tenacious smashin' bastard.
Stan: Yep.
Xander: He may be a little older...
Stan: Mm-hmmm.
Xander: Maybe a little balder...
Stan: Well...
Xander: But he's still the only player in NFL history to get two safeties in a single game.
Stan: [pause] I'm sorry?
Xander: Yes, Stan--two-time Pro Bowler Fred Dryer!
Stan: You mean, TV's Hunter?
Xander: He was Hunter?!
Stan: Yep.
Xander: He may be a little older...
Stan: Mm-hmmm.
Xander: Maybe a little balder...
Stan: Well...
Xander: But he's still the only player in NFL history to get two safeties in a single game.
Stan: [pause] I'm sorry?
Xander: Yes, Stan--two-time Pro Bowler Fred Dryer!
Stan: You mean, TV's Hunter?
Xander: He was Hunter?!
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Killface: [Observing the campaign bus for the first time} Wendell, you've outdone yourself!
Wendell: Well, now I know how Diego Rivera must have felt when he was banging Frida Kahlo. Tea bagging the unibrow.
Wendell: Well, now I know how Diego Rivera must have felt when he was banging Frida Kahlo. Tea bagging the unibrow.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: If there's a few bucks left over, you know, go get something nice.
[24 hours earlier in a hotel]
Wendell: [into phone] Yeah, hey I'd like a $9,000 prostitute, please. Oh, do you have nine $1,000 ones? Yeah, good, and if you got an albino, send her up too. In 20 minutes, I'm gonna be asleep, so get 'em up here. [Hangs up] Had, like, half a bottle of melatonin, six beers, this whole fucking bucket of chicken--the sandman is comin'.
[24 hours earlier in a hotel]
Wendell: [into phone] Yeah, hey I'd like a $9,000 prostitute, please. Oh, do you have nine $1,000 ones? Yeah, good, and if you got an albino, send her up too. In 20 minutes, I'm gonna be asleep, so get 'em up here. [Hangs up] Had, like, half a bottle of melatonin, six beers, this whole fucking bucket of chicken--the sandman is comin'.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Killface: Don't you have any sodding leads?
Wendell: [holding panties] Just these, I guess the assassin must've dropped them.
Val: [whispering, hidden in closet] Damn it!
Wendell: Which... [inhaling deeply from panties] actually might just be a red herring.
Wendell: [holding panties] Just these, I guess the assassin must've dropped them.
Val: [whispering, hidden in closet] Damn it!
Wendell: Which... [inhaling deeply from panties] actually might just be a red herring.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo
Xander: You, Grace, do the roar.
Grace: What?
Xander: Roar like the "Team Jaguar" jaguar. [Grace roars quietly] Damn it, you're an apex predator. [Grace roars louder] Yeah! That's how she sounds when I'm bangin' her.
[Talking head]
Grace: I know, I just...can't stay mad at him. I'm gonna have his babies. [Holds up vial labelled "Xander Crews"]
Camera Man: Is that...?
Grace: Uh-huh.
Camera Man: Shouldn't that be in a freezer?
Grace: Sometimes I like to hold them.
Grace: What?
Xander: Roar like the "Team Jaguar" jaguar. [Grace roars quietly] Damn it, you're an apex predator. [Grace roars louder] Yeah! That's how she sounds when I'm bangin' her.
[Talking head]
Grace: I know, I just...can't stay mad at him. I'm gonna have his babies. [Holds up vial labelled "Xander Crews"]
Camera Man: Is that...?
Grace: Uh-huh.
Camera Man: Shouldn't that be in a freezer?
Grace: Sometimes I like to hold them.
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Dottie: We can't afford an airplane.
Killface: Well, maybe if you'd lay off the platinum-infused highballs.
Killface: Well, maybe if you'd lay off the platinum-infused highballs.
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Dottie: You couldn't pour pee out of a boot if the directions were on the heel.
Wendell: Woman, they had pricing tiers!
Dottie: Oh, go tell it to your albino whores.
Wendell: I...will not even dignify that with a response.
Killface: Yeah, please don't.
Wendell: Woman, they had pricing tiers!
Dottie: Oh, go tell it to your albino whores.
Wendell: I...will not even dignify that with a response.
Killface: Yeah, please don't.
TV Show: Frisky Dingo