Greg the Bunny Quotes
Gil: I want you to know I--I care about more than anything on earth. You're my special boy.
Corey Feldman: Michael Jackson used to tell me the same thing.
Corey Feldman: Michael Jackson used to tell me the same thing.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: Okay, uh, who's the comic genius who took a whiz in Alison's car last night?
Dottie: Oh, my God. That's horrible.
Warren: Uh, well, I can't believe it. Who could be so immature?
Jack: Well, at least she has, uh, bucket seats.
Gil: Look, I'm serious. Whoever did this, you're in big trouble.
Blah: You said "urine," blah.
Gil: I'm serious! She's really pissed!
Dottie: Oh, my God. That's horrible.
Warren: Uh, well, I can't believe it. Who could be so immature?
Jack: Well, at least she has, uh, bucket seats.
Gil: Look, I'm serious. Whoever did this, you're in big trouble.
Blah: You said "urine," blah.
Gil: I'm serious! She's really pissed!
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: You know, I really learned something that day. Something besides the fact that Jimmy has to get a new car, because, let me tell you, these little side trips to the cemetery are way too emotionally draining. I learned that, you know, even though it's scary to let go of the past, being able to do so is a true test of character.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Blah: Oh, you'll be fine. Besides, if you're always retracing your footsteps, you'll never make new ones, blah.
Warren: That's a little odd coming from somebody whose idea of a hot date is to sob uncontrollably to a marble slab.
Warren: That's a little odd coming from somebody whose idea of a hot date is to sob uncontrollably to a marble slab.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Maggie: You are a pompous, self-centered monkey!
Warren: You are a shallow, manipulative trollop!
Gil: Hey, why don't we all calm down before somebody says something untrue.
Warren: You are a shallow, manipulative trollop!
Gil: Hey, why don't we all calm down before somebody says something untrue.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Maggie: And I'll have you know, Blah is the greatest lover I've ever had. Talk about a G-spot? He found the whole damn alphabet.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Maggie: Warren, stop it. There is nothing going on between Gil and me. I mean, look at him!
Gil: Hello. Person with feelings standing here.
Maggie: Despite what you think, I wouldn't just sleep with anything.
Gil: Anything? Hey, you married an ape and slept with a vampire!
Gil: Hello. Person with feelings standing here.
Maggie: Despite what you think, I wouldn't just sleep with anything.
Gil: Anything? Hey, you married an ape and slept with a vampire!
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dottie: Look, I know Jack's a little strange. But he's not stalking you. When would he have the time, with all his anger management classes and gun club meetings?
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: This thing between you and Maggie. Is it, uh, serious?
Blah: No, it's just a one-time thing. Well, technically, it's a four-time thing. But just one night.
Gil: Four?
Blah: I'm a little rusty...
Blah: No, it's just a one-time thing. Well, technically, it's a four-time thing. But just one night.
Gil: Four?
Blah: I'm a little rusty...
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: Alright, how the hell did that happen?
Blah: Oh, it's all Jimmy and Greg's fault, blah. They took me to this silly phone bar, and... well, I haven't been with anyone in six years, and Maggie was there, and one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, she's blahing me.
Blah: Oh, it's all Jimmy and Greg's fault, blah. They took me to this silly phone bar, and... well, I haven't been with anyone in six years, and Maggie was there, and one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, she's blahing me.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: So, apparently, poor Blah has been visiting his wife's grave every day for, like, six years.
Jimmy: Well, in all fairness, it's not like she can go to his place.
Dottie: My uncle, Dan, was a romantic like this. He used to visit the spot where my aunt was buried all the time. That's how the FBI finally found the body.
Jimmy: Well, in all fairness, it's not like she can go to his place.
Dottie: My uncle, Dan, was a romantic like this. He used to visit the spot where my aunt was buried all the time. That's how the FBI finally found the body.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: ...but Alison at the network just hated your "Trust Song," so she's making me fire you.
Psycho Writer: What? I put my heart and soul into that song.
Gil: I know. I know, and it shows, it sh--please. And I quote your song, "May my bones be crushed in moldy dust. If you can't trust, you can't trust, you can't tru-uh-ust me" when I say that I loved your song... Now your office has been cleaned out, boxes are already in your car, so off you go.
Psycho Writer: This sucks. [storms out]
[Alison enters]
Alison: What was that about?
Gil: Oh, nothing. The writer of "The Trust Song" just quit.
Alison: Oh, really? Oh, I loved that song.
Gil: Hey, we all did.
Psycho Writer: What? I put my heart and soul into that song.
Gil: I know. I know, and it shows, it sh--please. And I quote your song, "May my bones be crushed in moldy dust. If you can't trust, you can't trust, you can't tru-uh-ust me" when I say that I loved your song... Now your office has been cleaned out, boxes are already in your car, so off you go.
Psycho Writer: This sucks. [storms out]
[Alison enters]
Alison: What was that about?
Gil: Oh, nothing. The writer of "The Trust Song" just quit.
Alison: Oh, really? Oh, I loved that song.
Gil: Hey, we all did.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Sometimes we get so attached to things that it becomes hard to move on. Things like old cars... bad relationships... my pet snake who loved to sleep in the driveway.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: No, it is not end of discussion, Gil! I do not want to sing this song with Dottie! I do not want to sing this song with Blah! I want to sing it all by myself! You hear me? Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!
Gil: I do not think this is a good attitude for the Sharing Song.
Gil: I do not think this is a good attitude for the Sharing Song.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dottie: Oh, Greggy. I can't believe you stood up and defended my honor like that. No man has ever, ever done that for me before. It was so... masculine.
[She kisses him]
Greg: Hey, looks like I could use a little fabric softener.
[She kisses him]
Greg: Hey, looks like I could use a little fabric softener.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: Okay, people. Let's set up for the birthday greetings. I've got a network note here. Susie and Kenny are now Shaniqua and Carlos.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Jimmy: Charlie Sheen creepy, or Charlie Manson creepy?
Alison: It was, like, your own brand of creepy.
Jimmy: Wait a minute. Don't--don't tell me that you really go for that... big, dumb, good-looking, you know, working-out, hair-brushing, shaving--
Alison: What, have you, like, watched too many sitcoms where the--the quirky underdog who steals the heart of the unattainable woman? This is the real world, my friend.
Alison: It was, like, your own brand of creepy.
Jimmy: Wait a minute. Don't--don't tell me that you really go for that... big, dumb, good-looking, you know, working-out, hair-brushing, shaving--
Alison: What, have you, like, watched too many sitcoms where the--the quirky underdog who steals the heart of the unattainable woman? This is the real world, my friend.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: You and Dottie last night. What happened in the bedroom?
Greg: Oh! Oh, well, uh, we bounced around a lot. So much in fact, we broke her bed. And--and then she banged me up against the wall.
Blah: Mazel tov, blah.
Jimmy: Uh... so just to be perfectly clear, you actually nailed her?
Greg: Yeah, I did. You know, I pulled out my little gun, and I nailed her, like, five times.
Blah: Uh, okay. Too much information, blah.
Greg: Eh, what's the big deal? I do it to Jimmy all the time.
Greg: Oh! Oh, well, uh, we bounced around a lot. So much in fact, we broke her bed. And--and then she banged me up against the wall.
Blah: Mazel tov, blah.
Jimmy: Uh... so just to be perfectly clear, you actually nailed her?
Greg: Yeah, I did. You know, I pulled out my little gun, and I nailed her, like, five times.
Blah: Uh, okay. Too much information, blah.
Greg: Eh, what's the big deal? I do it to Jimmy all the time.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Yeah, well, I dancered and prancered that vixen, and, man, was I blitzened. Ah, what do ya know. The well's not dry after all.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Blah: Ah, looks like our little bunny is now a rabbit, blah.
Gil: Oh, come on. He's not like you guys. He's--he's pure, he's innocent.
Jimmy: They just pulled in together.
Gil: She schtupped him.
Gil: Oh, come on. He's not like you guys. He's--he's pure, he's innocent.
Jimmy: They just pulled in together.
Gil: She schtupped him.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Oh, come on, Blah. You can't leave now.
Blah: No, I gotta get home, and, uh, rehearse my lines for tomorrow, blah.
Jack: We're doing the alphabet.
Blah: Any numbers?
Blah: No, I gotta get home, and, uh, rehearse my lines for tomorrow, blah.
Jack: We're doing the alphabet.
Blah: Any numbers?
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Jack: You know who I heard had to sell his house?
Blah: Who, blah?
Jack: Snuffleupagus.
Warren: Snuffy? Come on. He's loaded.
Jack: All went up his nose.
Blah: Who, blah?
Jack: Snuffleupagus.
Warren: Snuffy? Come on. He's loaded.
Jack: All went up his nose.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: But I'm not cool.
Jimmy: Well, then just act like somebody cool. Who's the coolest guy you know?
Greg: Abe Lincoln.
Jimmy: That's a great idea, Greg. You get a top hat, you go over to Dottie's house, and then you free the slaves.
Jimmy: Well, then just act like somebody cool. Who's the coolest guy you know?
Greg: Abe Lincoln.
Jimmy: That's a great idea, Greg. You get a top hat, you go over to Dottie's house, and then you free the slaves.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Blah: Dottie's a fabulous girl, and we all love her. But the problem is... she's too needy.
Warren: I like needy. Last year's Christmas party, let's just say she decked my halls, and I gave her a holy night.
Gil: Lovely, Warren.
Warren: Yeah, we were joyful and triumphant. Pah rum pa pum pum.
Gil: Yeah, we get the point.
Warren: Ah, good, good, 'cause I'm out of Christmas innuendos... No, wait, uh... she was a heavenly piece.
Warren: I like needy. Last year's Christmas party, let's just say she decked my halls, and I gave her a holy night.
Gil: Lovely, Warren.
Warren: Yeah, we were joyful and triumphant. Pah rum pa pum pum.
Gil: Yeah, we get the point.
Warren: Ah, good, good, 'cause I'm out of Christmas innuendos... No, wait, uh... she was a heavenly piece.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Come on, they'd never fire Oscar.
Jimmy: No, I read all about it. His shrink put him on Prozac. He stopped being a grouch.
Jimmy: No, I read all about it. His shrink put him on Prozac. He stopped being a grouch.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dr. Aben Mitchell: Hi, I'm Dr. Aben Mitchell. To learn more about anti-puppetism in the workplace, please contact your local library or visit us on the web at www.antipuppetismisnolaughingmatter\tartarsauce.org.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Well, what have you got against puppets?
Jack: You love your momma, Greg?
Greg: Uh, you're not gonna hurt her if I say yes, are you?
Jack: You love your momma, Greg?
Greg: Uh, you're not gonna hurt her if I say yes, are you?
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dr. Aben Mitchell: OK. Now let's see. Um, Alison. OK, now, you be the puppet customer. Uh, who would like to be the, uh, waiter who abuses Alison?
Everybody: Me! Me! Me! Me!
Everybody: Me! Me! Me! Me!
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dr. Aben Mitchell: But we must all learn to tolerate and even celebrate our differences. Whether you're flesh, fleece, purple, plaid or even Chinese.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Guy in Video: So, Fred, did you get that big promotion you deserve?
Fred: No, they gave it to some stupid puppet, just because he was a puppet.
Guy in Video: Which puppet did they give it to?
Fred: I don't know. They all look alike. (Edit)
Fred: No, they gave it to some stupid puppet, just because he was a puppet.
Guy in Video: Which puppet did they give it to?
Fred: I don't know. They all look alike. (Edit)
TV Show: Greg the Bunny