Greg the Bunny Quotes
Dottie: Oh, there you are, Gil. I hear you're casting for a singing mailman.
Gil: Yeah. He delivers letters... of the alphabet.
Gil: Yeah. He delivers letters... of the alphabet.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Oh my God. And then, instead of taking me home -- which I asked him, obviously, to take me home -- he takes me to his home. Get it? Like, his home. But then this morning--
Gil: Alison, sometimes I ask people "What's new" just to be polite.
Gil: Alison, sometimes I ask people "What's new" just to be polite.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: So, everyone makes mistakes. But, hey, that's okay, as long as you also make friends. Friends'll do anything for you. Especially if they have friends who'll do anything for a couch.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Uh, by the way, I know about the gin in your suck nozzle.
Hamster: I got your suck nozzle right here, sister.
Hamster: I got your suck nozzle right here, sister.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dottie: Oh, and by the way, guys, uh, Leo is a little quirky. He'd prefer it if you didn't talk to him too much.
Blah: Well, fine, the last thing we need is a disgruntled, singing postal worker, blah.
Blah: Well, fine, the last thing we need is a disgruntled, singing postal worker, blah.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Gil, who is that?
Gil: That's our new mailman.
Alison: He's creepy. He looks like a real mailman.
Gil: That's our new mailman.
Alison: He's creepy. He looks like a real mailman.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Well, I, for one, welcome my brother from the stage. It will be nice to finally have a true actor to help me carry the show's full dramatic weight.
Gil: Warren, here's your banana for the Punky the Chunky Monkey sketch. Try not to eat it this time.
Warren: Well. That was... unfortunate timing.
Gil: Warren, here's your banana for the Punky the Chunky Monkey sketch. Try not to eat it this time.
Warren: Well. That was... unfortunate timing.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Looking back, it was pretty amazing how we all stuck by each other... Even Alison took one for the team... Well, we spent the whole day pretending to be a family. And the biggest surprise of the night was that we already were one.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dottie: [singing] Hey, Mr. Mailman, what's in your sack?
Leo: [singing] Letters for Dottie, letters for Jack. I hand out letters, that's what I do. I hand out letters to you, you and you. I pass out letters from nighttime 'till noon. I make people happy as I yodel a tune. Odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay-hey.
Alison: [to Gil] I don't know where this guy came from, but return to sender... 'Cause he's a mailman, and he's... bad.
Leo: [singing] Letters for Dottie, letters for Jack. I hand out letters, that's what I do. I hand out letters to you, you and you. I pass out letters from nighttime 'till noon. I make people happy as I yodel a tune. Odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay-hey.
Alison: [to Gil] I don't know where this guy came from, but return to sender... 'Cause he's a mailman, and he's... bad.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dottie: You're not going to believe who I can get for this part! When you think of Broadway, who do you think of?
Gil: Nathan Lane?! You can get Nathan Lane?!
Dottie: No, bigger! Leo Kornelly!
Gil: Ahhh! Never heard of him.
Dottie: He's been in everything. He's huge. He's got more Tonys than the mob.
[rim shot]
Gil: Tardy, get off the drums.
Tardy: Drumsticks can also be chicken.
Gil: Nathan Lane?! You can get Nathan Lane?!
Dottie: No, bigger! Leo Kornelly!
Gil: Ahhh! Never heard of him.
Dottie: He's been in everything. He's huge. He's got more Tonys than the mob.
[rim shot]
Gil: Tardy, get off the drums.
Tardy: Drumsticks can also be chicken.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Alright, men, let's get a weapons check.
Jack: I got a wrench.
Greg: I got a rope.
Blah: I got a candlestick.
Jimmy: Guys, we're going to beat up Leo, not play Clue.
Jack: I got a wrench.
Greg: I got a rope.
Blah: I got a candlestick.
Jimmy: Guys, we're going to beat up Leo, not play Clue.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dottie: You're very good.
Leo: I know! So when I saw on the casting call that your show was looking to add a singing mailman, I thought, "What a coincidence! You guys need a singing mailman, and I have your dirty tape!"
Leo: I know! So when I saw on the casting call that your show was looking to add a singing mailman, I thought, "What a coincidence! You guys need a singing mailman, and I have your dirty tape!"
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Uh, Gil, uh, the man is a genius.
Blah: Yes, clearly ahead of his time, blah.
Alison: Yeah, well, if he's ahead of his time, that doesn't do us any good now, does it?
Blah: Yeah, well, he's only about three weeks ahead of his time. So, uh, by the time the show airs, he'll be perfect, blah.
Blah: Yes, clearly ahead of his time, blah.
Alison: Yeah, well, if he's ahead of his time, that doesn't do us any good now, does it?
Blah: Yeah, well, he's only about three weeks ahead of his time. So, uh, by the time the show airs, he'll be perfect, blah.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Everyone makes mistakes. Hell, history's full of 'em. Betamax... Waterworld... your brother who's 16 years younger than you... And there's really no shame in making mistakes. Just as long as nobody knows about them.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: And, uh, you know, I wrote a bunch of jokes, but, uh, I'm not, uh... well, the thing is, I, uh, I wasn't there when Rochie died, and I hadn't seen that tape before. And, frankly, it, uh, moved me. I can think of nothing more beautiful than to depart this earth doing what it is that you love. And, in Rochester's case, performing, dancing under those bright lights, a hoofing cowboy dying with his boots on. So I salute you, Rochester, my rival, my friend, for going out in a grand, theatrical style. And I tip my hat to Greg. Son, you cared enough to give Rochester the greatest gift that a man can receive. A smile to shape his very last breath. So, to Rochester.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: But, you know, uh, Rochie was a, uh, bit of a health nut. He always stuck to a balanced diet. A drink in each hand.
[cricket chirping]
Gil: 'Cause the diet was... balanced. Okay, I put together a little video tribute. 'Cause it's not the first time Rochester's died on stage.
[cricket chirping]
Cricket: Yo, back off. The guy's funny.
[cricket chirping]
Gil: 'Cause the diet was... balanced. Okay, I put together a little video tribute. 'Cause it's not the first time Rochester's died on stage.
[cricket chirping]
Cricket: Yo, back off. The guy's funny.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: And as a network executive, Rochie was always accusing me of being stiff and cold. Right back at ya, Rochie!
[rim shot]
[rim shot]
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Dottie: And as a beloved television star, Rochester touched millions of adoring fans. Fortunately, only six of them pressed charges.
[rim shot]
[rim shot]
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Jack: You know, we were all, uh, shocked when, uh, Rochie had a heart attack. Smart money was on liver failure.
[rim shot]
[rim shot]
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Oh, this doesn't seem like a very respectful funeral. Look what they've done to Rochester.
Jimmy: Well, Greg, when some people die, it's a time to be sad. You know, but when others die, like the Irish or really evil people, it's a time to celebrate.
Jimmy: Well, Greg, when some people die, it's a time to be sad. You know, but when others die, like the Irish or really evil people, it's a time to celebrate.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Ooh, this is really difficult for me to say -- and I'm only saying it because I don't want to see you get hurt. I think Jimmy is flirting with you because he wants to get me jealous.
Susan: Oh, please! What would he want with a hairless, two-breasted woman, when he can have all this?
Susan: Oh, please! What would he want with a hairless, two-breasted woman, when he can have all this?
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: --I'm just saying that I think it was kind of bizarre for you to call me on my cell phone to tell me that cell phones give you cancer. Do you--
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Gil: Hey, Warren, you shouldn't kick Rochie when he's down.
Warren: Oh, right, right. Like when you fired him from his job of 15 years, and tossed him out onto the street. You replaced him with Greg, and you hired him back to be our manservant.
Gil: Uh, no. I did that when he was on top. I'm saying, don't kick him when he's down. There's a difference.
Warren: Oh, right, right. Like when you fired him from his job of 15 years, and tossed him out onto the street. You replaced him with Greg, and you hired him back to be our manservant.
Gil: Uh, no. I did that when he was on top. I'm saying, don't kick him when he's down. There's a difference.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Heh heh. Oh, ol' Rochie, Rochie. How far the mighty have fallen.
Rochester: It's just a little dry spell -- I'll be back. I'm like John Travolta in between Grease and Pulp Fiction.
Warren: Yes, well, until Quentin Tarantino swoops in, there's an overflowing toilet in the men's can.
Rochester: It's just a little dry spell -- I'll be back. I'm like John Travolta in between Grease and Pulp Fiction.
Warren: Yes, well, until Quentin Tarantino swoops in, there's an overflowing toilet in the men's can.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: No, wait, Rochester. Look, Mr. Bender, if you don't hire Rochester, then I quit!
Rochester: You would do that for me?
Greg: Yes, I would.
Rochester: So, Gil, are you recasting? 'Cause I'm available.
Rochester: You would do that for me?
Greg: Yes, I would.
Rochester: So, Gil, are you recasting? 'Cause I'm available.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Jimmy: Hi, Susan. Looking good.
Susan: H-H-Hi, Jimmy.
Jimmy: You smell nice. What's that scent you're wearing?
Susan: Scotchguard.
Susan: H-H-Hi, Jimmy.
Jimmy: You smell nice. What's that scent you're wearing?
Susan: Scotchguard.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Alison: Are you okay?
Jimmy: Oh, yeah, it's nothing. It's something I got playing rugby.
Alison: You play rugby?
Jimmy: Yeah. Don't let my height or... weight or... build or... delicate features fool you.
Jimmy: Oh, yeah, it's nothing. It's something I got playing rugby.
Alison: You play rugby?
Jimmy: Yeah. Don't let my height or... weight or... build or... delicate features fool you.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Greg: Oh, sorry, Jimmy. I was having that nightmare again.
Jimmy: What, the "buried alive" nightmare?
Greg: Yeah. This time, they were singing some happy song, and then all of a sudden, it got dark and unpleasant, like an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical.
Jimmy: What, the "buried alive" nightmare?
Greg: Yeah. This time, they were singing some happy song, and then all of a sudden, it got dark and unpleasant, like an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Jack: [singing] Many things are good to take, like a swim out on the lake.
Blah: [singing] Take a walk or take a hike. Take a ride on your new bike, blah.
Dottie: [singing] Take a train to New Orleans.
Jack: [singing] Take a look at my blue jeans.
Greg: [singing] Take my temperature when I'm sickly.
Warren: [singing] Relax, this will be over quickly.
Dottie: [singing] But never take what isn't yours in your grubby, little paws.
Jack: [singing] Greg, isn't that what you have done?
Greg: [singing] Come on, guys, this isn't fun.
Dottie: [singing] Taking something causing grief.
Jack/Blah/Dottie/Warren: [singing] Admit it, Greg, you are a thief. Admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it...
Blah: [singing] Take a walk or take a hike. Take a ride on your new bike, blah.
Dottie: [singing] Take a train to New Orleans.
Jack: [singing] Take a look at my blue jeans.
Greg: [singing] Take my temperature when I'm sickly.
Warren: [singing] Relax, this will be over quickly.
Dottie: [singing] But never take what isn't yours in your grubby, little paws.
Jack: [singing] Greg, isn't that what you have done?
Greg: [singing] Come on, guys, this isn't fun.
Dottie: [singing] Taking something causing grief.
Jack/Blah/Dottie/Warren: [singing] Admit it, Greg, you are a thief. Admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it...
TV Show: Greg the Bunny
Warren: Why the hell are you wearing a dress?
Jack: Hmm? Oh, this. Yeah, huh, funny story there. Hank Thompson -- guy at my gun club -- starts shooting way better than he usually does. So I ask him what his secret is. Ladies underpants, he says. It relaxes him, slows his heartbeat, which steadies his aim. So I tried it, and I started shooting a lot better. So I added skirt, wig, makeup, some pumps -- next thing you know, I'm top marksman at my gun club. Oh, and you know what else? Works for bowling, too.
Greg: That's weird. They never let me wear my own shoes when I'm bowling.
Gil: Yeah. That's the weird part.
Alison: Jack, the woman from TV Guide is here.
Jack: Oh, no, you're kidding. This is so embarrassing... Look at this place -- it's a mess!
Warren: Yes, well, perhaps you'd like to slip into a French maid's outfit and tidy up a bit.
Jack: Hmm? Oh, this. Yeah, huh, funny story there. Hank Thompson -- guy at my gun club -- starts shooting way better than he usually does. So I ask him what his secret is. Ladies underpants, he says. It relaxes him, slows his heartbeat, which steadies his aim. So I tried it, and I started shooting a lot better. So I added skirt, wig, makeup, some pumps -- next thing you know, I'm top marksman at my gun club. Oh, and you know what else? Works for bowling, too.
Greg: That's weird. They never let me wear my own shoes when I'm bowling.
Gil: Yeah. That's the weird part.
Alison: Jack, the woman from TV Guide is here.
Jack: Oh, no, you're kidding. This is so embarrassing... Look at this place -- it's a mess!
Warren: Yes, well, perhaps you'd like to slip into a French maid's outfit and tidy up a bit.
TV Show: Greg the Bunny