Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law Quotes
Harvey: There are two lives that depend on me giving the performance of my life in court tomorrow.
Bartender: Scotch?
Harvey: Hell, yeah! Let's get stinko!
Bartender: Scotch?
Harvey: Hell, yeah! Let's get stinko!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Phil: : Defend the bear, Birdman. And don't forget, I'll be keeping my eyes on you.
Harvey: Eye.
Phil: : I didn't know you were Scottish!
Harvey: Eye.
Phil: : I didn't know you were Scottish!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: [sitting at desk] Peanut. Give me a psych profile on Boo Boo Bear. [presses button on intercom] Debbie, we're gonna need some law books, with pictures this time. [turns to Avenger] Avenger, start taking depositions. [stands up in a dramatic stance] All right, lets go people
[Avenger and Peanut stare at him blankly]
Harvey: Everyone turn around. [turns around and begins breathing into a paper bag] I'm going to my calm place. I'm going to my calm place. I'm going to my calm place.
[Avenger and Peanut stare at him blankly]
Harvey: Everyone turn around. [turns around and begins breathing into a paper bag] I'm going to my calm place. I'm going to my calm place. I'm going to my calm place.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Reducto: : Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. This... animal, here, this ursine fellow - UNCLEAN! - He rejected society and retreated to a cave in the woods to plot his vile, [points his shrink-ray at the jurors] NOD! Nod at what I am saying or I will shoot!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Reducto: : Please tell the court what you're holding.
Dr. Quincy: : It's the Cookie Bouqueter's Manifesto.
Reducto: : Did you find anything, unusual about it?
[creepy music plays as the camera closes in on Reducto's face]
Reducto: : Aside from the fact that it's filled with... paranoid delusions?
Dr. Quincy: : It's the Cookie Bouqueter's Manifesto.
Reducto: : Did you find anything, unusual about it?
[creepy music plays as the camera closes in on Reducto's face]
Reducto: : Aside from the fact that it's filled with... paranoid delusions?
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: So Myron, there's one thing I can't figure out. You prosecuting for the government.
Reducto: That's right, Birdman, yell it nice and loud.
Harvey: What?
Reducto: I'm not prosecuting
Harvey: Oh my God, am I supposed to be prosecuting?
Reducto: Not for the government at least. Look, that man over there.
Harvey: Hm. The jukebox?
Reducto: No! [pulls out a complicated schematic] There is no government, just a few multi-national corporations that run everything.
[The words "An AOL/Time Warner Co." appear on the bar's sign.]
Harvey: Myron, Myron!
Reducto: The bear's a threat to the new world order, Birdman. Soon there will be one worldwide currency
[The bartender walks over]
Reducto: [Falling out of his chair] AHH!!! I'll make you fun-size!
Harvey: One currency? [laughs]
Bartender: Your tab.
Harvey: Right. [counting money] One euro. Two euro.
Reducto: That's right, Birdman, yell it nice and loud.
Harvey: What?
Reducto: I'm not prosecuting
Harvey: Oh my God, am I supposed to be prosecuting?
Reducto: Not for the government at least. Look, that man over there.
Harvey: Hm. The jukebox?
Reducto: No! [pulls out a complicated schematic] There is no government, just a few multi-national corporations that run everything.
[The words "An AOL/Time Warner Co." appear on the bar's sign.]
Harvey: Myron, Myron!
Reducto: The bear's a threat to the new world order, Birdman. Soon there will be one worldwide currency
[The bartender walks over]
Reducto: [Falling out of his chair] AHH!!! I'll make you fun-size!
Harvey: One currency? [laughs]
Bartender: Your tab.
Harvey: Right. [counting money] One euro. Two euro.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: Mr. Boo Boo, would you consider yourself a revolutionary?
Boo Boo: Well, no. But I do believe corporations rob us of our dignity and independence, and that these systems must be ripped down, burnt down, or leveled by any force necessary... but that's just one little bear's opinion.
Harvey: A cute, fuzzy little bear. [smiles at jury] The defense rests.
Boo Boo: Well, no. But I do believe corporations rob us of our dignity and independence, and that these systems must be ripped down, burnt down, or leveled by any force necessary... but that's just one little bear's opinion.
Harvey: A cute, fuzzy little bear. [smiles at jury] The defense rests.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Phil: Now close your eyes and fall back.
Harvey: When I was in junior high school, we did a trust fall at a ropes course and dropped the first girl
Phil: That's it. Let me cradle you.
Harvey: She landed flat on her back
Phil: Did you ever know that you're my hero?
Harvey: And then everyone started laughing because she was fat.
Phil: Fall you bastard!
Harvey: When I was in junior high school, we did a trust fall at a ropes course and dropped the first girl
Phil: That's it. Let me cradle you.
Harvey: She landed flat on her back
Phil: Did you ever know that you're my hero?
Harvey: And then everyone started laughing because she was fat.
Phil: Fall you bastard!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Peanut: Yo, Bird. Shoyu Weenie.
Harvey: You know them?
Peanut: Sure. [sings] "Banaaanas. Ice creaamy. Veg-e-ta-ble. Steam steeaaamy!"
Harvey: You know them?
Peanut: Sure. [sings] "Banaaanas. Ice creaamy. Veg-e-ta-ble. Steam steeaaamy!"
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Band member: [speaks Japanese][subtitle: Do you think we have a chance?]
Harvey: [nods] Hakujin. [subtitle: White Guy]
Harvey: [nods] Hakujin. [subtitle: White Guy]
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Band Member: [in japanese] I'm hungry.
Harvey: Aren't you cute. Here's a football. An American football.
[Hands the band member a football with "Made In China" on the side]
Harvey: Aren't you cute. Here's a football. An American football.
[Hands the band member a football with "Made In China" on the side]
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: So, you are a musical group correct?
Neptunes: Sure!
Jabberjaw: ... Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Mentok: Oh for God's sakes...you, the shark. No more from you today, okay?
Harvey: Who writes your music?
Neptunes member: Someone with something yummy in his tummy?
Mentok: [to steinographer] Those guys over there, they're gonna lose this one. Pretty sure of it. No, I know it.
Harvey: And before you answer this next question, let me remind you that you swore [pulls out a giant Bible] ON A BIBLE to tell the truth here today. [throws it away] So, tell us [points above] AND GOD, where the song 'Lovely Lovely' came from? HE'D like to know.
Neptunes member: Uh, we don't know.
Harvey: Nothing further.
Neptunes: Sure!
Jabberjaw: ... Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Mentok: Oh for God's sakes...you, the shark. No more from you today, okay?
Harvey: Who writes your music?
Neptunes member: Someone with something yummy in his tummy?
Mentok: [to steinographer] Those guys over there, they're gonna lose this one. Pretty sure of it. No, I know it.
Harvey: And before you answer this next question, let me remind you that you swore [pulls out a giant Bible] ON A BIBLE to tell the truth here today. [throws it away] So, tell us [points above] AND GOD, where the song 'Lovely Lovely' came from? HE'D like to know.
Neptunes member: Uh, we don't know.
Harvey: Nothing further.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Reducto: I missed you last night. At the bar. Where you said you were going to meet me. THAT bar. [starts jumping as if he's grossed out] I touched a public phone to call you. AND YOU WEREN'T THERE!!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Priest: [in the year 4063 A.P., everyone is worshiping potamus] I got that THING, he sent me!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Secret Squirrel: "Never fear, madam, Secret Squirrel has just what you need right here!" [woman screams] "Wait! I didn't even pull it out yet!"
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Mentok: We don't borrow, we don't read, we don't rent, we don't lease, we take the minds. So, in conclusion, we are...?
Bailiff: [deadpan] Takers?
Mentok: Yes. [musses up the bailiff's hair] Who's the smartest boy in the court today? Who's the smartest boy in the court?
Bailiff: [deadpan] Me?
Mentok: [throws a dog treat in front of him]
Bailiff: [deadpan] Takers?
Mentok: Yes. [musses up the bailiff's hair] Who's the smartest boy in the court today? Who's the smartest boy in the court?
Bailiff: [deadpan] Me?
Mentok: [throws a dog treat in front of him]
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
[to Gail Melody]
Mentok: Listen, I already know...
[Mentok's theme music starts up]
Mentok: BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYTHING! I'M MENTOK, THE MI--
[music abruptly runs down]
Mentok: ...that you're not doing anything tonight, but... What are you doing tonight?
Harvey & Reducto: OBJECTION!
Mentok: Listen, I already know...
[Mentok's theme music starts up]
Mentok: BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYTHING! I'M MENTOK, THE MI--
[music abruptly runs down]
Mentok: ...that you're not doing anything tonight, but... What are you doing tonight?
Harvey & Reducto: OBJECTION!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Phil Ken Sebben: Do you know what this means to the firm?! The billable hours?! I can finally build that lake house, and I'll run around naked all day. Ha ha... dangly parts.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Mentok: Sorry I'm late all but I just got the phone call to come over... I mean, I was just summoned by the spheres! [Imitates Theremin] anyway they said go to 101, we can't find the other guy. When your Broca's a broka? My god, man, get a writer!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
[a bird with a strangely shaped beak testifies against Fred Flintstone]
Can Opener: The guy's a pig; a Neanderthal.
Fred: You're dead to me, can opener!
Can Opener: The guy's a pig; a Neanderthal.
Fred: You're dead to me, can opener!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Evelyn Spyro Throckmorton: [Spoken word parody of Flinstones' theme song] Flinstones. Meet, the Flinstones. They're the mobbish, stone-age family. From the, villa, of Bedrock, they're a page right out of Godfather III. When we, try, Fred Flinstone, yes he's gonna do hard time, oh yeah, he'll do time, a lot of jaaaaiiil time.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey Birdman: Who are you
Fred Flintstone: I told ya I'm Frond Fernstone, Botanist and....
[Peanut hits Fred with a large mallet]
Harvey Birdman: Who are you?
Fred Flintstone: Bird Flintmock, rodeo rider....
[Peanut hits Fred with a large mallet]
Fred Flintstone: I'm Anne Heche.
[Peanut hits Fred with twice a large mallet]
Fred Flintstone: Wilma, Honey what's going on?
Pebbles: Dada! Dada!
Fred Flintstone: I told ya I'm Frond Fernstone, Botanist and....
[Peanut hits Fred with a large mallet]
Harvey Birdman: Who are you?
Fred Flintstone: Bird Flintmock, rodeo rider....
[Peanut hits Fred with a large mallet]
Fred Flintstone: I'm Anne Heche.
[Peanut hits Fred with twice a large mallet]
Fred Flintstone: Wilma, Honey what's going on?
Pebbles: Dada! Dada!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Fred Flintstone: Marone! Will you clean this child [Pebbles]. She smells like dinosaur doodoo!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: [After being kissed by Thundarr the Barbarian] Wow, that's a man kiss.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Phil: [Looking at Falcón]: I think I can safely say that Blue brings something to the firm we didn't have before. [Looks at Harvey Birdman]. Not this. This is something here before NOT we have.
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Harvey: Step off, Holmes!
Peanut: Oh, I was trying, just trying to talk about your tattoo.
Harvey: You wouldn't last two minutes in my world!
Peanut: Oh, I was trying, just trying to talk about your tattoo.
Harvey: You wouldn't last two minutes in my world!
TV Show: Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law