Haunted House Quotes

Evelyn Stockard-Price: I gave you a goddamn guest list two pages long. Where the hell are they?

Steven H. Price: Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own - a group so hungry for money they'd do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers.

Movie: Haunted House
Evelyn Stockard-Price: I gave you a goddamn guest list two pages long. Where the hell are they?

Steven H. Price: Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own - a group so hungry for money they'd do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers.

Movie: Haunted House
Evelyn Stockard-Price: Stephen, if you really love me, you'll find a way to drop dead in the next second.

Steven H. Price: Oh but baby, finding ways for me to die is really your thing. Let's not forget the O.J. knife with the not so retractable blade, the Jim Jones kool-aide which was exactly that.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Accidents, all accidents until proven otherwise.

Movie: Haunted House
Evelyn Stockard-Price: Stephen, if you really love me, you'll find a way to drop dead in the next second.

Steven H. Price: Oh but baby, finding ways for me to die is really your thing. Let's not forget the O.J. knife with the not-so-retractable blade, the Jim Jones kool-aide which was exactly that.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Accidents, all accidents until proven otherwise.

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Frederick Loren: I am not such a fool as to hang my wife from the ceiling, by a rope!

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Frederick Loren: Mr. Pritchard here promises us genuine ghosts.

Watson Pritchard: 7 now. Maybe more before morning.

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Frederick Loren: Once, the door is locked, there is no way out. The windows have bars the jail would be proud of and the only door to the outside locks like a vault.

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Jonas Slydes: [to Nora] Come with us, come with us before he kills you!

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Melissa: Now, that's enter-****ing-tainment!

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Nerdy John: You've stirred up some vile, hideous, ill-tempered, and excessively butch creatures from beyond the grave... who, by the way, clearly have no comprehension of the term cinematic continuity.

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Paul: [reading the newspaper reports on Sara's wall] Isn't this the House where all those people died a few years ago?

Ariel Wolfe: Yeah, my sister was one of the few that made it out alive.

Paul: I remember, seeing it on the news. Steven Price flipped out, went on a killing spree.

Ariel Wolfe: Well that's not what happened according to my sister.

Paul: What do you mean?

Ariel Wolfe: Sara believed the house was haunted, that Ghosts killed Price's party guests.

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Ruth: Who would want to haunt me?

Frederick Loren: I would say any self-respecting male ghost.

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Sara Wolfe: I am so ****ing far from alright, that its not even funny! Someone or something just tried to drown me in a tank of blood the size of a Buick!

Watson Pritchett: That, what just happened to you there, that was nothing. You've just been playing with the ghosts. Wait til somebody lets out the real darkness in this place, that's... that's a whole new bunch of crazy ****! You'll hate that ****!

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Sara Wolfe: I'm trying to figure out who or what Melissa was taping when she disappeared.

Eddie Baker: Right, then where will we be?

Watson Pritchett: Out of Scotch, thanks to you, Ass!

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Sara Wolfe: I'm trying to figure out who or what Melissa was taping when she disappeared.

Eddie Baker: Right, then where will we be?

Watson Pritchett: Out of Scotch, thanks to you, Ass!

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Sara Wolfe: Is this house really haunted?

Watson Pritchett: [near hysterics] It's uh, well, bleh... hah... yeah, it's pretty scary.

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Steven H. Price: [after throwing a wrench and disengaging the lock-down] So much for a PhD in engineering.

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Steven H. Price: Come on honey, let's go down and meet your guests.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: You go ahead darling, I'm just going to run boiling hot water over the places you just touched me.

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Steven H. Price: Sure is a funky old house, ain't it?

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Watson Pritchard: [looking at blood stain on ceiling] See that stain? Blood. A young girl was killed here... and whatever got her wasn't human.

Movie: Haunted House
Watson Pritchard: [shows everyone a knife] This is what she used on my brother and her sister, hacked them to pieces. We found parts of their bodies all over the house, in places you wouldn't think. A funny thing is the heads have never been found, hands and feet and things like that, but no heads.

Dr. David Trent: The wife, probably in a fit of rage, threatened her husband with the knife, and then, carried away by hysteria, took a swing at him and simply went on from there.

Lance Schroeder: [laughing] She certainly went on, how many people did she kill, Mr. Pritchard?

Watson Pritchard: Only two, her husband and her sister, nobody else was here.

Lance Schroeder: So there are two loose heads just floating around here someplace?

Watson Pritchard: You can hear them at night, they whisper to each other, and then cry.

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Watson Pritchard: Only the ghosts in this house are glad we're here.

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Watson Pritchard: There's been a murder almost everyplace in this house!

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Watson Pritchard: These guns are no good against the dead. Only the living.

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Watson Pritchett: I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.

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Watson Pritchett: Sorry to interrupt. God dammit, you give me my god damn check right now! 'Cuz I want it! So you give it! Now! I'm serious.

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Alex: Beam me up, Scotty! There's no life on Planet Impotent!

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Eddie Baker: [talking to Steven Price while holding up bloody rag] Look at this, huh, what is this!

Watson Pritchett: [turns around] That? What just happened to you there? That's nothing, you just been playing around with a ghost, wait til somebody lets out the darkness in this place, that's a whole - that's a whole new bunch of crazy ****, that's - you'll hate that ****.

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Evelyn Stockard-Price: Oh, Steven, you poor, clueless old geek. No matter how it ended, just know one thing: ever since I first laid eyes on you, I have always loved... your money.

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Frederick Loren: It's almost time to lock up the house and then your party will really begin. I wonder how it will end...

Movie: Haunted House