Histeria! Quotes
Loud Kiddington: Hey Emperor!
Qin Shi Huangdi: Oww! With the yelling and the screaming and the ear. What is it?
Loud Kiddington: We're all finished, coach!
Qin Shi Huangdi: Really?
Loud Kiddington: Yup! The job is done!
[Huangdi's jaw drops after seeing what Loud points to.]
Qin Shi Huangdi: What is that?
Loud Kiddington: What you asked for! That's your Great Mall!
Qin Shi Huangdi: [makes monkey noises and hits Loud in the head with his hat a few times] I said wall, not mall.
Loud Kiddington: Whoa. Imagine my embarrassment.
Qin Shi Huangdi: Oww! With the yelling and the screaming and the ear. What is it?
Loud Kiddington: We're all finished, coach!
Qin Shi Huangdi: Really?
Loud Kiddington: Yup! The job is done!
[Huangdi's jaw drops after seeing what Loud points to.]
Qin Shi Huangdi: What is that?
Loud Kiddington: What you asked for! That's your Great Mall!
Qin Shi Huangdi: [makes monkey noises and hits Loud in the head with his hat a few times] I said wall, not mall.
Loud Kiddington: Whoa. Imagine my embarrassment.
TV Show: Histeria!
Qin Shi Huangdi: What is a lanyard?
Aka Pella: It's these little things you weave at camp from plastic strips.
Pule Houser: Yeah, and you give them to you mom, and she goes "Oh, sweetie, this is so cute. I love it bluh".
Charity Bazaar: And you both know it's kind of lame, but she uses it as a key chain anyway.
Aka Pella: Because she loves your heiny.
Aka Pella: It's these little things you weave at camp from plastic strips.
Pule Houser: Yeah, and you give them to you mom, and she goes "Oh, sweetie, this is so cute. I love it bluh".
Charity Bazaar: And you both know it's kind of lame, but she uses it as a key chain anyway.
Aka Pella: Because she loves your heiny.
TV Show: Histeria!
Froggo: Do you have a bag of marshmallows and a crate of leeches I can borrow?
Orville Wright: Umm... no.
Froggo: NO?! NO?! OH NOO! NO, IT CAN'T BE!! AAAHHHHH!!!!
Orville Wright: Umm... no.
Froggo: NO?! NO?! OH NOO! NO, IT CAN'T BE!! AAAHHHHH!!!!
TV Show: Histeria!
[To the beat ofGreen Eggs and Ham]
Loud Kiddington: I am Loud Kiddington, Loud Kiddington is me!
Would you like some broccoli?
George Bush: I do not like this broccoli.
I do not like it, let me be.
Loud Kiddington: Would you like it with some corn?
Eaten from a flugelhorn?
George Bush: I do not like it with some corn,
Eaten from a flugelhorn.
I do not like this broccoli,
I do not like it, let me be.
Loud Kiddington: I am Loud Kiddington, Loud Kiddington is me!
Would you like some broccoli?
George Bush: I do not like this broccoli.
I do not like it, let me be.
Loud Kiddington: Would you like it with some corn?
Eaten from a flugelhorn?
George Bush: I do not like it with some corn,
Eaten from a flugelhorn.
I do not like this broccoli,
I do not like it, let me be.
TV Show: Histeria!
Daniel Boone: All right, y'all scram! Git out the way!
Charity Bazaar: No. I will not let you devastate this innocent creature's home. I would rather die than let you ruin this land.
Daniel Boone: Ah'll give ya a cookie...
Charity Bazaar: Okay.
Charity Bazaar: No. I will not let you devastate this innocent creature's home. I would rather die than let you ruin this land.
Daniel Boone: Ah'll give ya a cookie...
Charity Bazaar: Okay.
TV Show: Histeria!
Loud Kiddington: Now Charity, why do you say your teacher's a witch?
Charity Bazaar: Well, she looks like a witch.
Molly Pitcher: They dressed me up like this!
Loud Kiddington: Is that true?!
Colonists: No no no no no no no!/No way!/I should say not!
Colonist 1: Well, the hat; we did do the hat.
Colonist 2: And the nose.
Colonist 1: And maybe the broom.
Colonist 2: Right, right! Yes, the broom, I forgot about that! Oh, and a couple of the warts.
Colonist 1: Oh yes, almost forgot about the warts!
Loud Kiddington: OK, that's enough!
Charity Bazaar: Well, she looks like a witch.
Molly Pitcher: They dressed me up like this!
Loud Kiddington: Is that true?!
Colonists: No no no no no no no!/No way!/I should say not!
Colonist 1: Well, the hat; we did do the hat.
Colonist 2: And the nose.
Colonist 1: And maybe the broom.
Colonist 2: Right, right! Yes, the broom, I forgot about that! Oh, and a couple of the warts.
Colonist 1: Oh yes, almost forgot about the warts!
Loud Kiddington: OK, that's enough!
TV Show: Histeria!
Froggo: Do you have a bucket of worms and a keg of gunpowder?
Andrew Jackson: No!
Froggo: Okay, but don't come crying to me later.
[Later, after Loud informs Jackson that the war has been over for two weeks...]
Andrew Jackson: The war's been over for two weeks! [cries on Froggo's shoulder]
Froggo: I told you not to come crying to me later.
Andrew Jackson: No!
Froggo: Okay, but don't come crying to me later.
[Later, after Loud informs Jackson that the war has been over for two weeks...]
Andrew Jackson: The war's been over for two weeks! [cries on Froggo's shoulder]
Froggo: I told you not to come crying to me later.
TV Show: Histeria!
Andrew Jackson: Now listen up! I'm General Andrew Jackson!
Aka Pella: Oooh, are you related to Michael Jackson?
Andrew Jackson: No! Although I do have an uncle who looks a lot like Tito. Now clear out! This here's no place for children.
Aka Pella: It could be if you put in swings and a jungle gym.
Aka Pella: Oooh, are you related to Michael Jackson?
Andrew Jackson: No! Although I do have an uncle who looks a lot like Tito. Now clear out! This here's no place for children.
Aka Pella: It could be if you put in swings and a jungle gym.
TV Show: Histeria!
Cho-Cho: General?
Andrew Jackson: What?
Cho-Cho: Will you bait Lucky Bob's hook, please?
Andrew Jackson: Huh?
Cho-Cho: Worms give Lucky Bob the creeps.
Lucky Bob: You are correct, sir!
Cho-Cho: Please bait Lucky Bob's hook.
Andrew Jackson: Why do you call him 'lucky'?
Cho-Cho: 'Cause he luckily got all the good looks in his family.
Andrew Jackson: What?
Cho-Cho: Will you bait Lucky Bob's hook, please?
Andrew Jackson: Huh?
Cho-Cho: Worms give Lucky Bob the creeps.
Lucky Bob: You are correct, sir!
Cho-Cho: Please bait Lucky Bob's hook.
Andrew Jackson: Why do you call him 'lucky'?
Cho-Cho: 'Cause he luckily got all the good looks in his family.
TV Show: Histeria!
Charity Bazaar: I don't wanna get disintegrated by a death ray. I have sensitive skin.
TV Show: Histeria!
Father Time: Then in 8000 BC came...
Loud Kiddington: THE NEOLITHIC PERIOD, OR NEW STONE AGE!
Father Time: When wild animals were tamed by farmers.
Loud Kiddington: Including pigs!
Porky Pig: Eh, th-t-t-t-t-t-t--
Loud Kiddington: Chickens!
Foghorn Leghorn: Ah'm a rooster, son, not a chicken! Pay at-ah say, pay attention, boy! Ah'm talkin' to ya! Kid doesn't listen to a word Ah say.
Loud Kiddington: And the very first cow! [A cow falls on Foghorn.]
Loud Kiddington: THE NEOLITHIC PERIOD, OR NEW STONE AGE!
Father Time: When wild animals were tamed by farmers.
Loud Kiddington: Including pigs!
Porky Pig: Eh, th-t-t-t-t-t-t--
Loud Kiddington: Chickens!
Foghorn Leghorn: Ah'm a rooster, son, not a chicken! Pay at-ah say, pay attention, boy! Ah'm talkin' to ya! Kid doesn't listen to a word Ah say.
Loud Kiddington: And the very first cow! [A cow falls on Foghorn.]
TV Show: Histeria!
[Throughout this coversation, mosquitoes continually bite the characters.]
Toast: Mr. President-dude! Ow! Thanks for coming and stuff.
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! Dee-lighted! What's wrong here, friend? Ow!
Toast: Well - dang! - for starters, just look! Ow! Mondo disease! The canal-digging is slowing down because everyone's getting sick - ow - with malaria and yellow fever! Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: Hmmm... ow! The same two blasted diseases that crippled the French when they were digging the canal! Ow!
Toast: Ow! Whaddaya think - ow! - is causing it? Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! I don't know. Ow!
Toast: Could it be - ohw! - the food?
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! I don't think so.
Toast: Humidity? Goh!
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! Doubtful. Ohw!
Toast: Ow! Tight pants?
Theodore Roosevelt: Nuh-uh. Ouch!
Toast: Bean-bag babies? Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! Not likely.
Toast: Smell of gin?
Theodore Roosevelt: Who?
Toast: Never mind. Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow!
Toast: Those little bobbing-head dolls?
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! Nope.
Toast: Too much - ow! - pocket change?
Theodore Roosevelt: Yeow! I don't think so.
Toast: Tapioca pudding? Ouch!
Theodore Roosevelt: Hey, maybe... naw. Ow!
Toast: Ow! Anything starting with the letter Q? Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: No! Ow!
Toast: Spanish peanuts? Owh!
Theodore Roosevelt: No! Oww!
Toast: Aliens from Mars wearing golf shoes and lipstick?
Theodore Roosevelt: No, no, and you need help. Ow! Well, whatever it is, it's making the men sick. These pesky mosquitoes sure are driving me crazy!
Toast: Mr. President-dude! Ow! Thanks for coming and stuff.
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! Dee-lighted! What's wrong here, friend? Ow!
Toast: Well - dang! - for starters, just look! Ow! Mondo disease! The canal-digging is slowing down because everyone's getting sick - ow - with malaria and yellow fever! Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: Hmmm... ow! The same two blasted diseases that crippled the French when they were digging the canal! Ow!
Toast: Ow! Whaddaya think - ow! - is causing it? Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! I don't know. Ow!
Toast: Could it be - ohw! - the food?
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! I don't think so.
Toast: Humidity? Goh!
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! Doubtful. Ohw!
Toast: Ow! Tight pants?
Theodore Roosevelt: Nuh-uh. Ouch!
Toast: Bean-bag babies? Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! Not likely.
Toast: Smell of gin?
Theodore Roosevelt: Who?
Toast: Never mind. Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow!
Toast: Those little bobbing-head dolls?
Theodore Roosevelt: Ow! Nope.
Toast: Too much - ow! - pocket change?
Theodore Roosevelt: Yeow! I don't think so.
Toast: Tapioca pudding? Ouch!
Theodore Roosevelt: Hey, maybe... naw. Ow!
Toast: Ow! Anything starting with the letter Q? Ow!
Theodore Roosevelt: No! Ow!
Toast: Spanish peanuts? Owh!
Theodore Roosevelt: No! Oww!
Toast: Aliens from Mars wearing golf shoes and lipstick?
Theodore Roosevelt: No, no, and you need help. Ow! Well, whatever it is, it's making the men sick. These pesky mosquitoes sure are driving me crazy!
TV Show: Histeria!
Miss Information: [Loud is] like a little firecracker, isn't he?
World's Oldest Woman: More like a crate of dynamite!
World's Oldest Woman: More like a crate of dynamite!
TV Show: Histeria!
Gutzon Borglum (Elmer Fudd): Hold the stwing wight dere and be vewy vewy quiet. Woud noises can stawt--
Lincoln Borglum (Loud Kiddington): WHAJDA SAY, POP?!?
Gutzon Borglum: An avawanche!! Aaaahhh! [a boulder crushes him]
Lincoln Borglum (Loud Kiddington): WHAJDA SAY, POP?!?
Gutzon Borglum: An avawanche!! Aaaahhh! [a boulder crushes him]
TV Show: Histeria!
Gutzon Borglum: Aah, finished! West and wewaxation at wast! And thanks to your help, it only took fouteen yeaws to compwete.
Lincoln Borglum: Aww, you're only saying that because I'm your son.
Gutzon Borglum: No, I'm saying that because working awone, I could've finished it in six yeaws!!
Lincoln Borglum: Aww, you're only saying that because I'm your son.
Gutzon Borglum: No, I'm saying that because working awone, I could've finished it in six yeaws!!
TV Show: Histeria!
Loud Kiddington: [reenacting the fall of the Berlin Wall] Big Fat Baby sat on the wall! Big Fat Baby has a great fall! Despite the destruction, Baby had fun As East and West Germany united as one!
TV Show: Histeria!
Joseph Stalin: I am here to see my agent!
Secretary: You got an appointment?
Joseph Stalin: Do you know who I am!?
Secretary: Well, you look a little like that Super Mario guy.
Secretary: You got an appointment?
Joseph Stalin: Do you know who I am!?
Secretary: Well, you look a little like that Super Mario guy.
TV Show: Histeria!
Charity Bazaar: You can lead a horse to water, but it's tough to get those swim fins on his hooves.
TV Show: Histeria!
Loud Kiddington: Howdy Puritans and Pilgrims! Loud Kiddington here! And if I can't make you a deal, my dog Fetch'll eat a turkey pellet!
Fetch: Huh?! Can we talk about this?
Fetch: Huh?! Can we talk about this?
TV Show: Histeria!
Charity Bazaar: We can't keep living like this.
Loud Kiddington: You mean 'cause all us peasants are poor and starving!?
Charity Bazaar: No, 'cause Toast is always hogging the bathroom.
Loud Kiddington: You mean 'cause all us peasants are poor and starving!?
Charity Bazaar: No, 'cause Toast is always hogging the bathroom.
TV Show: Histeria!
Loud Kiddington: Howdy prospectors and miners! Loud Kiddington here! And if I can't make you a deal, my dog Fetch here will eat an ariumu chip!
Fetch: Huh?!
Fetch: Huh?!
TV Show: Histeria!
Lucky Bob: I spy, something that begins with the letter "B".
Cho-Cho: Blinking lights?
Lucky Bob: Nope.
Cho-Cho: Big moon outside window?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: Black darkness of deep outer space?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A bagel?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A blitz?
Lucky Bob: No.
Caption: 55 HOURS LATER
Cho-Cho: A bupka?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: Big Fat Flying Baby?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A Bob who is lucky?
Lucky Bob: Uh... no.
Cho-Cho: Bursting blood vessels in the astronauts' necks?
Astronauts: TELL HER ALREADY!!
Sammy Melman: WHAT DO YOU SPY THAT BEGINS WITH A "B"?!!
Lucky Bob: Chocolate!
Cho-Cho: Blinking lights?
Lucky Bob: Nope.
Cho-Cho: Big moon outside window?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: Black darkness of deep outer space?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A bagel?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A blitz?
Lucky Bob: No.
Caption: 55 HOURS LATER
Cho-Cho: A bupka?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: Big Fat Flying Baby?
Lucky Bob: No.
Cho-Cho: A Bob who is lucky?
Lucky Bob: Uh... no.
Cho-Cho: Bursting blood vessels in the astronauts' necks?
Astronauts: TELL HER ALREADY!!
Sammy Melman: WHAT DO YOU SPY THAT BEGINS WITH A "B"?!!
Lucky Bob: Chocolate!
TV Show: Histeria!
Sammy Melman: Your Honor, this trial is a circus!
Loud Kiddington: I know! More cotton candy, please!
Loud Kiddington: I know! More cotton candy, please!
TV Show: Histeria!
Sammy Melman: Say, you seem too young to be a judge.
Loud Kiddington: Yeah, and you seem too stupid to be a lawyer!
Sammy Melman: Hey!!
Loud Kiddington: No wait, I'm takin' that back! You seem stupid enough to be a lawyer!
Loud Kiddington: Yeah, and you seem too stupid to be a lawyer!
Sammy Melman: Hey!!
Loud Kiddington: No wait, I'm takin' that back! You seem stupid enough to be a lawyer!
TV Show: Histeria!
Cho-Cho: When I get older, I am going to be a singer and change my name to Yoko Ono.
TV Show: Histeria!
Loud Kiddington: [singing] 55 bottles of root beer on the wall, 55 bottles of root beer...
Charity Bazaar: Will you be quiet? I can't stand that stupid song.
Loud Kiddington: GREAT! YOU MADE ME FORGET WHERE I WAS! NOW I GOTTA START OVER! [singing] 99 bottles of root beer on the wall, 99 bottles of root beer...
Charity Bazaar: I'm not happy.
Charity Bazaar: Will you be quiet? I can't stand that stupid song.
Loud Kiddington: GREAT! YOU MADE ME FORGET WHERE I WAS! NOW I GOTTA START OVER! [singing] 99 bottles of root beer on the wall, 99 bottles of root beer...
Charity Bazaar: I'm not happy.
TV Show: Histeria!
Cho-Cho: Lucky Bob, have you seen Big Fat Baby?
Lucky Bob: Yeth now!
Cho-Cho: Where?
Lucky Bob: In my mashed potatoes.
Froggo: Lucky Bob definitely needs a vacae.
Lucky Bob: Yeth now!
Cho-Cho: Where?
Lucky Bob: In my mashed potatoes.
Froggo: Lucky Bob definitely needs a vacae.
TV Show: Histeria!
Sammy Melman: And when lightning strikes, I suppose that's not Zeus shooting at liars!
Socrates: Well, what about when lightning hits a tree? Can a tree be a liar?
Tree: Trees can't even talk! Hahah! [is suddenly struck by lightning] Oops!
Socrates: Well, what about when lightning hits a tree? Can a tree be a liar?
Tree: Trees can't even talk! Hahah! [is suddenly struck by lightning] Oops!
TV Show: Histeria!
Lydia Karaoke: Mr. Socrates, no no no! Hi, I'm Lydia Karaoke, network censor, and we don't want consuming of poisonous beverages on Histeria! This is a kids' show!
Socrates: But I've been sentenced to death!
Lydia Karaoke: Well, you can't die on Histeria! Give me that!
Socrates: Good, 'cause I'd really rather have a double grandé mocha latté and a Snickerdoodle.
Lydia Karaoke: Now that'll kill you.
Socrates: But I've been sentenced to death!
Lydia Karaoke: Well, you can't die on Histeria! Give me that!
Socrates: Good, 'cause I'd really rather have a double grandé mocha latté and a Snickerdoodle.
Lydia Karaoke: Now that'll kill you.
TV Show: Histeria!
Miss Information: We're walkin' past the famous Washington Monument, which as y'all know is named after the famous city of Washington DC.
George Washington: Uh, ma'am, how many times do I have to tell you? The monument is named after me, George Washington.
Miss Information: Oh really? Well, I don't think anyone calls this the George Monument, now do they?
George Washington: Uh, no.
Miss Information: Case dismissed! Let's hustle, people! We're walkin', we're movin', we're headin' towards the Lincoln Memorial, which of course was named after the town carver of the same name.
George Washington: Uh, ma'am, how many times do I have to tell you? The monument is named after me, George Washington.
Miss Information: Oh really? Well, I don't think anyone calls this the George Monument, now do they?
George Washington: Uh, no.
Miss Information: Case dismissed! Let's hustle, people! We're walkin', we're movin', we're headin' towards the Lincoln Memorial, which of course was named after the town carver of the same name.
TV Show: Histeria!