Homicide - Life on the Street Quotes
Pembleton: So, what's the cause of death?
Scheiner: For an absolute certainty, I can't tell you.
Pembleton: You can't tell us?
Scheiner: Don't look at me that way; it happens.
Scheiner: For an absolute certainty, I can't tell you.
Pembleton: You can't tell us?
Scheiner: Don't look at me that way; it happens.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Pembleton: This may come as a shock to you, Kellerman, but I don't always like being right.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Kellerman: What do you do for fun, Frank?
Pembleton: Define "fun".
Kellerman: Fun is when you do something exciting, maybe dangerous, with the possiblity that you're gonna feel really good before it's all over.
Pembleton: Oh, you mean work.
Kellerman: No, I don't mean work. I mean... sucking unfiltered Camels until you get headaches and snagging a 50-pound marlin on the line, and guzzling Wild Turkey until you puke, and running around the block all night and shooting pool for money against mentally defective bikers. Stuff like that.
Pembleton: I don't have time for fun.
Kellerman: Then what the hell gets you up in the morning? You gotta believe in something.
Pembleton: Well, you can't believe in fun. That's not a faith.
Kellerman: Fun is my god, Frank. I worship fun, I live for fun, and when I die, I hope that I'm having fun. Like that upstate car dealer, -- You remember him? He had a heart attack while nailing his beautiful, young mistress. Came and went. Now, that's the way to die.
Pembleton: Smoke a cigarette, please.
Pembleton: Define "fun".
Kellerman: Fun is when you do something exciting, maybe dangerous, with the possiblity that you're gonna feel really good before it's all over.
Pembleton: Oh, you mean work.
Kellerman: No, I don't mean work. I mean... sucking unfiltered Camels until you get headaches and snagging a 50-pound marlin on the line, and guzzling Wild Turkey until you puke, and running around the block all night and shooting pool for money against mentally defective bikers. Stuff like that.
Pembleton: I don't have time for fun.
Kellerman: Then what the hell gets you up in the morning? You gotta believe in something.
Pembleton: Well, you can't believe in fun. That's not a faith.
Kellerman: Fun is my god, Frank. I worship fun, I live for fun, and when I die, I hope that I'm having fun. Like that upstate car dealer, -- You remember him? He had a heart attack while nailing his beautiful, young mistress. Came and went. Now, that's the way to die.
Pembleton: Smoke a cigarette, please.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Gee: I sent Bolander and Felton on that conference because I thought it'd be good for them. How was I to know that when they got there they'd turn into Dumb and Dumber?!
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Gee: You found the whorehouse?
Bayliss: On wheels.
Kellerman: Sort of a good-humor truck for sex. Wonder if they ring a bell.
Bayliss: On wheels.
Kellerman: Sort of a good-humor truck for sex. Wonder if they ring a bell.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Gee: There are no real masterminds out there. Mostly we're dealing with people who think they are. If they think at all. Problem is, there's so many of them.
Kellerman: I don't get it.
Gee: You don't hafta get it. You'll sleep better if you don't know. Give me the where, the what, the when - the why - is a thing we can live without. Homicide is the elite of the police force. There is no higher calling.
Kellerman: I don't get it.
Gee: You don't hafta get it. You'll sleep better if you don't know. Give me the where, the what, the when - the why - is a thing we can live without. Homicide is the elite of the police force. There is no higher calling.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Munch: Who lobbies for nothing?
Bayliss: You do, Munch. Every day, in every way, you lobby for nothing.
Bayliss: You do, Munch. Every day, in every way, you lobby for nothing.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: The doctor says I have a degenerative disc in my back.
Munch: I had that.
Bayliss: You did?
Munch: Mm-hm.
Bayliss: And it went away?
Munch: Well, not that really. What I had was a degenerate disc.
Howard: A degenerate disc, Munch?
Munch: Yeah, see every time a pretty girl walked by, my neck would go like this, completely and involuntarily. It went away as I matured though.
Howard: When did that happen? I must've missed that.
Munch: I had that.
Bayliss: You did?
Munch: Mm-hm.
Bayliss: And it went away?
Munch: Well, not that really. What I had was a degenerate disc.
Howard: A degenerate disc, Munch?
Munch: Yeah, see every time a pretty girl walked by, my neck would go like this, completely and involuntarily. It went away as I matured though.
Howard: When did that happen? I must've missed that.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: Lemme tell you one thing alright? You gotta do everything I say.
Kellerman: Well, there's nothing I won't do; but some things are gonna cost you extra.
Kellerman: Well, there's nothing I won't do; but some things are gonna cost you extra.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Kellerman: You know, he shouldn't leave a department vehicle running like that.
Lewis: Yeah, could get stolen.
Kellerman: Lieutanant said take the first car in.
Lewis: We shouldn't.
Kellerman: You're right.
Lewis: Grand theft auto, baby. [they drive off in the car, as Pembleton comes back out]
Pembleton: You sons of bitches!
Lewis: Yeah, could get stolen.
Kellerman: Lieutanant said take the first car in.
Lewis: We shouldn't.
Kellerman: You're right.
Lewis: Grand theft auto, baby. [they drive off in the car, as Pembleton comes back out]
Pembleton: You sons of bitches!
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: And why does every question that is put to you have to end up like a discussion on Meet The Press? Just answer the damn question, "Como se fue su fin de semana?" How was your weekend, Frank?
Pembleton: May I? It el suck-oed the big-o weiner-o. There, I'm bilingual.
Bayliss: You are the ugly American.
Pembleton: Don't get personal.
Pembleton: May I? It el suck-oed the big-o weiner-o. There, I'm bilingual.
Bayliss: You are the ugly American.
Pembleton: Don't get personal.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: Business or pleasure?
Pembleton: One doesn't carry a beeper for pleasure.
Bayliss: Hookers do.
Pembleton: Prostitution is business; not pleasure.
Bayliss: Yeah, I still don't get that.
Pembleton: One doesn't carry a beeper for pleasure.
Bayliss: Hookers do.
Pembleton: Prostitution is business; not pleasure.
Bayliss: Yeah, I still don't get that.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: Wow, death is so weird. It's like, you just squeeze the trigger and kill a person with so little effort. What's that like, to be so empty of compassion, to take a life in your hands and just pop, pop, pop? No fear of hell, no fear of lethal injection. No fear at all.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: You're a killer, Newton.
Newton: No, I'm a Presbyterian.
Newton: No, I'm a Presbyterian.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Pembleton: Then why did you get into her car?
Bayliss: You wanted us to catch you?
Newton: Well, like they say in nursing homes all over the country, "Bingo!"
Bayliss: You wanted us to catch you?
Newton: Well, like they say in nursing homes all over the country, "Bingo!"
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: So what would you do if someday your son comes home from school and says hey dad, meet Jason here, he's my new boyfriend, what would you do then?
Pembleton: I don't know Tim. I don't like to guess about my reaction to some hypothical situation, but I'd like to think that if two Homicide Detectives come to my door, unlike Zeke Lafeld's father, I would not be relieved my child is dead.
Pembleton: I don't know Tim. I don't like to guess about my reaction to some hypothical situation, but I'd like to think that if two Homicide Detectives come to my door, unlike Zeke Lafeld's father, I would not be relieved my child is dead.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: I'm not a homophobe.
Pembleton: Okay.
Bayliss: I'm not.
Pembleton: You don't hafta repeat yourself. I'm your partner. I believe every word you say.
Pembleton: Okay.
Bayliss: I'm not.
Pembleton: You don't hafta repeat yourself. I'm your partner. I believe every word you say.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Lewis: See, the thing is, we the Murder Poh-leece and we have but one given and that is that everybody is a liar. Me? See, I rely on [taps heart] the most sensitive machine there is. See, it knows when somebody is lumpy and when somebody is tellin' the truth. And this [taps head]...this is smart enough to trust what this [taps heart] can detect.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Pembleton: And I broke the first rule of being a detective. I assumed that Zeke Lafeld was homosexual.
Bayliss: Well, it's what people do, Frank. It's human nature.
Pembleton: Yes, it is human nature to kill someone simply because their sexual orientation is different.
Bayliss: People get afraid. Threatened.
Pembleton: People? That's you and me, Tim. Grown-ups. Why is it that children don't care about such things?
Bayliss: As adults we get socialized. We learn to behave.
Pembleton: No, no, no. We learn to hate.
Bayliss: Well, it's what people do, Frank. It's human nature.
Pembleton: Yes, it is human nature to kill someone simply because their sexual orientation is different.
Bayliss: People get afraid. Threatened.
Pembleton: People? That's you and me, Tim. Grown-ups. Why is it that children don't care about such things?
Bayliss: As adults we get socialized. We learn to behave.
Pembleton: No, no, no. We learn to hate.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Bayliss: If wallets were meant to be carried in the front pocket, they'dve been made that way.
Pembleton: They are.
Bayliss: Says who?
Pembleton: The info never gets around to you, does it?
Pembleton: They are.
Bayliss: Says who?
Pembleton: The info never gets around to you, does it?
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Pembleton: Younger brother gave up older brother; variations on a theme.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Howard: If you were going to hide a body, where you bury it?
Munch: In a cemetery.
Munch: In a cemetery.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Russert: So, Mary's pregnant?
Bayliss: Oh, no. I didn't say that.
Russert: Frank is your partner and I'm a detective and you're a bad liar.
Bayliss: Oh, no. I didn't say that.
Russert: Frank is your partner and I'm a detective and you're a bad liar.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Munch: Don't tell me you're watching soap operas again.
Bayliss: It's what we have instead of a sex life, Munch. Leave us alone.
Pembleton: What about you? How come you're so mu-si-cal this morning?
Munch: Today's no different than any other day. I'm still the same miserable me.
Bayliss: No, no. You were singing.
Munch: Was I?
Bayliss and Pembleton: Mmm-hmm.
Munch: I didn't realize.
Bayliss: It's what we have instead of a sex life, Munch. Leave us alone.
Pembleton: What about you? How come you're so mu-si-cal this morning?
Munch: Today's no different than any other day. I'm still the same miserable me.
Bayliss: No, no. You were singing.
Munch: Was I?
Bayliss and Pembleton: Mmm-hmm.
Munch: I didn't realize.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Munch: If a murder is committed in Baltimore and no homicide detective takes the call, did that homicide actually occur?
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Kellerman: You and Howard. I'm telling you. It's love. Start picking out your china patterns.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Munch: Whaddya got there Timmy? Something good? Percodan...Percocet, maybe?
Bayliss: They're muscle relaxants and you can't have any.
Munch: Nobody's willing to share their drugs anymore.
Bayliss: They're muscle relaxants and you can't have any.
Munch: Nobody's willing to share their drugs anymore.
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street
Brodie: Giardello and Russert just showed up.
Howard: Well, you know what that means, huh, buddy?
Munch: Congratulations Timmy. It's a bouncing baby red-ball. Got any cigars?
Howard: Well, you know what that means, huh, buddy?
Munch: Congratulations Timmy. It's a bouncing baby red-ball. Got any cigars?
TV Show: Homicide - Life on the Street