In Plain Sight Quotes
Mary: When were you going to tell me?
Marshall: Actually, I was going to mail it to myself so you could read it.
Marshall: Actually, I was going to mail it to myself so you could read it.
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Marshall: No. Not exactly. Look, it's nothing like what you think.
Mary: Oh yeah? Well you should probably explain, because I'm pretty confused. I know you love the job and I thought you—I thought we were friends.
Marshall: We are. You're my best friend.
Mary: Jesus, Marshall, you're like my only friend.
Marshall: I know, and you're like my only friend.
Mary: So? Sounds like a pretty good arrangement. What's the problem?
Marshall: The problem with us is—
Mary: Please just tell me.
Marshall: I feel like I'm the keeper of this exotic animal, and I spend my time either protecting you from the world or the world from you. And it's just—it's a lot of responsibility.
Mary: I'm sorry. But that's your job. [Kisses him on the cheek] And you cannot quit.
Marshall: Okay.
Mary: Oh yeah? Well you should probably explain, because I'm pretty confused. I know you love the job and I thought you—I thought we were friends.
Marshall: We are. You're my best friend.
Mary: Jesus, Marshall, you're like my only friend.
Marshall: I know, and you're like my only friend.
Mary: So? Sounds like a pretty good arrangement. What's the problem?
Marshall: The problem with us is—
Mary: Please just tell me.
Marshall: I feel like I'm the keeper of this exotic animal, and I spend my time either protecting you from the world or the world from you. And it's just—it's a lot of responsibility.
Mary: I'm sorry. But that's your job. [Kisses him on the cheek] And you cannot quit.
Marshall: Okay.
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Mary: [Voiceover] Funny how things like mortgage payments and a desire to not eat cat food can get between a person and their principles. Damn, I hate principles.
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Mary: [Voiceover] If there's one thing working in witness protection has taught me it's that people hate change. Oh, we all say we want to change; get thinner, quit smoking, learn to speak Portuguese, but we don't. For better or worse, our habits define us. We turn the pages of the same tattered script over and over, clinging to our well rehearsed routines like barnacles, and nothing rankles us more than having to learn new lines.
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Marshall: What exactly is your beef with humanity?
Mary: I have no beef with humanity. It's people I can't stand.
Mary: I have no beef with humanity. It's people I can't stand.
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Mary: [On the phone] Hey, Stan, it's Mary. Imagine my surprise when Kay Swenson showed up drunk at Jay Arnstein's gallery and got into a fistfight with Marci Arnstein. Who could have possibly predicted that deceiving a witness and helping her husband commit adultery with his tramp mistress would end badly? You'd have to be a genius to see that one coming, right? Anyway, Stan, I'll need immediate relocation authorization. Call me! Bye!
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Detective Dershowitz: Okay, what is taking you so long? Can't you go any faster?
Mary: I could, but then I'd miss the fun of watching you lapse into hysteria.
Mary: I could, but then I'd miss the fun of watching you lapse into hysteria.
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Marshall: Man, every time I walk into a gym it gets my blood up.
Scott Worley: Oh, did you play?
Marshall: Badminton. We played our tournaments here. See this scar? Shuttlecock injury. Ended my career.
Scott Worley: Is he kidding?
Mary: I don't know. Either way, it's pathetic.
Scott Worley: Excuse me. [Leaves]
Mary: Way to work shuttlecock into the conversation, jackass.
Marshall: It's one of the funnier words.
Scott Worley: Oh, did you play?
Marshall: Badminton. We played our tournaments here. See this scar? Shuttlecock injury. Ended my career.
Scott Worley: Is he kidding?
Mary: I don't know. Either way, it's pathetic.
Scott Worley: Excuse me. [Leaves]
Mary: Way to work shuttlecock into the conversation, jackass.
Marshall: It's one of the funnier words.
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Mary: Hey there, Socrates. What brings you to these hallowed halls? Boning up on your philosophy? Taking an oral exam? Having sex with your old professor?
Marshall: Okay, get it out of your system.
Mary: Look at you. All blushy.
Marshall: Okay, get it out of your system.
Mary: Look at you. All blushy.
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Jinx: [Holding an old photograph of Mary and her father] Look at this one. I think you were four, maybe five here.
Mary: I don't remember this.
Jinx: You father hit corner at Belmont, went shopping at Berghoff's. Eight dollars for a little girl's dress. I almost killed him. The way he fawned. Isn't that crazy? A mother being jealous of her four-year-old daughter.
Mary: I don't remember this.
Jinx: You father hit corner at Belmont, went shopping at Berghoff's. Eight dollars for a little girl's dress. I almost killed him. The way he fawned. Isn't that crazy? A mother being jealous of her four-year-old daughter.
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Mary: One way or another, I am going to nail that guy. I mean literally, fillet him, nail his hide to a tree, spread it with jam and watch the squirrels go to town.
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Mary: He called me ma'am.
Marshall: Yeah, but he was looking down your shirt when he said it.
Mary: Why are you being so nice to me?
Marshall: Yeah, but he was looking down your shirt when he said it.
Mary: Why are you being so nice to me?
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Mary: [Voiceover] I think my least favorite phrase in the human language is "I'm sorry." Nine times out of ten when a person says they're sorry, they're really only sorry they got caught, and now want me to forgive them for something I'm still pissed off about. Which puts me in the unhappy position of either saying, "Up yours" and looking like a total bitch, or saying, "I forgive you" and feeling like a total schmuck.
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Mary: Please explain, in God's name, why you two don't get a divorce. You make each other miserable. Please don't say it's because you're catholic. Lots of catholics get divorced these days. Hell, I'm catholic, I plan on getting divorced one day.
Donald Ferguson: It'll be a lucky man who divorces you.
Mary: Damn straight.
Donald Ferguson: It'll be a lucky man who divorces you.
Mary: Damn straight.
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Mary: He was one of the few truly good, selfless people I've ever met.
Marshall: You know, Ayn Rand's central thesis posits that selflessness is antithetical to good.
Mary: A hundred bucks says you die a lonely old man.
Marshall: You know, Ayn Rand's central thesis posits that selflessness is antithetical to good.
Mary: A hundred bucks says you die a lonely old man.
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Donald Ferguson: Shhhhh.
Mary: What?! I just spent two days running all over creation thinking you were kidnapped or dead! Half the hobos in Albuquerque are in mourning and Cook's facing murder charges, and you have the balls to shush me?
Mary: What?! I just spent two days running all over creation thinking you were kidnapped or dead! Half the hobos in Albuquerque are in mourning and Cook's facing murder charges, and you have the balls to shush me?
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Marshall: I brought you coffee and a bagel.
Mary: You suck.
Marshall: Excuse me? Aw, are you still on the juice fast? Aren't you crabby enough without adding Spirulina to the mix?
Mary: Bite me. I'm trying to do something healthy for a change.
Marshall: Why?
Mary: Why? How about because being healthy is better than not being healthy.
Marshall: It doesn't suit you. It seems oddly out of character. Kind of unsettling.
Mary: Did you ever stop to think that what's in character for me isn't working for me? I'm 35-ish, I don't have a boyfriend, I live by myself, I go to work, come home, go to work. Is it so beyond the realm of reason that I want just a little bit more from my life, or is that just too much for you to wrap your little pea-brain around?
Marshall: I've gotta believe this is the Spirulina talking.
Mary: You suck.
Marshall: Excuse me? Aw, are you still on the juice fast? Aren't you crabby enough without adding Spirulina to the mix?
Mary: Bite me. I'm trying to do something healthy for a change.
Marshall: Why?
Mary: Why? How about because being healthy is better than not being healthy.
Marshall: It doesn't suit you. It seems oddly out of character. Kind of unsettling.
Mary: Did you ever stop to think that what's in character for me isn't working for me? I'm 35-ish, I don't have a boyfriend, I live by myself, I go to work, come home, go to work. Is it so beyond the realm of reason that I want just a little bit more from my life, or is that just too much for you to wrap your little pea-brain around?
Marshall: I've gotta believe this is the Spirulina talking.
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Mary: Got three bedrooms. Check this out. One is my bedroom. One is my office and the other is I have no idea. How great is that? I have got an entire room with no defined purpose. I can fill it with Corn Flakes if I wanted.
Marshall: I'm not sure this neighborhood is zoned for Corn Flakes but an intriguing notion none the less.
Mary: Okay then. Sand. I can fill it with sand. Better yet, bullets. You can never have too many bullets. That's my bullet room. I have a bullet room.
Marshall: Well, as long as it's something practical.
Marshall: I'm not sure this neighborhood is zoned for Corn Flakes but an intriguing notion none the less.
Mary: Okay then. Sand. I can fill it with sand. Better yet, bullets. You can never have too many bullets. That's my bullet room. I have a bullet room.
Marshall: Well, as long as it's something practical.
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Marshall: You can stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking.
Robert Eps: Oh, come on, man. You mean to tell me you have a partner that looks like that and you still get pissy when guys check her out? Maybe you're the one who needs to stop thinking what you're thinking.
Robert Eps: Oh, come on, man. You mean to tell me you have a partner that looks like that and you still get pissy when guys check her out? Maybe you're the one who needs to stop thinking what you're thinking.
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Marshall: Why don't you go on home?
Mary: Nope.
Marshall: I don't get it. So what if your mom showed up unannounced. She just wanted to surprise you.
Mary: There are two kinds of surprises, Marshall: birthday and Pearl Harbor. Guess which category the "mom surprise" falls under? It doesn't matter. I hate them both.
Marshall: Well you can't stay here forever.
Mary: No, but I think I can do a week. I bet if I don't show up for a week she'll run out of food and booze and leave.
Mary: Nope.
Marshall: I don't get it. So what if your mom showed up unannounced. She just wanted to surprise you.
Mary: There are two kinds of surprises, Marshall: birthday and Pearl Harbor. Guess which category the "mom surprise" falls under? It doesn't matter. I hate them both.
Marshall: Well you can't stay here forever.
Mary: No, but I think I can do a week. I bet if I don't show up for a week she'll run out of food and booze and leave.
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Mary: Wow. It looks like somebody kicked the crap out of you.
Det. Roxanne Lewis: You hit like a girl.
Mary: Thanks, you too.
Det. Roxanne Lewis: You hit like a girl.
Mary: Thanks, you too.
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Det. Dershowitz: Let's not start accusing people until we have the proper evidence.
Mary: Wow. Talk about the cop calling the kettle black. [beat] That's funny. That never sounded racist until now. My bad.
Mary: Wow. Talk about the cop calling the kettle black. [beat] That's funny. That never sounded racist until now. My bad.
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Mary: He thinks he's got a shot with me.
Marshall: [Speaking to their witness] You have no shot. In fact, Joe Stalin's rotting corpse has a better chance of getting into her bryuki than you do.
Mary: Aw. You can be so sweet sometimes. [leaves the room]
Sergei: You know, her words say nyet, but her eyes say maybe not nyet.
Marshall: She would use you like a swizzle stick.
Marshall: [Speaking to their witness] You have no shot. In fact, Joe Stalin's rotting corpse has a better chance of getting into her bryuki than you do.
Mary: Aw. You can be so sweet sometimes. [leaves the room]
Sergei: You know, her words say nyet, but her eyes say maybe not nyet.
Marshall: She would use you like a swizzle stick.
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Mary: Tasha's so excited for me to meet her new boyfriend. It's really sweet. Oh, God. I hope we didn't miss him. I don't know why I'm always late with her.
Marshall: Habitual lateness most often manifests in people with control issues.
Mary: Oh, God.
Marshall: By arriving late on scheduled appointments you cause the person with whom the appointment was made to wait, for you, thereby controlling his or her behavior. Classic passive aggressive pathology.
Mary: When have you ever known me to be passive about anything?
Marshall: Habitual lateness most often manifests in people with control issues.
Mary: Oh, God.
Marshall: By arriving late on scheduled appointments you cause the person with whom the appointment was made to wait, for you, thereby controlling his or her behavior. Classic passive aggressive pathology.
Mary: When have you ever known me to be passive about anything?
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Mary: [to Marshall] I love you like an eight dollar whore.
Marshall: [smiles] I'm sure you mean that in a good way.
Marshall: [smiles] I'm sure you mean that in a good way.
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Marshall: SwifferMuseum.com. Why? How? Why?
Mary: What about KnittingWholesale.com? Maybe he's trying to lure old women into the lurid world of cross-stitching.
Marshall: CowsAreEvil.com.
Mary: Undeniable.
Marshall: OverstockedPradaLeather.com.
Mary: What? What was that last one?
Marshall: Kidding.
Mary: Bastard.
Mary: What about KnittingWholesale.com? Maybe he's trying to lure old women into the lurid world of cross-stitching.
Marshall: CowsAreEvil.com.
Mary: Undeniable.
Marshall: OverstockedPradaLeather.com.
Mary: What? What was that last one?
Marshall: Kidding.
Mary: Bastard.
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Mary: [Voicover] I stare agape at Sunday couples. Sidewalk strollers, fingers laced, heads on shoulders, hearts laid bare. Audacious highwire artists, soaring netless. Oblivious or brave? Ignorant idiots, I observe from my spectator view. Hoping no one hears this screaming inside my head.
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Mary: There is no magic. We're not the architects of our own lives. We're monkeys strapped to a rocket and the only way to exert any influence over its trajectory is to work really, really hard.
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Mary: After dropping Brandi off at the airport to fly home to her schemy boyfriend, Chuck, with a ticket I paid for no less, only to discover her hours later at Raf's with her head in his lap, no less, an idea has formed, a realization if you will. I don't know. Anyway, here it is: My family will be the death of me and I don't mean in that "you kids will rue the day kind of way." No. I'm talking about knocking on Heaven's door, charge the beach at Normandy, shuffle off that mortal coil deceased but the real epiphany is I have absolutely no say in the matter. I wonder why I'm not more upset?
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Jinx: Mary. Oh, Sweetheart. I didn't know. But... To be fair, you make it impossible for people to know. Y-y-you come home and say y-you're fine... You're just a little tired... Which is pretty much how you come home everynight. How are people supposed to know what you're going through?
Mary: People aren't. Why does everyone have to know what everyone else is going through? It seems intrusive.
Jinx: Sharing the details of our lives... Is how we connect to the world.
Mary: The world is full of assholes. Why would I want to connect with that?
Jinx: Oh, honey... You don't have to open up to the whole world. You just have to open up with someone.
Mary: People aren't. Why does everyone have to know what everyone else is going through? It seems intrusive.
Jinx: Sharing the details of our lives... Is how we connect to the world.
Mary: The world is full of assholes. Why would I want to connect with that?
Jinx: Oh, honey... You don't have to open up to the whole world. You just have to open up with someone.
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