Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle Quotes
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Four teenagers are sucked into a magical video game, and the only way they can escape is to work together to finish the game.
7.0/10
PG-13 | 1h 59min | Action, Adventure, Comedy | 20 December 2017 (USA)
[Professor Oberon gets eaten by a hippo] Moose Finbar: You better go in there and save her!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: I'm not gonna get in there, you get in there!
Moose Finbar: I got a backpack on! You don't get in water with a backpack, everybody knows that.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: I'm not gonna get in there, you get in there!
Moose Finbar: I got a backpack on! You don't get in water with a backpack, everybody knows that.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Get on my back!
Moose Finbar: I would rather die. [cut to Bravestone carrying Moose on his bacl]
Moose Finbar: I would rather die. [cut to Bravestone carrying Moose on his bacl]
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
[Bethany has become Shelly Oberon] Professor Shelly Oberon: [sees her reflection]NOO! I'm an over-weight middle-aged man!
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
[Martha has become Ruby Roundhouse and an insect tried to bite her on her exposed stomach] Ruby Roundhouse: Why am I wearing this outfit in a jungle? Tiny, little shorts and a leather halter top. I mean, what is this?
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Professor Shelly Oberon: Oh my God, this is so cool! Martha, come look at my penis!
Ruby Roundhouse: No, thanks!
Ruby Roundhouse: No, thanks!
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
[a troop of motorcycle killers appear] Dr. Smolder Bravestone: This is a video game, which means we have special skills. [Bravestone runs at super speed]
Moose Finbar: Why am I running so slow?
Moose Finbar: Why am I running so slow?
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: I can't do this!
Moose Finbar: I saw you fix a helicopter in mid-air!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: It's a lot easier to be brave when you've got lives to spare. It's a lot harder when you only have one life.
Moose Finbar: We always only have one life, man. That's how it is.
Moose Finbar: I saw you fix a helicopter in mid-air!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: It's a lot easier to be brave when you've got lives to spare. It's a lot harder when you only have one life.
Moose Finbar: We always only have one life, man. That's how it is.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
[Bethany saves Alex, he hugs her] Moose Finbar: Uh... you have a situation.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [sees he has an erection]Oh my God! These things are crazy!
Professor Shelly Oberon: [sees he has an erection]Oh my God! These things are crazy!
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Professor Shelly Oberon: [bids farewell to his manhood]Later, dude.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Moose Finbar: [when he sees all his weaknesses]I hate this game.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Martha: [sarcasm]Are you gonna help, or are you too pretty?
Bethany: [serious]I'm too pretty.
Bethany: [serious]I'm too pretty.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
[Dr Bravestone retrieves the Jaguar's Eye from a herd of angry rhinos, by sacrificing Moose] Moose Finbar: You do NOT want to know what's under those rhinos! I saw things I can never unsee, things that touched me!
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Bethany as Prof. Shelly Oberon is about to pee as a male for the first time]So how do we do this?
Moose Finbar: Easy. You just - you unzip, take it out, fire away.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Remember to aim. It's very important.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Gasping]Oh my God, you guys, there's like literally a penis attached to my body right now. Martha, come look at my penis!
Ruby Roundhouse: No, thanks!
Moose Finbar: Is this the first that you've seen it?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Yes, I didn't wanna look.
Moose Finbar: I looked at mine within the first 20 seconds of getting here. I'm happy to report that I was able to bring one thing from the outside world.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Bethany tried to take a peek at Finbar' peeing]
Moose Finbar: What? Are you...? What are you doing? Are you looking?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Sorry.
Moose Finbar: You don't look over here!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Yeah, you never look. It's a thing.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Unzipping his pants]Okay, good boy. We're gonna take this nice and slow, and nobody's gonna get hurt. Now what?
Moose Finbar: Now blast off!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: And aim, don't forget to aim.
Moose Finbar: What is with you and aiming? What happened to you?
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Can we not talk about this in mixed company?
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Peeing]Wow, wow, WOW! Oh, this is so much easier!
Moose Finbar: [Chuckles]It's cool, right?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Yeah, because you have, like, a handle. The fact that I'm not Instagramming this right now is insane.
Moose Finbar: Easy. You just - you unzip, take it out, fire away.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Remember to aim. It's very important.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Gasping]Oh my God, you guys, there's like literally a penis attached to my body right now. Martha, come look at my penis!
Ruby Roundhouse: No, thanks!
Moose Finbar: Is this the first that you've seen it?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Yes, I didn't wanna look.
Moose Finbar: I looked at mine within the first 20 seconds of getting here. I'm happy to report that I was able to bring one thing from the outside world.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Bethany tried to take a peek at Finbar' peeing]
Moose Finbar: What? Are you...? What are you doing? Are you looking?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Sorry.
Moose Finbar: You don't look over here!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Yeah, you never look. It's a thing.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Unzipping his pants]Okay, good boy. We're gonna take this nice and slow, and nobody's gonna get hurt. Now what?
Moose Finbar: Now blast off!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: And aim, don't forget to aim.
Moose Finbar: What is with you and aiming? What happened to you?
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Can we not talk about this in mixed company?
Professor Shelly Oberon: [Peeing]Wow, wow, WOW! Oh, this is so much easier!
Moose Finbar: [Chuckles]It's cool, right?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Yeah, because you have, like, a handle. The fact that I'm not Instagramming this right now is insane.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: I want to stay with you, like this.
Ruby Roundhouse: Then let's be like this... every day. Just come home.
Ruby Roundhouse: Then let's be like this... every day. Just come home.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Boy at Bazaar: What you seek is in the basket / If you're not careful, you'll be in a casket / Trust each other, and never blink / The missing piece is not what you think.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Alex: [to Bethany]Does phone mean something different in the future?
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Nigel: The goal for you. I'll recite in verse / Return the jewel and lift the curse / If you wish to leave the game / You must save Jumanji and call out its name.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Ruby Roundhouse ,
Dr. Smolder Bravestone ,
Moose Finbar ,
Professor Shelly Oberon ,
Alex: [as Bravestone places the Jaguar's Eye onto the statue]JUMANJI!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone ,
Moose Finbar ,
Professor Shelly Oberon ,
Alex: [as Bravestone places the Jaguar's Eye onto the statue]JUMANJI!
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Professor Shelly Oberon: Seriously, I can't even open my mouth around you. You don't even know me, but you, like, decided you hate me.
Ruby Roundhouse: Look, I just think you live in, like, the hot popular girl bubble, you know, where everybody either treats you like a princess or like an object. Maybe it makes you a little self-absorbed or something?
Professor Shelly Oberon: That's fair. But do you think that maybe the reason why you are so judgy is because you are like afraid that people are not gonna like you, so you've decided not to like them first? I'm just saying, you're a babe, go with it.
Ruby Roundhouse: Look, I just think you live in, like, the hot popular girl bubble, you know, where everybody either treats you like a princess or like an object. Maybe it makes you a little self-absorbed or something?
Professor Shelly Oberon: That's fair. But do you think that maybe the reason why you are so judgy is because you are like afraid that people are not gonna like you, so you've decided not to like them first? I'm just saying, you're a babe, go with it.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Moose Finbar: [after taking a bite of a cake]Wait, what - what is this?
Bread Vendor: That's my famous pound cake.
Ruby Roundhouse: Cake? Isn't that your weakness?
Moose Finbar: Bethany, you said this was bread!
Professor Shelly Oberon: I guess it's been so long, I forget how it tastes like...
Moose Finbar: How do you forget what... [looking at Ruby Roundhouse]
Moose Finbar: What is happening? Something happens to me?
Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I... am I shaking?
Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I breaking out?
Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I still black?
Ruby Roundhouse: Yes.
Moose Finbar: Okay. Okay, right? We're fine. Everything is fine. Yeah... no, no, no, it's okay. It probably just meant that I love cake that I couldn't resist it. Hey, it's all good... [Finbar suddenly explodes in a burst of flame]
Bread Vendor: That's my famous pound cake.
Ruby Roundhouse: Cake? Isn't that your weakness?
Moose Finbar: Bethany, you said this was bread!
Professor Shelly Oberon: I guess it's been so long, I forget how it tastes like...
Moose Finbar: How do you forget what... [looking at Ruby Roundhouse]
Moose Finbar: What is happening? Something happens to me?
Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I... am I shaking?
Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I breaking out?
Ruby Roundhouse: No.
Moose Finbar: Am I still black?
Ruby Roundhouse: Yes.
Moose Finbar: Okay. Okay, right? We're fine. Everything is fine. Yeah... no, no, no, it's okay. It probably just meant that I love cake that I couldn't resist it. Hey, it's all good... [Finbar suddenly explodes in a burst of flame]
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Nigel: Dr. Bravestone. Famed archaeologist and international explorer. Known across the seven continents for your courageous exploits.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Is there a seat belt?
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Is there a seat belt?
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Moose Finbar: So sick of this game. Just stay out of my way Spencer!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: What are you mad at me for?
Moose Finbar: Why am I mad? Are you seriously asking me that? You got me kicked off the team and you got me stuck in whatever this is. And you wonder why we're not friends no more.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Oh, this is why we're not friends anymore? Because you didn't want to get stuck in Jumanji? i don't think so. We're not friends because I'm not cool enough to hang out with you, so you pretend not to even know me anymore. Until you needed me to do your homework because you couldn't do it yourself. No wonder you don't know anything about Westward Expansion.
Moose Finbar: Okay, you see that? You know what? I'm not stupid, Spencer! i asked you to do me one simple favour. I said do my homework so I won't get kicked off the team, and you went and messed that up. Now I can't do the one thing i'm good at and it's all your fault. i should kick the shit out of you right now.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Like to see you try.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: What are you mad at me for?
Moose Finbar: Why am I mad? Are you seriously asking me that? You got me kicked off the team and you got me stuck in whatever this is. And you wonder why we're not friends no more.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Oh, this is why we're not friends anymore? Because you didn't want to get stuck in Jumanji? i don't think so. We're not friends because I'm not cool enough to hang out with you, so you pretend not to even know me anymore. Until you needed me to do your homework because you couldn't do it yourself. No wonder you don't know anything about Westward Expansion.
Moose Finbar: Okay, you see that? You know what? I'm not stupid, Spencer! i asked you to do me one simple favour. I said do my homework so I won't get kicked off the team, and you went and messed that up. Now I can't do the one thing i'm good at and it's all your fault. i should kick the shit out of you right now.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Like to see you try.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Ruby Roundhouse: Could I borrow your jacket? I feel like I'm wearing a bikini.
Professor Shelly Oberon: I once wore a bikini to school.
Professor Shelly Oberon: I once wore a bikini to school.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
[Fridge rushes by Martha and nearly knocks her down] Martha: Hey, person walking!
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
[from trailer] Ruby Roundhouse: Guys, how are we gonna get home?
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Young Spencer: A game for those who seek to find / A way to leave their world behind.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Principal Bentley: ...this is what you should be thinking about: Who you are... in this moment of time... and who you want to be. You get one life. You decide how you're gonna spend it. Fortunately... there is no better place for self-reflection... than detention.
Movie: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle