King of the Hill Quotes
Dale Gribble: C'mon, I'm not leaving without my kiss. I can wait.... I can destroy you.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: ...which is why so many people are suddenly allergic to peanuts. The peanuts are emitting toxins as an evolutionary defense mechanism. They're tired of being eaten, and now they're fighting back.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Luanne Platter: Aunt Peggy, Mister Kahn saw me naked!
Joseph: (driving by on his bike) Oh man!
Joseph: (driving by on his bike) Oh man!
TV Show: King of the Hill
Bill: (In a self-help class in a mental hospital) In the alley, nobody wants me, but here, I feel accepted.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Psychiatrist: Go on.
Dale Gribble: Did you just say, "Go Mom"? Now who's the crazy one?
Dale Gribble: Did you just say, "Go Mom"? Now who's the crazy one?
TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: Hey you, crazy guy. I'll trade you a smoke for your clothes.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Peggy Hill: Oh yeah? Well my child is God to billions of Asians!
Bill: "What are you going to do, shoot me with my beer?"
Bill: "What are you going to do, shoot me with my beer?"
TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale Gribble: Wait a minute. Every time I leave, you call John Redcorn. I know what's going on here. Your headaches are a desperate bid for my attention. But what do I do? I pawn you off on some Indian healer so I can have my Dale time at the gun club, or breeding show turtles, or on the Internet investigating unexplained phenomenon. God, I am so selfish!
TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale: "Aw, I've been at John Redc- uh, the gun club ... playing Russian Roulette." Nancy: "Did you win?" Dale: "You're not familiar with the game, are you?" Nancy: "No..." Dale: "Yeah I won."
TV Show: King of the Hill
Bobby Hill: Dad! I just took a thirty second shower and I'm gonna dry myself off on the lawn!
TV Show: King of the Hill
Kahn Souphanousinphone: I use secret Asian watering technique! I could spit in a thimble and water Central Park.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Well, I don't know. My toilets have given 15 years of dependable service. I'm not one of those guys who turns 40 and runs out and buys fancy new toilets.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: ..But, unfortunately, in the real world, where things don't flush like they do in the movies...
TV Show: King of the Hill
Bobby: "If my fist didn't hurt so bad I'd hit you again! Awww what the hell?" (hits Joseph's face)
TV Show: King of the Hill
Kahn: [Answering a knock at the door] Use doorbell, you idiot. [Kahn opens the door and sees Joseph standing there] Connie, it's for you!
Connie: If it's Bobby, slam the door in his face!
Kahn: Oh, I wish it was, so I could!
Connie: If it's Bobby, slam the door in his face!
Kahn: Oh, I wish it was, so I could!
TV Show: King of the Hill
Minh: Boy, that little hillbilly pack quite a wallop. You want some neproxin?
Joesph: No, I'm okay.
Minh: How did tall, dark, and handsome get butt-kicked by short, fat, and redneck?
Joesph: [sighs and stares at Minh and kisses her]
Connie: Joesph? [Minh is laughing] What's going on?
Minh: Oh, you so cute. Kahn gonna get a big kick out of this.
Connie: Joesph? How could you? [throws a towel at him and runs away]
Joesph: Sorry, I just... I thought you liked me.
Minh: Oh yeah. You rock my world [laughs]
Joesph: No, I'm okay.
Minh: How did tall, dark, and handsome get butt-kicked by short, fat, and redneck?
Joesph: [sighs and stares at Minh and kisses her]
Connie: Joesph? [Minh is laughing] What's going on?
Minh: Oh, you so cute. Kahn gonna get a big kick out of this.
Connie: Joesph? How could you? [throws a towel at him and runs away]
Joesph: Sorry, I just... I thought you liked me.
Minh: Oh yeah. You rock my world [laughs]
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Didi Hill: Sorry I'm late; I had to take three buses to get here: one to get here, one to go back and get G.H., and one to get here.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: It's your fault I was born in New York and I can't drive my truck and I tried a bagel and actually liked it. No, no more lies -- I loved that bagel!
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: Well, If I was adopted, it means my real dad could be anybody. Hey, maybe even Tom Landry. I do have his strong hand and love for the flex defense.I wonder if I would've called him Dad or Coach, ah, who am I kidding, it would've been sir.
Dale Gribble: Uh huh, before we sue the Landry estate for child support, I'm gonna need your social. (Hank types in his social security number while Dale semi-inconspicuously tries to look at it) Now we download, enter, 9%, 57%, 100%. Huh, Hank are you standing on the cable? It says here your birth parents were Tilly and Cotton Hill.
Hank Hill: Well, I guess that's a relief. Least I can keep loving my mom. Let me take a look. Place of Birth: New York, New York! BWAHHH!
Dale Gribble: Uh huh, before we sue the Landry estate for child support, I'm gonna need your social. (Hank types in his social security number while Dale semi-inconspicuously tries to look at it) Now we download, enter, 9%, 57%, 100%. Huh, Hank are you standing on the cable? It says here your birth parents were Tilly and Cotton Hill.
Hank Hill: Well, I guess that's a relief. Least I can keep loving my mom. Let me take a look. Place of Birth: New York, New York! BWAHHH!
TV Show: King of the Hill
[Dale has hired Octavio to destroy a puppet that frightens him. Octavio spies on Hank and Bobby while Dale spies on Octavio.]:
TV Show: King of the Hill
Octavio: (Into a tape recorder) 11: 15 A.M.: The man and the boy and the puppet leave the house.
TV Show: King of the Hill
Dale: (Into a tape recorder) 11: 16: Octavio speaks into tape recorder, thus leaving crucial evidence, stupid idiot! Octavio must be gotten rid of!
[Dale opens his glovebox and moves a pistol aside. Then he takes out a notepad and begins to write.]
Dale: Dear Octavio, this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write...
Dale: (After inhaling chloroform) You wouldn't hit an unconscious ma- (passes out)
[Dale opens his glovebox and moves a pistol aside. Then he takes out a notepad and begins to write.]
Dale: Dear Octavio, this is the hardest letter I've ever had to write...
Dale: (After inhaling chloroform) You wouldn't hit an unconscious ma- (passes out)
TV Show: King of the Hill
Hank Hill: The only woman I'm pimping from now on is Sweet Lady Propane. And I'm tricking her out all over this town.
TV Show: King of the Hill