Law and Order Quotes
[an elderly witness has called the police department]
Van Buren: Any one of you have a girlfriend in a nursing home?
Logan: That would be Lennie.
Van Buren: Any one of you have a girlfriend in a nursing home?
Logan: That would be Lennie.
TV Show: Law and Order
Logan: My mother used to beat me with one hand and hold a rosary with the other. The next time I enter a church, it'll be in a pine box carried by six of my friends.
TV Show: Law and Order
A defence lawyer is attempting to discredit the Prosecution's Korean-American eyewitness with expert testimony that Cross-Racial Identification is unreliable.
Judge: You have an expert witness?
Lawyer: I do, judge: a psychologist.
Stone: Why didn't we hear about this in pre-trial motions?
Lawyer: Gee, Ben, I'm sorry. I was a little late with my legal research.
Stone: You knew about this weeks ago; you warned me that this witness would be a problem.
Lawyer: [Hurried] I don't recall that.
Judge: Off the record, please. [His scribe stops typing] I can't prove this, Tom, but I think you're lying.
Lawyer: Your honor, I don't think —
Judge: Don't play dumb with me. You didn't want Ben to know where you were going. I'll let you have your witness, but one of these days, you're gonna get caught, you'll get disbarred, and I'll be there to applaud.
Judge: You have an expert witness?
Lawyer: I do, judge: a psychologist.
Stone: Why didn't we hear about this in pre-trial motions?
Lawyer: Gee, Ben, I'm sorry. I was a little late with my legal research.
Stone: You knew about this weeks ago; you warned me that this witness would be a problem.
Lawyer: [Hurried] I don't recall that.
Judge: Off the record, please. [His scribe stops typing] I can't prove this, Tom, but I think you're lying.
Lawyer: Your honor, I don't think —
Judge: Don't play dumb with me. You didn't want Ben to know where you were going. I'll let you have your witness, but one of these days, you're gonna get caught, you'll get disbarred, and I'll be there to applaud.
TV Show: Law and Order
Schiff: Quick, lock the door; someone might walk in with a case we could win.
Stone: Come on, Adam, the jury didn't buy it. Cross-racial identification, it's bogus.
Schiff: I wouldn't count your chickens; your omelette just hit the fan.
Stone: Come on, Adam, the jury didn't buy it. Cross-racial identification, it's bogus.
Schiff: I wouldn't count your chickens; your omelette just hit the fan.
TV Show: Law and Order
Briscoe: [reading from notebook] "Flying away on a giant beast with my suitcase in its teeth."
Logan: That doesn't sound like Fenady to me.
Briscoe: Wait a minute. "On leather wings, I fly beyond, on top my friend the pteradon." The flying beast is a dinosaur.
Logan: So a brontosaurus did it.
Logan: That doesn't sound like Fenady to me.
Briscoe: Wait a minute. "On leather wings, I fly beyond, on top my friend the pteradon." The flying beast is a dinosaur.
Logan: So a brontosaurus did it.
TV Show: Law and Order
[Stone is leaving the DA's office]
Schiff: I never thought I'd get a letter of resignation from you. Thought you'd be here long after I was gone.
Stone: It's not entirely about you.
Schiff: That's kind of you, thank you. Steven Green is filing an appeal.
Stone: Based on what?
Schiff: Coercion of a witness. Anne Madsen.
Stone: Considering the witness is dead, the appeals court should be amused. I brought Claire up to speed on my open cases.
Schiff: She'll be fine. And you?
Stone: I'm clear as a bell.
Schiff: I never thought I'd get a letter of resignation from you. Thought you'd be here long after I was gone.
Stone: It's not entirely about you.
Schiff: That's kind of you, thank you. Steven Green is filing an appeal.
Stone: Based on what?
Schiff: Coercion of a witness. Anne Madsen.
Stone: Considering the witness is dead, the appeals court should be amused. I brought Claire up to speed on my open cases.
Schiff: She'll be fine. And you?
Stone: I'm clear as a bell.
TV Show: Law and Order
Briscoe and Logan are arresting a suspect.
Secretary: Excuse me?
Briscoe: [Continuing past her] Don't mention it.
Secretary: Excuse me?
Briscoe: [Continuing past her] Don't mention it.
TV Show: Law and Order
McCoy: She tells one patient she has a cure, it's a little white lie. Two patients, it's unforgivable. Three patients, she's a murderer. Four patients, she's a damn murderer and it's all admissible!
TV Show: Law and Order
Art Samuels: [speaking of the deceased] He had a lot of energy. I, on the other hand, have a wife.
Briscoe: My condolences.
Briscoe: My condolences.
TV Show: Law and Order
Van Buren: I heard Zach Roland cut a deal.
McCoy: Lieutenant, it's nine o'clock, I'm in a bar, I've got a glass of eight year old Scotch in front of me, I don't want to talk business.
Van Buren: Tell me something counselor, were you born a wise-ass or did it just come with the job?
McCoy: I'm a pussycat. You should've seen my old man.
Van Buren: Your old man?
McCoy: He was a cop. You knew that. If it had been him who was unlucky enough to be in front of that ATM instead of you there probably would have been two dead kids lying on the sidewalk.
Van Buren: And you would have dragged him in front of the grand jury.
McCoy: Damn right. I would have gotten an indictment, too. [looks at Van Buren and they laugh]
McCoy: Lieutenant, it's nine o'clock, I'm in a bar, I've got a glass of eight year old Scotch in front of me, I don't want to talk business.
Van Buren: Tell me something counselor, were you born a wise-ass or did it just come with the job?
McCoy: I'm a pussycat. You should've seen my old man.
Van Buren: Your old man?
McCoy: He was a cop. You knew that. If it had been him who was unlucky enough to be in front of that ATM instead of you there probably would have been two dead kids lying on the sidewalk.
Van Buren: And you would have dragged him in front of the grand jury.
McCoy: Damn right. I would have gotten an indictment, too. [looks at Van Buren and they laugh]
TV Show: Law and Order
Lawyer: Well, I trust you're here to apologize, Lieutenant.
Van Buren: I do my repenting on Sunday.
Van Buren: I do my repenting on Sunday.
TV Show: Law and Order
McCoy: Well-meaning people can disagree, especially about the most socially devisive issue to face our country this century. Drew Seeley has an opinion about abortion. He thinks that his opinion entitles him to kill people. Here's what he did. He hunted down a woman named Eileen Reid, he gave Randall Jenkins a gun and told him to shoot Eileen Reid. And he did. Drew Seeley is a self-appointed executioner. If you let him go, you better just pray that one day, someone like him doesn't find some fault with you.
TV Show: Law and Order
[Drew Seeley approaches the jury and speaks to an African-American juror]
Drew Seeley: A hundred and fifty years ago, you weren't considered a person. Or you. Or you. A man named John Brown thought that was wrong so he took violent action to liberate black American slaves. Well, he was caught and brought to trial and hanged because slavery was legal and the law said that slaves were not people deserving of protection. But you know what? John Brown was right. And the law was wrong. Now John Brown is considered a hero. Today, abortion is legal but I tell you, that law is wrong. Like John Brown, I follow a higher law. I ask you to do the same.
Drew Seeley: A hundred and fifty years ago, you weren't considered a person. Or you. Or you. A man named John Brown thought that was wrong so he took violent action to liberate black American slaves. Well, he was caught and brought to trial and hanged because slavery was legal and the law said that slaves were not people deserving of protection. But you know what? John Brown was right. And the law was wrong. Now John Brown is considered a hero. Today, abortion is legal but I tell you, that law is wrong. Like John Brown, I follow a higher law. I ask you to do the same.
TV Show: Law and Order
McCoy: [To Seeley] You can't point a gun at another human being, even an abortionist, and pull the trigger because, in your soul, you know it's wrong.
TV Show: Law and Order
McCoy: You don't protect the weak, you manipulate the weak and get them to kill people for you.
TV Show: Law and Order
Logan: Any chance you like any of the men you work with?
Female stockbroker: Give me a break, Detective. There's only two kinds of men that work on Wall Street. Standard and poor. [She gives Logan a speculative look.] But I hear that peace officers are a whole different story.
[Stockbroker enters limo. Briscoe and Logan look at each other.]
Briscoe: [grinning] You got your yardstick handy?
Logan: Oh, I got my tape measure.
Female stockbroker: Give me a break, Detective. There's only two kinds of men that work on Wall Street. Standard and poor. [She gives Logan a speculative look.] But I hear that peace officers are a whole different story.
[Stockbroker enters limo. Briscoe and Logan look at each other.]
Briscoe: [grinning] You got your yardstick handy?
Logan: Oh, I got my tape measure.
TV Show: Law and Order
[Talking about the suspect]
Logan: It's weird. The guy's got more money than God, but he lives worse than I do.
Van Buren: Howard Hughes never clipped his toenails. Got any homicides we can pin on him?
Logan: It's weird. The guy's got more money than God, but he lives worse than I do.
Van Buren: Howard Hughes never clipped his toenails. Got any homicides we can pin on him?
TV Show: Law and Order
[After finding a ticket on their car]
Logan: [snatches ticket from the windshield] Aww, what is this? They got no respect anymore, these meter maids.
Logan: [snatches ticket from the windshield] Aww, what is this? They got no respect anymore, these meter maids.
TV Show: Law and Order
Logan: [to a Wall Street trader accused of murder] Well, you got your $2,000 suits and you got your hotshot degrees but, from where I'm standing, you're no better than some punk who robs a 7-11 store and blows away the cashier to cover his tracks.
Greer: I graduated summa cum laude from Harvard, magna from Stanford Business. I have 17 traders working for me, and I booked almost a billion dollars in trades over the last two years. Not only am I better than your punk at the 7-11, I'm a hell of a lot better than you, Detective Logan.
Greer: I graduated summa cum laude from Harvard, magna from Stanford Business. I have 17 traders working for me, and I booked almost a billion dollars in trades over the last two years. Not only am I better than your punk at the 7-11, I'm a hell of a lot better than you, Detective Logan.
TV Show: Law and Order
[Talking about amateur porn movies]
Logan: Hey. How'd you like to be in one of these movies?
Briscoe: You kidding me? I don't even like to look at my own X-Rays.
Logan: Hey. How'd you like to be in one of these movies?
Briscoe: You kidding me? I don't even like to look at my own X-Rays.
TV Show: Law and Order
[Speaking to an editor at The Swinger's Guide]
Editor: Rape isn't part of the swinging lifestyle. The pleasure comes from an open and willing sharing.
Briscoe: Ah, but whatever happened to romance?
Editor: Our readers are interested in exploring another side of their sexual selves.
Logan: Yeah. The side marked "this end up."
Editor: Rape isn't part of the swinging lifestyle. The pleasure comes from an open and willing sharing.
Briscoe: Ah, but whatever happened to romance?
Editor: Our readers are interested in exploring another side of their sexual selves.
Logan: Yeah. The side marked "this end up."
TV Show: Law and Order
[Briscoe is reading a copy of The Swinger's Guide]
Logan: What're you looking for, a date?
Briscoe: [reading] "Open-minded MBBF seeks mature man."
Logan: [looking puzzled] What's that? Male bisexual bondage freak?
Briscoe: I'm more in the mood for a BLT.
Logan: What're you looking for, a date?
Briscoe: [reading] "Open-minded MBBF seeks mature man."
Logan: [looking puzzled] What's that? Male bisexual bondage freak?
Briscoe: I'm more in the mood for a BLT.
TV Show: Law and Order
Briscoe: Hey. Are you the famous Seeing-Eye Dogs?
Band member: Yeah, we used to be. Now we're Protazoa. Who're you?
Briscoe: [flashing badge] We're the Police.
Band member: Too late, guys. Sting already used that one.
Band member: Yeah, we used to be. Now we're Protazoa. Who're you?
Briscoe: [flashing badge] We're the Police.
Band member: Too late, guys. Sting already used that one.
TV Show: Law and Order
[After arresting a group of teenager for Conspiracy to Commit Rape, one of them is making a deal.]
Quinn's Attorney: You understand, Mr McCoy, we're only interested in full immunity. No jail, no probation, no charges; preferably the arrest is expunged.
McCoy: And what do we get from Mr Quinn here?
Attorney: Anything you need to know about the Mac Rangers. Anything to make your case.
Ethan Quinn: This is wrong. I-
Mr Quinn: Shut up!
McCoy: No thanks. I can make the conspiracy charge without him.
Attorney: Then why are we here?
McCoy: I want Shane Sutter for rape.
Ethan: I told you, we never-
Mr Quinn: If I have to tell you to shut up again, you're gonna remember it!
Quinn's Attorney: You understand, Mr McCoy, we're only interested in full immunity. No jail, no probation, no charges; preferably the arrest is expunged.
McCoy: And what do we get from Mr Quinn here?
Attorney: Anything you need to know about the Mac Rangers. Anything to make your case.
Ethan Quinn: This is wrong. I-
Mr Quinn: Shut up!
McCoy: No thanks. I can make the conspiracy charge without him.
Attorney: Then why are we here?
McCoy: I want Shane Sutter for rape.
Ethan: I told you, we never-
Mr Quinn: If I have to tell you to shut up again, you're gonna remember it!
TV Show: Law and Order
Logan: The nuns at my school were less sanctimonious than that guy.
Briscoe: The nuns at your school never went to medical school. You know those MD plates gets you a better parking spot in heaven.
Briscoe: The nuns at your school never went to medical school. You know those MD plates gets you a better parking spot in heaven.
TV Show: Law and Order
Briscoe: [to Logan] You know, if I didn't already know you didn't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids.
TV Show: Law and Order
[Speaking of artificial insemination]
Beth: It's the best relationship I ever had with a man.
Briscoe: I thought it was supposed to be anonymous.
Beth: That's exactly my point.
Beth: It's the best relationship I ever had with a man.
Briscoe: I thought it was supposed to be anonymous.
Beth: That's exactly my point.
TV Show: Law and Order
[Leaving the home of a pregnant lesbian couple]
Logan: Brother. And I thought I had it bad being brought up by two alcoholics.
Briscoe: I wonder which mommy's gonna teach him how to smoke and drink.
Logan: And shave.
Briscoe: Well, it's the '90s. Everybody's allowed to be gross and disgusting, not just you.
Logan: Well, all I know is I had one mommy, and she did enough ball-breaking for one lifetime.
Logan: Brother. And I thought I had it bad being brought up by two alcoholics.
Briscoe: I wonder which mommy's gonna teach him how to smoke and drink.
Logan: And shave.
Briscoe: Well, it's the '90s. Everybody's allowed to be gross and disgusting, not just you.
Logan: Well, all I know is I had one mommy, and she did enough ball-breaking for one lifetime.
TV Show: Law and Order
[Discussing the chairman of the board of a prestigious private school]
McCoy: Not coincidentally, he's the one who assured us of the school's full cooperation.
Clare: Instead, the school circled the limos to keep the Barclay name out of it.
Schiff: I'm shocked.
McCoy: This isn't stink bombs in the boy's room, Adam. They hindered prosecution of an A felony.
Schiff: Now I'm very shocked.
McCoy: Not coincidentally, he's the one who assured us of the school's full cooperation.
Clare: Instead, the school circled the limos to keep the Barclay name out of it.
Schiff: I'm shocked.
McCoy: This isn't stink bombs in the boy's room, Adam. They hindered prosecution of an A felony.
Schiff: Now I'm very shocked.
TV Show: Law and Order