Life on Mars Quotes
Gene: [bursting in on Stephen Warren, who is performing an act of oral sex on another man] I'm not a Catholic me'self Mr Warren, but isn't there something in the Bible about Thou shalt not suck off rent boys?
Stephen Warren: How dare you come in here!
Gene: You could have said that to the boy.
Stephen Warren: How dare you come in here!
Gene: You could have said that to the boy.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene: Doesn't take much working out, even for you lot. Right, let's start by bringing in all known football hooligans, get their names and addresses, find out where they were last night. [Ray sneezes loudly]
Gene: Get Ray to breathe on 'em.
Gene: Get Ray to breathe on 'em.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: You so much as belch out of line, and I'll have your scrotum on a barbed wire plate.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: [credits introduction] My name is Sam Tyler. I had an accident, and I woke up in 1973. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: You can't go in there. You're public enemy n°1. [Gene puts on big sunglasses]
Sam Tyler: That's your idea of a disguise?
Gene: I pass through crowds like the invisible man [they get out of the car, Ray and Chris drive up]
Ray Carling: Guv! It's Morgan. We've got to bring you in.
Sam Tyler: That's your idea of a disguise?
Gene: I pass through crowds like the invisible man [they get out of the car, Ray and Chris drive up]
Ray Carling: Guv! It's Morgan. We've got to bring you in.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[To a murder suspect, regarding an entry in his diary]
Sam Tyler: From the diary, quote, "I killed her. She's been killed. I'm a killer, an ace killer." That particular entry is not awash with ambiguity.
Sam Tyler: From the diary, quote, "I killed her. She's been killed. I'm a killer, an ace killer." That particular entry is not awash with ambiguity.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Chris Skelton: Someone needs to take a look at you boss, you're as white as a ginger bird's arse!
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Sam and Annie are standing on the steps outside, Gene Hunt approaches with a witness 'Leonard' who Annie has just agreed to watch overnight]
Sam Tyler: Annie's going to sit with him tonight.
Gene Hunt: Hey, Leonard! Fanny in the flat! Nice work!
Sam Tyler: Annie's going to sit with him tonight.
Gene Hunt: Hey, Leonard! Fanny in the flat! Nice work!
TV Show: Life on Mars
[After Sam, disorientated and confused by his new surroundings, has challenged Gene's authority]
Gene Hunt: They reckon you've got concussion - I couldn't give a tart's furry cup if half your brains are falling out. Don't ever waltz into my kingdom acting king of the jungle.
Sam Tyler: Who the hell are you?
Gene Hunt: Gene Hunt. Your DCI. And it's 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm 'aving 'oops.
Gene Hunt: They reckon you've got concussion - I couldn't give a tart's furry cup if half your brains are falling out. Don't ever waltz into my kingdom acting king of the jungle.
Sam Tyler: Who the hell are you?
Gene Hunt: Gene Hunt. Your DCI. And it's 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm 'aving 'oops.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Trying to call a mobile phone number]
Sam Tyler: I need you to connect me to a Virgin mobile number -
Operator: Don't you start that sexy business with me, young man. I can trace this call.
Sam Tyler: I need you to connect me to a Virgin mobile number -
Operator: Don't you start that sexy business with me, young man. I can trace this call.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Annie complies with Sam's request to hit him by punching him in the kidneys - when he wasn't expecting it]
Sam Tyler: Ow! Shit!
Annie Cartwright: I'm sorry, sir!
[Gene enters, seeing the two bent over]
Gene Hunt: Hey hey, good girl, prostate probe and no jelly!
Sam Tyler: Ow! Shit!
Annie Cartwright: I'm sorry, sir!
[Gene enters, seeing the two bent over]
Gene Hunt: Hey hey, good girl, prostate probe and no jelly!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: [To Sam] Where are you today, then? Here, or Planet of the Clangers?
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Open University is on TV, presenter's geometry-exercising turns into medical diagnostics from 2006.]
Sam: [alerted and denying he'd be in a deep coma] Wait! I'm in BUPA! Get me out of here!
[means he's got a private health insurance -British United Provident Association-]
Sam: [alerted and denying he'd be in a deep coma] Wait! I'm in BUPA! Get me out of here!
[means he's got a private health insurance -British United Provident Association-]
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Right, we pulled a bird in, Dora Keanes. She was the last person to see the victim alive.
Sam Tyler: Is she a suspect?
Gene Hunt: Nope, just a pain in the arse.
Sam Tyler: Okay, alright, brief me in full. What do I need to know?
Gene Hunt: [Slightly nonplussed] She's a pain in the arse.
[They arrive outside the lost property office]
Sam Tyler: What, so you've handed her into lost property?
Chris Skelton: Well, we could use the canteen, but she's a right mouthy bird, this one.
Sam Tyler: Hang on, you're going to do the interview in there?
Gene Hunt: Thick walls.
Sam Tyler: Is she a suspect?
Gene Hunt: Nope, just a pain in the arse.
Sam Tyler: Okay, alright, brief me in full. What do I need to know?
Gene Hunt: [Slightly nonplussed] She's a pain in the arse.
[They arrive outside the lost property office]
Sam Tyler: What, so you've handed her into lost property?
Chris Skelton: Well, we could use the canteen, but she's a right mouthy bird, this one.
Sam Tyler: Hang on, you're going to do the interview in there?
Gene Hunt: Thick walls.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Gene Hunt violently pushes a table aside]
Gene Hunt: I'm done with this game. Let's play another. Let's play, eh, hopscotch or pin the tail on a donkey. You pick, Dora.
Dora Keens: I want a lawyer.
Gene Hunt: I wanna hump Britt Eklund, what are we gonna do?
Gene Hunt: I'm done with this game. Let's play another. Let's play, eh, hopscotch or pin the tail on a donkey. You pick, Dora.
Dora Keens: I want a lawyer.
Gene Hunt: I wanna hump Britt Eklund, what are we gonna do?
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: I need a drink.
Gene Hunt: That's the first sensible thing you've said since you got here.
Gene Hunt: That's the first sensible thing you've said since you got here.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Nelson: What can I get you, man, raise your spirits?
Sam Tyler: Diet Coke, please.
[Blank look on the landlord's face]
Sam Tyler: Just kidding, a pint of bitter.
Sam Tyler: Diet Coke, please.
[Blank look on the landlord's face]
Sam Tyler: Just kidding, a pint of bitter.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: Large whiskey please.
Nelson: [With heavy Jamaican accent] Drink ain't gonna fix things. What am I saying? I run a pub. Of course it will fix things!
Sam Tyler: I'm lost, Nelson. I'm really lost.
Nelson: [Suddenly switching to a Mancunian accent] You ain't lost, pal. You're where you are, and you have to make the best of it. It's all you can do.
[Sam looks surprised]
Nelson: Keep it to yourself, eh? Folks just seem happier with the other Nelson.
Nelson: [With heavy Jamaican accent] Drink ain't gonna fix things. What am I saying? I run a pub. Of course it will fix things!
Sam Tyler: I'm lost, Nelson. I'm really lost.
Nelson: [Suddenly switching to a Mancunian accent] You ain't lost, pal. You're where you are, and you have to make the best of it. It's all you can do.
[Sam looks surprised]
Nelson: Keep it to yourself, eh? Folks just seem happier with the other Nelson.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Sam has asked Annie to contribute to the investigation - much to the jeers of the other male detectives]
Sam Tyler: Now the victim wasn't gagged. Why didn't he gag her Annie?
Annie Cartwright: Because he needed to, er, he needed to see her mouth, her lips. We have to see the things that we value.
Sam Tyler: Now put yourselves in the mind of this man. You're lonely. Every night you dream of this girl, and she's got big eyes and red ruby lips. So you go out and you find that girl, and you bring her home. But you don't gag her, cos you want to see those ruby lips, but you just can't bring yourself to kiss 'em.
Annie Cartwright: He'd get embarrassed, angry, he'd start to blame the girl. It's her fault, she's taunting him by just being there.
Sam Tyler: And then one day you just snap. Strangle her, using bootlace, and the cycle starts all over again with a different girl. And this time, you're positive that you're going to be brave enough to kiss her.
Annie Cartwright: Only you won't be.
Sam Tyler: Now the victim wasn't gagged. Why didn't he gag her Annie?
Annie Cartwright: Because he needed to, er, he needed to see her mouth, her lips. We have to see the things that we value.
Sam Tyler: Now put yourselves in the mind of this man. You're lonely. Every night you dream of this girl, and she's got big eyes and red ruby lips. So you go out and you find that girl, and you bring her home. But you don't gag her, cos you want to see those ruby lips, but you just can't bring yourself to kiss 'em.
Annie Cartwright: He'd get embarrassed, angry, he'd start to blame the girl. It's her fault, she's taunting him by just being there.
Sam Tyler: And then one day you just snap. Strangle her, using bootlace, and the cycle starts all over again with a different girl. And this time, you're positive that you're going to be brave enough to kiss her.
Annie Cartwright: Only you won't be.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[To a handful of kids, staring at his car]
Gene Hunt: Anything happens to this motor, I'll come 'round your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it? Good kids.
Gene Hunt: Anything happens to this motor, I'll come 'round your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it? Good kids.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[When Sam - disorientated - is standing on a building roof, intending to jump and 'wake up']
Annie Cartwright: We all feel like jumping sometimes, Sam. But we don't, you and me. Because we're not cowards.
Annie Cartwright: We all feel like jumping sometimes, Sam. But we don't, you and me. Because we're not cowards.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[After taking Annie's hand]
Sam Tyler: What's that on your hand? Is that grit?
Annie Cartwright: Sand. When I was running up here, I tripped and I fell against the fire bucket.
Sam Tyler: [Tormented] See, why would I think of something like that? Why would I put that kind of detail in it?
Annie Cartwright: You wouldn't.
Sam Tyler: What's that on your hand? Is that grit?
Annie Cartwright: Sand. When I was running up here, I tripped and I fell against the fire bucket.
Sam Tyler: [Tormented] See, why would I think of something like that? Why would I put that kind of detail in it?
Annie Cartwright: You wouldn't.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[credits introduction to every episode apart from episode 1]
Sam Tyler: My name is Sam Tyler. I had an accident, and I woke up in 1973. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
Sam Tyler: My name is Sam Tyler. I had an accident, and I woke up in 1973. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Sam Tyler asks Leonard, a witness, the registration number of the car that he saw]
Leonard: E...dunno.
Gene Hunt: Sorry, was that you saying the letter E and then you don't know the rest, or was that you saying "Ee, I dunno!"?
Leonard: E...dunno.
Gene Hunt: Sorry, was that you saying the letter E and then you don't know the rest, or was that you saying "Ee, I dunno!"?
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: This place is like Guantanamo Bay.
Gene Hunt: Give over, it's nothing like Spain.
Gene Hunt: Give over, it's nothing like Spain.
TV Show: Life on Mars