Life on Mars Quotes
[To Phyllis Dobbs, custody sergeant, talking about a witness that he's just brought in]
Sam Tyler: He's a key witness. So could you treat him like a person, Phyllis. D'you remember "people"? You used to be one!
Sam Tyler: He's a key witness. So could you treat him like a person, Phyllis. D'you remember "people"? You used to be one!
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Gene is looking at a poster for The Good, The Bad And The Ugly]
Sam Tyler: Which one are you?
Gene Hunt: All three.
Sam Tyler: Which one are you?
Gene Hunt: All three.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Test Card Girl: Do you not like me with my clown? I can see I make you frown. When on Earth will all this end? I'm your friend, your only friend.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Sam & Gene are questioning a suspect]
Gene Hunt: You know, if you were Pinocchio you'd have just poked my eye out!
Gene Hunt: You know, if you were Pinocchio you'd have just poked my eye out!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: Look, I was thinking, guv. I know having me here is difficult for you. What if I went back?
Gene Hunt: To Hyde?
Sam Tyler: Is that possible?
Gene Hunt: I'll get on the blower.
[Gene picks up the phone]
Sam Tyler: You can do that? You can just send me back to where I came from?
Gene Hunt: [on phone] Hello, is that the Wizard of Oz? [to Sam] The Wizard'll sort it out. It's because of the wonderful things he does.
Gene Hunt: To Hyde?
Sam Tyler: Is that possible?
Gene Hunt: I'll get on the blower.
[Gene picks up the phone]
Sam Tyler: You can do that? You can just send me back to where I came from?
Gene Hunt: [on phone] Hello, is that the Wizard of Oz? [to Sam] The Wizard'll sort it out. It's because of the wonderful things he does.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Sam's coming down the one-way street with some food in both hands, about to step on the walkway when a cyclist from behind almost hits him]
Sam Tyler: Oi! [upset] Keep it on the road! [walks along some steps, adding semi-joking/sternly] Comin' 'round your house, stamp on your toys!"
Sam Tyler: Oi! [upset] Keep it on the road! [walks along some steps, adding semi-joking/sternly] Comin' 'round your house, stamp on your toys!"
TV Show: Life on Mars
[After hearing his mothers voice on the police radio, followed by that of Phyllis, the police receptionist]
Sam Tyler: Phyllis, is that you?
Phyllis: No, it's Jane Fonda on the hunt for men!
Sam Tyler: Phyllis, is that you?
Phyllis: No, it's Jane Fonda on the hunt for men!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Chris Skelton: Bingo! I got one. Martin Ellis, lorry driver. Waiting for a fabrics pick-up at 2: 30 this morning. Spotted a thickset man running of the loom hall.
Sam Tyler: Good, can I see it?
[Chris shows Sam a black and white picture with a head looking like a butternut squash with ears]
Sam Tyler: Chris, have you ever seen anybody that looks like that?
Chris Skelton: It's the best we could do.
Sam Tyler: It's a doddle, then. We're looking for someone with hamster's cheeks, a nose like Audrey Hepburn and a two-foot forehead.
Sam Tyler: Good, can I see it?
[Chris shows Sam a black and white picture with a head looking like a butternut squash with ears]
Sam Tyler: Chris, have you ever seen anybody that looks like that?
Chris Skelton: It's the best we could do.
Sam Tyler: It's a doddle, then. We're looking for someone with hamster's cheeks, a nose like Audrey Hepburn and a two-foot forehead.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[To another police officer examining blood on the floor]
Gene Hunt: Oi! Hairy Mary, shift yourself. You're in the way.
Sam Tyler: Let him do his job.
Gene Hunt: Oi! Hairy Mary, shift yourself. You're in the way.
Sam Tyler: Let him do his job.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Chief culprit is Ted Bannister. I want him in custody by teatime.
Sam Tyler: What, because he spoke first?
Gene Hunt: 'Cos he's guilty as sin, and he's a Commie bastard.
Sam Tyler: Sorry, that's bollocks. Total rubbish.
Gene Hunt: You're just itching to get your blood-spillage book out, aren't ya!
Sam Tyler: You're making him prime suspect based on what, a hunch?
Sam Tyler: What, because he spoke first?
Gene Hunt: 'Cos he's guilty as sin, and he's a Commie bastard.
Sam Tyler: Sorry, that's bollocks. Total rubbish.
Gene Hunt: You're just itching to get your blood-spillage book out, aren't ya!
Sam Tyler: You're making him prime suspect based on what, a hunch?
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Is my name 'Coco'?
Sam Tyler: What?
Gene Hunt: Why are you trying to make me look like a clown? Litton's gonna have a field day when he finds out you left four untraceable shooters out there.
Sam Tyler: This isn't about Litton. And don't blame me for this. You dumped it on me!
Gene Hunt: I thought you said you could multi... story... task... Whatever!
Sam Tyler: What?
Gene Hunt: Why are you trying to make me look like a clown? Litton's gonna have a field day when he finds out you left four untraceable shooters out there.
Sam Tyler: This isn't about Litton. And don't blame me for this. You dumped it on me!
Gene Hunt: I thought you said you could multi... story... task... Whatever!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Say goodnight, Gracie, and sit down. I said sit down!
Ted Bannister: Look. You've gotta open the mill. We can't afford to lose this order.
Gene Hunt: The mill stays shut until our inquiry is over.
Ted Bannister: [shouting] For god's sakes!
Gene Hunt: [shouting] SIT DOWN, OR I'LL SIT YOU DOWN! NOW!
Ted Bannister: Look. You've gotta open the mill. We can't afford to lose this order.
Gene Hunt: The mill stays shut until our inquiry is over.
Ted Bannister: [shouting] For god's sakes!
Gene Hunt: [shouting] SIT DOWN, OR I'LL SIT YOU DOWN! NOW!
TV Show: Life on Mars
[To Sam about the tin of Party Seven beer]
Gene Hunt: Oi, Romeo. Are we gonna open this bog water or what?
Gene Hunt: Oi, Romeo. Are we gonna open this bog water or what?
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: [about Ted Bannister] Tenner says he did it.
Sam Tyler: This is-
Gene Hunt: Tenner and a tin of Party Seven.
Sam Tyler: If you think that I'm going to reduce a murder investigation to the level of a playground bet--
Gene Hunt: [to the accompaniment of chicken noises from Ray] Cowardy cowardy custard. Can't cut the mustard.
Sam Tyler: This is-
Gene Hunt: Tenner and a tin of Party Seven.
Sam Tyler: If you think that I'm going to reduce a murder investigation to the level of a playground bet--
Gene Hunt: [to the accompaniment of chicken noises from Ray] Cowardy cowardy custard. Can't cut the mustard.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Preparing guns before the shoot-out]
Ray Carling: Yeah, but can you hit anything?
Sam Tyler: You should see my Playstation scores.
Ray Carling: Yeah, but can you hit anything?
Sam Tyler: You should see my Playstation scores.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: What's your problem,Tyler?
Sam Tyler: My problem!?! My problem...would rock...your...world!
Sam Tyler: My problem!?! My problem...would rock...your...world!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Will someone please put some bog roll in the toilets! I've just had to wipe my arse on Francis Lee!
TV Show: Life on Mars
[To the woman who - on orders from a local gangster - set him up for a 'honey trap']
Sam Tyler: You're a loser, Joni... or whatever your name is. Because you live in fear. And that's not really living at all, is it? See, I don't live in fear. I'm alive.
Sam Tyler: You're a loser, Joni... or whatever your name is. Because you live in fear. And that's not really living at all, is it? See, I don't live in fear. I'm alive.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Bursting in on Stephen Warren, who is performing an act of oral sex on another man]
Gene Hunt: I'm not a Catholic me'self Mr Warren, but isn't there something in the Bible about "Thou shalt not suck off rent boys"?
Warren: How dare you come in here!
Gene Hunt: You could have said that to the boy.
Gene Hunt: I'm not a Catholic me'self Mr Warren, but isn't there something in the Bible about "Thou shalt not suck off rent boys"?
Warren: How dare you come in here!
Gene Hunt: You could have said that to the boy.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Sam Tyler is hand cuffed to his bed, naked]
Gene Hunt: Morning
Sam Tyler: Piss off
Gene Hunt: Well it's not all badminton and golf in Hyde, then eh?
Gene Hunt: Morning
Sam Tyler: Piss off
Gene Hunt: Well it's not all badminton and golf in Hyde, then eh?
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: You think you know everything, don't you?
Sam Tyler: I know the stench of rotten apples.
Gene Hunt: Yeah? And I know your slag is lying through her teeth and do you wanna know why?
Sam Tyler: Yeah, why?
Gene Hunt: Steven Warren is a bum bandit. Do you understand? A poof! A fairy! A queer! A queen! Fudge packer! Uphill Gardener! Fruit picking sodomite!
Sam Tyler: He's gay?
Gene Hunt: As a bloody Christmas Tree! Mind you, he is a little touchy on the subject, being a twisted Catholic with an elderly mother and all, so I wouldn't go mentioning it to him... You challenged his authority so he stitched you up like a kipper. Pretty girl appealed to your vanity as the only decent sheriff in Dodge City. Slipped you a Mickey, tied you up and bounced on your ding-a-ling.
Sam Tyler: Why?
Gene Hunt: I suspect the answer will lie in the post. Photos, you idiot.
Sam Tyler: I know the stench of rotten apples.
Gene Hunt: Yeah? And I know your slag is lying through her teeth and do you wanna know why?
Sam Tyler: Yeah, why?
Gene Hunt: Steven Warren is a bum bandit. Do you understand? A poof! A fairy! A queer! A queen! Fudge packer! Uphill Gardener! Fruit picking sodomite!
Sam Tyler: He's gay?
Gene Hunt: As a bloody Christmas Tree! Mind you, he is a little touchy on the subject, being a twisted Catholic with an elderly mother and all, so I wouldn't go mentioning it to him... You challenged his authority so he stitched you up like a kipper. Pretty girl appealed to your vanity as the only decent sheriff in Dodge City. Slipped you a Mickey, tied you up and bounced on your ding-a-ling.
Sam Tyler: Why?
Gene Hunt: I suspect the answer will lie in the post. Photos, you idiot.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Tyler and Hunt have forced one of Warren's men to strip to his underwear in his cold store, to encourage him to answer their questions]
Gene Hunt: My friend is going to ask you some questions. Personally I hope you don't answer them because I want you to die in here and end up inside a pork pie.
Gene Hunt: My friend is going to ask you some questions. Personally I hope you don't answer them because I want you to die in here and end up inside a pork pie.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[ Sweet is playing loudly in a club]
Gene Hunt: Do you like this music?
Sam Tyler: Yeah, I do, don't you?
Gene Hunt: It's just a lot a noise, really. Me and the wife like, eh, Roger Whittaker. Well, lot more her than me. D'ya know him?
Sam Tyler: Not intimately.
Gene Hunt: Keep it to yourself. We all have our dirty little secrets
Sam Tyler: Indeed we do.
Gene Hunt: Do you like this music?
Sam Tyler: Yeah, I do, don't you?
Gene Hunt: It's just a lot a noise, really. Me and the wife like, eh, Roger Whittaker. Well, lot more her than me. D'ya know him?
Sam Tyler: Not intimately.
Gene Hunt: Keep it to yourself. We all have our dirty little secrets
Sam Tyler: Indeed we do.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Gene and Sam need to get a pub landlord out of the way so that they can go undercover]
Gene Hunt: Ray! Go and arrest the landlord of the Trafford Arms
Ray Carling: What for?
Gene Hunt: Think of something on the way
[Later]
Gene Hunt: In a bizarre twist of fate the landlord was arrested this afternoon.... on suspicion of Cattle Rustling
[Ray takes a bow and receives a round of applause]
Gene Hunt: Ray! Go and arrest the landlord of the Trafford Arms
Ray Carling: What for?
Gene Hunt: Think of something on the way
[Later]
Gene Hunt: In a bizarre twist of fate the landlord was arrested this afternoon.... on suspicion of Cattle Rustling
[Ray takes a bow and receives a round of applause]
TV Show: Life on Mars
Ray Carling: I'm arresting you for the theft of a motor vehicle, resisting arrest... and driving like a div.
TV Show: Life on Mars