Life on Mars Quotes
DS Ray Carling[To DC Chris Skelton] Take my advice, get a pint of Pernod'n'Black down her then do what you what you like.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Ordering the hunt for a murderer]
Gene Hunt: This is my city. And it will be a safe place for my wife and my mum to walk around in. Is that understood?
Detectives: Yes, guv.
Gene Hunt: [Sternly] Right. Find out who the dead woman was, find out who killed her. Do it now.
[He checks his watch]
Gene Hunt: Hold up, hold up. Do it tomorrow morning, first thing. [Brightly] Beer o'clock, gentlemen.
Gene Hunt: This is my city. And it will be a safe place for my wife and my mum to walk around in. Is that understood?
Detectives: Yes, guv.
Gene Hunt: [Sternly] Right. Find out who the dead woman was, find out who killed her. Do it now.
[He checks his watch]
Gene Hunt: Hold up, hold up. Do it tomorrow morning, first thing. [Brightly] Beer o'clock, gentlemen.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: So? He pushed a bird out a car. That doesn't make him a bad bloke.
[Sam gives him a look]
Gene Hunt: Oh alright, pull him in! I'll dance the fandango on his head!
[Sam gives him a look]
Gene Hunt: Oh alright, pull him in! I'll dance the fandango on his head!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: Roger Twilling, 44 years old, successful businessman, very popular in the business community, gives a lot to charity.
Gene Hunt: I hate people who give to charity.
Gene Hunt: I hate people who give to charity.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Breaking into Twilling's car showroom]
Chris Skelton: It's freezing out here.
Gene Hunt: I don't like this. Gene Hunt smashes doors down, he does not pick girlie locks!
Sam Tyler: We can't just pull him in. He's too clever for that. At least this way we get hard evidence.
Gene Hunt: I'm gonna be the laughing stock of the Lancashire Constabulary Dinner and Dance, me.
Sam Tyler: Believe it or not, guv, one day soon, something like this will bring down Richard Nixon.
Gene Hunt: Hard to believe.
Chris Skelton: It's freezing out here.
Gene Hunt: I don't like this. Gene Hunt smashes doors down, he does not pick girlie locks!
Sam Tyler: We can't just pull him in. He's too clever for that. At least this way we get hard evidence.
Gene Hunt: I'm gonna be the laughing stock of the Lancashire Constabulary Dinner and Dance, me.
Sam Tyler: Believe it or not, guv, one day soon, something like this will bring down Richard Nixon.
Gene Hunt: Hard to believe.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: Chris. This is serious.
Ray Carling: So where do you want this transmitter?
Sam Tyler: Up here
Gene Hunt: Chris, bend down.
Chris Skelton: What for?
Gene Hunt: Just do it
[Chris bends over to give Gene a step up]
Sam Tyler: Right, look...
[A police car with sirens on shoots past outside]
Ray Carling: [alarmed] The law! The law!
Gene Hunt: Get down you divs!
Ray Carling: So where do you want this transmitter?
Sam Tyler: Up here
Gene Hunt: Chris, bend down.
Chris Skelton: What for?
Gene Hunt: Just do it
[Chris bends over to give Gene a step up]
Sam Tyler: Right, look...
[A police car with sirens on shoots past outside]
Ray Carling: [alarmed] The law! The law!
Gene Hunt: Get down you divs!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Annie Cartwright: Darling, meet Roger and Carol.
Sam Tyler: [shaking hands] Hi, Tony Blair.
Sam Tyler: [shaking hands] Hi, Tony Blair.
TV Show: Life on Mars
(Gene Hunt barges into Tyler's sting operation, with a woman in tow)
Roger Twilling: Tony, who is this man?
Sam Tyler: This is... This is my friend, Gordon. Gordon Brown. And his wife... Uh...
Roger Twilling: Tony, who is this man?
Sam Tyler: This is... This is my friend, Gordon. Gordon Brown. And his wife... Uh...
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: You know that guy in the Bible who tried to get a camel through the eye of a needle?
Sam Tyler: That would be ... Jesus.
Gene Hunt: Well, had nothing on Mrs Luckhurst.
Sam Tyler: That would be ... Jesus.
Gene Hunt: Well, had nothing on Mrs Luckhurst.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Ray Carling: So how'd your date go?
Chris Skelton: Oh...I-I won't be seeing her again.
Ray Carling: Don't tell me. Upstairs outside and you got a slap!
Chris Skelton: Oh...I-I won't be seeing her again.
Ray Carling: Don't tell me. Upstairs outside and you got a slap!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: [about Gene's 'wife' at the wife-swapping party] Where'd she come from?
Gene Hunt: Suki? Let her off an arrest last week for lewd behaviour. She owed me.
Sam Tyler: She's a prostitute?
Suki: I am here, you know!
Gene Hunt: Well, you didn't think I was gonna fetch me own wife here, did you?!
Gene Hunt: Suki? Let her off an arrest last week for lewd behaviour. She owed me.
Sam Tyler: She's a prostitute?
Suki: I am here, you know!
Gene Hunt: Well, you didn't think I was gonna fetch me own wife here, did you?!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Chris Skelton: What's a vol-au-vent?
Ray Carling: It's puff pastry shell filled with a savoury meat mixture.
Chris Skelton: So its a pie then.
Ray Carling: It's puff pastry shell filled with a savoury meat mixture.
Chris Skelton: So its a pie then.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Mrs Witham: We wanted you to see her, as we saw her. Chief Inspector. With everything ahead of her. Our perfect 10. Our Charley. [She starts to cry and leaves]
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: [emotional] I erm, had the job of showing them... what their lovely perfect 10... had become.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[The show opens with the introduction to Camberwick Green]
Camberwick Green Narrator: This is a box. A magical box, playing a magical tune. But inside this box, there lies a surprise. Do you know who's in it today? [A toy version of Sam appears] It's Sam Tyler! Hello, Sam.
[Toy Sam waves]
Camberwick Green Narrator: How are you today?
[Toy Sam puts his head in his hands]
Camberwick Green Narrator: Oh dear. Not very happy. Is it Gene Hunt?
[Toy Sam nods]
Camberwick Green Narrator: Is he kicking in a nonce?
[Toy Sam points - cut to a toy version of Gene Hunt, beating up another toy in a dark alley. Toy Gene and the nonce wave to the camera, then Gene hits the other toy repeatedly with a dustbin lid]
Camberwick Green Narrator: This is a box. A magical box, playing a magical tune. But inside this box, there lies a surprise. Do you know who's in it today? [A toy version of Sam appears] It's Sam Tyler! Hello, Sam.
[Toy Sam waves]
Camberwick Green Narrator: How are you today?
[Toy Sam puts his head in his hands]
Camberwick Green Narrator: Oh dear. Not very happy. Is it Gene Hunt?
[Toy Sam nods]
Camberwick Green Narrator: Is he kicking in a nonce?
[Toy Sam points - cut to a toy version of Gene Hunt, beating up another toy in a dark alley. Toy Gene and the nonce wave to the camera, then Gene hits the other toy repeatedly with a dustbin lid]
TV Show: Life on Mars
[To a person threatening to hang themselves]
Chris Skelton: C'mon, Mr. Lamb. I always say there's a time to take off the noose, and put on the kettle.
Chris Skelton: C'mon, Mr. Lamb. I always say there's a time to take off the noose, and put on the kettle.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Annie Cartwright: We were hoping you could be a voice of reason...
Sam Tyler: [Feverishly intense] I came out of a musical box.
Annie Cartwright: ... a stabilizing influence...
Sam Tyler: [Feverishly intense] I came out of a musical box.
Annie Cartwright: ... a stabilizing influence...
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: [grabs Gene as he enters the room with a usual comment] And as for you, I can just about handle you, driving like a pissed up crackhead and treating women like beanbags. But I'm going to say this once, and once only, Gene. Stay out of Camberwick Green!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: That note was left at the phonebox where Bea and Stella Lamb were taken. It's stencilled over in carbon, so it's doubly hard to trace.
Sam Tyler: So who's Charley Witham and who's Graham Bathurst?
Gene Hunt: [Gene pauses and sighs] Charley Witham was a beautiful 14 year old. She was attacked and murdered in cold blood one year ago. Her boyfriend, Graham Bathurst confessed. He's evil and now's he's in prison being evil.
Sam Tyler: I need more detail, guv. What's the connection to Simon Lamb?
Gene Hunt: Simon Lamb coached an athletic team Charley was in.
Sam Tyler: So did he finger Bathurst for the killing?
Gene Hunt: No, he didn't know him. This isn't a grudge crime.
Sam Tyler: Well someone thinks he's innocent.
Gene Hunt: Don't start! I've come at this from more angles than Linda Lovelace. He's not innocent! He confessed and worse he gloated about it.
Sam Tyler: Well obviously someone wants him out. How about Graham's family?
Gene Hunt: Oh, quick thinking Van der Valk. But while you been layed up with your Vicks Sinex, I've been leading a kidnap enquiry. You didn't see us yesterday.
Sam Tyler: So who's Charley Witham and who's Graham Bathurst?
Gene Hunt: [Gene pauses and sighs] Charley Witham was a beautiful 14 year old. She was attacked and murdered in cold blood one year ago. Her boyfriend, Graham Bathurst confessed. He's evil and now's he's in prison being evil.
Sam Tyler: I need more detail, guv. What's the connection to Simon Lamb?
Gene Hunt: Simon Lamb coached an athletic team Charley was in.
Sam Tyler: So did he finger Bathurst for the killing?
Gene Hunt: No, he didn't know him. This isn't a grudge crime.
Sam Tyler: Well someone thinks he's innocent.
Gene Hunt: Don't start! I've come at this from more angles than Linda Lovelace. He's not innocent! He confessed and worse he gloated about it.
Sam Tyler: Well obviously someone wants him out. How about Graham's family?
Gene Hunt: Oh, quick thinking Van der Valk. But while you been layed up with your Vicks Sinex, I've been leading a kidnap enquiry. You didn't see us yesterday.
TV Show: Life on Mars
Simon Lamb: Graham Bathurst.
Gene Hunt: [voice-over] From the moment Simon Lamb walked into the station I knew we had our work cut out.
Simon Lamb: Release him from prison right now.
Phyllis: [Bored, head rested on arm, not looking up] Righty-ho sir. Anyone else? Ronnie Kray? The Hillbury Road Axeman?
Simon Lamb: Release Graham Bathurst, or they're gonna die! (slams ransom note on desk. Phyllis looks up) Get your DCI.
Phyllis: Now just hold on!
Simon Lamb: Get him!
Gene Hunt: [voice-over] And as if by magic, a DCI appeared. We went straight to Graham Bathurst's family. They were the ones who haven't stop bleating for his release for the last 12 months.
Mrs Bathurst: Go on, get away. You scumbag, bastard coppers!
Gene Hunt: [voice-over] As you can imagine they were cock-a-hoop to see us, and invited us in for crumpets and jam.
Mrs Bathurst: You lied about my Graham. Everything you told the court was lies. You got no shame.
Gene Hunt: He confessed, Mrs Bathurst. So with respect, shut your bloody bonechute!
Gene Hunt: Chris, what are you writing down?
Chris Skelton: Her statement.
Gene Hunt: Right, add this. Your son Mrs. Bathurst, is a cold-hearted killer and if there's a hell, he's going there to be poked up the arse with sharp fiery sticks, forever and ever, Amen!
Chris Skelton: There's an e in fiery, isn't there?
Gene Hunt: [voice-over] From the moment Simon Lamb walked into the station I knew we had our work cut out.
Simon Lamb: Release him from prison right now.
Phyllis: [Bored, head rested on arm, not looking up] Righty-ho sir. Anyone else? Ronnie Kray? The Hillbury Road Axeman?
Simon Lamb: Release Graham Bathurst, or they're gonna die! (slams ransom note on desk. Phyllis looks up) Get your DCI.
Phyllis: Now just hold on!
Simon Lamb: Get him!
Gene Hunt: [voice-over] And as if by magic, a DCI appeared. We went straight to Graham Bathurst's family. They were the ones who haven't stop bleating for his release for the last 12 months.
Mrs Bathurst: Go on, get away. You scumbag, bastard coppers!
Gene Hunt: [voice-over] As you can imagine they were cock-a-hoop to see us, and invited us in for crumpets and jam.
Mrs Bathurst: You lied about my Graham. Everything you told the court was lies. You got no shame.
Gene Hunt: He confessed, Mrs Bathurst. So with respect, shut your bloody bonechute!
Gene Hunt: Chris, what are you writing down?
Chris Skelton: Her statement.
Gene Hunt: Right, add this. Your son Mrs. Bathurst, is a cold-hearted killer and if there's a hell, he's going there to be poked up the arse with sharp fiery sticks, forever and ever, Amen!
Chris Skelton: There's an e in fiery, isn't there?
TV Show: Life on Mars
Gene Hunt: Oh, Blimey, here comes the heavy mob. Sound the retreat. (voice - over) The Bathurst family consists of one drunken mammy and an old bat with a stoop! Don't seem much like a ruthless gang of kidnappers to me. The worst bit was having to go back to see Charley Witham's parents.
Mrs Witham: Don.
Gene Hunt: [voice-over] One year on, you can still see the grief in their eyes.
Don Witham: No disrespect, Mr Hunt. But I'd hoped that our paths would never have to cross again.
Gene Hunt: Yeah, well sorry for showing me ugly mug around here, Don. But, erm, the ransom note demands the release of Graham Bathurst.
Don Witham: Well who would want that?
Gene Hunt: Someone connected to the case. Obsessed with it. Anyone seen hanging around here?
Don Witham: Haven't seen anyone. But...you're not going to release him?
Gene Hunt: No.
Don Witham: But if someone out there thinks Bathurst is innocent... does that mean you're not so sure that he did it?
Gene Hunt: Graham Bathurst killed your daughter, Don. I'm more sure of that than me own name.
Mrs Witham: Don.
Gene Hunt: [voice-over] One year on, you can still see the grief in their eyes.
Don Witham: No disrespect, Mr Hunt. But I'd hoped that our paths would never have to cross again.
Gene Hunt: Yeah, well sorry for showing me ugly mug around here, Don. But, erm, the ransom note demands the release of Graham Bathurst.
Don Witham: Well who would want that?
Gene Hunt: Someone connected to the case. Obsessed with it. Anyone seen hanging around here?
Don Witham: Haven't seen anyone. But...you're not going to release him?
Gene Hunt: No.
Don Witham: But if someone out there thinks Bathurst is innocent... does that mean you're not so sure that he did it?
Gene Hunt: Graham Bathurst killed your daughter, Don. I'm more sure of that than me own name.
TV Show: Life on Mars
[Having pulled in a suspect in the kidnapping]
Gene Hunt: Where you stashed 'em, Mitchey boy!?
Mitch Bathurst: Up my arse, copper!
Gene Hunt: Do you wanna us to check!?
Gene Hunt: Where you stashed 'em, Mitchey boy!?
Mitch Bathurst: Up my arse, copper!
Gene Hunt: Do you wanna us to check!?
TV Show: Life on Mars
Sam Tyler: And with time slipping away, do we really want to put all our eggs in the same basket. If the kidnapper's still at large we might be able to lure him out.
Gene Hunt: How?
Sam Tyler: That note was a cry for justice.
Gene Hunt: And I ask again, only slightly louder, HOW?!!!
Gene Hunt: How?
Sam Tyler: That note was a cry for justice.
Gene Hunt: And I ask again, only slightly louder, HOW?!!!
TV Show: Life on Mars
Annie Cartwright: Are you okay?
Sam Tyler: [sigh] Yeah, I'm just tired.
Annie Cartwright: Me too. I've haven't slept for 24 hours. (She puts her hand on Sam's shoulder)
Sam Tyler: [sigh] Yeah, I'm just tired.
Annie Cartwright: Me too. I've haven't slept for 24 hours. (She puts her hand on Sam's shoulder)
TV Show: Life on Mars