Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Quotes
[Discussing their careers as marijuana growers]
J: I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners or something.
Charles: Peace Prize? Ooh. Be lucky to find your penis for a piss, the amount you keep smoking.
J: I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners or something.
Charles: Peace Prize? Ooh. Be lucky to find your penis for a piss, the amount you keep smoking.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Eddie: The entire British empire was built on cups of tea, and if you think I'm going to war without one, mate, you're mistaken.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
"Hatchet" Harry: I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Big Chris: All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Eddie: Oh, and if Tom or anyone else for that matter feels like givin' them a bit of a kickin', I'm sure it won't do any harm.
Soap: Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, ****-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. **** 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
Tom: Soap, is there something we should know about you?
Bacon: I'm not sure what's more worrying. The job or your past.
Soap: Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, ****-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. **** 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
Tom: Soap, is there something we should know about you?
Bacon: I'm not sure what's more worrying. The job or your past.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Eddie : They're armed.
Soap : What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie : Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
Soap : What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie : Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Rory Breaker : If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Nick the Greek : Just get me a sample.
Tom : No can do.
Nick the Greek : What's that? Some place near Katmandu? Meet me halfway, mate.
Tom : No can do.
Nick the Greek : What's that? Some place near Katmandu? Meet me halfway, mate.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Tom : Look, it's all completely chicken soup.
Nick the Greek : It's what?
Tom : It's kosher. As Christmas.
Nick the Greek : The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.
Nick the Greek : It's what?
Tom : It's kosher. As Christmas.
Nick the Greek : The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Tom : There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
"Hatchet" Harry : I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Soap : A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Winston : Charles, get the rifle out. We're being fucked.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Barry the Baptist : If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't got, I suggest you get those guns. Quick!
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Gary : Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shot?
Barry the Baptist : Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shot.
Barry the Baptist : Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shot.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Winston : Charles, why have we got that cage?
Charles : Uh, security.
Winston : That's right, that's right, security. So what's the point in having it if we're not goin' fucking use it?
Charles : Well, I would've used it but this is Willie and Willie lives here.
Winston : Yes, but you didn't know it was Willie until you opened the door, did you?
Willie : Chill, Winston, it's me. Charlie knows it's me. What's the problem?
Winston : The problem, Willie, is that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. So just do as I say and keep *the fucking cage locked!* What is that?
Willie : That's Gloria.
Winston : Yes I know that's Gloria, what's that?
Willie : Fertilizer.
Winston : You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer. Alarm bells are ringing, Willie.
Willie : We need fertilizer Winston.
Winston : Mmmhmm. We also need a money counter. This money's got to be out by Thursday, I'm buggered if I'm gonna count it. Just make sure if you do need to buy sodding fertilizer you could be a bit more subtle.
Willie : What do you mean?
Winston : We grow copious amounts of ganja, yah? And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking- culturalist! That's what I mean Willie.
Charles : Uh, security.
Winston : That's right, that's right, security. So what's the point in having it if we're not goin' fucking use it?
Charles : Well, I would've used it but this is Willie and Willie lives here.
Winston : Yes, but you didn't know it was Willie until you opened the door, did you?
Willie : Chill, Winston, it's me. Charlie knows it's me. What's the problem?
Winston : The problem, Willie, is that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. So just do as I say and keep *the fucking cage locked!* What is that?
Willie : That's Gloria.
Winston : Yes I know that's Gloria, what's that?
Willie : Fertilizer.
Winston : You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer. Alarm bells are ringing, Willie.
Willie : We need fertilizer Winston.
Winston : Mmmhmm. We also need a money counter. This money's got to be out by Thursday, I'm buggered if I'm gonna count it. Just make sure if you do need to buy sodding fertilizer you could be a bit more subtle.
Willie : What do you mean?
Winston : We grow copious amounts of ganja, yah? And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking- culturalist! That's what I mean Willie.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Plank : Ah! They fucking shot me!
Dog : Well, fucking shoot 'em back!
Dog : Well, fucking shoot 'em back!
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
John : Jesus, Plank, couldn't you have got smokeless cartridges? I can't see a bloody thi - Ah! Shit! I've been shot!
Dog : I don't fucking believe this! Can everyone stop gettin' shot?
Dog : I don't fucking believe this! Can everyone stop gettin' shot?
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Little Chris : Fuckin' hell John, do you always walk around with this in your pocket?
Big Chris : Hey! You use language like that again son, you'll wish you hadn't!
Big Chris : Hey! You use language like that again son, you'll wish you hadn't!
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Big Chris : All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
[ Discussing their careers as marijuana growers ]
J : I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners or something.
Charles : Peace Prize? Ooh. Be lucky to find your penis for a piss, the amount you keep smoking.
J : I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners or something.
Charles : Peace Prize? Ooh. Be lucky to find your penis for a piss, the amount you keep smoking.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Tom : Well, he can afford to do the deal at the price we're selling. It's not worth him giving us any trouble cause he kows we'll be a pain in the arse.
Soap : I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid.
Tom : You'd take a pain in the arse for air miles.
Soap : Tom, the fatter you get, the sadder you get.
Eddie : Will you two stop flirting for a minute?
Soap : I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid.
Tom : You'd take a pain in the arse for air miles.
Soap : Tom, the fatter you get, the sadder you get.
Eddie : Will you two stop flirting for a minute?
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Soap : Where the fuck are they going?... Shift a piano? I thought this was meant to be a robbery.
Eddie : Where did they get those outfits?
Tom, Bacon : Not a bad idea, that.
Eddie : Where did they get those outfits?
Tom, Bacon : Not a bad idea, that.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Dean : He's got the guns. Go ahead. You get them.
Gary : Why me?
Dean : You're supposed to be the hard case.
Gary : [ shrieks ] You get the guns. I drive the car!
Gary : Why me?
Dean : You're supposed to be the hard case.
Gary : [ shrieks ] You get the guns. I drive the car!
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Soap : Rory Breaker? That psychotic black dwarf with an Afro?
Tom : That would be the same man, yes.
Tom : That would be the same man, yes.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Soap : You're not funny, Tom. You're fat, and look as though you should be, but you're not.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
[ haggling with Tom ]
Nick the Greek : What else does it come with?
Tom : It comes with a gold-plated Rolls Royce, as long as you pay for it.
Nick the Greek : What else does it come with?
Tom : It comes with a gold-plated Rolls Royce, as long as you pay for it.
Movie: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels