M*A*S*H Quotes
Charles: Do you happen to have a quarter?
Hawkeye: All this for a quarter?
Charles: I have to pry off the cover.
BJ: 'Course, cover charge.
Hawkeye: All this for a quarter?
Charles: I have to pry off the cover.
BJ: 'Course, cover charge.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Margaret: Look out teeth, look out gums, look out liver, here she comes!
Charles: Civilization in Korea.
Charles: Civilization in Korea.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles: Do you two realize that you are singing two entirely different operas and they're both out of tune?
Hawkeye: Don't blame me, I didn't write this stuff.
Hawkeye: Don't blame me, I didn't write this stuff.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ: Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Hawkeye: What don't you do?
BJ: I'll think of something.
Hawkeye: What don't you do?
BJ: I'll think of something.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Margaret: Continental breakfast.
Hawkeye: Continent of Atlantis.
Margaret: Huh?
Hawkeye: That's the one that sank.
Hawkeye: Continent of Atlantis.
Margaret: Huh?
Hawkeye: That's the one that sank.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye (talking to Margaret about what to tell Donald about their brief affair): What do you usually tell him?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Who does he think he is, The Merchant of Korea?
BJ: Stop crying, it's just a pound of flesh.
Hawkeye: A pound of flesh, my butt.
BJ: Wherever.
Hawkeye: What do you think the sentence is for firing an officer out of a Howitzer?
BJ: 190 years, if you're a first offender.
BJ: Stop crying, it's just a pound of flesh.
Hawkeye: A pound of flesh, my butt.
BJ: Wherever.
Hawkeye: What do you think the sentence is for firing an officer out of a Howitzer?
BJ: 190 years, if you're a first offender.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: Whose bright idea was this, anyhow?
Hawkeye: Ask the five-card stud.
Klinger: Look at him! He doesn't sweat. I ain't seen someone who doesn't sweat before.
BJ: Sure you have, in the Reptile House.
Mulcahy: I think I'm gonna fold, while I still have a little left for the orphans.
Charles: Oh, Father, give them my, (starts to hand Mulcahy a blue poker chip, but switches to a red) give them my best.
Mulcahy: (pauses) Well, good night everyone.
Hawkeye: Good night, Mr. Chip.
Hawkeye: Ask the five-card stud.
Klinger: Look at him! He doesn't sweat. I ain't seen someone who doesn't sweat before.
BJ: Sure you have, in the Reptile House.
Mulcahy: I think I'm gonna fold, while I still have a little left for the orphans.
Charles: Oh, Father, give them my, (starts to hand Mulcahy a blue poker chip, but switches to a red) give them my best.
Mulcahy: (pauses) Well, good night everyone.
Hawkeye: Good night, Mr. Chip.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles (after his French horn is run over): Colonel, what about my horn?
Potter: By all means, Winchester. Bring it along, we'd love to hear it.
Potter: By all means, Winchester. Bring it along, we'd love to hear it.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: And from here in Ouijongbou, the sadistic sounds of Doc Winchester and his all-moose orchestra, who ask the musical question, why us!?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: Well, official channels could take forever. I remember when I applied for permission to get married. By the time the papers came through, my son was divorced.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger (after he rips his skirt): That was an original. Now they'll make copies and you'll see it all over Korea!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles (trying to find a place to sleep in Potter's tent): I demand a space for my cot.
Hawkeye (picks up a small box): Hello, room service, send up a larger room.
Hawkeye (picks up a small box): Hello, room service, send up a larger room.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles (while trying to sleep on his cot in Margaret's tent): Margaret, we are both adults.
Margaret: Yes, of the opposite sex!
Margaret: Yes, of the opposite sex!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger: No, they got something better...me.
Tom: Huh?
Klinger: Take me instead of him, I've got your escape plan.
Tom: I got my own plan...chopper to Seoul, plane back to Ohio.
Klinger: I'm from Toledo, I know people there, I can make it easy for you.
Charles: Take him, he's got a plan, I would be lost in Ohio. Take him, please, please? I've never even been to Ohio, he was born and raised there! He's--
Tom: Okay, okay get out of here, anything's better than you!
Tom: Huh?
Klinger: Take me instead of him, I've got your escape plan.
Tom: I got my own plan...chopper to Seoul, plane back to Ohio.
Klinger: I'm from Toledo, I know people there, I can make it easy for you.
Charles: Take him, he's got a plan, I would be lost in Ohio. Take him, please, please? I've never even been to Ohio, he was born and raised there! He's--
Tom: Okay, okay get out of here, anything's better than you!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Radar: Colonel! Colonel, it's Klinger, he's back!
Potter: Thank God he's back alive, I'm gonna kill him!
Potter: Thank God he's back alive, I'm gonna kill him!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter (about Col. Wheatley): He's a real stickler for regulations, especially hair length.
Hawkeye: I'll pin my hair under my hat, (points to Bigelow) and you better cut those sideburns.
Hawkeye: I'll pin my hair under my hat, (points to Bigelow) and you better cut those sideburns.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye (after Charles takes a swig of the liquid in his hair restorer bottle): Charles, you're drinking your hair!
Charles: Don't be ridiculous. This is twelve-year-old Scotch. You don't think I'd keep it in the original bottle with you petty larcenists around, do you?
Hawkeye: Eugggh!
BJ: What, what?
Hawkeye: I've been drinking from his Scotch bottle!
Charles: Don't be ridiculous. This is twelve-year-old Scotch. You don't think I'd keep it in the original bottle with you petty larcenists around, do you?
Hawkeye: Eugggh!
BJ: What, what?
Hawkeye: I've been drinking from his Scotch bottle!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter (after the staff has sung him "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"): Thank you folks, that was really lousy.
Charles: Well, what do you expect with very little talent and only five minutes' preparation?
Charles: Well, what do you expect with very little talent and only five minutes' preparation?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Winchester, the only people up in Korea at this hour are snipers and milkmen!
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Klinger: I got KP coming up. I'll probably fall asleep on the pudding and die of a concussion.
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Charles (after one-upping Hawkeye and B.J. with a photo of himself having dinner with Audrey Hepburn): When will you two cretins realize that your feeble imaginations cannot keep up with my real life?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Boots Miller: Boots Miller on the move here in Korea, where the men are rugged. You can see it in their voices.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Margaret: Well, Doctor, as much as I hate to admit it, you ran that siege pretty well.
Hawkeye: We were great for half a staff. Damn that Hunnicutt, where is he? Technically, he's AWOL, you know. I could throw the book at him.
Margaret: I don't believe what I'm hearing! Since when did you join the army?
Hawkeye: Since it was left to me.
Margaret: If only Frank Burns could see you now! It's not so easy to play the clown when you have to run the circus, is it?
Hawkeye: We were great for half a staff. Damn that Hunnicutt, where is he? Technically, he's AWOL, you know. I could throw the book at him.
Margaret: I don't believe what I'm hearing! Since when did you join the army?
Hawkeye: Since it was left to me.
Margaret: If only Frank Burns could see you now! It's not so easy to play the clown when you have to run the circus, is it?
TV Show: M*A*S*H