M*A*S*H Quotes
Klinger: Colonel, I missed you!
Potter: No.
Klinger: About my heart murmur, Sir...
Potter: No.
Klinger: My double vision is coming back.
Potter: No.
Klinger: I've fallen in love with a goat!
Potter: No.
Klinger: Glad to have you back, Sir.
Potter: No.
Klinger: About my heart murmur, Sir...
Potter: No.
Klinger: My double vision is coming back.
Potter: No.
Klinger: I've fallen in love with a goat!
Potter: No.
Klinger: Glad to have you back, Sir.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles: Must you always spout Scripture, Father?
Father Mulcahy: I'm afraid it's an occupational hazard.
Father Mulcahy: I'm afraid it's an occupational hazard.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Military Policeman: I'm looking for a Colonel Sherman Potter.
Father Mulcahy: He's over there: the one drinking with two hands.
Father Mulcahy: He's over there: the one drinking with two hands.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye (trying to guess what "BJ" stands for): Belvedere Jehosaphat.
BJ: Got it! First try.
BJ: Got it! First try.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ: When you see the kind of horror that we do, day in and day out, you don't just feel close. You cling to each other.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
(after Clete Roberts asks Klinger what he'll remember about serving in Korea)
Klinger: All the good times, that's what I'll remember. I think there were three.
Klinger: All the good times, that's what I'll remember. I think there were three.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Don't you ever sleep?
Nielsen: Sleep, what's that?
Hawkeye: Close your eyes, put your head on your chest, and have nightmares about the war.
Nielsen: When you're a medic, you don't have to close your eyes.
Nielsen: Sleep, what's that?
Hawkeye: Close your eyes, put your head on your chest, and have nightmares about the war.
Nielsen: When you're a medic, you don't have to close your eyes.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: That's one way out this man's army.
Klinger: I always thought of it as That Man's army.
Klinger: I always thought of it as That Man's army.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
(Nurse Bigelow comes into the Swamp)
Hawkeye: Beej, I'm ready to face the storm. Secure me to her!
Hawkeye: Beej, I'm ready to face the storm. Secure me to her!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Mulcahy: We've got a villager whose house collapsed around him and a young boy who chased his frightened livestock into a minefield.
Margaret: Dear God.
Mulcahy: He's been alerted.
Margaret: Dear God.
Mulcahy: He's been alerted.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
(BJ begins humming)
Hawkeye: You have just heard the ponderous words of Doctor Charles Emerson Supercillious, the only surgeon who can operate with one foot lodged in his mouth.
Hawkeye: You have just heard the ponderous words of Doctor Charles Emerson Supercillious, the only surgeon who can operate with one foot lodged in his mouth.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: You don't think this is the proverbial 'hell freezing over' do you, Father?
Mulcahy: Oh, no, no. I'm sure I'd have been informed if anything that big were on the agenda.
Mulcahy: Oh, no, no. I'm sure I'd have been informed if anything that big were on the agenda.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: Now, Radar, watch this this'll be a real dozy.
Radar: ( watching Sonia Henie spinning) Oh, boy, how does she do that without throwing up.
Radar: ( watching Sonia Henie spinning) Oh, boy, how does she do that without throwing up.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
(Private Rich wakes up and sees Hawkeye looking at his chart)
Hawkeye: Oh, you caught me. I was just eavesdropping on your condition. These charts come in handy, you know? Everybody ought to have one. Somebody asks how you're doing, you don't have to answer. Just show them your chart. So how are you doing?
(Private Rich touches the chart)
Hawkeye: Wise guy, huh?
Hawkeye: Oh, you caught me. I was just eavesdropping on your condition. These charts come in handy, you know? Everybody ought to have one. Somebody asks how you're doing, you don't have to answer. Just show them your chart. So how are you doing?
(Private Rich touches the chart)
Hawkeye: Wise guy, huh?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Klinger, you should know better. The Mess Tent is no place to bring a sick person!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Kwang: Why do you wear the uniform of a nurse?
Klinger: It's a disguise. I'm hiding from sanity.
Kwang: That's crazy.
Klinger: See? It's working!
Klinger: It's a disguise. I'm hiding from sanity.
Kwang: That's crazy.
Klinger: See? It's working!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Kwang: Excuse me, but uh, what are you doing to gun?
BJ: Preventative maintenance, Kwang
Hawkeye: We fix it now, and no one will have to worry about it again.
Kwang Ah, Kwang understand. No, he don't.
BJ: Preventative maintenance, Kwang
Hawkeye: We fix it now, and no one will have to worry about it again.
Kwang Ah, Kwang understand. No, he don't.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Mulcahy: Just as the Lord said to Noah, "Everything in pairs."
Hawkeye: Of course the Lord was holding three aces at the time.
Hawkeye: Of course the Lord was holding three aces at the time.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Margaret: How would you like to be married to a skunk, Father?
Mulcahy: My religion forbids it.
Mulcahy: My religion forbids it.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye (about the man Father Mulcahy punched): He's got good footwork, but he's weak in the clinches. My money's on you for the rematch.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles: Pierce, why must you always thwart my attempts to bring a little culture into this neolithic pup tent?
Hawkeye: Because I'm a music lover.
Hawkeye: Because I'm a music lover.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
General Prescott: You look familiar, Colonel. Do I know you?
Potter: I don't think so, General.
Prescott: Were you in World War II?
Potter: Yes, sir.
Prescott: I knew you looked familiar!
Potter: I don't think so, General.
Prescott: Were you in World War II?
Potter: Yes, sir.
Prescott: I knew you looked familiar!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: Sometimes when a man's anxious to stick out a glad hand, it's because he's got something up his sleeve.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: I am the essence of overconfidence. I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome, yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution, the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle fuzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life, I am appetite!
BJ: And I'm not taking my clothes off till he leaves.
BJ: And I'm not taking my clothes off till he leaves.
TV Show: M*A*S*H