M*A*S*H Quotes
Hawkeye: Does he understand English?
Radar: I'll find out. Do you speak English?
Patient: Yes.
Radar: Yes
Radar: I'll find out. Do you speak English?
Patient: Yes.
Radar: Yes
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: You'll want to be there for two reasons. One, this is going to teach us all a new heart procedure. And second, it would be a nice gesture to your commanding officer, who could make your life so miserable if he wanted to.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Lieutenant Nugent: Do you dance, Radar?
Radar: Uh, no. Football knee.
Nugent: Oh, you played football?
Radar: Not much, I had a bad knee.
Radar: Uh, no. Football knee.
Nugent: Oh, you played football?
Radar: Not much, I had a bad knee.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
PA Announcement: Attention all personnel. The Mess Tent is closed this afternoon for the medical staff meeting. Unfortunately, it will re-open for dinner at 1700 hours.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: With Klinger and Mulcahy's blood in him, this kid will wake up singing "Ave Maria" in Lebanese.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger: Before I go in sir, I demand you send out a patrol to rescue my wardrobe.
Potter: Right, into the cave with the rest of the bats.
Potter: Right, into the cave with the rest of the bats.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: That guy would turn in his own mother for passing along a recipe.
Charles: You don't like the fellow, do you?
Hawkeye: No, I've never been too fond of a guy who would bring you a wounded prisoner and beg you to fix him up just so that he could take him out and shoot him.
Charles: That bad, hmmm?
Hawkeye: I don't see anything here. I think I'll go sing Carmen in the latrine. The echo'll kill him.
Charles: You don't like the fellow, do you?
Hawkeye: No, I've never been too fond of a guy who would bring you a wounded prisoner and beg you to fix him up just so that he could take him out and shoot him.
Charles: That bad, hmmm?
Hawkeye: I don't see anything here. I think I'll go sing Carmen in the latrine. The echo'll kill him.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: What is this idiocy about?
Flagg: Your spy ring.
Potter: Spy ring?
Flagg: Very clever, hiding under a house of cards while you plot the overthrow of the free world.
Hawkeye: He's got us, guys, we might as well confess. I'm Joe Stalin. Mao Tse-Tung, Marshall Tito, and, of course, you already know Lenin. What can I say, we couldn't get a room in the Kremlin.
Flagg: Your spy ring.
Potter: Spy ring?
Flagg: Very clever, hiding under a house of cards while you plot the overthrow of the free world.
Hawkeye: He's got us, guys, we might as well confess. I'm Joe Stalin. Mao Tse-Tung, Marshall Tito, and, of course, you already know Lenin. What can I say, we couldn't get a room in the Kremlin.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Has anyone explained to you the philosophy of Rosie Land?
Nurse: No, but someone wanted to use my underwear for a flag.
Hawkeye: Oh, that would be our Secretary of the Interior.
Nurse: No, but someone wanted to use my underwear for a flag.
Hawkeye: Oh, that would be our Secretary of the Interior.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Mulcahy: B.J, I hate to interrupt you in mid-debauch, but I'd like a word with you.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
[Potter just un-gagged Charles after Hawkeye and BJ tied him up]
Charles: Colonel, I... [he gags, then starts again] I was raised in a gracious and civilized atmosphere. I was taught the Golden Rule, and with the exception of some few business dealings, I have learned to live by it. However, in this case, I want these vermin HUNG! I want them buried in anthills, their bodies smeared with honey!
Potter: Easy, Major.
Charles: I want them drawn and quartered, and I want the pieces arrested!
Charles: Colonel, I... [he gags, then starts again] I was raised in a gracious and civilized atmosphere. I was taught the Golden Rule, and with the exception of some few business dealings, I have learned to live by it. However, in this case, I want these vermin HUNG! I want them buried in anthills, their bodies smeared with honey!
Potter: Easy, Major.
Charles: I want them drawn and quartered, and I want the pieces arrested!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: [telling a nurse about Rosie Land] We're a simple country, where man's only obligation is to love his fellow woman. So what do you say, you wanna be a patriot and love me back? [the nurse walks away] Turncoat!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Jack Scully: Got anything to smoke?
Rosie: [handing him a cigar] Special today. Two bits.
Hawkeye: It's on me.
Jack Scully: It's got teeth marks in it.
Rosie: It's a demonstrator model.
Rosie: [handing him a cigar] Special today. Two bits.
Hawkeye: It's on me.
Jack Scully: It's got teeth marks in it.
Rosie: It's a demonstrator model.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: I hate the army. Usually, I just can't stand it. But this is different: this is hate.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter (about Klinger): Is he wearing a class A uniform?
Hawkeye: Let's see. Ugly color, forty years out of style, fits like a tent? Yeah that's a Class A all right.
Hawkeye: Let's see. Ugly color, forty years out of style, fits like a tent? Yeah that's a Class A all right.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter (upon hearing about Mrs. Potter dancing with Hawkeye's dad at the party): Pierce, if your father is anything like you, we're going to have a long, long talk about this.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
B.J.: I can see us all sitting at a reunion ten years from now.
Hawkeye: Yeah, the war's been over for a month, we all have gray hair, Charles has his in a box.
Charles: Ah-Ha-Ha-Ha
Hawkeye: Yeah, the war's been over for a month, we all have gray hair, Charles has his in a box.
Charles: Ah-Ha-Ha-Ha
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Williamson: Do you always treat enemy soldiers?
Hawkeye: Of course not, only if they're sick.
Hawkeye: Of course not, only if they're sick.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger (passing out copies of Stars & Stripes to the officers): Here; read this.
Hawkeye (reading): "Scandal Rocks Capitol Hill. Congressman Daniel Lurie-!"
Everyone else: *gasps of surprise*
Hawkeye (reading on): "-Caught in Washington Love Nest with Aide's Wife! 'My-my husband drove me to it,' sobbed a tearful-"
Everyone (reading together): "-L. Shirley Williamson!"
Hawkeye (reading on): "'I needed more than a man who's married to his work first and me second!'"
Margaret: Now wait, wait. That seems fair. He had the Congressman's ear, and she got everything else!
Hawkeye (reading): "Scandal Rocks Capitol Hill. Congressman Daniel Lurie-!"
Everyone else: *gasps of surprise*
Hawkeye (reading on): "-Caught in Washington Love Nest with Aide's Wife! 'My-my husband drove me to it,' sobbed a tearful-"
Everyone (reading together): "-L. Shirley Williamson!"
Hawkeye (reading on): "'I needed more than a man who's married to his work first and me second!'"
Margaret: Now wait, wait. That seems fair. He had the Congressman's ear, and she got everything else!
TV Show: M*A*S*H