M*A*S*H Quotes
Mulcahy: Good morning, Major. If you don't mind me saying so, hubba hubba.
Margaret (voice hoarse due to laryngitis): Charles. (bangs table when he ignores her)
Charles: Well, Margaret. Can't you just say good morning as civilized people do?
Margaret: (grunting and miming)
Charles: It is not my idea of breakfast fun to play charades.
Margaret; (more grunting)
Mulcahy: Uh, Doctor, I believe you are being paged.
Margaret: (more grunting and miming)
Charles: May I at least finish my Wheaties? (Margaret drags him out of the mess tent) Margaret, what is wrong?
Margaret (voice hoarse due to laryngitis): Charles. (bangs table when he ignores her)
Charles: Well, Margaret. Can't you just say good morning as civilized people do?
Margaret: (grunting and miming)
Charles: It is not my idea of breakfast fun to play charades.
Margaret; (more grunting)
Mulcahy: Uh, Doctor, I believe you are being paged.
Margaret: (more grunting and miming)
Charles: May I at least finish my Wheaties? (Margaret drags him out of the mess tent) Margaret, what is wrong?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Margaret (hoarse): Please send telegram. (writing on note pad)
Charles: Well why not. I'm often mistaken for a little Western Union boy. (reading note) "Dr. Chesler, must cancel. Very sorry. Perhaps another time." Another time? The man's leaving for the States tomorrow.
Margaret: Not fair to patients or staff. Can't work like this. Another three days — I can't go.
Charles: I must say I admire your dedication. I'll send this off immediately if that's what you really want. Yes? (leaving post-op bellowing) Telegram for Dr. Chesler. Oh, telegram for Dr. Chesler.
Charles: Well why not. I'm often mistaken for a little Western Union boy. (reading note) "Dr. Chesler, must cancel. Very sorry. Perhaps another time." Another time? The man's leaving for the States tomorrow.
Margaret: Not fair to patients or staff. Can't work like this. Another three days — I can't go.
Charles: I must say I admire your dedication. I'll send this off immediately if that's what you really want. Yes? (leaving post-op bellowing) Telegram for Dr. Chesler. Oh, telegram for Dr. Chesler.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Margaret: I got some 3-0 silk for you Dr. Winchester. I noticed you were running low.
Charles: I shall always cherish this moment.
Margaret: Well, Charles, what are friends for?
Charles: Friends? If pressed, I would say that you and I coexist. Now can we skip ahead to the inevitable small favor that you are going to ask?
Margaret: Well, now that you mention it, I got this new record player and I don't have anything to play on it.
Charles: I do. And you still don't.
Charles: I shall always cherish this moment.
Margaret: Well, Charles, what are friends for?
Charles: Friends? If pressed, I would say that you and I coexist. Now can we skip ahead to the inevitable small favor that you are going to ask?
Margaret: Well, now that you mention it, I got this new record player and I don't have anything to play on it.
Charles: I do. And you still don't.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles: If I don't find a way to hear some music soon, I'm gonna lose what is left of my mind.
BJ: Why don't you ask Margaret to let you play your records on her new record player?
Charles: I'd sooner share my toothbrush with a Democrat.
BJ: Maybe you could go over to the O-Club and play 'em on the jukebox. Nobody there this early.
Charles: That is tantamount to asking Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of Woolworth's.
BJ: Why don't you ask Margaret to let you play your records on her new record player?
Charles: I'd sooner share my toothbrush with a Democrat.
BJ: Maybe you could go over to the O-Club and play 'em on the jukebox. Nobody there this early.
Charles: That is tantamount to asking Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of Woolworth's.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Mulcahy: I do believe people are essentially good, but sometimes you have to put them in a half-nelson to get them to cough up.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Soldier: My boots. All he wanted was my lousy boots. His feet were freezing. I'd have done the same thing. He was just a guy like me, and I shot him and I killed him, for a pair of boots.
Potter: You know, sometimes I think there should be a rule of war saying you have to see someone up close and get to know him before it's OK to shoot him.
Soldier: How can I wear these again? How can I ever put on a pair of shoes without thinking of that guy?
Potter: You know, sometimes I think there should be a rule of war saying you have to see someone up close and get to know him before it's OK to shoot him.
Soldier: How can I wear these again? How can I ever put on a pair of shoes without thinking of that guy?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye[about the Army Field Manual]: How to Defend Freedom and Democracy Through Unquestioned Obedience.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ: [talking about a fishing lure] I've fished with this a couple of times. Hawk told me it belonged to Colonel Blake. It's for all the men who never made it home.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles: Just a minute! You handle our food and dig latrines?
Igor: Don't worry, sir. I always wash my hands before I dig the latrines.
Igor: Don't worry, sir. I always wash my hands before I dig the latrines.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Mulcahy: (to Col. Potter) Well, look on the bright side. When we're told we must do our time in purgatory, we can all say "No thanks. I've done mine."
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Col Potter: Goodbye, Margaret. I know you've got your career in order. Don't forget to have a happy life, too.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Col. Potter: Well, boys [B. J. and Hawkeye], it would be hard to call what we've been through fun, but I'm sure glad we went through it together.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
[Last scene of the series]
Hawkeye: Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'll say it. Maybe you're right. Maybe we will see each other again. But just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you. Whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you.
B. J.: Whenever I smell month-old socks, I'll think of you.
Hawkeye: Or the next time somebody nails my shoe to the floor...
B. J.: Or when somebody gives me a martini that tastes like lighter fluid.
Hawkeye: I'll miss you.
B. J.: I'll miss you, a lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here. [The two men hug, then Hawkeye boards the helicopter while B. J. mounts his motorcycle, where he shouts over the helicopter] I'll see you back in the States—I promise! But just in case, I left you a note!
Hawkeye: What?!
[B. J. rides off. Hawkeye gives the pilot the thumbs-up to take off. As the helicopter ascends, Hawkeye looks down and smiles as he sees a message spelled in stones: GOODBYE]
Hawkeye: Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'll say it. Maybe you're right. Maybe we will see each other again. But just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you. Whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you.
B. J.: Whenever I smell month-old socks, I'll think of you.
Hawkeye: Or the next time somebody nails my shoe to the floor...
B. J.: Or when somebody gives me a martini that tastes like lighter fluid.
Hawkeye: I'll miss you.
B. J.: I'll miss you, a lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here. [The two men hug, then Hawkeye boards the helicopter while B. J. mounts his motorcycle, where he shouts over the helicopter] I'll see you back in the States—I promise! But just in case, I left you a note!
Hawkeye: What?!
[B. J. rides off. Hawkeye gives the pilot the thumbs-up to take off. As the helicopter ascends, Hawkeye looks down and smiles as he sees a message spelled in stones: GOODBYE]
TV Show: M*A*S*H