M*A*S*H Quotes
Hawkeye (watching a movie): What; what'd I miss?
Henry: Cornel Wilde just kissed Gene Tierney.
Hawkeye: On the teeth?
Trapper: Right smack on.
Hawkeye: If he straightens out that overbite, I'll kill him.
Henry: Cornel Wilde just kissed Gene Tierney.
Hawkeye: On the teeth?
Trapper: Right smack on.
Hawkeye: If he straightens out that overbite, I'll kill him.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye (about breakfast): This looks familiar.
Trapper: I once cut that up in med school.
Trapper: I once cut that up in med school.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger: What's this morning's breakfast?
Trapper: Last night's dinner.
Klinger: Great, that was yesterday's lunch.
Trapper: Last night's dinner.
Klinger: Great, that was yesterday's lunch.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
(talking to Dr. Pak)
Hawkeye: Are you still doing those phony operations with the fake stitches?
Trapper: And using hair cream for penicillin?
Hawkeye: I examined one of your patients, Doctor. He still had pneumonia, but I must say, you cleared up his dandruff.
Hawkeye: Are you still doing those phony operations with the fake stitches?
Trapper: And using hair cream for penicillin?
Hawkeye: I examined one of your patients, Doctor. He still had pneumonia, but I must say, you cleared up his dandruff.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: You know sir, you just might go down in medical history.
Pak: How so?
Hawkeye: As the first Doctor ever to set two broken legs, and both of them his own.
Pak: How so?
Hawkeye: As the first Doctor ever to set two broken legs, and both of them his own.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank: As adjutant and assistant chief surgeon, I'd like to volunteer for that operation.
Margaret: How splendid, Major.
Henry: Very good, Frank.
Trapper: Lovely.
Hawkeye: Then it's settled. We'll do a hysterectomy on Major Burns.
Margaret: How splendid, Major.
Henry: Very good, Frank.
Trapper: Lovely.
Hawkeye: Then it's settled. We'll do a hysterectomy on Major Burns.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank: I think the Colonel might like to know that Major Houlihan's father was under General MacArthur in the cavalry.
Hawkeye: Her father was a horse. Did you know that?
Trapper: Our engagement is off.
Hawkeye: Her father was a horse. Did you know that?
Trapper: Our engagement is off.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
PA Announcement: Attention all personnel. Due to the incredible mediocrity of last night's movie, it will be shown again tonight at 2100 hours.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Henry: Boy, I wish I knew what was going on.
Radar: I'll tell you later, sir.
Henry: You always say that, Radar, but you never do.
Radar: I'll tell you later, sir.
Henry: You always say that, Radar, but you never do.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Flagg: My orders are to do whatever it takes to break up this penicillin ring, and I have written permission to die in the attempt!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger (on guard duty): Halt! Who goes there?
Henry: Outta the way, Klinger.
Klinger: I've gotta have the password, Colonel.
Henry: Bullfeathers!
Klinger: That was LAST week's password.
Henry: Outta the way, Klinger.
Klinger: I've gotta have the password, Colonel.
Henry: Bullfeathers!
Klinger: That was LAST week's password.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Radar: (walking very slowly into the OR, shortly after Blake's departure) I have a message: Lt. Col... Henry Blake's plane...was shot down... over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors. (He leaves, fighting tears)
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank: Pierce, you need to sign in upon returning to the camp.
Hawkeye: Hello, honey, I'm home.
Hawkeye: Hello, honey, I'm home.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Radar (over the PA): Attention! By command of the new Commanding Officer, all officers report to the Commanding Officer's office, sirs!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank: Another week of command and I'd have had you out of that dress!
Klinger: I'm not that easy.
Klinger: I'm not that easy.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Lie down and rest.
Klinger: I'd rather do it in my own bed.
Hawkeye: All right, go back to your tent.
Klinger: My bed in Toledo.
Klinger: I'd rather do it in my own bed.
Hawkeye: All right, go back to your tent.
Klinger: My bed in Toledo.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Jenkins: Halt, who goes there?
Radar: It's the Colonel.
Jenkins: Oh, sorry, go ahead, sir.
Potter: Don't you want to know the password?
Jenkins: I already know it, sir.
Radar: It's the Colonel.
Jenkins: Oh, sorry, go ahead, sir.
Potter: Don't you want to know the password?
Jenkins: I already know it, sir.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye They'll keep coming whether I'm here or not. Trapper went home, they're still coming. Henry got killed and they're still coming. Wherever they come from, they'll never run out.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Captain Prapp: Well, you are, doctor, I am afraid, what George Orwell referred to in 1984 as an "un-person." [chuckles]
Hawkeye: An "un-person"? Now I'm an un-person. Do you know that right now back in Maine my father, not realizing I'm undead, is at this moment mourning his "un-son."
Captain Prapp: Well, I don't know any other way out of it.
Hawkeye: Oh, you don't, huh? He just rattles around in that empty house, gives my things away to the Salvation Army and ages a couple of years for every day he thinks I've shaken off this khaki coil!
Hawkeye: An "un-person"? Now I'm an un-person. Do you know that right now back in Maine my father, not realizing I'm undead, is at this moment mourning his "un-son."
Captain Prapp: Well, I don't know any other way out of it.
Hawkeye: Oh, you don't, huh? He just rattles around in that empty house, gives my things away to the Salvation Army and ages a couple of years for every day he thinks I've shaken off this khaki coil!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
(Frank and Margaret are in Margaret's tent)
Hawkeye (from outside): Frank, are you in there?
Frank: They're trying to catch us at something.
Margaret: We're not DOING anything.
Frank: Oh, yeah. Who'd have thought?
Hawkeye (from outside): Frank, are you in there?
Frank: They're trying to catch us at something.
Margaret: We're not DOING anything.
Frank: Oh, yeah. Who'd have thought?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank (into walkie-talkie): Attention all Allied personnel: There are only about half a dozen stars visible, sky-wise: I am directly under the brightest one.
Hawkeye: Very good, Frank.
BJ: They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem.
Hawkeye: Very good, Frank.
BJ: They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank: I can plug an ace of hearts at fifty feet.
Hawkeye: I'll remember that if we're ever attacked by a bridge club.
Hawkeye: I'll remember that if we're ever attacked by a bridge club.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Radar (about Frank): I'm probably responsible for his leaving.
BJ: You should come here more often.
BJ: You should come here more often.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger (feeding a little girl): I hope you like this. Some of it was cooked before you were born.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Flagg: You are very smart, Freedman.
Hawkeye: I told you.
Flagg: You're only saying Chandler flipped out so I will have you busted and you can return to your safe cozy civilian practice.
BJ: He's on to you, Sid.
Flagg: You're not smart, Freedman, you're dumb, very dumb! But you met your match in ME!
Hawkeye: I told you.
Flagg: You're only saying Chandler flipped out so I will have you busted and you can return to your safe cozy civilian practice.
BJ: He's on to you, Sid.
Flagg: You're not smart, Freedman, you're dumb, very dumb! But you met your match in ME!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Sidney: Captain, is it true that God answers all prayers?
Chandler: Yes. Sometimes the answer is no.
Chandler: Yes. Sometimes the answer is no.
TV Show: M*A*S*H