M*A*S*H Quotes
Potter: Listen, it's too big a world to be in competition with everybody. The only person I'm out to beat is who I am right now. And in your case, that's tough enough.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Frank: So like you, Hunnicutt. Not a patriotic bone in your body.
Hawkeye: No wonder the man flunked anatomy, he thinks there are patriotic bones!
Hawkeye: No wonder the man flunked anatomy, he thinks there are patriotic bones!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger[singing]: Nobody knows the trouble I've seen...
Hawkeye: I know!
Klinger: Somebody knows the trouble I've seen...
Hawkeye: I know!
Klinger: Somebody knows the trouble I've seen...
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ[singing]: Git along, little doggie...
Hawkeye: I had a long little doggie once. A Dachshund.
BJ: Oh a little hot dog. What happened to it?
Hawkeye: It got all mustered out.
BJ: I relish these conversations.
Hawkeye: I had a long little doggie once. A Dachshund.
BJ: Oh a little hot dog. What happened to it?
Hawkeye: It got all mustered out.
BJ: I relish these conversations.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: [Giving a speech about returning home in one piece] And remember, someone at home loves you. Don't ask me why.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: Sergeant, I've told everyone else, I'll tell you. The 4077th is out of blood! We're squeezin' turnips here! All my personnel have donated at least twice, and Dracula couldn't find a quick snack around these parts!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Moody: When I was a kid, I used to fight all the time when people put me down. I believed what they said about me. Not any more. I've been up on the line. I had the guts to go out there and drag 'em back to the aid station. No one's gonna get me again with any verbal abuse because I got something guys like that will never have - self-respect.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Klinger: In the words of my people, may your life be an oasis surrounded by waving palms, warm breezes, and spit-free camels.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ: Where you going, Frank?
Frank (Last Line): I don't know. Uh... Just felt like grabbing a cold shower.
Frank (Last Line): I don't know. Uh... Just felt like grabbing a cold shower.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: What's the matter?
Klinger: Snapped my garter belt.
Potter: Don't expect a Purple Heart.
Klinger: Snapped my garter belt.
Potter: Don't expect a Purple Heart.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles: What is that odor?
Radar: Uh, north wind, cesspool, east wind, latrine.
Charles: The wind is from the south.
Radar: Oh, that's the kitchen.
Radar: Uh, north wind, cesspool, east wind, latrine.
Charles: The wind is from the south.
Radar: Oh, that's the kitchen.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? In the blood of children? I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then... then the hell with it. How dare you? The hell with your Iowa naivete, and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear, and while you're at it, the hell with you! Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder, if possible without going crazy. Period. (Radar begins to cry) Come on, cut it out. Stop it, will ya!? You ninny!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Radar: I don't think this place is turning out to be that great an experience for me. I mean I work under terrible pressure and everything and there's a lot of death and destruction and stuff but outside of that I don't think I'm really getting much out of it.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
BJ: He'll be walking back here in about an hour.
Hawkeye: He'll be WALKING back?
BJ: The only thing gassed up in that jeep was US!
Hawkeye: He'll be WALKING back?
BJ: The only thing gassed up in that jeep was US!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Sidney: When Pierce and Hunnicutt lose one, he's out of his misery. When I lose one, I've lost a mind.
Mulcahy: When I lose one, I've lost a soul.
Mulcahy: When I lose one, I've lost a soul.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Sidney (to Klinger): You're a tribute to man's endurance. A monument to hope in size 12 pumps. I hope you do get out someday. There would be a battalion of men in hoop skirts right behind you.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: You've got to have a pair of pajamas, look around. You had a pair when you got here.
BJ: I had a lot of things when I got here. Faith, hope, sanity, a liver.
BJ: I had a lot of things when I got here. Faith, hope, sanity, a liver.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles: I will put this as eloquently and succintly as possible...(tries to pours tea but a plastic chicken is in the pitcher) ...Get me the hell out of here!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Charles: I would operate in Braille if my fingers weren't frozen.
Hawkeye (imitating Charles' accent): Sorry Charles, we're all out of fur-lined rubber gloves.
Hawkeye (imitating Charles' accent): Sorry Charles, we're all out of fur-lined rubber gloves.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: (gleefully, after BJ has ripped chapter 1 out of his book and given to Hawk to read) Heehee! Reading! This just might be better than sex!
Charles: Certainly takes longer around here.
BJ: How would you know?
Charles: Certainly takes longer around here.
BJ: How would you know?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: Je suis poulet a la poetry.
(Kyong Soon starts laughing)
Hawkeye: What?
Kyong Soon: What did you mean to say?
Hawkeye: That I'm pulled toward poetry. What did I say?
Kyong Soon (still laughing): You said you were a chicken!
(Kyong Soon starts laughing)
Hawkeye: What?
Kyong Soon: What did you mean to say?
Hawkeye: That I'm pulled toward poetry. What did I say?
Kyong Soon (still laughing): You said you were a chicken!
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Hawkeye: What does Kyong Soon mean?
Kyong Soon: It means bright and obedient. But my father used to tease me. I'm not very obedient.
Kyong Soon: It means bright and obedient. But my father used to tease me. I'm not very obedient.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Sergeant Maxwell: If there's ever anything I can do for you, let me know.
Hawkeye: How about arresting this war for disturbing the peace?
Hawkeye: How about arresting this war for disturbing the peace?
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Sergeant (showing Hawkeye, BJ and Radar his tattoo): The Marine emblem, Semper Fidelis.
BJ: Latin for "always faithful".
Hawkeye: Well, I'd want to meet the girl first.
BJ: Latin for "always faithful".
Hawkeye: Well, I'd want to meet the girl first.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Radar (about his tattoo): It'll come off when I take a bath.
Hawkeye: My God, it is permanent.
Hawkeye: My God, it is permanent.
TV Show: M*A*S*H
Potter: You're gonna eat your way to a discharge.
Klinger: I call it "food for freedom".
Potter: I call it "suicide by salami".
Klinger: I call it "food for freedom".
Potter: I call it "suicide by salami".
TV Show: M*A*S*H