Machete Kills Quotes
Machete: [Looking to a wall of weapons]What happen to the world peace?
Miss San Antonio: Fuck world peace.
Miss San Antonio: Fuck world peace.
Movie: Machete Kills
Miss San Antonio: Watch it now Pussycat. That's not a very ladylike kinda thing to say.
Luz: I don't do ladylike.
Miss San Antonio: So what then, you're just a regular old cranky bitch? Or is it PMS?
Luz: If it were PMS, you'd be dead already.
Luz: I don't do ladylike.
Miss San Antonio: So what then, you're just a regular old cranky bitch? Or is it PMS?
Luz: If it were PMS, you'd be dead already.
Movie: Machete Kills
Miss San Antonio: Try not to be distracted by the cleavage and the hairspray. That's part of my cover.
Movie: Machete Kills
Luz: I knew I smelt bitch in the air tonight!
Miss San Antonio: Payback's the only bitch you need to worry about! This dress costs more than your FUCKING LIFE!
Luz: Didn't anybody ever tell you not to wear a dress to a gunfight?
Miss San Antonio: Oh, baby, I always dress to the nines.
Luz: I dress to kill.
Miss San Antonio: Payback's the only bitch you need to worry about! This dress costs more than your FUCKING LIFE!
Luz: Didn't anybody ever tell you not to wear a dress to a gunfight?
Miss San Antonio: Oh, baby, I always dress to the nines.
Luz: I dress to kill.
Movie: Machete Kills
Machete: Good luck on that pageant.
Miss San Antonio: I'm gonna need a lot more than luck! Did you see the ass of Miss Corpus Christi?
Miss San Antonio: I'm gonna need a lot more than luck! Did you see the ass of Miss Corpus Christi?
Movie: Machete Kills
Machete: I'm not interested.
Mr. President: Motherfucker, I'm not asking if you're interested. I'm the President of the United fucking States, man.
Mr. President: Motherfucker, I'm not asking if you're interested. I'm the President of the United fucking States, man.
Movie: Machete Kills
Voz: I just gotta say that you are one genuine article, Genghis Khan, high-caliber, fucker-people-upper.
Movie: Machete Kills
Sheriff Doakes: Well, I'll be goddamned.
Clebourne: They say he doesn't die, sir. Been shot, stabbed. Doesn't ever die.
Sheriff Doakes: Bull-fucking-shit. This Pedro has just got a thick neck is all.
Clebourne: They say he doesn't die, sir. Been shot, stabbed. Doesn't ever die.
Sheriff Doakes: Bull-fucking-shit. This Pedro has just got a thick neck is all.
Movie: Machete Kills
Mendez: Special Agent Mendez.
Machete: How many of you are there?
Mendez: Sorry, that's classified.
Machete: How many of you are there?
Mendez: Sorry, that's classified.
Movie: Machete Kills
Miss San Antonio: Really? You're gonna make me kill a blind chick? I'm pretty sure they're gonna take my crown for that.
Luz: That's all right. They'll just give it to the next bimbo who spreads like butter.
Luz: That's all right. They'll just give it to the next bimbo who spreads like butter.
Movie: Machete Kills
Miss San Antonio: So now what happens?
Luz: Ask the last guy who shot my eye out.
Luz: Ask the last guy who shot my eye out.
Movie: Machete Kills
Grasa: Easy, hombre. You wouldn't shoot a man in a wheelchair, would you?
Machete: No. [Machete shoots at an air tank, sending Grasa and the wheelchair rolling into enemy gunfire]
Machete: No. [Machete shoots at an air tank, sending Grasa and the wheelchair rolling into enemy gunfire]
Movie: Machete Kills
Voz: My molecule blaster doesn't quite work yet - keeps turning shit inside out.
Movie: Machete Kills
Desdemona: Ladies, give them hell. Save lover boy for mama. I have a special package for him. Killjoy! Give me my strap-on!
Movie: Machete Kills
Title Card: [mock movie trailer]In a land beyond space and time...
Trailer Voice Guy: A new world enslaved. This is a land in need of a hero. [Trejo removes his space helmet]
Trailer Voice Guy: They call him... MACHETE. [echoing]
Trailer Voice Guy: Machete Machete.
Trailer Voice Guy: He knows the score.
Space Babe: We need a leader. We need a revolution. We need you, Machete.
Trailer Voice Guy: He gets the space babes. [deep kiss]
Luz: The people needs us, Machete. This is a new network. It's all... galactic and shit.
Machete: He thinks he's God in heaven. So heaven must fall.
Trailer Voice Guy: And he kills the bad guys. Starring Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez...
Luz: Eat photons, bitches!
Trailer Voice Guy: ...Alexa Vega. With Justin Beaver, as Bleep. And Lady Gaga, as [provoctive music]
Trailer Voice Guy: whoever she wants to be. With special guest star Leonardo DiCaprio, as the Man in the Silver Mask. [in a lower voice]
Trailer Voice Guy: Actor subject to change. [louder]
Trailer Voice Guy: Machete Kills Again... in Space. [lower voice again]
Trailer Voice Guy: Rated X for cigarette use, prolonged sexual content, pervasive language, and space violence.
Trailer Voice Guy: A new world enslaved. This is a land in need of a hero. [Trejo removes his space helmet]
Trailer Voice Guy: They call him... MACHETE. [echoing]
Trailer Voice Guy: Machete Machete.
Trailer Voice Guy: He knows the score.
Space Babe: We need a leader. We need a revolution. We need you, Machete.
Trailer Voice Guy: He gets the space babes. [deep kiss]
Luz: The people needs us, Machete. This is a new network. It's all... galactic and shit.
Machete: He thinks he's God in heaven. So heaven must fall.
Trailer Voice Guy: And he kills the bad guys. Starring Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez...
Luz: Eat photons, bitches!
Trailer Voice Guy: ...Alexa Vega. With Justin Beaver, as Bleep. And Lady Gaga, as [provoctive music]
Trailer Voice Guy: whoever she wants to be. With special guest star Leonardo DiCaprio, as the Man in the Silver Mask. [in a lower voice]
Trailer Voice Guy: Actor subject to change. [louder]
Trailer Voice Guy: Machete Kills Again... in Space. [lower voice again]
Trailer Voice Guy: Rated X for cigarette use, prolonged sexual content, pervasive language, and space violence.
Movie: Machete Kills
Mr. President: Machete, what's this I hear about you having Mendez in custody?
Machete: Things got complicated.
Mr. President: No shit! You were supposed to take him out, not give him a joyride on the Good Ship Lollypop! Damn it, I didn't recruit you for your sense of compassion. Machete kills. That's what he does! He doesn't save the bad guys! Now shoot that motherfucker!
Machete: If he dies, you die. The missile is wired to his heart.
Mr. President: Come again?
Miss San Antonio: Machete, can it be disarmed?
Machete: Only where it was made. VozTech.
Mr. President: VozTech is the biggest weapons supplier to our military! You want to bring him all the way back to the fucking manufacturer?
Machete: I need your help getting him across the border. This is a part of something big. I can feel it.
Mr. President: Last time I sent a black op team into Mexico, they got dead and I got the Oval ass-fuck.
Machete: Things got complicated.
Mr. President: No shit! You were supposed to take him out, not give him a joyride on the Good Ship Lollypop! Damn it, I didn't recruit you for your sense of compassion. Machete kills. That's what he does! He doesn't save the bad guys! Now shoot that motherfucker!
Machete: If he dies, you die. The missile is wired to his heart.
Mr. President: Come again?
Miss San Antonio: Machete, can it be disarmed?
Machete: Only where it was made. VozTech.
Mr. President: VozTech is the biggest weapons supplier to our military! You want to bring him all the way back to the fucking manufacturer?
Machete: I need your help getting him across the border. This is a part of something big. I can feel it.
Mr. President: Last time I sent a black op team into Mexico, they got dead and I got the Oval ass-fuck.
Movie: Machete Kills
Mendez: Machete, this man is a dirty cop.
Police Captain: Shut your fucking mouth! Shut up, loco!
Mendez: You shouldn't have said that, amigo. Because if you call me loco, then I'm afraid loco is what you get!
Police Captain: Shut your fucking mouth! Shut up, loco!
Mendez: You shouldn't have said that, amigo. Because if you call me loco, then I'm afraid loco is what you get!
Movie: Machete Kills