Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
Caroline: Oh, come on. We've studied this. There is nothing dirty about the miracle of life. And we should all be able to discuss this openly.
Dabney: Who's the father?
Stevie: Does he... work here?
Caroline: All right, you know. I told you we are not playing this game again!!
Dabney: Who's the father?
Stevie: Does he... work here?
Caroline: All right, you know. I told you we are not playing this game again!!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Dabney has three dentist appointments every week. His teeth look fine to me.
Lloyd: He's not going to the dentist. He's going to the "dentist." It's the secret code for the school therapist.
Lloyd: He's not going to the dentist. He's going to the "dentist." It's the secret code for the school therapist.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Francis: Look at this, ever heard of fabric softener? These sheets are like sleeping on straw.
Cadet Martin: Hey, it was good enough for baby Jesus.
Francis: Get out!
(Cadet Martin leaves; Francis throws away all the detergent)
Cadet Martin: Hey, it was good enough for baby Jesus.
Francis: Get out!
(Cadet Martin leaves; Francis throws away all the detergent)
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: And when I do, we are all gonna clean up this disaster of a closet. It's gonna be our new family project.
Hal: We've never finished our last family project.
Lois: Because it's in here under two tons of crap!
Hal: We've never finished our last family project.
Lois: Because it's in here under two tons of crap!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese [to Malcolm]: You missed a great assembly. I can't believe it. They actually gave us fruit to throw at the Krelboynes. What were they thinking?
Malcolm: Don't you ever get tired of making their lives miserable?
Reese: Nope. Beside, I want them to remember who's boss when they're living in their mansions with their supermodel wives. They're gonna know the guy cleaning their pool kicked their ass.
Malcolm: Don't you ever get tired of making their lives miserable?
Reese: Nope. Beside, I want them to remember who's boss when they're living in their mansions with their supermodel wives. They're gonna know the guy cleaning their pool kicked their ass.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: I can't do it. I'm stupid and I'm terrible. I suck at everything.... AND I'M FAT!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm (sees Reese): What are doing here?
Reese: I figured out your scam. As it turns out, crazy runs in the family.
Malcolm: Reese, you don't know what your doing. You're gonna ruin everything.
Reese: Relax. I got it covered.
Mrs. Gilbert: I'm ready to see you now, Reese.
Reese (in a gravelly voice): Reese, isn't here right now. This is Davey.
Reese: I figured out your scam. As it turns out, crazy runs in the family.
Malcolm: Reese, you don't know what your doing. You're gonna ruin everything.
Reese: Relax. I got it covered.
Mrs. Gilbert: I'm ready to see you now, Reese.
Reese (in a gravelly voice): Reese, isn't here right now. This is Davey.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm [to Reese]: What happened? Did you get caught? Where were you?
Reese: Geez, you're always so angry. Maybe you really do need therapy.
Malcolm: What I need is for you not to ruin everything for me. Do you know how much trouble we'd be in if we get caught. With Mom, with the school, WITH MOM!!
Reese: Give me a little credit, psycho. I've been doing my own research. (takes rental videos out) See, I rented Silence of the Lambs, Seven, and the Nutty Professor.
Malcolm: Oh, God! Reese, tell me exactly what you told her.
Reese: Nope. That's confidential. Now, which do you like more? Hannibal Lector or the hockey mask.
(There's a knock on door; Lois & Mrs. Gilbert appear)
Lois: Malcolm? Reese? What do you have to say for yourselves?
Reese: Don't blame Reese? Blame Davey. (Lois grabs his finger and breaks it) Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Reese: Geez, you're always so angry. Maybe you really do need therapy.
Malcolm: What I need is for you not to ruin everything for me. Do you know how much trouble we'd be in if we get caught. With Mom, with the school, WITH MOM!!
Reese: Give me a little credit, psycho. I've been doing my own research. (takes rental videos out) See, I rented Silence of the Lambs, Seven, and the Nutty Professor.
Malcolm: Oh, God! Reese, tell me exactly what you told her.
Reese: Nope. That's confidential. Now, which do you like more? Hannibal Lector or the hockey mask.
(There's a knock on door; Lois & Mrs. Gilbert appear)
Lois: Malcolm? Reese? What do you have to say for yourselves?
Reese: Don't blame Reese? Blame Davey. (Lois grabs his finger and breaks it) Ow, ow, ow, ow!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: (while cleaning out the closet) Who are the Petersons? Why do we have their photo albums? Hi, Malcolm. How was school?
Malcolm: It was normal. Yeah, I'd say normal. Very medieval. (pointing in the closet) Is that a truck tire?
Lois: What? Oh, my... Hal!
Malcolm: It was normal. Yeah, I'd say normal. Very medieval. (pointing in the closet) Is that a truck tire?
Lois: What? Oh, my... Hal!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Caroline: Okay, your Holiness, would you start the gay... as in happy... Harvest Possession.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: Well, that's not fair! What do they expect him to do, beat up a girl?
Reese: I get to beat up a girl...cool!
Reese: I get to beat up a girl...cool!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Those guys are nuts. I'm funny!... Aren't I funny?
Lloyd: To be honest, you can be a little caustic.
Stevie: The word... is arrogant.
Dabney: How about bitter, sarcastic and handsome? (Lloyd and Stevie stare at him) (points somewhere) Hey, she's cute.
Lloyd: To be honest, you can be a little caustic.
Stevie: The word... is arrogant.
Dabney: How about bitter, sarcastic and handsome? (Lloyd and Stevie stare at him) (points somewhere) Hey, she's cute.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Rick [to Malcolm]: Remember me? "Moby Rick"? (sarcastically) That was so hilarious.
Malcolm: I never called you Moby Rick. I called you Rickapotamus, although... (Rick punches him)
Malcolm: I never called you Moby Rick. I called you Rickapotamus, although... (Rick punches him)
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: You're talking about joining a cult, Reese!
Reese: My name isn't Reese anymore.
Malcolm: Then what is it?
Reese: I don't remember, but it's not Reese!
Reese: My name isn't Reese anymore.
Malcolm: Then what is it?
Reese: I don't remember, but it's not Reese!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Dewey: Is Reese a girl now?
Malcolm: No, Dewey, he's a lady.
Reese: Shut up.
Malcolm: Sorry, ma'am.
Malcolm: No, Dewey, he's a lady.
Reese: Shut up.
Malcolm: Sorry, ma'am.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois [to Malcolm about Mrs. Griffin]: You broke her arm?
Malcolm: She had my ball.
Lois: You broke her arm for a ball?
Malcolm: No, I already had the ball. I just pushed her away.
Lois: You pushed her and broke her arm for a ball?
Hal: Was it a special ball, son?
Malcolm: She had my ball.
Lois: You broke her arm for a ball?
Malcolm: No, I already had the ball. I just pushed her away.
Lois: You pushed her and broke her arm for a ball?
Hal: Was it a special ball, son?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois [to Malcolm]: I talked to Mrs. Griffin. This is what's gonna happen. You are going there every day to help that poor woman until her arm heals.
Malcolm: Every day??!!
Lois: Not one word! Every day!! End of story!
Malcolm: Every day??!!
Lois: Not one word! Every day!! End of story!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal: Reese, an old woman's purse is a little boy's book bag... if he's European.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Mrs. Griffin: (as she is driving, she feels an itch inside her cast and let's go of the steering wheel) Ooh, damn cast itches like a Greek sailor. (Malcolm tries to turn the wheel) Stop pawing at me!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese [about Dewey's purse]: Dewey, you're wearing an invitation to an ass-kicking!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
(As Mrs. Griffin starts complaining about other types of people)
Malcolm: (to the camera) I can't believe how horrible she is. I'm just gonna ignore her. (turns around and keeps hearing her complain more, then sees a loose blouse hanging as he looks over and sees Mrs. Griffin's robe open; Malcolm is shocked)
Malcolm: (to the camera) I can't believe how horrible she is. I'm just gonna ignore her. (turns around and keeps hearing her complain more, then sees a loose blouse hanging as he looks over and sees Mrs. Griffin's robe open; Malcolm is shocked)
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese [to Dewey]: Kids like me, we look like things like this. We see three kids. Normal kid, Normal kid, and kid with the purse. Which one do you think we are going to hit?
Dewey: Is one of the kids fat?
Reese: It doesn't matter! That kid will be fat tomorrow. But the kid with the purse, might not have the purse tomorrow!
Dewey: Is one of the kids fat?
Reese: It doesn't matter! That kid will be fat tomorrow. But the kid with the purse, might not have the purse tomorrow!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Hey, I think 45 minutes of rubbing out corns is worth at least an hour joyride.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
(After being caught joyriding by Lois, all the Krelboynes leave except for Malcolm & Stevie)
Malcolm: Need some help, Stevie?
Stevie: Pop... the trunk.
Malcolm: Need some help, Stevie?
Stevie: Pop... the trunk.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lloyd: Hey, check out the new kid.
Stevie: Fresh... meat.
Dabney: [to Malcolm] You no longer have to live in fear.
Malcolm: What are you talking about?
Dabney: The hazing we put you through is over.
Malcolm: What hazing?
Lloyd: Oh, come on! When we gave you the warped lunchtray. When we dulled the points on your pencils. When you sneezed and no one said "Bless you."
Dabney: I still feel bad about that.
Stevie: Fresh... meat.
Dabney: [to Malcolm] You no longer have to live in fear.
Malcolm: What are you talking about?
Dabney: The hazing we put you through is over.
Malcolm: What hazing?
Lloyd: Oh, come on! When we gave you the warped lunchtray. When we dulled the points on your pencils. When you sneezed and no one said "Bless you."
Dabney: I still feel bad about that.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Francis [to Malcolm]: I'm warning you, keep Mom out of your love life!
Malcolm: Mom has nothing to do with this.
Francis: Trust me, yes, she does — she will ruin it, I swear! Whatever Mom tells you, don't do it. And don't do the opposite, either! The way it's worked for me is... Actually, it's never worked for me.
Malcolm: Mom has nothing to do with this.
Francis: Trust me, yes, she does — she will ruin it, I swear! Whatever Mom tells you, don't do it. And don't do the opposite, either! The way it's worked for me is... Actually, it's never worked for me.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Hi, I'm Malcolm.
Cynthia: Cynthia.
Malcolm: So, you're new here.
Cynthia: Yeah, my dad wanted to get away from Manhattan, but I think the real reason is that my mom's remarriage hit him pretty hard and he thinks that a new environment would help. The truth is nothing's been the same after my brother died in a boating accident.
(Malcolm is shocked, Cynthia pauses, then snorts)
Cynthia: Ha! Just kidding.
Malcolm: What?
Stevie (passes by them): Get... a room.
(Cynthia laughs)
Malcolm: Anyways, see you later, and I'm glad your brother's okay.
Cynthia: I don't have a brother.
Cynthia: Cynthia.
Malcolm: So, you're new here.
Cynthia: Yeah, my dad wanted to get away from Manhattan, but I think the real reason is that my mom's remarriage hit him pretty hard and he thinks that a new environment would help. The truth is nothing's been the same after my brother died in a boating accident.
(Malcolm is shocked, Cynthia pauses, then snorts)
Cynthia: Ha! Just kidding.
Malcolm: What?
Stevie (passes by them): Get... a room.
(Cynthia laughs)
Malcolm: Anyways, see you later, and I'm glad your brother's okay.
Cynthia: I don't have a brother.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois [to Dewey]: What are you doing?
Dewey (scrubbing): I'm killing the germs. I hate germs. Germs are scary.
Lois: Don't forget the germs in the oven.
Dewey (scrubbing): I'm killing the germs. I hate germs. Germs are scary.
Lois: Don't forget the germs in the oven.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle