Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
Reese: Ooh, Malcolm. Having lunch with your girlfriend?
Malcolm: She's not my girlfriend.
Reese: I don't know. I think I see a spark. (bops Cynthia's nose) Boop!
Cynthia: Please don't do that.
Malcolm (to the camera): Yeah, that'll help.
Reese: Aw, she doesn't like to be touched. Well, maybe, I'll do this.
(Cynthia grabs Reese's arm and twists it, Reese falls on the table)
Cynthia: Now, say your body is composed entirely of snot.
Reese (sobbing in pain): My body is composed entirely of snot.
Cynthia (to Malcolm): Anything you'd like to add?
Malcolm: I'm good.
(Cynthia lets go of Reese and he walks off still in pain)
Malcolm: She's not my girlfriend.
Reese: I don't know. I think I see a spark. (bops Cynthia's nose) Boop!
Cynthia: Please don't do that.
Malcolm (to the camera): Yeah, that'll help.
Reese: Aw, she doesn't like to be touched. Well, maybe, I'll do this.
(Cynthia grabs Reese's arm and twists it, Reese falls on the table)
Cynthia: Now, say your body is composed entirely of snot.
Reese (sobbing in pain): My body is composed entirely of snot.
Cynthia (to Malcolm): Anything you'd like to add?
Malcolm: I'm good.
(Cynthia lets go of Reese and he walks off still in pain)
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
(Malcolm enters the front door panting)
Lois: What's wrong?
Malcolm: Some crazy new girl from school actually followed me home.
Lois: Really? Is she cute? Is this what this whole boxers shorts thing is all about. (approaches the door and looks through the peephole)
Malcolm: Mom, please don't.
(Lois sees Cynthia through the peephole and opens the door)
Cynthia: Hi!
Lois: What's wrong?
Malcolm: Some crazy new girl from school actually followed me home.
Lois: Really? Is she cute? Is this what this whole boxers shorts thing is all about. (approaches the door and looks through the peephole)
Malcolm: Mom, please don't.
(Lois sees Cynthia through the peephole and opens the door)
Cynthia: Hi!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois [to Malcolm about Cynthia]: You be nice to that girl. It's obvious she has no friends.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Cynthia: Thanks for inviting me to dinner.
Lois: Your quite welcome. I'm sure if my son wasn't a rude selfish little pig, he would have invited you himself.
Lois: Your quite welcome. I'm sure if my son wasn't a rude selfish little pig, he would have invited you himself.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
(Malcolm is having lunch on a table)
Cynthia: Hey, Malcolm.
Malcolm: I want to sit alone. (Cynthia sits down next to him) Yeah, hi.
Cynthia: So, I signed us up as lab partners.
Malcolm: You know, you're always near me. Wouldn't it be okay if you branched out a little?
Cynthia: I thought it seemed so cool that we have a thing together.
Malcolm (to the camera): Thing?
Cynthia: Hey, Malcolm.
Malcolm: I want to sit alone. (Cynthia sits down next to him) Yeah, hi.
Cynthia: So, I signed us up as lab partners.
Malcolm: You know, you're always near me. Wouldn't it be okay if you branched out a little?
Cynthia: I thought it seemed so cool that we have a thing together.
Malcolm (to the camera): Thing?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese: Malcolm, can you ask your girlfriend to pass the potatoes? (Cynthia hands Reese a bowl of mashed potatoes) Malcolm, can you thank your girlfriend for me?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese: Malcolm, can you ask your girlfriend if she would like some more peas?
Dewey: We get it!
Dewey: We get it!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Cynthia: Looks like Lloyd and Dabney are having a pretty intense conversation. Did you know I could read lips? (imitates Lloyd) I've noticed that 80% of my Doritos are isosceles triangles. (imitates Dabney) Wow! I'm impressed. Wanna kiss? (Malcolm and Cynthia giggle, Cynthia imitates Lloyd) I was hoping you'd ask. Lemme take a bite of my sandwich first. (Lloyd takes a bite, Cynthia imitates Dabney) Waiting such sweet agony. (Malcolm & Cynthia laugh again; Cynthia imitates Lloyd) Okay, I'm ready. (imitates Dabney) Oh, no, I'm not. I just took a bite of my sandwich. (imitates Lloyd) Oh, you're such a tease.
(Malcolm & Cynthia both laugh again and look at each other and are about to kiss, but Cynthia snorts; Malcolm gets up and leaves)
(Malcolm & Cynthia both laugh again and look at each other and are about to kiss, but Cynthia snorts; Malcolm gets up and leaves)
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal (phone rings): Hello.
Francis: You are the best dad, ever.
Hal: I am not. I'm a terrible dad. I never should've lied to you.
Francis: Well, the important thing is that this is all behind us and I've learned my lesson.
Hal: What's that?
Francis: That you are the best dad ever.
Hal: Francis, I don't feel much like talking right now. (hangs up while Dewey scrubs the phone)
Francis: You are the best dad, ever.
Hal: I am not. I'm a terrible dad. I never should've lied to you.
Francis: Well, the important thing is that this is all behind us and I've learned my lesson.
Hal: What's that?
Francis: That you are the best dad ever.
Hal: Francis, I don't feel much like talking right now. (hangs up while Dewey scrubs the phone)
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lloyd [to Malcolm]: Looks like you and Cynthia have some real chemistry.
Malcolm: Would you shut up!
Lloyd: No, see, it's a play on words.
Malcolm: I said shut up!
Malcolm: Would you shut up!
Lloyd: No, see, it's a play on words.
Malcolm: I said shut up!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Cynthia's Dad [to Malcolm]: Why did you throw a brick through my daughter's window at 2: 00 am?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Cynthia [about Lois]: Well, at least she didn't strip us naked and take pictures.
Malcolm (sigh): The night is young.
Malcolm (sigh): The night is young.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Reese, she's four years old. You're bigger and smarter... well, you're bigger than her.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois [to Hal]: What are you looking at?
Hal: Reese's report card, it is much better than last time.
Lois: Really?
Hal: Yeah, this time he used the exact same brand pen as the teacher to change his grade.
Lois: Look at that, he gave himself a "C" in math instead of "A+".
Hal: Yeah, it's subtle, nice attention to detail. He's really learning. Two months grounded?
Lois: 3 months, scrubbing toilets.
Hal: Reese's report card, it is much better than last time.
Lois: Really?
Hal: Yeah, this time he used the exact same brand pen as the teacher to change his grade.
Lois: Look at that, he gave himself a "C" in math instead of "A+".
Hal: Yeah, it's subtle, nice attention to detail. He's really learning. Two months grounded?
Lois: 3 months, scrubbing toilets.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese [to Malcolm]: Relax. Everyone will think Josh is a thief. His parents will be tied up in court, and Emily will be thrown into a foster home where she'll bite her foster parents, who will leave her at the side of the road, and she can spend the rest of her life biting hillbillies on the interstate.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Yeah, and that kid, Josh, told everyone I was born with both sex organs and raised as a girl until I was five.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Dewey: Their gnome wants to eat me. It's evil.
Lois: They're all evil, sweetie.
Lois: They're all evil, sweetie.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: (to the camera) You know, why plan my future when it's just gonna be a wall of paint crashing down on me? I'm just gonna enjoy being a kid again.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Craig: Francis, I want you to count all the malt balls. (hands Francis a clipboard and a pen as he walks off)
Francis: Should I start with the 40 in your belly?
Craig: I heard that... and I'm paying for those.
Francis: Should I start with the 40 in your belly?
Craig: I heard that... and I'm paying for those.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: Boys, I need to speak to your father alone.
Reese: So? You have a bedroom, we're eating!
Reese: So? You have a bedroom, we're eating!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois [to Hal]: You quit because a 6-year-old told you your job was awful?
Malcolm: You should have seen it, Mom. He made Dad cry.
Hal: The boy was cruel... but fair.
Malcolm: You should have seen it, Mom. He made Dad cry.
Hal: The boy was cruel... but fair.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: There's got to be 500 gallons of paint up there.
Hal: There isn't... yeah, that's about right.
Hal: There isn't... yeah, that's about right.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal: This is good meat loaf. New recipe?
Lois: Nope. Same as it's always been.
Hal: Ah, come on.
Lois: Oh, you know what, I ran out of tomato sauce and used ketchup instead.
Lois: Nope. Same as it's always been.
Hal: Ah, come on.
Lois: Oh, you know what, I ran out of tomato sauce and used ketchup instead.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois [to Hal]: You are gonna finish it!
Hal: (filled with rage since he can't finish the painting) Fine! You want to see me finish it! I'll finish it!!! (picks up some paint and splashes it around the board) How about some here... and there... how about there??? (suddenly pauses and looks at the painting and fixes a few things and completes it)
Reese: Awesome!
Lois: Hal, I can't believe you did it. It's beautiful.
Hal: (happily) I did it!
Hal: (filled with rage since he can't finish the painting) Fine! You want to see me finish it! I'll finish it!!! (picks up some paint and splashes it around the board) How about some here... and there... how about there??? (suddenly pauses and looks at the painting and fixes a few things and completes it)
Reese: Awesome!
Lois: Hal, I can't believe you did it. It's beautiful.
Hal: (happily) I did it!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Craig: Any questions?
Francis: Which household product will kill me the fastest?
Craig: We're going to start you off with the cotton balls.
Francis: Which household product will kill me the fastest?
Craig: We're going to start you off with the cotton balls.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Mom, do you...do you like your parents?
Lois: It doesn't matter how I feel about them. It's not like I can trade them for someone else. You can't pick your parents. You're pretty much stuck with whoever you get.
Malcolm: I know.
Lois: At least I can be grateful that soon they'll be gone.
Malcolm: Back to their own home.
Lois: Yeah...that's what I meant.
Lois: It doesn't matter how I feel about them. It's not like I can trade them for someone else. You can't pick your parents. You're pretty much stuck with whoever you get.
Malcolm: I know.
Lois: At least I can be grateful that soon they'll be gone.
Malcolm: Back to their own home.
Lois: Yeah...that's what I meant.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese: If the future's gonna be half as bad as Grandpa and I suspect, the only survivors are gonna be mutants, coackroaches, and me. All living underwater.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Ida: What are you going to do when they come after you and throw you in the back of the truck? Are you going to read to them? Are you going to impress them with your giant know-it-all brain?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle