Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
Francis: [over pay phone] How many police cars are chasing you?
Reese: [over cell phone] I don't know; eight, maybe nine? What are we gonna do? There's no way out of this!
Francis: Hey, don't give up! Sometimes things look darkest right before the sun breaks loose-
[Five lumberjacks enter the room and stand behind Francis with their arms folded]
Francis: ...and sometimes you have to realize that the game is over, and that you've lost. The-
[Five more lumberjacks enter the room]
Francis: ...The only thing left to do is to stop running, stand up, and face the consequences like a man. And-
[Five more lumberjacks enter the room]
Francis: ...And even if the outcome is gonna be more horrible than you could possibly imagine, you can hold your head up high, show some class, and end it with dignity!
[Francis puts down the phone, swallows, and turns to face the lumberjacks]
Reese: Class...
Francis: [over the phone] FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! NOT THE STUMP ROOTER! NOOO!
[Reese hangs up]
Reese: [over cell phone] I don't know; eight, maybe nine? What are we gonna do? There's no way out of this!
Francis: Hey, don't give up! Sometimes things look darkest right before the sun breaks loose-
[Five lumberjacks enter the room and stand behind Francis with their arms folded]
Francis: ...and sometimes you have to realize that the game is over, and that you've lost. The-
[Five more lumberjacks enter the room]
Francis: ...The only thing left to do is to stop running, stand up, and face the consequences like a man. And-
[Five more lumberjacks enter the room]
Francis: ...And even if the outcome is gonna be more horrible than you could possibly imagine, you can hold your head up high, show some class, and end it with dignity!
[Francis puts down the phone, swallows, and turns to face the lumberjacks]
Reese: Class...
Francis: [over the phone] FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! NOT THE STUMP ROOTER! NOOO!
[Reese hangs up]
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Dabney: Don't stick up for her, Malcolm. If I wanted this kind of abuse, I'd have a conversation with my Oboe Teacher!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese: I know what her name is and I am not going to dignify that with a response. And her name is...
[He fails to call out Cynthia's name and touches her breasts. Enraged she punches Reese in the face and he falls to the floor]
Cynthia: [kicking Reese's ass] HOW COULD YOU BE SO CREEPY?! DON'T YOU HAVE ANY UTMOST DECENCY TOWARDS A FELLOW HUMAN BEING! I HAVE FEELINGS! I WILL BE TREATED WITH RESPECT! I WILL NOT BE OBJECTIFIED!!!! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED OR DEMEANED!! NOW KISS MY SHOE! KISS MY SHOE!!!
[He fails to call out Cynthia's name and touches her breasts. Enraged she punches Reese in the face and he falls to the floor]
Cynthia: [kicking Reese's ass] HOW COULD YOU BE SO CREEPY?! DON'T YOU HAVE ANY UTMOST DECENCY TOWARDS A FELLOW HUMAN BEING! I HAVE FEELINGS! I WILL BE TREATED WITH RESPECT! I WILL NOT BE OBJECTIFIED!!!! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED OR DEMEANED!! NOW KISS MY SHOE! KISS MY SHOE!!!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: Boys, would you leave the room a minute so your father and I can talk?
Dewey: NO!
Lois: Excuse me?
Dewey: I'm not leaving. You guys just chase us out whenever you want without even asking us. I'm getting tired of it. Watching TV is the only thing to do in this house that's actually fun. So you're left with two choices: you can fight somewhere else, or get us a TV for our room.
[Later in the boys' bedroom]
Dewey: There's no reasoning with that woman!
Dewey: NO!
Lois: Excuse me?
Dewey: I'm not leaving. You guys just chase us out whenever you want without even asking us. I'm getting tired of it. Watching TV is the only thing to do in this house that's actually fun. So you're left with two choices: you can fight somewhere else, or get us a TV for our room.
[Later in the boys' bedroom]
Dewey: There's no reasoning with that woman!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese: So this is what a $24.00 hamburger looks like, I thought it was be as big as my head.
Dewey: Why don't we have a jacuzzi tub at home?
Malcolm: Because that would make us "happy."
Dewey: Why don't we have a jacuzzi tub at home?
Malcolm: Because that would make us "happy."
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[After the family learns Francis has gotten married]
Francis: Why can't you just be happy for us!?
Lois: We're supposed to be happy, when you repay us like this after all we've done for you!?
Francis: I'M CONFUSED! ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE YEARS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, OR SHIPPING ME OFF TO MILITARY SCHOOL!?
Francis: Why can't you just be happy for us!?
Lois: We're supposed to be happy, when you repay us like this after all we've done for you!?
Francis: I'M CONFUSED! ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE YEARS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE, OR SHIPPING ME OFF TO MILITARY SCHOOL!?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: Congratulations. You outlasted his paper route.
Piama: Lady, you don't want to stick your hand in my face.
Piama: Lady, you don't want to stick your hand in my face.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Piama: Just because I'm not all classy like you....
Lois: Classy? You think I'm classy?
Piama: Don't laugh at me.
Lois: I'm sorry, it's just....this is a first.
Lois: Classy? You think I'm classy?
Piama: Don't laugh at me.
Lois: I'm sorry, it's just....this is a first.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[Malcom is going through Ed's undeleted emails with Reese and Stevie and learns about his affair with half of the women in their neighborhood.]
Malcolm: Here's one from old Mrs.Swanbeck.
Stevie: Open the picture attachment.
[Malcolm opens the picture attachment and he is disgusted along with Reese and Stevie.]
Malcolm: Here's one from old Mrs.Swanbeck.
Stevie: Open the picture attachment.
[Malcolm opens the picture attachment and he is disgusted along with Reese and Stevie.]
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[Ed has just learned about Reese reading his undeleted emails from his affair with the other women.]
Ed: Oh my god, how much do you know?
Reese: Everything. You might want to formulate your megabytes next time you get rid of your computer. Oh, and by the way, Mrs.Swanbeck, You are sick!"
Ed: "Keep your voice down."
Ed: Oh my god, how much do you know?
Reese: Everything. You might want to formulate your megabytes next time you get rid of your computer. Oh, and by the way, Mrs.Swanbeck, You are sick!"
Ed: "Keep your voice down."
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[Craig witnesses Dewey holding Malcolm and Reese at dogpoint, and Dewey locks him in the house]
Dewey: I am sorry you had to see this.
Dewey: I am sorry you had to see this.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[After remembering what Eric said, Francis found Spangler another job at the Snow Haven Retirement Home. He's seen in civilian clothing.]
Spangler: You call that a collage. It is an insult to the craft, I can see paste coming up over the top of the popsicle stick.
Inuit Woman: I'm sorry, I have arthritis.
Spangler: That's it, you have just lost pudding for the whole group. Feel free to thank Mrs. Meektijuk after I leave.
[the former Commandant Spangler leaves and the other eldery residents starts despising him the same way Francis and Eric did at Marlin Academy.]
Spangler: You call that a collage. It is an insult to the craft, I can see paste coming up over the top of the popsicle stick.
Inuit Woman: I'm sorry, I have arthritis.
Spangler: That's it, you have just lost pudding for the whole group. Feel free to thank Mrs. Meektijuk after I leave.
[the former Commandant Spangler leaves and the other eldery residents starts despising him the same way Francis and Eric did at Marlin Academy.]
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[At the hospital, a sick Hal and Lois are on gurneys next to each other as an orderly is standing in between them, reading Hal's wedding vows.]
Orderly: You are my day, my night, the sun in my sky. You're the Duran to my Duran.
Lois: [touched, while sick] Oh Hal.
Orderly: Her name is Lois and she dances on the sand.
Orderly: You are my day, my night, the sun in my sky. You're the Duran to my Duran.
Lois: [touched, while sick] Oh Hal.
Orderly: Her name is Lois and she dances on the sand.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal: I don't understand, an entire roast gone, with your bare hands. The salad, the potatoes, the green beans. What do you have to say for yourself?
Dewey: I was hungry, I guess.
Hal: An entire stick of Butter?!
Reese: Now, lets tell them now.
Malcolm: Wait for it.
Hal: Wait a sec. How could you eat a candle?
Dewey: [Takes candle stick from Hal's hand and eats it.] I like candles. i think they're good.
[Lois is disgusted with him.]'
Hal: that's it, you are going to the hospital and having your stomach pumped.
Dewey: I was hungry, I guess.
Hal: An entire stick of Butter?!
Reese: Now, lets tell them now.
Malcolm: Wait for it.
Hal: Wait a sec. How could you eat a candle?
Dewey: [Takes candle stick from Hal's hand and eats it.] I like candles. i think they're good.
[Lois is disgusted with him.]'
Hal: that's it, you are going to the hospital and having your stomach pumped.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: Those dominoes are keeping Dewey from driving me crazy. And if they get knocked over, I will blame you. If a door slams shut and knocks them over, I will blame you. If there is an earthquake, I will blame you. If a condor dies in flight and crashes through our roof and knocks them over, I will blame you.
Reese: But that's not fair.
Lois: I WILL BLAME YOU!
Reese: But that's not fair.
Lois: I WILL BLAME YOU!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lloyd: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here...
Goth Leader: Is that from a Ministry album?
Lloyd: It's from Dante's Inferno. It's engraved on the Gates of Hell.
Goth Leader: Whoa! That's wayyyyy dark.
Goth Leader: Is that from a Ministry album?
Lloyd: It's from Dante's Inferno. It's engraved on the Gates of Hell.
Goth Leader: Whoa! That's wayyyyy dark.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[Minutes later, cops show up as the neighbors watch Lois scale the tree trying to catch Reese]
Reese: Officer in need of assistance! Repeat, officer in need of assistance!
Reese: Officer in need of assistance! Repeat, officer in need of assistance!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Walkie-talkie: Hey, are those two kids still stuck in the tiger pit?
[Panic washes over the crowd]
Zookeeper: Uh, no, I must be picking up a transmission the zoo down the street!
Hal: Malcolm and Reese?
Lois: Malcolm and Dewey. Reese wouldn't last thirty seconds.
[Panic washes over the crowd]
Zookeeper: Uh, no, I must be picking up a transmission the zoo down the street!
Hal: Malcolm and Reese?
Lois: Malcolm and Dewey. Reese wouldn't last thirty seconds.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Stevie: What you get... for problem 17.
Maalcolm: I drew a tank.
Stevie: What's wrong with you? For two days you been acting like an idiot.
Malcolm: No for two days, I've been like someone who's been happy and relaxed.
Stevie: You're turning into Reese.
Maalcolm: I drew a tank.
Stevie: What's wrong with you? For two days you been acting like an idiot.
Malcolm: No for two days, I've been like someone who's been happy and relaxed.
Stevie: You're turning into Reese.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Wake up.
Reese: What do you want?
Malcolm: I just want you to know you're not getting last licks.
Reese: Huh?
Malcolm: I'm sick of you always having an edge just because you're an idiot and I'm smart and I'm concerned about consequences. I can be just as vicious and shortsighted as you.
Reese: Oh, yeah, I'm really scared. Why don't you just- [registers that his arm is glued to his forehead] Gaa! What'd you do?
Malcolm: I sank to your level. And I have to say, it feels good.
Reese: What do you want?
Malcolm: I just want you to know you're not getting last licks.
Reese: Huh?
Malcolm: I'm sick of you always having an edge just because you're an idiot and I'm smart and I'm concerned about consequences. I can be just as vicious and shortsighted as you.
Reese: Oh, yeah, I'm really scared. Why don't you just- [registers that his arm is glued to his forehead] Gaa! What'd you do?
Malcolm: I sank to your level. And I have to say, it feels good.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal: It's the owner of Luigi's Pizza called to apologize get your jackets.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[Malcolm and Reese speed towards each other head-on in go-karts]
Malcolm: [side] This is a game of chicken Reese is not gonna win! I'm too angry to blink! When he sees my face, he's gonna know he doesn't have a chance!
Reese: [singing] He's off and flying as he guns the car around the track / Slamming down the pedal like he's never coming back / Adventure's waiting just ahead!
Malcolm: [side] He'll stop! I know he'll stop! ...maybe this wasn't such a good—
[From a distance, a ball of smoke is seen rising from the track as they collide]
Malcolm: [side] This is a game of chicken Reese is not gonna win! I'm too angry to blink! When he sees my face, he's gonna know he doesn't have a chance!
Reese: [singing] He's off and flying as he guns the car around the track / Slamming down the pedal like he's never coming back / Adventure's waiting just ahead!
Malcolm: [side] He'll stop! I know he'll stop! ...maybe this wasn't such a good—
[From a distance, a ball of smoke is seen rising from the track as they collide]
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[A furious Hal and Lois are forced to miss Dewey's play by having to pick up an injured Reese and Malcolm from the hospital.]
Lois: I should've told the doctor to sew furs and tails on you boys because you're animals! Only animals are easier because then I can have you FIXED!
Hal: For all the good it does, you're grounded again.
[Reese and Malclom are arguing and blaming each other for being grounded on their own birthday.]
Lois: Stop it. Malcolm, do you remember what you did for your birthday last year?
Malcolm: Nothing. I was grounded then, too.
Lois: (to Reese) And what about your birthday?
Reese: You grounded me after I smashed Malcolm's face into the cake.
Lois: And your birthday before that?
Malcolm: Pretty much this.
Reese: (to Malcolm) Wait. When did you push me off the pony?
Lois: I should've told the doctor to sew furs and tails on you boys because you're animals! Only animals are easier because then I can have you FIXED!
Hal: For all the good it does, you're grounded again.
[Reese and Malclom are arguing and blaming each other for being grounded on their own birthday.]
Lois: Stop it. Malcolm, do you remember what you did for your birthday last year?
Malcolm: Nothing. I was grounded then, too.
Lois: (to Reese) And what about your birthday?
Reese: You grounded me after I smashed Malcolm's face into the cake.
Lois: And your birthday before that?
Malcolm: Pretty much this.
Reese: (to Malcolm) Wait. When did you push me off the pony?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal: All right, two scoops, fudge ripple. Now are we going to the comic book sore?
Craig: (imitating Yoda) Patience, Luke. You are reckless.
Hal: We've gone to he beach, we've gone to the movies. I won you an animal at the church bazaar. We've gone out for coffee, lunch, Slushees, pie.
Craig: I can't negotiate unless I'm firing on all cylinders.
Hal: Just how many cylinders do you have?
Craig: (imitating Yoda) Patience, Luke. You are reckless.
Hal: We've gone to he beach, we've gone to the movies. I won you an animal at the church bazaar. We've gone out for coffee, lunch, Slushees, pie.
Craig: I can't negotiate unless I'm firing on all cylinders.
Hal: Just how many cylinders do you have?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Dean: This transaction does not concern you, Feldspar.
Bob: That's Craig Feldspar, he's a level 45 Dungeon Master.
Craig: (confronting Dean for attempting to sell Hal a $50 mark up of a bad comic book) What cereal box did you shake this out of, Dean?
Dean: It's the first print, totally collectable.
Craig: Oh, should we check the overstreet. Wait, we don't have to! 1997: First and only printing. 50,000 returns all in circulation. I keep this in my bathroom, but not for reading. This isn't a comic book store, it's a Novelty Shop!
Bob: That's Craig Feldspar, he's a level 45 Dungeon Master.
Craig: (confronting Dean for attempting to sell Hal a $50 mark up of a bad comic book) What cereal box did you shake this out of, Dean?
Dean: It's the first print, totally collectable.
Craig: Oh, should we check the overstreet. Wait, we don't have to! 1997: First and only printing. 50,000 returns all in circulation. I keep this in my bathroom, but not for reading. This isn't a comic book store, it's a Novelty Shop!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[Malcolm goes after Reese out of vengeance for stealing his money.]
Stevie: "They'll try you....as an adult!"
Stevie: "They'll try you....as an adult!"
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[Craig has just thrown coffee on the 'rare comic book of Spiderman]
Ricky: What are you doing?
Craig: Fear not. It was the 1993 re-print. If it had been an original, he would've thrown himself in front of it.
Ricky: [he and Bob are betrayed by Dean] Dude, you told me that was real.
Ricky: What are you doing?
Craig: Fear not. It was the 1993 re-print. If it had been an original, he would've thrown himself in front of it.
Ricky: [he and Bob are betrayed by Dean] Dude, you told me that was real.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle