Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
Reese: WE OWN YOU ALL! No one is safe. We are the kings of this block. Did you hear me, world? Violence...just...got...a...little...more...RANDOM!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Francis: Guys, Halloween isn't a date on the calender.
Reese: Yeah' it is. It's the 31st.
Francis: No. Halloween is in your hearts. Every time a little kid cries in fear, that is Halloween. Every time something repulsive ends up in a mailbox, that is Halloween. As long as you carry the spirit of destruction and vandalism in your heats, every day is Halloween!
Reese: No, look! It is the 31st!
Reese: Yeah' it is. It's the 31st.
Francis: No. Halloween is in your hearts. Every time a little kid cries in fear, that is Halloween. Every time something repulsive ends up in a mailbox, that is Halloween. As long as you carry the spirit of destruction and vandalism in your heats, every day is Halloween!
Reese: No, look! It is the 31st!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: When's the last Christmas we had Egg Nog?
Reese: I think before Dewey.
Malcolm: It's all you, man. This is a game that has no winners.
Reese: I think before Dewey.
Malcolm: It's all you, man. This is a game that has no winners.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
The Boys: Diaper! Diaper! Diaper! Diaper! Diaper! (they throw it and watch with excited faces, then they later change to a disgusted one)
Francis: Well, let's not do any of those again.
Francis: Well, let's not do any of those again.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Imagine if this was to fall into the wrong hands.
Dewey: I see an old lady!!
Dewey: I see an old lady!!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese: This isn't fair. Mom should have never taken us to a store that sells candy. She set us up!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Boy [to Lois]: Hey, lady, are you going to hog that cage all day?
Lois: (inside a batting cage) I got news for you, kid. I'm a grown-up with a credit card and no curfew. I could stay here all week if I want.
Lois: (inside a batting cage) I got news for you, kid. I'm a grown-up with a credit card and no curfew. I could stay here all week if I want.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: It was Kitty Kenarban, she invited a dinner.
Hal: Good for you.
Lois: I am talking about everyone. It will be nice to dinner out with decent people. I wonder why people never invite us to dinner
Hal: Now, kids, who wants the last spaghetti?
(The boys act like dogs while Hal throws the spaghetti in their mouths)
Hal: Good for you.
Lois: I am talking about everyone. It will be nice to dinner out with decent people. I wonder why people never invite us to dinner
Hal: Now, kids, who wants the last spaghetti?
(The boys act like dogs while Hal throws the spaghetti in their mouths)
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Francis: (knocking on Spangler's door) Sir?
Spangler: Go away! I told you I did not want to be disturbed. My aunt and I are... catching up.
Francis: I... I thought you said it was your mother, sir.
(Long pause)
Spangler: Go away!
Spangler: Go away! I told you I did not want to be disturbed. My aunt and I are... catching up.
Francis: I... I thought you said it was your mother, sir.
(Long pause)
Spangler: Go away!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal [to Lois]: Okay, here's the plan if we want to ditch out of this thing. At the beginning, I'll say that I think I might be coming down with something...
Lois: Hal, I don't want to ditch out of this. I'm looking forward to it. The Kenarbans are nice people, and they want to be friends with us.
Hal: So, you're saying I'm on my own here?
Lois: Hal, I don't want to ditch out of this. I'm looking forward to it. The Kenarbans are nice people, and they want to be friends with us.
Hal: So, you're saying I'm on my own here?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Lois [to the boys]: Now, remember, no throwing ice, no flicking butter at the ceiling, no sticking gum under the table, and no eating gum already stuck under the table!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Spangler (referring to the damage the local girls wrought): We got off lucky, this happened in 74 and we had to bulldoze the Ampitheater.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Abe: [Kitty] won't let me have butter on my bread. Butter. I haven't eaten the stuff in ten years.
Hal: How'd this happen? I mean, we weren't always this way.
Abe: Actually, I was. Classic story: raised by a grandmother and four spinster aunts. I used to wash their hair on Saturday nights.
Hal: Poor bastard. You never had a chance.
Abe: Damn it. Enough is enough! (gobbles down miniature slabs of butter and drinks a shot)
Hal: You go, Abe!
Hal: How'd this happen? I mean, we weren't always this way.
Abe: Actually, I was. Classic story: raised by a grandmother and four spinster aunts. I used to wash their hair on Saturday nights.
Hal: Poor bastard. You never had a chance.
Abe: Damn it. Enough is enough! (gobbles down miniature slabs of butter and drinks a shot)
Hal: You go, Abe!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Francis: What are we gonna do, sir?
Spangler: We are going to do what any self-respecting member of society does in a situation like this: we're going to keep it quiet.
Joe: But they're destroying the school.
Spangler: Let's hope that's all they do, cadet. I'm afraid this is like an oil fire -- we have to let it burn itself out.
Francis: Oh, yeah, I forgot. One of them started an oil fire.
Spangler: We are going to do what any self-respecting member of society does in a situation like this: we're going to keep it quiet.
Joe: But they're destroying the school.
Spangler: Let's hope that's all they do, cadet. I'm afraid this is like an oil fire -- we have to let it burn itself out.
Francis: Oh, yeah, I forgot. One of them started an oil fire.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[After Stevie punches Reese]
Kitty: Stevie, what the hell do you think you're doing?! You are in so much trouble! This behavior is totally unacceptable! We are at a restaurant. What is wrong with you? (Stevie is about to speak) Don't you take that tone with me! You just wait till we get home!
Reese: He bruised the bone.
Lois: Oh, like you didn't deserve it. (to Kitty) Good for you! I knew you had it in you.
Kitty: Shut your trap!
Waiter: Excuse me, don't you mind please keeping it down?
Kitty: Would you mind going to hell?! And I absolutely did order tea! How hard is it to remember a stupid drink order, you idiot?!
Abe [drunk]: Kitty, there's going to be some changes...
Kitty: (to Abe) And you, Mr. Ho Hos in his sock drawer! Who do you think you're kidding?
Lois: Honey, you have to pace yourself.
Kitty: (to Abe) And another thing, Don Juan. There are two people in that bed!
Kitty: Stevie, what the hell do you think you're doing?! You are in so much trouble! This behavior is totally unacceptable! We are at a restaurant. What is wrong with you? (Stevie is about to speak) Don't you take that tone with me! You just wait till we get home!
Reese: He bruised the bone.
Lois: Oh, like you didn't deserve it. (to Kitty) Good for you! I knew you had it in you.
Kitty: Shut your trap!
Waiter: Excuse me, don't you mind please keeping it down?
Kitty: Would you mind going to hell?! And I absolutely did order tea! How hard is it to remember a stupid drink order, you idiot?!
Abe [drunk]: Kitty, there's going to be some changes...
Kitty: (to Abe) And you, Mr. Ho Hos in his sock drawer! Who do you think you're kidding?
Lois: Honey, you have to pace yourself.
Kitty: (to Abe) And another thing, Don Juan. There are two people in that bed!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Whoa, interesting dinner. Stevie beat the crap out of Reese, his dad got drunk, and his mom went totally psycho. Oh my god, we're contagious!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: What sounds more idiotic: "Let's go to the desert, kids" or "Good idea, Dad"?
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese: You know what nobody's mentioned, is that this is supposed to be the greatest army in the world, and you couldn't even kill the three of us. I gotta tell ya, I'm not impressed.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: (sees some explosive devices) Okay, I just figured this out... RUN!!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: That's not good, cougars don't just blow up!
Reese: As near as I can figure, I did it with my mind.
Malcolm: Reese! That's insane!
Reese: I wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you.
Reese: As near as I can figure, I did it with my mind.
Malcolm: Reese! That's insane!
Reese: I wouldn't talk to me like that if I were you.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal (to an army general): Well, the thing is that when we saw the fence we did not know if we were going in or out, Malcolm, do you want to explain it?
Malcolm (terrified): No, I don't.
Malcolm (terrified): No, I don't.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Reese: I'm thirsty.
Malcolm: Yeah, well, we would have water if some idiot hadn't used to it write a S.O.S in the sand.
Reese: Oh, I see. You people let me carry the water and all of a sudden I'm the idiot.
Malcolm: Yeah, well, we would have water if some idiot hadn't used to it write a S.O.S in the sand.
Reese: Oh, I see. You people let me carry the water and all of a sudden I'm the idiot.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Hal: Dewey, I only have one phone call, so put your mother on the phone so she can come pick us up.
(Dewey puts the phone down)
Lois: Who was that?
Dewey: Wrong number.
(Dewey puts the phone down)
Lois: Who was that?
Dewey: Wrong number.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: [referring to Dewey] I don't believe this! Here I'm supposed to be the genius, and I'm being outsmarted by someone who can't tie his own shoes!
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
[Malcolm and Reese are locked out of the house at night.]
Malcolm: What are we going to do now?
Reese: [falls into a cesspool via a trap they had set up earlier] AAAAAHHHH! Oh my God! What is this stuff?
Malcolm: Well, at least the night isn't a total loss.
Malcolm: What are we going to do now?
Reese: [falls into a cesspool via a trap they had set up earlier] AAAAAHHHH! Oh my God! What is this stuff?
Malcolm: Well, at least the night isn't a total loss.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm: Come on, Reese. Hurry up!
Reese: Sorry, I had to put the "lemonade" in the fridge.
Reese: Sorry, I had to put the "lemonade" in the fridge.
TV Show: Malcolm in the Middle