Married with Children Quotes
Al: Hey, Peg — still on strike?
Peg: What does it look like?
Al: You could be on fire and I wouldn't know.
Peg: What does it look like?
Al: You could be on fire and I wouldn't know.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: Listen, Al. You suffered a head injury today. You're probably seriously hurt and require immediate medical attention. Now go to sleep.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: Peg! Three little green aliens came in here and... they stole my socks!
Peg: Were they green before or after they touched your socks?
Peg: Were they green before or after they touched your socks?
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: I lost the pictures.
Aliens pose for new pictures
Al: No, sorry guys, I busted the camera in my anger. Nothing ever goes right for me. Sometimes I wonder if Al Bundy was ever meant to be in this universe at all.
Aliens put arms over Al in support
Al: Thanks guys. You can have my socks. By the way, what do you need them for.
Aliens: PEZUZU.
Subtitle: FUEL.
Narrator: It was a time of great darkness. A giant comet cut a path of destruction through the universe. The one man who could save them all was unappreciated on his homeworld. But on planet Preludon, they still sing songs about the man whose socks created fuel for the ships that battled the comet and stopped it, savings hundreds of worlds to include Earth. This man's name? Al Bundy!
Aliens pose for new pictures
Al: No, sorry guys, I busted the camera in my anger. Nothing ever goes right for me. Sometimes I wonder if Al Bundy was ever meant to be in this universe at all.
Aliens put arms over Al in support
Al: Thanks guys. You can have my socks. By the way, what do you need them for.
Aliens: PEZUZU.
Subtitle: FUEL.
Narrator: It was a time of great darkness. A giant comet cut a path of destruction through the universe. The one man who could save them all was unappreciated on his homeworld. But on planet Preludon, they still sing songs about the man whose socks created fuel for the ships that battled the comet and stopped it, savings hundreds of worlds to include Earth. This man's name? Al Bundy!
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: First thing they teach you when you’re a rookie shoe salesman is, when you got a fat one in the chair, never look up. Well, I looked up, Peg. I saw underwear. It said "Saturday."
Peg: So what?
Al: [starts crying] Today’s Wednesday.
Peg: So what?
Al: [starts crying] Today’s Wednesday.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: [singing to the tune of Old McDonald had a Farm] Old McBundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y. And on this farm there was no wife, B-U-N-D-Y. With a no wife here, and no kids there, a hooker coming in on Friday nights, big luscious hooters and a pizza and a beer there. Old McBundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: [to Al] Are you enjoying your day off?
Al: Peg, you know I am. Now, how are you gonna ruin it for me? Sex? Chores? What?
Al: Peg, you know I am. Now, how are you gonna ruin it for me? Sex? Chores? What?
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: Where are you going?
Al: Where do you think I'm going?
Peg: To the "Mr. Pudding Belly" tryouts?
Al: Where do you think I'm going?
Peg: To the "Mr. Pudding Belly" tryouts?
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: Al, our baby’s gone. Hold me.
Al: I didn't hold you when we conceived her. Why should I start now?
Al: I didn't hold you when we conceived her. Why should I start now?
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peggy: Bud, was I a good mother?
Bud: Well, you must have been. I was the only 8-month-old baby who knew how to change his own diaper.
Bud: Well, you must have been. I was the only 8-month-old baby who knew how to change his own diaper.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: And then of course there’s that ten months of pregnancy.
Marcy: Ten?
Peg: Male Bundys never wanna come out. Oh, and then once they're out, they never wanna go back in again.
Marcy: Ten?
Peg: Male Bundys never wanna come out. Oh, and then once they're out, they never wanna go back in again.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: [reads test questions from a magazine to Al] Who would you rather spend the night with? A, your wife, or B...
Al: B!
Al: B!
TV Show: Married... with Children
Jefferson: I saw a woman come over here. Are one of you my wife? [notices a distressed Marcy, a pleased Peggy and bored Kelly and decides on Kelly) Come on sweetheart, let’s go back to bed.
Kelly: Bye, Daddy.
Peg: No, no, no, no. You've made a mistake. I'm your wife. [releases Kelly and takes Jefferson's hand] Now we can go back to bed.
Marcy: Oh shut up. It's me, it's me.
Kelly: Bye, Daddy.
Peg: No, no, no, no. You've made a mistake. I'm your wife. [releases Kelly and takes Jefferson's hand] Now we can go back to bed.
Marcy: Oh shut up. It's me, it's me.
TV Show: Married... with Children
[Al enters the house carrying a steering wheel.]
Peg: Hi, honey. Why did you bring the steering wheel in the house?
Al: Well, I thought, since it isn't attached any more, maybe you'd like to cook it up for dinner?
Peg: Hi, honey. Why did you bring the steering wheel in the house?
Al: Well, I thought, since it isn't attached any more, maybe you'd like to cook it up for dinner?
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: Pumpkin, it's not that we don't believe you. It's just that we don’t believe in love.
Peg: That’s why our marriage works.
Peg: That’s why our marriage works.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: [in a Marlon Brando voice] One day I will ask of a favor. Now this day may never come... [normal voice] ... but we both know it probably will!
TV Show: Married... with Children
Hans: Cherry cheesecake for Herr Bundy.
Kelly: Well. I'm a Bundy and I have hair... okay.
Hans: I wanted to meet the man who loved my cheesecake so much.
Kelly: Bye! [slams the door in his face]
Kelly: Well. I'm a Bundy and I have hair... okay.
Hans: I wanted to meet the man who loved my cheesecake so much.
Kelly: Bye! [slams the door in his face]
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: [narrating] So I ran. You would too if you had a price on your head and a bad burrito in your belly.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: Hey, wait a minute, guys. I know I'm the new guy here and its not my place to speak up, but what are we doing? We're men. We were put on this planet to... well, I don't know what we're put on this planet to do — but we're here, damn it! And we're Americans and we have the right to use the best toilet system in the free world. Are we to use the gas station bathroom like some, some common of Russkie? We're being driven from our homes, room from room, running like a Frenchman from a cap gun. And from whom? From our women. They've taken our closets, driven us out our bedrooms by their very nakedness. Now, you guys can take it, but not this Yankee Doodie Dandy. Tonight, I’m reclaiming my toilet bowl.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: You know that new aerobics center up above me. The one with the sign "Quarter-ton Discount"? Well today they played Van Halen's "Jump" & damned if the whole herd didn't. It was awful Peg. The ceiling opened up down they came walking off the set.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: I was not born to be a busboy. I'm a shoe-man born & bred damn it.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Bud: Hi dad.
Al: Hi son. It's not the way it looks, I was just crying on the floor.
Al: Hi son. It's not the way it looks, I was just crying on the floor.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: The winning touchdown & son, that is the story of the greatest sport moment in all of history.
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: The victory was ours, for the school, the championship, & for me, all city, & the legend, & then your mother... the end. OH GOD!
TV Show: Married... with Children
Al: I have the perfect plan to figure this whole thing out. Now what we'll do is we'll just sit here and we'll name every song that was ever made until we get it.
TV Show: Married... with Children
[Jefferson, Marcy, and Peg are trying to guess the song Al is humming.]
Marcy: "Itsy-Bitsy Spider"?
Al: No.
Jefferson: "Go Tell Pharaoh"?
Al: No! This is a song from my youth.
Peg: "Look, It's a Wheel"?
Marcy: "Itsy-Bitsy Spider"?
Al: No.
Jefferson: "Go Tell Pharaoh"?
Al: No! This is a song from my youth.
Peg: "Look, It's a Wheel"?
TV Show: Married... with Children
Bud: You can't win. You're ineligible since your microbrained daughter is now a Weenie Tot employee. We're gonna be poor for the rest of our lives! Bite on that weenie!
TV Show: Married... with Children
Peg: Well, at least it's over.
Al: Oh, it's not over. [opens the door, revealing the police] Now it's over!
Al: Oh, it's not over. [opens the door, revealing the police] Now it's over!
TV Show: Married... with Children