Metalocalypse Quotes
Senator Stampingston: Toki Wartooth is becoming alarmingly popular with children. This is something we are not prepared to deal with. You all know our child control expert, Professor Jerry Gustav Munndig.
Professor Jerry Gustav Munndig: We must fear children. We have many successful programs in place to silence and control children. But I fear this Toki Wartooth - his natural child-like ways and children's affinity towards him may be our biggest threat yet! Do you remember the sixties?
General Crozier: Yes. Yes, I do.
Professor Jerry Gustav Munndig: Well! That was just hippies. Dirty hippies with flowers and mushrooms and acoustic guitars... Can you imagine a whole generation of children raised on... metal?
Professor Jerry Gustav Munndig: We must fear children. We have many successful programs in place to silence and control children. But I fear this Toki Wartooth - his natural child-like ways and children's affinity towards him may be our biggest threat yet! Do you remember the sixties?
General Crozier: Yes. Yes, I do.
Professor Jerry Gustav Munndig: Well! That was just hippies. Dirty hippies with flowers and mushrooms and acoustic guitars... Can you imagine a whole generation of children raised on... metal?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Football Player: Little Juliette Sarmansadandle - she does not have much time left. With our foundation, she gets one last wish, and what is that sweetie?
Juliette Sarmansadandle: I want to meet Toki.
Juliette Sarmansadandle: I want to meet Toki.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Charles Ofdensen: Toki, the "Wish For Something" foundation, ah, wants you to be its poster boy - quite an honour... sick and helpless children -
Toki Wartooth: I pass!
Ofdensen: I'm sorry?
Toki: I'm not associating myself with kids.
Ofdensen: These ones are dying, Toki -
Toki: Ohh, good.
Toki Wartooth: I pass!
Ofdensen: I'm sorry?
Toki: I'm not associating myself with kids.
Ofdensen: These ones are dying, Toki -
Toki: Ohh, good.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles the Drummer: Awwwh, c'mon, Toki, you don't mean that -
Toki: Yes I dos! Dead!
Ofdensen: All you would have to do is spend a few hours, just talking to children, just -
Toki: Well how comes I can'ts sits around and drinks like Pickle? How come I can'ts fucking sits around and screws sluts or somesing? But no, you are the cutesy guy, that kids like. You gotta helps people, gets over their problem, fuck that! You dos it!
Toki: Yes I dos! Dead!
Ofdensen: All you would have to do is spend a few hours, just talking to children, just -
Toki: Well how comes I can'ts sits around and drinks like Pickle? How come I can'ts fucking sits around and screws sluts or somesing? But no, you are the cutesy guy, that kids like. You gotta helps people, gets over their problem, fuck that! You dos it!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Uh, Nathan... you're gonna kill me, but I totally forgot to press 'Record'. Ahh, but... here's the good news: I'm sorry.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Yeaaaaaaahhhhhhh, see you in your nightmares, dickweeds, ahhhhhh!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Toki is losing his mind, he is.
Pickles the Drummer: [drunkenly and incoherently] Yeah, mmyeah, acting weird.
Murderface: I know. I've never seen him like this, he's turnin' into a real asshole.
Nathan Explosion: [has lost his voice] Can we kick him out of the band?
Pickles: Woah, woah, woah, woah, ooh... okay, alright, relax... here's what you do... he sleeps, sack, bar of soap, bang bang bang! Brain damage, corn field, gun, pow [makes sound of gun], funeral...
Skwisgaar: Oh I, thats mays bes a littles toos hards fors mes tos handle.
Pickles: [quietly] Well, fire him then!
Murderface: Ahhh, maybe you're right. Looks like I'll have to cancel Planet Piss, DAMN IT!
Pickles: Why?
Skwisgaar: Ja, why?
Murderface: Well, because, too emotional and - I'll probably have to cancel it, awh darn!
Ofdensen: If you really want to fire Toki, I can begin processing the paperwork, but before we do that, I ah, I might have plan.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Toki is losing his mind, he is.
Pickles the Drummer: [drunkenly and incoherently] Yeah, mmyeah, acting weird.
Murderface: I know. I've never seen him like this, he's turnin' into a real asshole.
Nathan Explosion: [has lost his voice] Can we kick him out of the band?
Pickles: Woah, woah, woah, woah, ooh... okay, alright, relax... here's what you do... he sleeps, sack, bar of soap, bang bang bang! Brain damage, corn field, gun, pow [makes sound of gun], funeral...
Skwisgaar: Oh I, thats mays bes a littles toos hards fors mes tos handle.
Pickles: [quietly] Well, fire him then!
Murderface: Ahhh, maybe you're right. Looks like I'll have to cancel Planet Piss, DAMN IT!
Pickles: Why?
Skwisgaar: Ja, why?
Murderface: Well, because, too emotional and - I'll probably have to cancel it, awh darn!
Ofdensen: If you really want to fire Toki, I can begin processing the paperwork, but before we do that, I ah, I might have plan.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Ofdensen: That little sick girl is here to see you.
Toki: [harsh voice] Tell her to go die!
Ofdensen: Well she is dying.
Toki: Gooooood!
Toki: [harsh voice] Tell her to go die!
Ofdensen: Well she is dying.
Toki: Gooooood!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Aw geez. Hey hey hey, can I get you some tequila?
Nathan: [still lost his voice] Don't be sad, little girl. One day you're gonna grow up, and you're gonna be big... oh wait, nevermind. Sorry.
Nathan: [still lost his voice] Don't be sad, little girl. One day you're gonna grow up, and you're gonna be big... oh wait, nevermind. Sorry.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Little girls wait! Wait! I, I sorry! I's all screwed up inside! I was selfish, a selfish idiot! But now I know, how wrongs I was. I have all the times in the worlds for you now! So please, comes back with me. [turns the wheel chair around to reveal a dead little girl] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHE'S DEAD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S DEAD! OH NO! OH NO, OH NO! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! SHE'S DEAD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GO! OH MY GOD! I KILLED HER! I KILLED THE LITTLE-
TV Show: Metalocalypse
[Toki and Dr. Rockso sneak into the Mordhaus after joyriding and drinking in Murderface's car. Dr. Rockso sits on the couch and slips a hand into Murderface's pocket to return the keys. Murderface awakens and glares at Rockso]
Dr. Rockso: [whispers] I do cocaine.
[Murderface yells in outrage, and Dr. Rockso yells along gleefully.]
Dr. Rockso: [whispers] I do cocaine.
[Murderface yells in outrage, and Dr. Rockso yells along gleefully.]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles the Drummer: Toki, what were you thinkin?! Hanging out with clowns?!
Nathan Explosion: Why didn't you call us?! You've got a cellphone! Why didn't you use it? Where were -
Pickles: You're going out all night with guns, and ya know, guns... y'know, they're cool so... What am I saying here?
Dr. Rockso: Back off jack-off, it wasn't his fault.
Pickles: You shut up!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: I gives that clowns a little of bit of a smack.
Nathan Explosion: Why didn't you call us?! You've got a cellphone! Why didn't you use it? Where were -
Pickles: You're going out all night with guns, and ya know, guns... y'know, they're cool so... What am I saying here?
Dr. Rockso: Back off jack-off, it wasn't his fault.
Pickles: You shut up!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: I gives that clowns a little of bit of a smack.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki Wartooth: Hey, that's my friend!
Skwisgaar: Your friend ha. Drunks driving before a tour! Shooting ze guns, huh?
Nathan: Yeah, he's not a real friend.
Pickles: Dick!
Skwisgaar: What kinds of a friends takes on such a godless endeavor? What if you hurt your pinky finger huh? No more tour.
Nathan: Yeah. What if you hurt your hands?
Pickles: Yeah, you're being a selfish prick.
William Murderface: ...I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants. That's... that's what I did today.
Nathan: Yeah, what the fuck, Toki? There's no such things as clowns.
Toki: Aww come on, how come I can't have a friend who's a clown? He makes me laugh, ha ha ha!
Skwisgaar: ....We care about you!
Nathan: I should be asleep right now. This is a waste of time.
Pickles: He smells like piss.
Toki: It's metal to like clowns.
Everybody Else: No, it's non-metal.
Murderface: Don't try to tell us it's metal because it's not. We know that trick.
Toki: Clowns are, statistically, the most hated of all creatures.
Skwisgaar: Statisticallies or not, but, uh, just don'ts likes this guy.
Charles Ofdensen: Okay, it's late. Let's just all calm down and discuss this in the morning. May we offer you a ride home?
Dr. Rockso: Um-hmmm.
Toki: Okay, calls you later.
Ofdensen: [talking to Klokateer] Give him whatever he wants. [whispers] Put the boots to him, medium style.
Skwisgaar: Your friend ha. Drunks driving before a tour! Shooting ze guns, huh?
Nathan: Yeah, he's not a real friend.
Pickles: Dick!
Skwisgaar: What kinds of a friends takes on such a godless endeavor? What if you hurt your pinky finger huh? No more tour.
Nathan: Yeah. What if you hurt your hands?
Pickles: Yeah, you're being a selfish prick.
William Murderface: ...I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants. That's... that's what I did today.
Nathan: Yeah, what the fuck, Toki? There's no such things as clowns.
Toki: Aww come on, how come I can't have a friend who's a clown? He makes me laugh, ha ha ha!
Skwisgaar: ....We care about you!
Nathan: I should be asleep right now. This is a waste of time.
Pickles: He smells like piss.
Toki: It's metal to like clowns.
Everybody Else: No, it's non-metal.
Murderface: Don't try to tell us it's metal because it's not. We know that trick.
Toki: Clowns are, statistically, the most hated of all creatures.
Skwisgaar: Statisticallies or not, but, uh, just don'ts likes this guy.
Charles Ofdensen: Okay, it's late. Let's just all calm down and discuss this in the morning. May we offer you a ride home?
Dr. Rockso: Um-hmmm.
Toki: Okay, calls you later.
Ofdensen: [talking to Klokateer] Give him whatever he wants. [whispers] Put the boots to him, medium style.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
General Crozier: His name is Dr. Rockso, he's the rock and roll clown. He does cocaine. I'm afraid that's all we know.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Damian: Look at this long haired monkey! [referring to Nathan Explosion] What kind of music do you play?
Nathan Explosion: Death Metal! [punches Damian]
Nathan Explosion: Death Metal! [punches Damian]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Hey, you sound like crap, Murderface, what's wrong with you?
Murderface: I just can't seem to get comfortable. I ran out of clean underwear so I'm wearing a bathing suit.
Nathan: Bathing suit?
Murderface: What am I gonna do, not wear underwear?
Pickles: Yeah, it's called freeballing.
Nathan: Yeah, I mean I only wear underwear only about... [counts on his fingers] 65% of the time, honestly, otherwise I'm just freeballing.
Murderface: That's... Really?
Skwisgaar: Oh ja, in Sweden , underwears is y'know, the kinky stuff, worn as a fetish ja, but you know the exciting sexual stuff? is always freeballing.
Murderface: Freeballing huh? Well, I'll give it a try.
Murderface: I just can't seem to get comfortable. I ran out of clean underwear so I'm wearing a bathing suit.
Nathan: Bathing suit?
Murderface: What am I gonna do, not wear underwear?
Pickles: Yeah, it's called freeballing.
Nathan: Yeah, I mean I only wear underwear only about... [counts on his fingers] 65% of the time, honestly, otherwise I'm just freeballing.
Murderface: That's... Really?
Skwisgaar: Oh ja, in Sweden , underwears is y'know, the kinky stuff, worn as a fetish ja, but you know the exciting sexual stuff? is always freeballing.
Murderface: Freeballing huh? Well, I'll give it a try.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
General Crozier: You'll be paid to gather whatever you can with this camera in your hat. And no fucking around, got that candy nose?
Dr. Rockso: Oh, you just keep that cabbage coming, daddy-o, and Dr. Rockso's gonna get you what you want, the way you want it. Now which one of you humps, got a cigarette for Dr. Rockso?
General Crozier: Just calm down and be careful. And watch out for this guy. [holds up picture of Charles Ofdensen, the band manager.] He means business. Stay away from him.
Dr. Rockso: .... I do cocai -
General Crozier: [holds a hand up] Yes, I know. [to the guards] Makes sure no one sees you taking him out of here.
General Crozier: [mutter] Rock and roll clown...
Dr. Rockso: Oh, you just keep that cabbage coming, daddy-o, and Dr. Rockso's gonna get you what you want, the way you want it. Now which one of you humps, got a cigarette for Dr. Rockso?
General Crozier: Just calm down and be careful. And watch out for this guy. [holds up picture of Charles Ofdensen, the band manager.] He means business. Stay away from him.
Dr. Rockso: .... I do cocai -
General Crozier: [holds a hand up] Yes, I know. [to the guards] Makes sure no one sees you taking him out of here.
General Crozier: [mutter] Rock and roll clown...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: You actuallies been playing ze, almost the bass that can be listens to lately, Murderface, y'know, maybes we even turns it up on the next album.
Nathan: Yeah, what's wrong?
Murderface: I think it's this freeballing. Pickles, I can not thank you enough. If only the whole world freeballed - no wonder those Arabs're wearing their dresses.
Skwisgaar: Freeball.
Nathan: Yeah, what's wrong?
Murderface: I think it's this freeballing. Pickles, I can not thank you enough. If only the whole world freeballed - no wonder those Arabs're wearing their dresses.
Skwisgaar: Freeball.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Oh, that's Dr. Rockso. Yeah, I invites him over. No big deal.
Skwisgaar: Oh, no, Toki! You don'ts have to always compensates, alright, we pays more attentions to you.
Toki: Screw that psychological mambo-jambo, I just likes to laugh, ha ha!
Nathan: Hey don't run, it's wet! I thought we agreed, no clowns!
Toki: No, we didn't agreed on nothing, we just all yelled and then he was beaten, thats was our conclusions.
Nathan: Aw, damn, I don't want that asshole around here.
Skwisgaar: Oh boy, gets readies for a lots of screamings.
Murderface: Normally, that painted dildo would piss me off, but lately, I've made friends with a distinguished old gentleman sitting on two duffle bags. I'm free, downstairs. Think about it.
Skwisgaar: Oh, no, Toki! You don'ts have to always compensates, alright, we pays more attentions to you.
Toki: Screw that psychological mambo-jambo, I just likes to laugh, ha ha!
Nathan: Hey don't run, it's wet! I thought we agreed, no clowns!
Toki: No, we didn't agreed on nothing, we just all yelled and then he was beaten, thats was our conclusions.
Nathan: Aw, damn, I don't want that asshole around here.
Skwisgaar: Oh boy, gets readies for a lots of screamings.
Murderface: Normally, that painted dildo would piss me off, but lately, I've made friends with a distinguished old gentleman sitting on two duffle bags. I'm free, downstairs. Think about it.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Rockso: K-K-K-K-K-K-YEAH! IT'S ME DR. ROCKSO, THE ROCK AND ROLL CLOWN!
Toki: Ha ha ha! [laughs] I just cracks up every time!
Toki: Ha ha ha! [laughs] I just cracks up every time!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Well wipe your feet before you come in here?
Dr. Rockso: Hey business man, what you do for a living, sell shoes? K-K-YEAH...
Ofdensen: May I have a short word with you?
Dr. Rockso: Oh yeah, you are short. Ohhhhhh yeah.
Toki: Ha ha, he is short.
Murderface: Ha.
Skwisgaar: Yowza.
Dr. Rockso: Hey business man, what you do for a living, sell shoes? K-K-YEAH...
Ofdensen: May I have a short word with you?
Dr. Rockso: Oh yeah, you are short. Ohhhhhh yeah.
Toki: Ha ha, he is short.
Murderface: Ha.
Skwisgaar: Yowza.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Ofdensen: Well, ah, Rockso, Toki really seems to like you, a great deal. So our home is your home.
Dr. Rockso: OH! MI CASA, SU CASA BA-BABY!
Ofdensen: Yes, but just remember, stay in the main room, and I, need you to sign this confidential agreement, and pain waiver.
Dr. Rockso: What if I don't want to?
Ofdensen: Try me...
Dr. Rockso: OH! MI CASA, SU CASA BA-BABY!
Ofdensen: Yes, but just remember, stay in the main room, and I, need you to sign this confidential agreement, and pain waiver.
Dr. Rockso: What if I don't want to?
Ofdensen: Try me...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Rockso: Aww come on, Rockso's just pu-pulling your ch-ch-chain! You did have my ass beat though. That shit hurts.
Ofdensen: Well, just stay in the main room, and we'll be fine. Have fun.
Ofdensen: Well, just stay in the main room, and we'll be fine. Have fun.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Rockso: Who wants to watch a rock-sclusive Dr. Rockso music video?
Toki: Oh me, this gots to be hilarious.
Nathan: I'd rather die then watch your fucking video, how 'bout that?
Dr. Rockso: Oh I caught that! But that's okay, Dr. Rockso forgives ya. Now, I'm gonna show you boys that you're not the only ones that know how to rock. This one was banned from Music Television because you can see my junk... through my jumpsuit.
Murderface: I believe that is what is known as... freeballing.
Dr. Rockso: It's called "I'm Just A Rock And Roll Clown."
Toki: Oh me, this gots to be hilarious.
Nathan: I'd rather die then watch your fucking video, how 'bout that?
Dr. Rockso: Oh I caught that! But that's okay, Dr. Rockso forgives ya. Now, I'm gonna show you boys that you're not the only ones that know how to rock. This one was banned from Music Television because you can see my junk... through my jumpsuit.
Murderface: I believe that is what is known as... freeballing.
Dr. Rockso: It's called "I'm Just A Rock And Roll Clown."
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Ofdensen: Easy Rockso, easy. Don't you think you might have had a little too much cocaine?
Dr. Rockso: [voice wavering] Back off, man. Leave me alone.
Dr. Rockso: [voice wavering] Back off, man. Leave me alone.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: [hearing a shot being fired] Hey, that's my driving gun! [stands up]
Pickles: Hey, you're not supposed to wear clothes in the hot tub.
Murderface: I'm freeballing.
Dr. Rockso: [dashes by] K-K-K-K-K-YEAH!
Pickles: Hey, you're not supposed to wear clothes in the hot tub.
Murderface: I'm freeballing.
Dr. Rockso: [dashes by] K-K-K-K-K-YEAH!
TV Show: Metalocalypse