Metalocalypse Quotes
Murderface: My god, how can you eat that?!
Pickles: (Mouthful) What are you talking about? This is a hot dog.
Murderface: How can you even put that in your mouth?
Pickles: Are you trying to tell me you've never had a hot dog?
Murderface: No.
Pickles: Never, never?
Murderface: No way, I ain't putting anything shaped like that in my mouth!
Toki: What about Banana?
Murderface: No.
Nathan: What about sausage?
Murderface: No, not sausage!
Skwisgaar: What about that sausage, that was cut up into little pieces?
Murderface: Uh no, cause it looks- it's like a chopped up cock.
Nathan: What about like a sandwich?
Murderface: A flat one?
Nathan: Yeah.
Murderface: Yeah, if it were a flat sandwich.
Nathan: Okay, what about a sandwich shapped like a dick?
Murderface: NO, that's the point! What kind of sandwiches are shaped like dicks?!
Nathan: (Chuckling) I don't know, like -
Murderface: A hot dog? NO!
Pickles: Man, you think about penises in mouths all the time, don't you?
Murderface: SHUT UP!!! GOD!
Pickles: Well you do!
Murderface: Oh God, give me my wipes!
Pickles: Well you did, yeah. Yeah you said- you said "Penis in mouth" about a hundred times today.
Murderface: No, because it was like "Oh, you've never had a hot dog". I just wanted to say "No", and it would be fine. And then "Oh, what about this and what about that" and "No it's like a dick and no it's like a dick". You guys do it all!
Nathan: Wow, you really keep thinki
Pickles: (Mouthful) What are you talking about? This is a hot dog.
Murderface: How can you even put that in your mouth?
Pickles: Are you trying to tell me you've never had a hot dog?
Murderface: No.
Pickles: Never, never?
Murderface: No way, I ain't putting anything shaped like that in my mouth!
Toki: What about Banana?
Murderface: No.
Nathan: What about sausage?
Murderface: No, not sausage!
Skwisgaar: What about that sausage, that was cut up into little pieces?
Murderface: Uh no, cause it looks- it's like a chopped up cock.
Nathan: What about like a sandwich?
Murderface: A flat one?
Nathan: Yeah.
Murderface: Yeah, if it were a flat sandwich.
Nathan: Okay, what about a sandwich shapped like a dick?
Murderface: NO, that's the point! What kind of sandwiches are shaped like dicks?!
Nathan: (Chuckling) I don't know, like -
Murderface: A hot dog? NO!
Pickles: Man, you think about penises in mouths all the time, don't you?
Murderface: SHUT UP!!! GOD!
Pickles: Well you do!
Murderface: Oh God, give me my wipes!
Pickles: Well you did, yeah. Yeah you said- you said "Penis in mouth" about a hundred times today.
Murderface: No, because it was like "Oh, you've never had a hot dog". I just wanted to say "No", and it would be fine. And then "Oh, what about this and what about that" and "No it's like a dick and no it's like a dick". You guys do it all!
Nathan: Wow, you really keep thinki
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: Hey, am I going crazy or these clothes tight, like extra tight?
Skwisgaar: Yeah, it feels like I'm this sausage, you know?
Murderface: Oh, just stop with the innuedos, please?!
Skwisgaar: It wasn't even an in- I just said "You lept to a conclusion".
Murderface: I do agree, these clothes are un-fucking-comfortable.
Toki: Well mines fit!
Murderface: Oh, Toki shut up!
Skwisgaar: Toki, shut up.
Skwisgaar: Yeah, it feels like I'm this sausage, you know?
Murderface: Oh, just stop with the innuedos, please?!
Skwisgaar: It wasn't even an in- I just said "You lept to a conclusion".
Murderface: I do agree, these clothes are un-fucking-comfortable.
Toki: Well mines fit!
Murderface: Oh, Toki shut up!
Skwisgaar: Toki, shut up.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Okay. We gotta figure out this food bullshit. Toki, Skwisgaar, you guys did some online food research, lets hear it!
Skwisgaar: Okay. Everyone says ons dis page, dats we gots to cuts out thems carbobydrates.
Toki: Yeah, no mores of thems carbokikrates.
Skwisgaar: Okay. Everyone says ons dis page, dats we gots to cuts out thems carbobydrates.
Toki: Yeah, no mores of thems carbokikrates.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: What are carkomymrates?
Skwisgaar: Oh you know, uh pisgetti...uh...
Toki: Breads...
Skwisgaar: Uh, paper towels...you know...
Toki: Cleanex and that...
Pickles: Oh, well that's easy! No more of that stuff, that's cool. You know?
Murderface: Well, can't we have at least like a little bread?
Nathan: I mean we don't have to be like hunger nazi's to our stomachs.
Murderface: I know that's reasonable, like a sandwich here or there.
Skwisgaar: All rights, you know...uh whatever...uh yeah okay...it also says, dats we... the less foods we eats....the mores less fats we gets on ourselves.
Murderface: So...we starve ourselves a little.
Pickles: Yeah that's fine.
Nathan: Sure.
Murderface: Hey. What if we just ate like one really big meal. And then just eat nothing the rest of the day?
Nathan: Hmmm.
Toki: Yeah, that sounds like it'll works.
Skwisgaar: Yeah that's good I guess.
Murderface: Maybe we should eat that meal right before we go to sleep. So there's just nothing left to do but digest.
Nathan: That sounds like a good idea. So you could just sleep it off.
Skwisgaar: Oh you know, uh pisgetti...uh...
Toki: Breads...
Skwisgaar: Uh, paper towels...you know...
Toki: Cleanex and that...
Pickles: Oh, well that's easy! No more of that stuff, that's cool. You know?
Murderface: Well, can't we have at least like a little bread?
Nathan: I mean we don't have to be like hunger nazi's to our stomachs.
Murderface: I know that's reasonable, like a sandwich here or there.
Skwisgaar: All rights, you know...uh whatever...uh yeah okay...it also says, dats we... the less foods we eats....the mores less fats we gets on ourselves.
Murderface: So...we starve ourselves a little.
Pickles: Yeah that's fine.
Nathan: Sure.
Murderface: Hey. What if we just ate like one really big meal. And then just eat nothing the rest of the day?
Nathan: Hmmm.
Toki: Yeah, that sounds like it'll works.
Skwisgaar: Yeah that's good I guess.
Murderface: Maybe we should eat that meal right before we go to sleep. So there's just nothing left to do but digest.
Nathan: That sounds like a good idea. So you could just sleep it off.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: ...losing weight by sleeping.
Toki: Hey that's good ideas.
Murderface: Hey how about Popsicles? That's like for snack? So we're not having our really big meal- just Popsicles.
Pickles: Dude, ain't that the shape of a you-know-what?
Murderface: Ohh...
Nathan: [muttering] Yeah...like Popsicles are just like water...
Skwisgaar: Guys, I don'ts thinks that sounds rights, does Popsicle-
Nathan: SKWISGAAR! SKWISGAAR! Popsicles are like drinking a glass of water, okay?! What are we supposed to do, cut out water too?!
Pickles: Yeah, what are we supposed to do on a hot day? What? Not eat popsicles?
Murderface: How could you not eat a Popsicle?!
Skwisgaar: All right, all right. Popskockles we cans have.
Toki: All right! Popscicle!
Nathan: All right let me get this straight. One really big meal a day, then we go to sleep, no paper towels but a little bit of bread because we're not nazis, and as many popsicles as we want.
Skwisgaar: Uh, yeah.
Pickles: Dudes...[chuckling] We're on a diet.
Nathan: GOD I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY HUNGRY!
Murderface: LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT!
Nathan: I'LL GET A PEPPERONI PIZZA!
Murderface: EXTRA CHEESE!
Toki: Hey that's good ideas.
Murderface: Hey how about Popsicles? That's like for snack? So we're not having our really big meal- just Popsicles.
Pickles: Dude, ain't that the shape of a you-know-what?
Murderface: Ohh...
Nathan: [muttering] Yeah...like Popsicles are just like water...
Skwisgaar: Guys, I don'ts thinks that sounds rights, does Popsicle-
Nathan: SKWISGAAR! SKWISGAAR! Popsicles are like drinking a glass of water, okay?! What are we supposed to do, cut out water too?!
Pickles: Yeah, what are we supposed to do on a hot day? What? Not eat popsicles?
Murderface: How could you not eat a Popsicle?!
Skwisgaar: All right, all right. Popskockles we cans have.
Toki: All right! Popscicle!
Nathan: All right let me get this straight. One really big meal a day, then we go to sleep, no paper towels but a little bit of bread because we're not nazis, and as many popsicles as we want.
Skwisgaar: Uh, yeah.
Pickles: Dudes...[chuckling] We're on a diet.
Nathan: GOD I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY HUNGRY!
Murderface: LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT!
Nathan: I'LL GET A PEPPERONI PIZZA!
Murderface: EXTRA CHEESE!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Doctor: Your metabolism has slowed down. Popsicles are just pure sugar.
Skwisgaar: YEAH?! THEYS PURE GREAT!
Skwisgaar: YEAH?! THEYS PURE GREAT!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Rockso. Fuckin' clown. Boy, I really hate that guy.
Skwissgar: Yeah, I should fucking horse-whip hims.
Pickles: Yeah, he is a menace. A home-grown menace.
Toki: Oh, he just misunderstoods.
Skwissgar: Yeah, I should fucking horse-whip hims.
Pickles: Yeah, he is a menace. A home-grown menace.
Toki: Oh, he just misunderstoods.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Yeah, uh...you know, you also said that you're the Dethklok song writer.
Murderface: (clearly pleased with himself) Did I? I, eh, I don't remember.
Nathan: Yeah...you did. And you've never written anything, ever.
Murderface: What about Planet Piss?
Nathan: First of all, that's not Dethklok.
Pickles: You never even completed one song, neither.
Murderface: That's not to say I'm not capable of writing a song!
Nathan: (getting angry) In this case, it is to say you're not capable!
Murderface: I could have written any Dethklok song, I coulda written any of 'em!
Nathan: But you didn't write any-- but you didn't, though!
Murderface: But I could have!
Nathan: But you didn't!
Murderface: (clearly pleased with himself) Did I? I, eh, I don't remember.
Nathan: Yeah...you did. And you've never written anything, ever.
Murderface: What about Planet Piss?
Nathan: First of all, that's not Dethklok.
Pickles: You never even completed one song, neither.
Murderface: That's not to say I'm not capable of writing a song!
Nathan: (getting angry) In this case, it is to say you're not capable!
Murderface: I could have written any Dethklok song, I coulda written any of 'em!
Nathan: But you didn't write any-- but you didn't, though!
Murderface: But I could have!
Nathan: But you didn't!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Fan: My friends are never gonna believe me! [that he met Nathan Explosion and snuck into Mordhaus] See you guys later! [opens the door with three other girls and they all fall to their death]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: We are not hiring a replacement manager, it's too fucking soon kemosabe. We're taking on all management uhh... things.
Skwisgaar: I ams in charge of finance-skial treasuries.
Pickles: And I'm head of financial business affairs.
Nathan: I'm chief of financial receipts... gathering.
Murderface: I'm deputy president of financial money.
Toki: [dejectedly] And I'ms in charge of snacks... Fucking bullshit!
Skwisgaar: I ams in charge of finance-skial treasuries.
Pickles: And I'm head of financial business affairs.
Nathan: I'm chief of financial receipts... gathering.
Murderface: I'm deputy president of financial money.
Toki: [dejectedly] And I'ms in charge of snacks... Fucking bullshit!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: BUT I COULD HAVE!
Nathan: Well, I could've invented the, uh, the floor, you know, but I didn't!
Murderface: But that doesn't mean you shouldn't get credit for inventing the floor!
Nathan: (babbling) That should mean that I don't get credit for it!
Murderface: Wait a minute, what about the bass-lines, I wrote all the bass-lines! (nudges Pickles, who looks annoyed)
Skwissgar: You didn'ts write no bass-lines, I figures them out for you and shows them to you!
Murderface: Oh, yeah, that is--
Nathan: You know, I'd like to hear you try to write one song!
Murderface: You-- you'd like to hear me try to write one song?!
Nathan: Yeah, it, it has to be a complete song!
Murderface: You'd like to hear me write one complete song?!
Nathan: Yeah!
Murderface: You, get outta--
Pickles: You're not gonna do it!
Murderface: OH YES I WILL, BECAUSE I HAVE THIS, SMARTASS, HAHA! (holds up a book called 'Song Writing')
Nathan: Well, I could've invented the, uh, the floor, you know, but I didn't!
Murderface: But that doesn't mean you shouldn't get credit for inventing the floor!
Nathan: (babbling) That should mean that I don't get credit for it!
Murderface: Wait a minute, what about the bass-lines, I wrote all the bass-lines! (nudges Pickles, who looks annoyed)
Skwissgar: You didn'ts write no bass-lines, I figures them out for you and shows them to you!
Murderface: Oh, yeah, that is--
Nathan: You know, I'd like to hear you try to write one song!
Murderface: You-- you'd like to hear me try to write one song?!
Nathan: Yeah, it, it has to be a complete song!
Murderface: You'd like to hear me write one complete song?!
Nathan: Yeah!
Murderface: You, get outta--
Pickles: You're not gonna do it!
Murderface: OH YES I WILL, BECAUSE I HAVE THIS, SMARTASS, HAHA! (holds up a book called 'Song Writing')
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Rockso: (shown getting out of a car) Hey, man I said $20 for an HJ, not a measly ten!
(Pickles looks shocked and disgusted, Toki only looks slightly surprised)
(Pickles looks shocked and disgusted, Toki only looks slightly surprised)
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: (reading his intervention letter to Dr. Rockso) "Dr. Rockso; I hate you, and I think you should die, you are an idiot and I hate your voice, there's no room on this paper to properly describe how much I hate you, go die." There, is that good?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: (Dr. Rockso gives him a large version of his own head made of balloons) Oh, wowie, looks just like me! Nathan, look!
Nathan: (unenthusiastically) Yeah, that's great.
Dr. Rockso: I can make you one.
Nathan: Uh, yeah...go. To jail, now.
Nathan: (unenthusiastically) Yeah, that's great.
Dr. Rockso: I can make you one.
Nathan: Uh, yeah...go. To jail, now.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
News Reporter: Dr. Rockso, are you guilty?
Dr. Rockso: All I know is this, my name is Dr. Rockso, the Rock N' Roll clown...and I used to do cocaine! I'm k-k-k-k-k clean! [Dethklok members cheer for him; Rockso gets a bloody nose] Uh-oh. [nose falls off]
Dr. Rockso: All I know is this, my name is Dr. Rockso, the Rock N' Roll clown...and I used to do cocaine! I'm k-k-k-k-k clean! [Dethklok members cheer for him; Rockso gets a bloody nose] Uh-oh. [nose falls off]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
(Murderface's song)
Murderface: A million miles from nowhere, Dragon Lance burns hot. By the fire of a horse's ghost, a minnow would be lost... Cha-cha-cha-changes... mmmm, Tits... A fish... A fish with tits. Titty fish.
Murderface: A million miles from nowhere, Dragon Lance burns hot. By the fire of a horse's ghost, a minnow would be lost... Cha-cha-cha-changes... mmmm, Tits... A fish... A fish with tits. Titty fish.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
[Dr. Rockso is being tortured with an electrical shock device à la Han Solo in Cloud City in The Empire Strikes Back
Ofdensen: [monotonally] Oh my God, what's going on here? Stop torturing him.
Dr. Rockso: (sobbing) Thank you. Thank you, you're an angel!
Ofdensen: Yes, yes, yes I am. There, there... Give him one more.
Dr. Rockso: (screaming)
Ofdensen: All right, all right, well, here are your clothes, Dr. Rockzo. The, uh, the boys are going out for some ice cream and hookers. Is that something you'd be interested in doing?
Dr. Rockso: [sheepishly]] I don't know, I guess so...
Ofdensen: [monotonally] Oh my God, what's going on here? Stop torturing him.
Dr. Rockso: (sobbing) Thank you. Thank you, you're an angel!
Ofdensen: Yes, yes, yes I am. There, there... Give him one more.
Dr. Rockso: (screaming)
Ofdensen: All right, all right, well, here are your clothes, Dr. Rockzo. The, uh, the boys are going out for some ice cream and hookers. Is that something you'd be interested in doing?
Dr. Rockso: [sheepishly]] I don't know, I guess so...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: All right, let's hear it, let's go, Simon and Garfunkel!
Skwisgaar: Ya, let's go, Loggins and Messina!
Nathan: Yeah, let's go, George and Ira Gershwin!
Skwisgaar: Ya, let's go, Rogers and Hammerstein!
Murderface: Why the hell am I two people?!
Nathan: Come on, let's go Crosby, Stills and Nash!
Skwisgaar: And Youngs!
Nathan: And Walter Becker and Donald Fagen!
Murderface: All right, all right! Just shut up, I need to concentrate. [looks down at his book] Open strong...
Nathan: That's a great book you got there.
Murderface: Just shut up and let me think!
Skwisgaar: Less thinkings, more playings! Comes on, grandspa guitar, let's do this!
Skwisgaar: Ya, let's go, Loggins and Messina!
Nathan: Yeah, let's go, George and Ira Gershwin!
Skwisgaar: Ya, let's go, Rogers and Hammerstein!
Murderface: Why the hell am I two people?!
Nathan: Come on, let's go Crosby, Stills and Nash!
Skwisgaar: And Youngs!
Nathan: And Walter Becker and Donald Fagen!
Murderface: All right, all right! Just shut up, I need to concentrate. [looks down at his book] Open strong...
Nathan: That's a great book you got there.
Murderface: Just shut up and let me think!
Skwisgaar: Less thinkings, more playings! Comes on, grandspa guitar, let's do this!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Oh no I thinks Dr. Rockso has withdrawals! Whats do wes do? Whats do wes do?!
Pickles: [pulls out a pistol] Here I got it. [fires his gun into Dr. Rockso, who immediatly falls to the ground]
Toki: You fucking kills him!!
Pickles: Don't worry, it's an animal tranquilizer gun, you know, left over from the CD release party.
Toki: Oh yeah that was a funs party.
Pickles: Yeah, that was a fun party.
Pickles: [pulls out a pistol] Here I got it. [fires his gun into Dr. Rockso, who immediatly falls to the ground]
Toki: You fucking kills him!!
Pickles: Don't worry, it's an animal tranquilizer gun, you know, left over from the CD release party.
Toki: Oh yeah that was a funs party.
Pickles: Yeah, that was a fun party.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Milminiman Lamilam Swimwamli: Gentlemen, the American wedding is a dark and fearful sham. The event itself is designed to incite anger and drain loved ones of patience, support and money. Most marriages fail miserably within two years; others end in murder-suicides, and a small percentage of them end with what we like to call "liveable hatred."
TV Show: Metalocalypse
General Crozier: Dethklok should be kept as far away from the institution of marriage as possible. Marriage has suffered enough.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Mr. Selatcia: We mustn't intervene, General. We will allow Dethklok to experience...the blackness!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: Well, normally I’d dread an event like this, but seeing how knotted up it’s gotten you, Pickles, I’m sure I will enjoy it.
Nathan: Yeah, it’s fun to watch somebody go through family hell.
Skwissgar: Weddings are only good for two things; tax breaks and adultery. Hmph, that’s what I say.
Toki: Oh, and kissings and huggings! And opens bar!
Skwisgaar: Ya, but Toki, takes it easy. Last times I was in charge of yous all night, and yous was a sloppies mess!
Toki: Hey, you don'ts gots to worries about olds Toki.
Nathan: Yeah, it’s fun to watch somebody go through family hell.
Skwissgar: Weddings are only good for two things; tax breaks and adultery. Hmph, that’s what I say.
Toki: Oh, and kissings and huggings! And opens bar!
Skwisgaar: Ya, but Toki, takes it easy. Last times I was in charge of yous all night, and yous was a sloppies mess!
Toki: Hey, you don'ts gots to worries about olds Toki.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Don’t take this the wrong way, Pickles, but...your brother’s kind of, hm...kind of a weird, greedy dick, y’know?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Molly: Look, Pickles! Look how great your brother’s doing!
Pickles: ...uh, where am I looking?
Molly: Look at his house-room!
Pickles: What, you converted the attic.
Molly: Look, he has an all-in-one fax-machine! [The fax machine is sitting on a piece of wood propped up by cinder-blocks.] He’s a professional! Go give him a hug!
Seth: Feels good, doesn't it? Fuck yeah. Hugging your own brother. Being close to his fuckin' face like this. [unintelligible...lots of swearing]. Look at fuckin' Dethklok in my fuckin' house-room! Ha! I'm calling Mitch and Bobby, they won't fuckin' believe this. I'm fuckin' excited about you guys throwin' me a bachelor party! Fuck! Oh, and by the way, this is little Amber, the love of my fuckin' heart. Wanna see an angel, go on, turn around.
Pickles: ...uh, where am I looking?
Molly: Look at his house-room!
Pickles: What, you converted the attic.
Molly: Look, he has an all-in-one fax-machine! [The fax machine is sitting on a piece of wood propped up by cinder-blocks.] He’s a professional! Go give him a hug!
Seth: Feels good, doesn't it? Fuck yeah. Hugging your own brother. Being close to his fuckin' face like this. [unintelligible...lots of swearing]. Look at fuckin' Dethklok in my fuckin' house-room! Ha! I'm calling Mitch and Bobby, they won't fuckin' believe this. I'm fuckin' excited about you guys throwin' me a bachelor party! Fuck! Oh, and by the way, this is little Amber, the love of my fuckin' heart. Wanna see an angel, go on, turn around.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: [watching an engaged Seth get a lap-dance from a stripper] Boy, there's nothing like love, is there?
Toki: No, it's great!
Murderface: He's really gonna be a good husband.
Toki: No, it's great!
Murderface: He's really gonna be a good husband.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: Who are those goofballs?
Pickles: Oh, those are Seth's pals, y'know, a couple of high school dropouts who scam on teenage chicks and steal and run crystal meth houses, y'know, beat up kids, rob, lie, possibly kill.
Murderface: Awesome!
Mitch: Let's go, rich bitch!
Bobby: Hey, fuckin' throw down some cash, we're getting Seth a fuckin' lap dance.
Mitch: Yeah, rich bitch!
Pickles: Oh, those are Seth's pals, y'know, a couple of high school dropouts who scam on teenage chicks and steal and run crystal meth houses, y'know, beat up kids, rob, lie, possibly kill.
Murderface: Awesome!
Mitch: Let's go, rich bitch!
Bobby: Hey, fuckin' throw down some cash, we're getting Seth a fuckin' lap dance.
Mitch: Yeah, rich bitch!
TV Show: Metalocalypse