Metalocalypse Quotes
Toki: [smashes a beer bottle on Lavona Succuboso's head] Takes that you German whore!! Takes that!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Such a shame, she's so hot, but so fucking crazy.
Toki: Yous just figures that out? All the hots ones is crazy!
Nathan: Huh. Guess you're right.
Toki: And deh ugly ones too.
Toki: Yous just figures that out? All the hots ones is crazy!
Nathan: Huh. Guess you're right.
Toki: And deh ugly ones too.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Assassin: I want you to stay alive! I want you to stay alive while I torture you! I want you to feel the pain...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Hey guys. One more thing before we, uh, disperse. This whole sucking our own dicks thing. I think we just need to put that chapter behind us, I mean it's just too gay for words.
Pickles: Yeah, you're right.
Murderface: Yeah, my heart hurts but I think you're right.
Nathan: And I also thought about this. Trying suck our own, uhh, it's not very metal. I mean, not that we need any more reasons.
Murderface: Failures, we're failures!
Skwisgaar: Don'ts do thats.
Murderface: We're failures!
Skwisgaar: No, don'ts do thats. Look, it wasn't meants to be.
Nathan: All right, no more trying suck our own cocks.
Pickles: Yeah, you're right.
Murderface: Yeah, my heart hurts but I think you're right.
Nathan: And I also thought about this. Trying suck our own, uhh, it's not very metal. I mean, not that we need any more reasons.
Murderface: Failures, we're failures!
Skwisgaar: Don'ts do thats.
Murderface: We're failures!
Skwisgaar: No, don'ts do thats. Look, it wasn't meants to be.
Nathan: All right, no more trying suck our own cocks.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: What's that?
Dick: Oh, that's just the master, they're gonna be putting that in the secret vault. [shouts] BE CAREFUL BOYS THAT'S OUR LILELYHOOD RIGHT THERE!
Pickles: Hey shouuld we be saying 'secret vault' at the top of our lungs.
Dick: Hey, I don't care! WHOOOOO!!
Skwisgaar: Yeah, WE'RE PUTTINGS ALLS OUR VALUABLES IN THE SECRET VAULTS EVERYSBODY, CHECKS IT OUT!
Dick: Okay, SKwisgaar, that's...good.
Dick: Oh, that's just the master, they're gonna be putting that in the secret vault. [shouts] BE CAREFUL BOYS THAT'S OUR LILELYHOOD RIGHT THERE!
Pickles: Hey shouuld we be saying 'secret vault' at the top of our lungs.
Dick: Hey, I don't care! WHOOOOO!!
Skwisgaar: Yeah, WE'RE PUTTINGS ALLS OUR VALUABLES IN THE SECRET VAULTS EVERYSBODY, CHECKS IT OUT!
Dick: Okay, SKwisgaar, that's...good.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Hey, hey! Listen I actually would like to get serious for a moment? If I could?
Ofdensen: Very well.
Nathan: I uh...I think it would be in the band's best interest...to hire a uh...Buddhist...yoga...instructor guy...dude...
Pickles: Oh yeah... Yes I second that.
Ofdensen: Uh, oh really? What because uh...you guys are interested in yoga? Spiritual guidance, or-
Skwisgaar: No 'cause we-
Nathan: YES! Yes, we want spiritual things...
Ofdensen: Is that really the reason?
Nathan: Yup. Right guys...?
Murderface: I thought we...[realizes]
Band: OHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Murderface: Right!
Skwisgaar: Yeah...
Ofdensen: I don't understand...why do you need this?
Nathan: We'd like to be able to reach...things.
Murderface: Right!
Ofdensen: To reach things?
Murderface: Yeah, reach......things.
Ofdensen: To reach things?
Nathan: Yep...conversation over.
Ofdensen: Very well.
Nathan: I uh...I think it would be in the band's best interest...to hire a uh...Buddhist...yoga...instructor guy...dude...
Pickles: Oh yeah... Yes I second that.
Ofdensen: Uh, oh really? What because uh...you guys are interested in yoga? Spiritual guidance, or-
Skwisgaar: No 'cause we-
Nathan: YES! Yes, we want spiritual things...
Ofdensen: Is that really the reason?
Nathan: Yup. Right guys...?
Murderface: I thought we...[realizes]
Band: OHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Murderface: Right!
Skwisgaar: Yeah...
Ofdensen: I don't understand...why do you need this?
Nathan: We'd like to be able to reach...things.
Murderface: Right!
Ofdensen: To reach things?
Murderface: Yeah, reach......things.
Ofdensen: To reach things?
Nathan: Yep...conversation over.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: [climbing down a ladder with a drunken Toki over his shoulder] I'm only saying it because you're so drunk that you aren't gonna remember it and you won't tell on me for givin' a shit about your life, but man you've been fuckin' way too drunk lately.
Toki: Hey Nathans, is the real reasons ya tells me this is because ya cares about me?
Nathan: Oh God...
Toki: Ya caaares about me...
Nathan: No, Toki, don't do this to me right now and don't throw up.
Toki: [throws up]
Toki: Hey Nathans, is the real reasons ya tells me this is because ya cares about me?
Nathan: Oh God...
Toki: Ya caaares about me...
Nathan: No, Toki, don't do this to me right now and don't throw up.
Toki: [throws up]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Edgar Jonfru: [approaches Skwisgaar and Pickles with a shotgun] This is where it all ends. [loads shotgun]
Skwisgaar: We're deads!
Pickles: Skwisgaar....before we die...
Skwisgaar: Yes, my friends?
Pickles: ...I- I did it...
Skwisgaar: Whats are you talkings about?
Pickles: [crying] Last night. I did it. I sucked my own cock last night!
Skwisgaar: We're deads!
Pickles: Skwisgaar....before we die...
Skwisgaar: Yes, my friends?
Pickles: ...I- I did it...
Skwisgaar: Whats are you talkings about?
Pickles: [crying] Last night. I did it. I sucked my own cock last night!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: This is my platinum practice chambers.
Text: PLATINUM PRACTICE CHAMBER- $6.5 BILLION
Skwisgaar: I haves a solid rubys metronomes.
Text: SOLID RUBY METRONOME- $8.3 BILLION
Skwisgaar: And a champagne humidifier.
Text: CHAMPAGNE HUMIDIFIER- $2 MILLION
Skwisgaar: So fucking expensive that it makes me horny.
Text: PLATINUM PRACTICE CHAMBER- $6.5 BILLION
Skwisgaar: I haves a solid rubys metronomes.
Text: SOLID RUBY METRONOME- $8.3 BILLION
Skwisgaar: And a champagne humidifier.
Text: CHAMPAGNE HUMIDIFIER- $2 MILLION
Skwisgaar: So fucking expensive that it makes me horny.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: This is my Endangered Species Furniture Room!
Text: ENDANGERED SPECIES FURNITURE ROOM- $28 MILLION
Text: ENDANGERED SPECIES FURNITURE ROOM- $28 MILLION
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Text: CALIFORNIA CONDOR BOTTLE OPENER- $5 MILLION - GOLD PLATED MEERKAT SHELF HOLDER- $30 MILLION - GIANT PANDA THROW RUGS- $2 BILLION - GIANT TORTOISE OTTOMAN- $1.5 MILLION - SILVER GAZELLE WALL SCONCE- $4 MILLION - HELTER STORK TIFFANY LAMP- $6 MILLION
Pickles: Seriously guys, fuck money!
Pickles: Seriously guys, fuck money!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Uh, Williams, did yous pay the electrics bill?
Murderface: Oh, what am I gonna pay it with, my farts?
Murderface: Oh, what am I gonna pay it with, my farts?
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Guys I've been crunching numbers and financially... I don't know how to say this but we're fucked. Thanks to Murderface's sandscape, we're in the red. Good one Murderface.
Murderface: [stares and says nothing]
Murderface: [stares and says nothing]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: The uh- the construction has stopped.
Toki: That's because they don't gets paid, stupid!
Toki: That's because they don't gets paid, stupid!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: You're in a tribute band paying tribute to yourself? That's like jacking off to a picture of yourself online!
Murderface: Which I've done.
Toki: Of course I'm nots paying tributes to myself. In Thunderhorse, I'm Skwisgaar.
Skwisgaar: Dat's why my pants and shirts keeps disappearing! Dat's fucking weird dudes.
Toki: Well we're really good, we plays every Thursday nights.
[pause]
Murderface: Wait a minute...
Nathan: Thursday night? That's impossible, you have astronaut class on Thursday night.
Murderface: Astronaut class is a lie?! I've been telling everyone that you're gonna be an astronaut! Now you're making me look like an asshole!
Murderface: Which I've done.
Toki: Of course I'm nots paying tributes to myself. In Thunderhorse, I'm Skwisgaar.
Skwisgaar: Dat's why my pants and shirts keeps disappearing! Dat's fucking weird dudes.
Toki: Well we're really good, we plays every Thursday nights.
[pause]
Murderface: Wait a minute...
Nathan: Thursday night? That's impossible, you have astronaut class on Thursday night.
Murderface: Astronaut class is a lie?! I've been telling everyone that you're gonna be an astronaut! Now you're making me look like an asshole!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Wow, what a shit-hole. Look at that stage, it's fucking tiny!
Pickles: Oh wait, no dude, it's just an optical illusion. It just looks small because it's really far away. Check it out, I'll walk all the way over to it. [walks right into the stage] Holy shit! That's tiny!!
Pickles: Oh wait, no dude, it's just an optical illusion. It just looks small because it's really far away. Check it out, I'll walk all the way over to it. [walks right into the stage] Holy shit! That's tiny!!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Jimmy Palomino: It's my pleasure to welcome to the stage Norman Blowup, Pockles the Drummer, Toolkie Wolfpaint, Billy Butterface, and Skwisgaar Skwigelf!
Skwisgaar: Didn'ts even change my names?!
Skwisgaar: Didn'ts even change my names?!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Toki, you gotta let us into your band!
Skwisgaar: I agrees! I thinks it is just what we needs!
Toki: But we already gots a you. Me!
Skwisgaar: Well fines then. I'll be you! A much betters you!
Pickles: No it'll be perfect! We'll be regular jack-offs! No one will even know it's us if we're in our own tribute group!
Toki: You all wants to join Thunderhorse?
Nathan: Yes! We do! We're gonna take a break from that fucking disgusting asshole rich life. And what better way to do that than by joining a tribute band of the greatest band in the world? Dethklok!
Skwisgaar: I agrees! I thinks it is just what we needs!
Toki: But we already gots a you. Me!
Skwisgaar: Well fines then. I'll be you! A much betters you!
Pickles: No it'll be perfect! We'll be regular jack-offs! No one will even know it's us if we're in our own tribute group!
Toki: You all wants to join Thunderhorse?
Nathan: Yes! We do! We're gonna take a break from that fucking disgusting asshole rich life. And what better way to do that than by joining a tribute band of the greatest band in the world? Dethklok!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: You do it, I'm not doing it.
Pickles: I'll do it, I don't care.
Nathan: Yeah you do it Pickles, go, see...
Murderface: See what happens.
Nathan: Yeah, see what happens. See what happens.
Murderface: See if you gotta wait for a little...
Nathan: Go. Go go go go go.
Pickles: I'll do it, I don't care.
Nathan: Yeah you do it Pickles, go, see...
Murderface: See what happens.
Nathan: Yeah, see what happens. See what happens.
Murderface: See if you gotta wait for a little...
Nathan: Go. Go go go go go.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: What happened?
Pickles: [in complete awe] Guys....it's a beer!
Skwisgaar: You means dat dats things dat he gaves you ams likes littles moneys whats ams onlys for beers?
Pickles: [enraged] How come Dethklok never got beer tickets before?!
Murderface: Yeah, what the hell?
Nathan: All right, listen. This is bullshit. All we ever get is all the booze we can ever drink! We never get beer tickets!
Pickles: [in complete awe] Guys....it's a beer!
Skwisgaar: You means dat dats things dat he gaves you ams likes littles moneys whats ams onlys for beers?
Pickles: [enraged] How come Dethklok never got beer tickets before?!
Murderface: Yeah, what the hell?
Nathan: All right, listen. This is bullshit. All we ever get is all the booze we can ever drink! We never get beer tickets!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Clerk: Next. [Dethklok approaches] Oh, look at you guys, you're a baaand huh? That's REAL exciting! Making fliers huh, so you can get BIG and famous!
Nathan: [really tired] Uhhh...yeah, you know, we'd like to make some fliers.
Clerk: And what's your band called?
Pickles: [really tired] Uhh we're called, uh, Thun-
Clerk: [mocking] I NEVER HEARD OF THEM! SURPRISE!
Toki: [dressed as Skwisgaar] That's whys we am gettings fliers so peoples whats knows what who we are.
Clerk: And you're gonna be a big Rock 'N Roll star huh? Wowwweeeee. Another baaand!
Nathan: If I wasn't so lethargic from hunger, I'd uh....kick your ass and make copies of it here...copy... [stomach growls loudly] That's my stomach...making that sound...
Nathan: [really tired] Uhhh...yeah, you know, we'd like to make some fliers.
Clerk: And what's your band called?
Pickles: [really tired] Uhh we're called, uh, Thun-
Clerk: [mocking] I NEVER HEARD OF THEM! SURPRISE!
Toki: [dressed as Skwisgaar] That's whys we am gettings fliers so peoples whats knows what who we are.
Clerk: And you're gonna be a big Rock 'N Roll star huh? Wowwweeeee. Another baaand!
Nathan: If I wasn't so lethargic from hunger, I'd uh....kick your ass and make copies of it here...copy... [stomach growls loudly] That's my stomach...making that sound...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: You know, uh, guys? It's hard to say this but... I've had my fucking fill of getting back to our roots... And that's because it fucking sucks.
Pickles: I am so glad you said that. I mean the reason we're in Dethklok is because we all paid our dues already!
Toki: I didn'ts.....
Skwisgaar: I says we gets the fuck out of here.
Pickles: But dude we still have to do that benefit. We promised those guys we'd do it!
Nathan: Thunderhorse promised, not Dethklok. Dethklok's getting the fuck out of here, getting some fucking food!
Pickles: I am so glad you said that. I mean the reason we're in Dethklok is because we all paid our dues already!
Toki: I didn'ts.....
Skwisgaar: I says we gets the fuck out of here.
Pickles: But dude we still have to do that benefit. We promised those guys we'd do it!
Nathan: Thunderhorse promised, not Dethklok. Dethklok's getting the fuck out of here, getting some fucking food!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Charles: Guys, you aren't going to die, you'll be fine-
Nathan: Stop saying die, use a different word.
Murderface: Use a different phrase like-
Nathan: Something like, uh, something that's good instead of death, like-
Muderface: Hamburger Time.
[pause]
Nathan: Hamburger Time, perfect. Say Hamburger Time.
Toki: Hamboigers Time.
Nathan: Use Hamburger Time, alright?
[pause]
Charles: Well as long as you guys are all worried about, uh... Hamburger Time, uh, maybe it would help a little bit if you guys all went to the doctor. Got a checkup.
[the band grumbles against this]
Murderface: Look, my uncle had a big huge thing growing on his neck, and fine. Then he goes to the doctor: cancer. Bing Bang Boom! Hair out, Hamburger Time.
Nathan: Stop saying die, use a different word.
Murderface: Use a different phrase like-
Nathan: Something like, uh, something that's good instead of death, like-
Muderface: Hamburger Time.
[pause]
Nathan: Hamburger Time, perfect. Say Hamburger Time.
Toki: Hamboigers Time.
Nathan: Use Hamburger Time, alright?
[pause]
Charles: Well as long as you guys are all worried about, uh... Hamburger Time, uh, maybe it would help a little bit if you guys all went to the doctor. Got a checkup.
[the band grumbles against this]
Murderface: Look, my uncle had a big huge thing growing on his neck, and fine. Then he goes to the doctor: cancer. Bing Bang Boom! Hair out, Hamburger Time.
TV Show: Metalocalypse