Metalocalypse Quotes
Nathan: Price check! Cleanup aisle six! Rotted Body Landslide! And don't forget our special sale on Every Bone Broken Chicken! Hurry! [laughing] Enjoy our tasty Hammer Smashed Face! Aisle three.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skiwsgaar: Guess what, you are a GMILF. That is a grandmother that I would like to - [Scene Change]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles: See! What'd I tell you guys? We don't need no chef.
Nathan: Put in the ingredients into that thing there.
Toki: Oh no, we leaves all the food at the food place!
Nathan: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Nathan: Put in the ingredients into that thing there.
Toki: Oh no, we leaves all the food at the food place!
Nathan: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Murderface: [prodding the remains of the mutilated chef with a stick] Jean-Pierre! Jean-Pierre! Wake up, cook something! Come on! Don't be a dick, be a dude!
Nathan: Yeah! Come on, be a dude!
Pickles: He can't hear you....
Skwisgaar: Yeah, be a dude, don't be a dick.
Pickles: I told you, it's over. It's over! ... By the power of all that is evil, I command you to awaken and make me a sandwich! [wails]
Murderface: There's only one thing left to do. KILL OURSELVES!
Skiwsgaar: Dudes, we would, like, have to sew him back together to get him to cook for us.
Toki: Yeah, but we such screw-ups that he would be sewn back together wrong.
Nathan: Whoa! That's a good song title.
Nathan: Yeah! Come on, be a dude!
Pickles: He can't hear you....
Skwisgaar: Yeah, be a dude, don't be a dick.
Pickles: I told you, it's over. It's over! ... By the power of all that is evil, I command you to awaken and make me a sandwich! [wails]
Murderface: There's only one thing left to do. KILL OURSELVES!
Skiwsgaar: Dudes, we would, like, have to sew him back together to get him to cook for us.
Toki: Yeah, but we such screw-ups that he would be sewn back together wrong.
Nathan: Whoa! That's a good song title.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Pickles the Drummer: Motherdouchebags! Did it again...
Toki Wartooth: Dudes, what's wrong with that one? [dejected]
Pickles: Lemme guess - not "heavy" enough, not "tuned low" enough, not "brutal" enough?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dudes, we can'ts nots toning down any lower.
William Murderface: Well, maybe it'd be better if I just killed myself, huh? Why don't you record that, huh? Would that be brutal enough for you? Me, being dead?
Skwisgaar: Somebody shoulds tells Murderface that it's not alsways-ways abouts him.
Toki Wartooth: Dudes, what's wrong with that one? [dejected]
Pickles: Lemme guess - not "heavy" enough, not "tuned low" enough, not "brutal" enough?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Dudes, we can'ts nots toning down any lower.
William Murderface: Well, maybe it'd be better if I just killed myself, huh? Why don't you record that, huh? Would that be brutal enough for you? Me, being dead?
Skwisgaar: Somebody shoulds tells Murderface that it's not alsways-ways abouts him.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Charles Ofdensen: Okay, so you want to re-re-re-re-record in the ocean, in... I see, no problem...
Nathan Explosion: No, not in the ocean! Inside the ocean.
Ofdensen: Okay.
Nathan: In the heaviest, deepest, most brutal part.
Ofdensen: Alright.
Nathan: The Mariana TREEEEEEEEEENCH!
Ofdensen: Well, let me make some calls.
Nathan Explosion: No, not in the ocean! Inside the ocean.
Ofdensen: Okay.
Nathan: In the heaviest, deepest, most brutal part.
Ofdensen: Alright.
Nathan: The Mariana TREEEEEEEEEENCH!
Ofdensen: Well, let me make some calls.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Ofdensen: Well, the good news is that they're gonna give you more money to record this album. The bad news is that they're going to send a producer down to work with you, so I hope that -
Nathan: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! [throws model globe off the panel in a fury]
Nathan: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! [throws model globe off the panel in a fury]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Your guitar's picking up strange sounds!
Toki: What, dude? I didn't know these pickups were that strong. It picks up the whales saying hello.
Toki: What, dude? I didn't know these pickups were that strong. It picks up the whales saying hello.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: What does this lights mean?
Officer: He will die without safety briefing.
Skwisgaar: Hey, I'll take it from here, okay buddy?
Toki: [the liquid oxygen isolation submersion chamber begins to fill up] Skwisgaar, I think I need that safety briefings.
Skwisgaar: Oh, really quickly, the reason I come in here was we're all going to order some food. D'you want some?
Toki: [liquid oxygen gets up to his thigh] I can't think about that now, what are all these buttons flashing?
Skwisgaar: Start thinking about what you want, because honestly, I'm starting to get hungry -
Toki: [liquid oxygen is almost to his chest] Anything! Gn-Gnocchi or something! It's filling up!
Skwisgarr: Okay, I'll write that down. And oh, by the way, don't screw this one up!
Toki: [liquid oxygen is up to his neck] What is this button, I think I hit it!
Skwisgaar: I got to get going, see you later. [pulls the eject lever as the liquid oxygen submerges Toki]
Officer: He will die without safety briefing.
Skwisgaar: Hey, I'll take it from here, okay buddy?
Toki: [the liquid oxygen isolation submersion chamber begins to fill up] Skwisgaar, I think I need that safety briefings.
Skwisgaar: Oh, really quickly, the reason I come in here was we're all going to order some food. D'you want some?
Toki: [liquid oxygen gets up to his thigh] I can't think about that now, what are all these buttons flashing?
Skwisgaar: Start thinking about what you want, because honestly, I'm starting to get hungry -
Toki: [liquid oxygen is almost to his chest] Anything! Gn-Gnocchi or something! It's filling up!
Skwisgarr: Okay, I'll write that down. And oh, by the way, don't screw this one up!
Toki: [liquid oxygen is up to his neck] What is this button, I think I hit it!
Skwisgaar: I got to get going, see you later. [pulls the eject lever as the liquid oxygen submerges Toki]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface?
Pickles: Yeah, I know man, have a little decency. I mean, we're stuck together in a... in a friggin' submarine for...
Murderface: [drops bucket of beans] Fine, how about I starve to death. How's that? [passes gas] Excuse me! Ugh, these boots are killing my feet! [removes boots, exposing sweaty, smelly feet; passes gas] These feet sti... [vomits all over himself]
Pickles: Yeah, I know man, have a little decency. I mean, we're stuck together in a... in a friggin' submarine for...
Murderface: [drops bucket of beans] Fine, how about I starve to death. How's that? [passes gas] Excuse me! Ugh, these boots are killing my feet! [removes boots, exposing sweaty, smelly feet; passes gas] These feet sti... [vomits all over himself]
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler: [submarine door opens] Hi guys. Sooo uh... let's hear this new album.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Knubbler: Yeah, bear with me dudes. I think I made the trip a little too fast. My... my body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here. I'm sure I'll feel a little better once I have some Pop Rocks and Coke. [washes down a handful of Pop Rocks with Coca-Cola and begins to bleeds from nose]
Nathan: Now shut up and listen to this, Dick. This is metal. For fish.
Skwisgaar: Fish don't gots no good metal to listens to.
Murderface: Yeah, it's true.
Knubbler: Fish, huh?
Nathan: This one's called Murmaider!
Murderface: It's about mermaid murder.
Nathan: Now shut up and listen to this, Dick. This is metal. For fish.
Skwisgaar: Fish don't gots no good metal to listens to.
Murderface: Yeah, it's true.
Knubbler: Fish, huh?
Nathan: This one's called Murmaider!
Murderface: It's about mermaid murder.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Knubbler: Stop the track! This is amazing! I mean, there must be billions of fish out there! It's a totally untapped market! And so many hits too!
Nathan: Electric Eelchair!
Knubbler: Yeah!
Skwisgaar: Scaled and Gutted and Undercooked.
Knubbler: Yeah!
Murderface: Scuba Tank Filled With Farts!
Knubbler: YEAH! You boys knocked it completely out of the park. [quietly] I am back on top. [louder] I'm going straight to the label!
Nathan: Electric Eelchair!
Knubbler: Yeah!
Skwisgaar: Scaled and Gutted and Undercooked.
Knubbler: Yeah!
Murderface: Scuba Tank Filled With Farts!
Knubbler: YEAH! You boys knocked it completely out of the park. [quietly] I am back on top. [louder] I'm going straight to the label!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: [Toki's song in the liquid oxygen submersion chamber] Underwater friends! You are my underwater, underwater friends! Yeah, you're my best friends now, so let's all cheer!
Anglerfish: Yeah, we come around here about once a year!
Toki: I pees in liquid oxygen, I breathes my own pee. It tastes like coffee 'cuz I had some effin' coffee...
Anglerfish: Yeah, we come around here about once a year!
Toki: I pees in liquid oxygen, I breathes my own pee. It tastes like coffee 'cuz I had some effin' coffee...
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Toki: [emerges from the water gasping and gurgling] Not safe! Not safe! [vomits a pink liquid] There's monsters!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar Skwigelf: Hey, Pickle. Tell Murderface what you just told me about that guy. S' hilarious.
Pickles the Drummer: Oh, right. That dude that you headbutted? The guy was a Danish Prince. Can you believe that?
Skwisgaar: [mistaking the Danish for the Dutch] Pfft! The Dutch.
Pickles: Oh, check it out. He's got a brain contusion and a fractured skull... Oh, and he's last in line for the Danish royalty. That is messed up, dude.
William Murderface: Well, that's what he gets for going after my hog.
Pickles: Awesome.
Skwisgaar: Dude, I would have done the same thing. Pfft. Dutch.
Pickles: Yeah, well it's official. I mean, you're getting really... good at headbutting.
Pickles the Drummer: Oh, right. That dude that you headbutted? The guy was a Danish Prince. Can you believe that?
Skwisgaar: [mistaking the Danish for the Dutch] Pfft! The Dutch.
Pickles: Oh, check it out. He's got a brain contusion and a fractured skull... Oh, and he's last in line for the Danish royalty. That is messed up, dude.
William Murderface: Well, that's what he gets for going after my hog.
Pickles: Awesome.
Skwisgaar: Dude, I would have done the same thing. Pfft. Dutch.
Pickles: Yeah, well it's official. I mean, you're getting really... good at headbutting.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan Explosion: A birthday party for Murderface?
Skwisgaar: Where is it going to be? In a toilet? In a bus station?
Toki Wartooth: Oh, that's brutal.
Skwisgaar: Can you believe, right off the top of my head, just making up like thats?
Pickles: Wait a minute! The guy's a nihilist, what does he want a birthday for?
Murderface's E-vite: Inside, outside, up or down. Show up if you want, who gives a piss?
Nathan: Oh, fuck me! We're going to have to get him a gift!
Skwisgaar: Where is it going to be? In a toilet? In a bus station?
Toki Wartooth: Oh, that's brutal.
Skwisgaar: Can you believe, right off the top of my head, just making up like thats?
Pickles: Wait a minute! The guy's a nihilist, what does he want a birthday for?
Murderface's E-vite: Inside, outside, up or down. Show up if you want, who gives a piss?
Nathan: Oh, fuck me! We're going to have to get him a gift!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Gibbons: William Murderface's charts indicate a deep-seated rage which is split off and repressed at its core. His self-loathing is expressed most publicly and unequivocally through bodily mutilation, tattooing, alcohol abuse, and coprophilia. He blames others for his anger. He misplaces his rage and its roots. He seeks punishment, castigation, and excommunication. This self-destruction is the only way to validate powerful voices he internalized as a child. This, combined with his immense wealth and popularity, should make for a monumentally horrific birthday.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Or maybe, like, we get him an endangered species, and then, we could kill it? That'd be cool.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: I just read about this thing online you can buy a star and name it. Like, what if we named it, like, Mulhalmad Ali, the black prizefighter? That would be his gift.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: Fuck you.
Nathan: Wait a minute! I got it - we'll give him the blackest most meaningless gift of all.
Nathan: Wait a minute! I got it - we'll give him the blackest most meaningless gift of all.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Klokateer: The Queen of Denmark, with her son, Prince Henrey. [Prince Henrey is swathed in various bandages, injured from Murderface's headbutt]
Queen of Denmark: This is an original manuscript from Peter Cornolivesonoft, Denmark's most faaamous poet!
Murderface: Was he murdered?
Queen: No.
Murderface: How much did it cost?
Queen: This is an -
Murderface: Ah, just keep it! [to himself] I'm getting the crappiest gifts! [Prince Henrey hands him a marker] What?! [incredulously] Are you giving me a Sharpie for my birthday?
Queen: He's asking for your autograph.
Skwisgaar: [grabs marker from Murderface] Here, let me sign! [pushes hard against the bridge of the nose]
Prince Henrey: OW!
Queen of Denmark: This is an original manuscript from Peter Cornolivesonoft, Denmark's most faaamous poet!
Murderface: Was he murdered?
Queen: No.
Murderface: How much did it cost?
Queen: This is an -
Murderface: Ah, just keep it! [to himself] I'm getting the crappiest gifts! [Prince Henrey hands him a marker] What?! [incredulously] Are you giving me a Sharpie for my birthday?
Queen: He's asking for your autograph.
Skwisgaar: [grabs marker from Murderface] Here, let me sign! [pushes hard against the bridge of the nose]
Prince Henrey: OW!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Fan: [looking at Murderface's cake, which is coated with a silver frosting] Dude, is that metal frosting? That's amazing!
Jean-Pierre: Please do not sample the frosting, it is made of... MERCURY! You will die!
Jean-Pierre: Please do not sample the frosting, it is made of... MERCURY! You will die!
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Skwisgaar: This is a complete and total, y'know, sausage festival.
Toki: I love sausage festival!
Skwisgaar: Wait, what..
Toki: Like in Vienna.
Skwisgaar: No. No, Toki, that WAS a sausage festival.
Toki: Yeah, that was good.
Skwisgaar: Yeah, it was Vienna pork saus.... Um, no, this means that there's no good-looking ladies to put you-know-what into side of them.
Toki: The sausage?
Skwisgaar: Ja. Anyway, what were you talking about, like, a second ago? I'm sorry I cut you off.
Toki: Oh, I gots to make something for Murderface. I'm going to make him a macaroni murder lady.
Skwisgaar: I'm sure he'll hate that. Eh, pardon me.
Toki: I love sausage festival!
Skwisgaar: Wait, what..
Toki: Like in Vienna.
Skwisgaar: No. No, Toki, that WAS a sausage festival.
Toki: Yeah, that was good.
Skwisgaar: Yeah, it was Vienna pork saus.... Um, no, this means that there's no good-looking ladies to put you-know-what into side of them.
Toki: The sausage?
Skwisgaar: Ja. Anyway, what were you talking about, like, a second ago? I'm sorry I cut you off.
Toki: Oh, I gots to make something for Murderface. I'm going to make him a macaroni murder lady.
Skwisgaar: I'm sure he'll hate that. Eh, pardon me.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Nathan: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the party. And as you all know, no party is complete without a birthday party clown. And we have one of the finest Rock N' Roll clowns around, so please...put- your hands tog- you know, here comes the Rock N' Roll clown.
Dr. Rockso: [enters siding in on his knees] K-K-K-K-K YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! [crowd moans: Murderface looks annoyed] I'm Dr. Rockso, the Rock and Roll Clown! I do cocaine! K-K-K-K-YEAH! I hear it's somebody's birth-day! I do cocaine! Dr. Rockso gonna make you a balloon bass.
Dr. Rockso: [enters siding in on his knees] K-K-K-K-K YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! [crowd moans: Murderface looks annoyed] I'm Dr. Rockso, the Rock and Roll Clown! I do cocaine! K-K-K-K-YEAH! I hear it's somebody's birth-day! I do cocaine! Dr. Rockso gonna make you a balloon bass.
TV Show: Metalocalypse
Dr. Rockso: [whispers] I seriously do... a lotta cocaine. [louder] Try it out! Wait a minute, I think someone's outta tune. Just a little more. [turns the knob, which swells until it pops in William's face -- he looks furious] You popped a string! Hehe! I do coca- [Murderface strangles Dr. Rockso and shoves the balloon bass down his throat, then sets the Klokateers on him. The Klokateers viciously stomp Rockso.]
TV Show: Metalocalypse