Monk Quotes
[Natalie is at her parent's house when a maid hands her a phone]
Natalie Teeger: Hello? Oh, Mr. Monk, thank God.
Adrian Monk: [in his bedroom] I'm gonna need you to come and get me now.
Natalie Teeger: What happened? Where are you?
Adrian Monk: I'm in my bedroom. I work here now, I'm the butler.
Natalie Teeger: You're the butler?
Adrian Monk: Yes, you're old boyfriend just hired me. I'm the new manservant.
Natalie Teeger: I think that's great!
Adrian Monk: Really, do you think it's "great"?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah, you'll be able to look around. You're right there, you're-you're-you're in the belly of the beast!
Adrian Monk: Natalie, it's not a good thing, it's a bad thing. Okay, it's a belly… and it's a beast. Now come and get me!
Natalie Teeger: How about this? I pick you up tomorrow morning.
Adrian Monk: Tomorrow morning?
Natalie Teeger: Yes, maybe by then we'll have something to show the Captain.
Adrian Monk: Yes that's one solution. May I suggest an alternate solution? [taps the phone against his dresser] Pick me up!
Natalie Teeger: Hello? Oh, Mr. Monk, thank God.
Adrian Monk: [in his bedroom] I'm gonna need you to come and get me now.
Natalie Teeger: What happened? Where are you?
Adrian Monk: I'm in my bedroom. I work here now, I'm the butler.
Natalie Teeger: You're the butler?
Adrian Monk: Yes, you're old boyfriend just hired me. I'm the new manservant.
Natalie Teeger: I think that's great!
Adrian Monk: Really, do you think it's "great"?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah, you'll be able to look around. You're right there, you're-you're-you're in the belly of the beast!
Adrian Monk: Natalie, it's not a good thing, it's a bad thing. Okay, it's a belly… and it's a beast. Now come and get me!
Natalie Teeger: How about this? I pick you up tomorrow morning.
Adrian Monk: Tomorrow morning?
Natalie Teeger: Yes, maybe by then we'll have something to show the Captain.
Adrian Monk: Yes that's one solution. May I suggest an alternate solution? [taps the phone against his dresser] Pick me up!
TV Show: Monk
[Paul Buchanan finishes looking at the completed luncheon table that Monk has carefully organized and straightened out]
Paul Buchanan: Well I don't have to remind you about how important these stupid luncheons are! The old bats are gunning for me. They want me to screw up, they expect me to screw up! And I intend- to dissapoint them. Mr. Melville.
Adrian Monk: [standing in front of a covered canvas] Thank you. Mr. Pepperidge? [Mr. Pepperidge pulls the tarp off the canvas, revealing a color coded map of the house] I've divided the house into four zones.
Susie the Maid: Mr. Stilson normally has us start in the kitchen.
Adrian Monk: [retracts his pointer] Mr. Stilson is no longer with us. So from now on we're going to be cleaning the house my way: the Monk way.
Susie the Maid: Who's Monk?
[pause]
Adrian Monk: You see... I grew up in a monastery. And the monks were very demanding. We were cleaning constantly, 18 hours a day. Mostly dusting. It was very dusty. Crypts, catacombs, it was holy dust. But still... you know... dust. And that is the Monk way.
Paul Buchanan: Well you heard the man. We'll be doing it the Monk way.
Paul Buchanan: Well I don't have to remind you about how important these stupid luncheons are! The old bats are gunning for me. They want me to screw up, they expect me to screw up! And I intend- to dissapoint them. Mr. Melville.
Adrian Monk: [standing in front of a covered canvas] Thank you. Mr. Pepperidge? [Mr. Pepperidge pulls the tarp off the canvas, revealing a color coded map of the house] I've divided the house into four zones.
Susie the Maid: Mr. Stilson normally has us start in the kitchen.
Adrian Monk: [retracts his pointer] Mr. Stilson is no longer with us. So from now on we're going to be cleaning the house my way: the Monk way.
Susie the Maid: Who's Monk?
[pause]
Adrian Monk: You see... I grew up in a monastery. And the monks were very demanding. We were cleaning constantly, 18 hours a day. Mostly dusting. It was very dusty. Crypts, catacombs, it was holy dust. But still... you know... dust. And that is the Monk way.
Paul Buchanan: Well you heard the man. We'll be doing it the Monk way.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk has attacked Max Hudson on the air]
Adrian Monk: Did you hear him? Did you hear what he said about Trudy?
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah we were in the car; we had to pull over. I couldn't even drive.
Adrian Monk: That wasn't funny, was it?
Natalie Teeger: No, Mr. Monk, it was unspeakable.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Here's what I was thinking: Number One, it sounded like you got a few good shots in, I was proud of you; and Number Two, he sounded scared. Scared and guilty.
Natalie Teeger: He is guilty.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: 25 years to life. That's the best revenge. So let's focus, and let's figure out how he did this.
Adrian Monk: Did you hear him? Did you hear what he said about Trudy?
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah we were in the car; we had to pull over. I couldn't even drive.
Adrian Monk: That wasn't funny, was it?
Natalie Teeger: No, Mr. Monk, it was unspeakable.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Here's what I was thinking: Number One, it sounded like you got a few good shots in, I was proud of you; and Number Two, he sounded scared. Scared and guilty.
Natalie Teeger: He is guilty.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: 25 years to life. That's the best revenge. So let's focus, and let's figure out how he did this.
TV Show: Monk
Adrian Monk: You know, Max, you look like you're out of shape. When you go to a restaurant, you don't use a fork. You use a harpoon.
Max Hudson: What?
Adrian Monk: You heard me. When you took your dog to the dog show, you won first prize, not your dog.
Max Hudson: [after long pause] Yeah, that's... not funny.
Adrian Monk: Yes it is.
Max Hudson: No, it's not.
Adrian Monk: Yes it is. You know who you remind me of? The hippie who came home and gave his dog fleas.
J.J.: Hippie? What year is this?
[short pause. A cricket chirping sound effect plays on J.J.'s computer, along with the sound of a howling coyote]
Adrian Monk: Actually, you remind me of several different hippies. Like the hippie who moved into a new apartment and it was six months before he realized that there was no hot water.
Max Hudson: What?
Adrian Monk: You heard me. When you took your dog to the dog show, you won first prize, not your dog.
Max Hudson: [after long pause] Yeah, that's... not funny.
Adrian Monk: Yes it is.
Max Hudson: No, it's not.
Adrian Monk: Yes it is. You know who you remind me of? The hippie who came home and gave his dog fleas.
J.J.: Hippie? What year is this?
[short pause. A cricket chirping sound effect plays on J.J.'s computer, along with the sound of a howling coyote]
Adrian Monk: Actually, you remind me of several different hippies. Like the hippie who moved into a new apartment and it was six months before he realized that there was no hot water.
TV Show: Monk
Max Hudson: Howard Stern, if you're listening and I know you are, YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BABY!
J.J.: Down! [plays an explosion sound effect on his computer]
J.J.: Down! [plays an explosion sound effect on his computer]
TV Show: Monk
[Stottlemeyer and Disher pull Little Willie aside]
Lt. Randall Disher: We're big fans. No, not big height.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Uh, we are looking into the death of Jeanette Hudson.
Little Willie: Why? There was inquest; it was an accident. Don't you guys talk to each other?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're probably right, there's just a few loose ends that we want to look into. Where were you the night she died?
Little Willie: Where was I? I was on the air.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No I mean before that, the night before. I-I know Max was in Los Angeles but you didn't go with him.
Little Willie: That's true. I was with my wife and kid. I've got nothin' more to say to you guys; you wanna talk, talk to my lawyer.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey-hey-hey. I'm not done talking to you yet. [Randy puts his hands around the sides of Willie's head to measure] Thank you very much.
Lt. Randall Disher: Thank you. [shakes Willie's hand oddly] I'm a big fan, just, uh, nice meeting you.
Lt. Randall Disher: We're big fans. No, not big height.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Uh, we are looking into the death of Jeanette Hudson.
Little Willie: Why? There was inquest; it was an accident. Don't you guys talk to each other?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're probably right, there's just a few loose ends that we want to look into. Where were you the night she died?
Little Willie: Where was I? I was on the air.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No I mean before that, the night before. I-I know Max was in Los Angeles but you didn't go with him.
Little Willie: That's true. I was with my wife and kid. I've got nothin' more to say to you guys; you wanna talk, talk to my lawyer.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey-hey-hey. I'm not done talking to you yet. [Randy puts his hands around the sides of Willie's head to measure] Thank you very much.
Lt. Randall Disher: Thank you. [shakes Willie's hand oddly] I'm a big fan, just, uh, nice meeting you.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk is seen getting off the bus.]
Adrian Monk: [talking to the driver] Thank you for letting me keep my bags with me. [pause] Oh, and is this where I get the bus to go back?
Bus Driver: NO! [quickly shuts the door and speeds off]
Adrian Monk: [talking to the driver] Thank you for letting me keep my bags with me. [pause] Oh, and is this where I get the bus to go back?
Bus Driver: NO! [quickly shuts the door and speeds off]
TV Show: Monk
[Monk goes dancing with Sheriff Butterfield]
Sheriff Margie Butterfield: Loosen up! What are you afraid of?
Adrian Monk: Well... pretty long list.
Sheriff Margie Butterfield: Loosen up! What are you afraid of?
Adrian Monk: Well... pretty long list.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk and Natalie arrive at Max Hudson's house]
Natalie Teeger: Yeah, I don't like that guy either. He's such a bully. Have you ever heard his show?
Adrian Monk: Can't say that I have. What station is he on?
Natalie Teeger: 99.9.
Adrian Monk: Ah, so close.
Natalie Teeger: I just don't see how he could have done it. Have you looked at this? So when Jeanette died, Max was on the air doing a live show, and the night before he's in Los Angeles at a party. He hasn't been home in two days.
Adrian Monk: I promised her sister I'd look into it. I had to; she was using up all my Kleenex. [They meet Linda Riggs at the front door] Hi.
Linda Riggs: I don't think he's home.
Adrian Monk: Did you tell him I was coming? [spots a welcome mat that says "GO AWAY"]
Natalie Teeger: No, Mr. Monk. That's not for you. It's a joke.
Adrian Monk: Really? How's that funny?
Natalie Teeger: Well, I guess it's funny because it says the opposite of what a welcome mat would normally say.
Adrian Monk: S-so it's an opposite joke?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah.
[a neighbor, walking his dog past the driveway, notices them]
Neighbor: He's not home! I live right over there. I saw him leave about two hours ago.
Linda Riggs: Okay.
Natalie Teeger: That's a nice dog.
Neighbor: Thank you.
Adrian Monk: That's a nice cat. [force laughs unconvincingly, then turns and wipes this thought]
Linda Riggs: [sighs] Okay that's it. This is still my sister's house. I'm going in. [She uses her own house keys to unlock the door. She leads Monk and Natalie up to Jeanette's room] This was where she was found, on the bed. This m
Natalie Teeger: Yeah, I don't like that guy either. He's such a bully. Have you ever heard his show?
Adrian Monk: Can't say that I have. What station is he on?
Natalie Teeger: 99.9.
Adrian Monk: Ah, so close.
Natalie Teeger: I just don't see how he could have done it. Have you looked at this? So when Jeanette died, Max was on the air doing a live show, and the night before he's in Los Angeles at a party. He hasn't been home in two days.
Adrian Monk: I promised her sister I'd look into it. I had to; she was using up all my Kleenex. [They meet Linda Riggs at the front door] Hi.
Linda Riggs: I don't think he's home.
Adrian Monk: Did you tell him I was coming? [spots a welcome mat that says "GO AWAY"]
Natalie Teeger: No, Mr. Monk. That's not for you. It's a joke.
Adrian Monk: Really? How's that funny?
Natalie Teeger: Well, I guess it's funny because it says the opposite of what a welcome mat would normally say.
Adrian Monk: S-so it's an opposite joke?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah.
[a neighbor, walking his dog past the driveway, notices them]
Neighbor: He's not home! I live right over there. I saw him leave about two hours ago.
Linda Riggs: Okay.
Natalie Teeger: That's a nice dog.
Neighbor: Thank you.
Adrian Monk: That's a nice cat. [force laughs unconvincingly, then turns and wipes this thought]
Linda Riggs: [sighs] Okay that's it. This is still my sister's house. I'm going in. [She uses her own house keys to unlock the door. She leads Monk and Natalie up to Jeanette's room] This was where she was found, on the bed. This m
TV Show: Monk
[Monk notices the gas lever on a fireplace in Jeanette Hudson's bedroom]
Adrian Monk: So she turned it... like this? [turns the lever] And then forgot it was on?
[He starts looking inside the fireplace chimney, but soon is overpowered by the fumes. He collapses]
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, are you okay? You should turn off the gas! [She quickly turns off the valve and tries to keep Monk from collapsing]
Adrian Monk: I'm fine. Just a little...little gas. According to the crime scene photos, the flue was-was-was closed?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: But look. [He picks up some leaves with his tweezers] Dried.... dried leaves. Fire would have burned them or charred them. No, this thing hasn't been used in months, if ever.
Linda Riggs: That's what I was saying; that it couldn't have been an accident. [Linda opens a window to give Monk some fresh air. Monk straightens up]
Adrian Monk: [to Natalie] You have the inventory? Are there any matches or cigarette lighters anywhere? [Natalie looks through the file]
Natalie Teeger: Uhhhh, no.
Adrian Monk: No matches anywhere? That makes no sense. [He walks over to another desk and finds a calendar open to July on it. Natalie joins him] So she died on the 15th?
Linda Riggs: Yeah, that's right. Two days before their tenth wedding anniversary. They always did something special. Last year, they went to Cabo.
Adrian Monk: But not this year. July 17, 10th anniversary? Natalie, nothing's been written; nothing planned. Nothing erased.
Natalie Teeger: He knew she wouldn't be around.
Adrian Monk: Linda, I think you're right. I think he killed her.
Adrian Monk: So she turned it... like this? [turns the lever] And then forgot it was on?
[He starts looking inside the fireplace chimney, but soon is overpowered by the fumes. He collapses]
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, are you okay? You should turn off the gas! [She quickly turns off the valve and tries to keep Monk from collapsing]
Adrian Monk: I'm fine. Just a little...little gas. According to the crime scene photos, the flue was-was-was closed?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: But look. [He picks up some leaves with his tweezers] Dried.... dried leaves. Fire would have burned them or charred them. No, this thing hasn't been used in months, if ever.
Linda Riggs: That's what I was saying; that it couldn't have been an accident. [Linda opens a window to give Monk some fresh air. Monk straightens up]
Adrian Monk: [to Natalie] You have the inventory? Are there any matches or cigarette lighters anywhere? [Natalie looks through the file]
Natalie Teeger: Uhhhh, no.
Adrian Monk: No matches anywhere? That makes no sense. [He walks over to another desk and finds a calendar open to July on it. Natalie joins him] So she died on the 15th?
Linda Riggs: Yeah, that's right. Two days before their tenth wedding anniversary. They always did something special. Last year, they went to Cabo.
Adrian Monk: But not this year. July 17, 10th anniversary? Natalie, nothing's been written; nothing planned. Nothing erased.
Natalie Teeger: He knew she wouldn't be around.
Adrian Monk: Linda, I think you're right. I think he killed her.
TV Show: Monk
[Certain that Max Hudson is guilty of murdering his wife, Monk and Natalie go to the police station to talk to Captain Stottlemeyer]
Adrian Monk: I think he's the guy.
Natalie Teeger: Me too, at least I hope he is.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Max Hudson, the jerk on the radio?
Adrian Monk: According to her sister, his wife had recently started taking sleeping pills, 30 milligrams.
Natalie Teeger: Which is the maximum dosage.
Adrian Monk: And it was Max's suggestion.
Natalie Teeger: He called their doctor personally to fill those prescriptions.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened: Max is out of town, it's a perfect alibi. He knows his wife will be taking those pills, so she's out cold- [Randy blushes in the background]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Something funny?
Lt. Randall Disher: S-sorry.
Adrian Monk: He knows his wife won't be waking up, so he has one of his guys- [Randy blushes again]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy? Do you wanna share it with the rest of the class?
Lt. Randall Disher: Sorry. I heard you on the show. You really got zung.
Natalie Teeger: Oh my God, you listen to that creep?!
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, I think he's great...ing. It's grading... degrading. Degrading to women. Oh, I keep listening hoping he grows up but he never does.
Adrian Monk: [continuing] Anyway, he has one of his guys-
Lt. Randall Disher: Goons. They're called goons. "The Goon Platoon."
Adrian Monk: Goons - thank you, Randy - snuck into the house, turned on the gas-
Lt. Randall Disher: Could've been J.J. The guy's a joke machine. He's been with Max for 15 years, since Philadelphia.
Adrian Monk: I think he's the guy.
Natalie Teeger: Me too, at least I hope he is.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Max Hudson, the jerk on the radio?
Adrian Monk: According to her sister, his wife had recently started taking sleeping pills, 30 milligrams.
Natalie Teeger: Which is the maximum dosage.
Adrian Monk: And it was Max's suggestion.
Natalie Teeger: He called their doctor personally to fill those prescriptions.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened: Max is out of town, it's a perfect alibi. He knows his wife will be taking those pills, so she's out cold- [Randy blushes in the background]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Something funny?
Lt. Randall Disher: S-sorry.
Adrian Monk: He knows his wife won't be waking up, so he has one of his guys- [Randy blushes again]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy? Do you wanna share it with the rest of the class?
Lt. Randall Disher: Sorry. I heard you on the show. You really got zung.
Natalie Teeger: Oh my God, you listen to that creep?!
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, I think he's great...ing. It's grading... degrading. Degrading to women. Oh, I keep listening hoping he grows up but he never does.
Adrian Monk: [continuing] Anyway, he has one of his guys-
Lt. Randall Disher: Goons. They're called goons. "The Goon Platoon."
Adrian Monk: Goons - thank you, Randy - snuck into the house, turned on the gas-
Lt. Randall Disher: Could've been J.J. The guy's a joke machine. He's been with Max for 15 years, since Philadelphia.
TV Show: Monk
[While the team is at a bookstore where Max is doing a book signing, we see another fan having his picture taken with a man who belches loudly]
Lt. Randall Disher: You see that guy over there? They've got him on all the time; they call him "the Burpinator".
Natalie Teeger: Really? The Burpinator's here? Is he single? Do you think you could introduce me?
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, sure. Come on.
Natalie Teeger: I was kidding! You knew that, right? I was kidding?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Come on Randy, let's get this over with.
Lt. Randall Disher: You see that guy over there? They've got him on all the time; they call him "the Burpinator".
Natalie Teeger: Really? The Burpinator's here? Is he single? Do you think you could introduce me?
Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, sure. Come on.
Natalie Teeger: I was kidding! You knew that, right? I was kidding?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Come on Randy, let's get this over with.
TV Show: Monk
Farmhand Oates: One minute you're hand-cuffing yourself to a piece of farm machinery, sobbing like a schoolgirl, the next minute you're putting all the pieces together like Sherlock Holmes. Which is the real Adrian Monk?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I like to think that a man is made up of many different–
Farmhand Oates: I think it's the schoolgirl.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, you're probably right.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I like to think that a man is made up of many different–
Farmhand Oates: I think it's the schoolgirl.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, you're probably right.
TV Show: Monk
[Julie is seen teaching Monk about computers.]
Julie: Okay, Mr. Monk, this is called a mouse.
Monk: I know that, I haven't been living in a cave.
Julie: And this is a mouse pad...
Monk: Wow! It is so rubbery!
Julie: Okay, Mr. Monk, this is called a mouse.
Monk: I know that, I haven't been living in a cave.
Julie: And this is a mouse pad...
Monk: Wow! It is so rubbery!
TV Show: Monk
[Stottlemeyer mentions to Agent Thorpe that his equipment is severely outdated]
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're wrong about Adrian Monk.
Agent Thorpe: Am I?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. I know he's a little strange, and he can be difficult. But I can tell you of at least twelve different cases where all of the evidence...
Agent Thorpe: Captain Stottlemeyer, you're looking at a half a billion dollars worth of equipment. Are you trying to tell me your funny little friend is smarter than all of this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: [smiles without flinching] Yes, I am.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're wrong about Adrian Monk.
Agent Thorpe: Am I?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. I know he's a little strange, and he can be difficult. But I can tell you of at least twelve different cases where all of the evidence...
Agent Thorpe: Captain Stottlemeyer, you're looking at a half a billion dollars worth of equipment. Are you trying to tell me your funny little friend is smarter than all of this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: [smiles without flinching] Yes, I am.
TV Show: Monk
[Randy sings his song "I Don't Need a Badge" out of tune and key]
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's a flaw to your plan.
Agent Thorpe: What?
Stottlemeyer: The first person that attacks him might not necessarily be your serial killer. It may be me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's a flaw to your plan.
Agent Thorpe: What?
Stottlemeyer: The first person that attacks him might not necessarily be your serial killer. It may be me.
TV Show: Monk
Stottlemeyer: This is a complete waste of time, you know that.
Agent Thorpe: Did you say something?
Stottlemeyer: Yeah. I said, "Monk is right, sir." I have never read one of these "psychological profiles" that meant squat, particularly if it was created by one of these gizmos.
Agent Thorpe: These "gizmos," as you call them, are going to catch our killer. Mark my words.
Agent Thorpe: Did you say something?
Stottlemeyer: Yeah. I said, "Monk is right, sir." I have never read one of these "psychological profiles" that meant squat, particularly if it was created by one of these gizmos.
Agent Thorpe: These "gizmos," as you call them, are going to catch our killer. Mark my words.
TV Show: Monk
[When the "serial killer" makes a break for it, Stottlemeyer grabs FBI Agent Keao's custom-made PDA and throws it, catching the killer in the back and knocking him to the ground.]
Stottlemeyer: Hey! You were right, one of your gizmos caught the killer.
Stottlemeyer: Hey! You were right, one of your gizmos caught the killer.
TV Show: Monk
[A man is being pushed in on a stretcher, with bandages on his head]
Monk: HEY! I WAS HERE FIRST!
Receptionist: He has a head wound.
Monk: I have a head wound!
Receptionist: That is not a head wound, it's a nosebleed.
Monk: I happen to believe this very well might be a head wound.
Monk: HEY! I WAS HERE FIRST!
Receptionist: He has a head wound.
Monk: I have a head wound!
Receptionist: That is not a head wound, it's a nosebleed.
Monk: I happen to believe this very well might be a head wound.
TV Show: Monk
[Natalie tries to convince Monk to take part in an SFPD bachelor auction.]
Natalie Teeger: Don't you want to be a team player?
Adrian Monk: No.
Natalie Teeger: Don't you want to appear to be a team player?
Adrian Monk: Sure.
Natalie Teeger: Don't you want to be a team player?
Adrian Monk: No.
Natalie Teeger: Don't you want to appear to be a team player?
Adrian Monk: Sure.
TV Show: Monk
[Marci plays with dolls representing herself and Monk in a diorama of one of Monk's past cases.]
Marci Maven: "Adrian. Should we call the Captain?" "Not yet, Marci. We need to gather more evidence. Natalie, get the car."
[Marci picks up a small yellow-haired doll and throws it across the diorama.]
Marci Maven: [in falsetto] "On my way, Mr. Monk."
Natalie Teeger: Is that me? [Picks up the doll.] It's a troll doll.
Marci Maven: Huh.
Marci Maven: "Adrian. Should we call the Captain?" "Not yet, Marci. We need to gather more evidence. Natalie, get the car."
[Marci picks up a small yellow-haired doll and throws it across the diorama.]
Marci Maven: [in falsetto] "On my way, Mr. Monk."
Natalie Teeger: Is that me? [Picks up the doll.] It's a troll doll.
Marci Maven: Huh.
TV Show: Monk
Monk: It's possible—there's a chance—she's not crazy. I mean, she's crazy, but she might not be wrong.
[Marci trots towards him with her arms spread.]
Monk: [shrinking away] Clue hug?
Natalie: Take it like a man.
[Marci trots towards him with her arms spread.]
Monk: [shrinking away] Clue hug?
Natalie: Take it like a man.
TV Show: Monk
[Marci's dead dog Otto is being framed for a murder]
Marci Maven: You're the detective, you figure it out! You do it all the time. The police have a theory and they think it's cut-and-dried, and then you come in and do your thing, like in "Mr. Monk and the Astronaut" or "Mr. Monk Goes Back to School"—oh, you remember that one?
Adrian Monk: No! Where are you getting these names?
Marci Maven: You're the detective, you figure it out! You do it all the time. The police have a theory and they think it's cut-and-dried, and then you come in and do your thing, like in "Mr. Monk and the Astronaut" or "Mr. Monk Goes Back to School"—oh, you remember that one?
Adrian Monk: No! Where are you getting these names?
TV Show: Monk
[last lines; Marci has sent her box of memorabilia back to Monk. He finds the troll doll]
Adrian Monk: Oh look, it's you. [Natalie finds the bobbleheads of Monk and Marci]
Natalie Teeger: [as Marci] "Oh, Adrian, I adore you! You're so amazing!"
Adrian Monk: All right...
Natalie Teeger: [as Monk] "Thank you, Marci. I think you have excellent taste. How would you like to be my new assistant? You can follow me around and worship me all day."
Adrian Monk: All right, it wasn't like that...
Natalie Teeger: [as Marci] "And let's seal the deal with a great big clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug!"
Adrian Monk: Cut it out, will you? I know it's you!
Natalie Teeger: [following him out of the room] "Oh, don't go away, I just want a little clue hug! Clue hug, clue hug, clue hug!"
Adrian Monk: Oh look, it's you. [Natalie finds the bobbleheads of Monk and Marci]
Natalie Teeger: [as Marci] "Oh, Adrian, I adore you! You're so amazing!"
Adrian Monk: All right...
Natalie Teeger: [as Monk] "Thank you, Marci. I think you have excellent taste. How would you like to be my new assistant? You can follow me around and worship me all day."
Adrian Monk: All right, it wasn't like that...
Natalie Teeger: [as Marci] "And let's seal the deal with a great big clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug!"
Adrian Monk: Cut it out, will you? I know it's you!
Natalie Teeger: [following him out of the room] "Oh, don't go away, I just want a little clue hug! Clue hug, clue hug, clue hug!"
TV Show: Monk