Monk Quotes
Jack Monk, Jr.: Just one phone call. For old time's sake.
Adrian Monk: We don't have any old times.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Sure we do. Come on, remember... oh, remember in the hallway, when you hit me over the head with that metal box?
Adrian Monk: That was a half hour ago!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, well it's something. It's a start.
Adrian Monk: We don't have any old times.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Sure we do. Come on, remember... oh, remember in the hallway, when you hit me over the head with that metal box?
Adrian Monk: That was a half hour ago!
Jack Monk, Jr.: Yeah, well it's something. It's a start.
TV Show: Monk
[Jack has used fake crying to get himself and Adrian into Lindsey Bishop's house]
Adrian Monk: I can't help noticing your fake crying looks a lot like your real crying.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Thank you.
Adrian Monk: I can't help noticing your fake crying looks a lot like your real crying.
Jack Monk, Jr.: Thank you.
TV Show: Monk
[As Daniel Reese closes in to kill Adrian and Natalie (who are hiding behind a log pile)]
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, here he comes! Now what do we do?
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. I'm going to count to three.
Natalie Teeger: All right, okay.
Adrian Monk: On three... you come up with a great idea. [just as Reese is bringing up his gun, there is a noise, and Jack, driving Natalie's Nissan Sentra, comes crashing through the fence and hits Reese, sending him rolling over the roof of the car. Jack stops and gets out]
Adrian Monk: Paraguay is that way; the beautiful women. [points south]
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, here he comes! Now what do we do?
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. I'm going to count to three.
Natalie Teeger: All right, okay.
Adrian Monk: On three... you come up with a great idea. [just as Reese is bringing up his gun, there is a noise, and Jack, driving Natalie's Nissan Sentra, comes crashing through the fence and hits Reese, sending him rolling over the roof of the car. Jack stops and gets out]
Adrian Monk: Paraguay is that way; the beautiful women. [points south]
TV Show: Monk
[Monk is in session with Dr. Bell]
Adrian Monk: All I ever wanted was a real family. I used to pray for one.
Dr. Neven Bell: I hate to break the news to you, Adrian, but you already have a real family. In many ways, your situation is typical; I've seen it quite often. [Monk raises his eyebrows]
Adrian Monk: There's a four state dragnet on my brother. Do you get that a lot?
Adrian Monk: All I ever wanted was a real family. I used to pray for one.
Dr. Neven Bell: I hate to break the news to you, Adrian, but you already have a real family. In many ways, your situation is typical; I've seen it quite often. [Monk raises his eyebrows]
Adrian Monk: There's a four state dragnet on my brother. Do you get that a lot?
TV Show: Monk
[As Jack is conning Natalie out of her money, an enraged Adrian bursts into the apartment to confront Jack about his ulterior motive]
Adrian Monk: You're not really going back to prison!
Natalie Teeger: [confused] Mr. Monk!
Adrian Monk: You are going to Paraguay! That's why you came to me: You couldn't leave until I cleared your name!
Natalie Teeger: I'm a little confused. He's your penpal, right?
Adrian Monk: He's my half-brother. It's Jack, Jr.
Natalie Teeger: Oh my God!
Adrian Monk: AKA Joe Endicott.
Adrian Monk: You're not really going back to prison!
Natalie Teeger: [confused] Mr. Monk!
Adrian Monk: You are going to Paraguay! That's why you came to me: You couldn't leave until I cleared your name!
Natalie Teeger: I'm a little confused. He's your penpal, right?
Adrian Monk: He's my half-brother. It's Jack, Jr.
Natalie Teeger: Oh my God!
Adrian Monk: AKA Joe Endicott.
TV Show: Monk
Natalie Teeger: Did he kill that woman [Lindsey Bishop]?
Adrian Monk: No, but he's practically everything else. [Natalie is disgusted]
Natalie Teeger: On second thought, I'm gonna want my check back. [She snatches it from Jack and stands next to Adrian]
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Natalie Teeger: He's building some orphanage in Quebec!
Adrian Monk: No, but he's practically everything else. [Natalie is disgusted]
Natalie Teeger: On second thought, I'm gonna want my check back. [She snatches it from Jack and stands next to Adrian]
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Natalie Teeger: He's building some orphanage in Quebec!
TV Show: Monk
[Monk notices one of Dean Berry's square tomatoes in a glass case]
Adrian Monk: Is that a square tomato?
Sarah Longson: Yes it is. It's a pet project of Dean's. The square shape means that farmer can pack 35% more tomatoes per carton. It's cheaper, more efficient.
Adrian Monk: So, so, that means every slice is exactly the same size?
Natalie Teeger: How does it taste?
Adrian Monk: Who cares? It's a square tomato. You're doing the Lord's work.
Adrian Monk: Is that a square tomato?
Sarah Longson: Yes it is. It's a pet project of Dean's. The square shape means that farmer can pack 35% more tomatoes per carton. It's cheaper, more efficient.
Adrian Monk: So, so, that means every slice is exactly the same size?
Natalie Teeger: How does it taste?
Adrian Monk: Who cares? It's a square tomato. You're doing the Lord's work.
TV Show: Monk
[Randy has noticed that Togo the Egg-Eating Robot is missing]
Lt. Randall Disher: I come here every year on my birthday. Sorta like a family tradition.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: When you were a kid. [Randy stares] You meant when you were a kid. Say "yes," Randy.
Lt. Randall Disher: Yes.
Lt. Randall Disher: I come here every year on my birthday. Sorta like a family tradition.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: When you were a kid. [Randy stares] You meant when you were a kid. Say "yes," Randy.
Lt. Randall Disher: Yes.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk visits Marge's house]
Adrian Monk: I love your house.
Marge Johnson: Do you? Did you grow up in a place like this?
Adrian Monk: I grew up wishing it was a place like this.
Adrian Monk: I love your house.
Marge Johnson: Do you? Did you grow up in a place like this?
Adrian Monk: I grew up wishing it was a place like this.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk and Natalie have gone back to Marge's house to apologize to her]
Adrian Monk: What do I say?
Natalie Teeger: Just speak from your heart, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Any ideas? Anything, quick!
Adrian Monk: What do I say?
Natalie Teeger: Just speak from your heart, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Any ideas? Anything, quick!
TV Show: Monk
[Dean Berry is testing his genetically altered corn seeds]
Professor Dean Berry: What's our time?
Sarah Longson: 17: 20. [The seed begins to sprout]
Professor Dean Berry: Germination complete. That is our best time yet, and that, boys and girls, is how you feed four billion people. [looks up and turns to Sarah, Monk and Natalie] We're in business. Call our investors, tell them to bring their checkbooks.
Sarah Longson: I'll set it up for Friday. Dean, this is Adrian Monk and I believe you remember Natalie Teeger?
Professor Dean Berry: Ah, yes! The woman who stole my bike.
Natalie Teeger: I didn't steal it!
Professor Dean Berry: No, that's right. I believe "aided and abetted" is the correct term. [He crosses the room to his wall safe to lock up his genetically altered seeds] I'm sorry, I have to lock these up. Would you mind turning around? [Monk and Natalie do so as Berry punches in the numbers on the lock's keypad] It's just that if somebody else sees this combination I'll have to memorize a new one and I don't want to waste the gray cells. [He unlocks the vault door]
Natalie Teeger: Look, Mr. Berry, I want to buy you a new bike. If you could just give me the make and the model number-
Professor Dean Berry: What's our time?
Sarah Longson: 17: 20. [The seed begins to sprout]
Professor Dean Berry: Germination complete. That is our best time yet, and that, boys and girls, is how you feed four billion people. [looks up and turns to Sarah, Monk and Natalie] We're in business. Call our investors, tell them to bring their checkbooks.
Sarah Longson: I'll set it up for Friday. Dean, this is Adrian Monk and I believe you remember Natalie Teeger?
Professor Dean Berry: Ah, yes! The woman who stole my bike.
Natalie Teeger: I didn't steal it!
Professor Dean Berry: No, that's right. I believe "aided and abetted" is the correct term. [He crosses the room to his wall safe to lock up his genetically altered seeds] I'm sorry, I have to lock these up. Would you mind turning around? [Monk and Natalie do so as Berry punches in the numbers on the lock's keypad] It's just that if somebody else sees this combination I'll have to memorize a new one and I don't want to waste the gray cells. [He unlocks the vault door]
Natalie Teeger: Look, Mr. Berry, I want to buy you a new bike. If you could just give me the make and the model number-
TV Show: Monk
[Natalie promises Berry that she'll find his bike]
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk here is probably the best detective on Earth.
Professor Dean Berry: He is?
Natalie Teeger: Yes sir, and I know lots of other detectives. [Captain Stottlemeyer and Lieutenant Disher enter the room, along with several uniformed cops]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: San Francisco Police Department. What's going on?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah, uh, we're fine.
Lt. Randall Disher: You said it was an emergency.
Natalie Teeger: [to Stottlemeyer] Somebody stole his bike.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And?
Natalie Teeger: Rode away.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And?
Natalie Teeger: Didn't come back!
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk here is probably the best detective on Earth.
Professor Dean Berry: He is?
Natalie Teeger: Yes sir, and I know lots of other detectives. [Captain Stottlemeyer and Lieutenant Disher enter the room, along with several uniformed cops]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: San Francisco Police Department. What's going on?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah, uh, we're fine.
Lt. Randall Disher: You said it was an emergency.
Natalie Teeger: [to Stottlemeyer] Somebody stole his bike.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And?
Natalie Teeger: Rode away.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And?
Natalie Teeger: Didn't come back!
TV Show: Monk
[Monk is using one of the lab's square tomatoes for a sandwich]
Adrian Monk: [in bliss] I can taste the symmetry!
Adrian Monk: [in bliss] I can taste the symmetry!
TV Show: Monk
[Monk has been shot]
Dr. Levinson: Are you a fighter, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: [weakly] No.
Dr. Levinson: Are you a fighter, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: [weakly] No.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk and Natalie arrive at John Kuramoto's house while searching for Dean Berry's bicycle]
Adrian Monk: Am I going to need a tetanus shot after this?
Natalie Teeger: Probably not. [As they reach the porch, Natalie sees a set of bolt cutters] Mr. Monk, the bolt cutters!
Adrian Monk: Oh yeah, those are nice.
Natalie Teeger: I don't see the bike. Maybe he's out riding it. [Monk peeks through the window blinds]
Adrian Monk: No, he's right in there! Playing video games, eating junk food. What are we doing here?
Natalie Teeger: The right thing. [Monk bangs on the door with his elbow]
Adrian Monk: Hello, Johnny! Open up, it's... it's Encyclopedia Brown! Sally and I want our blue bike back! [sheepishly] And the name of your decorator. [sighs] You're not in trouble! Nobody's gonna press charges! We just want the bike!
Natalie Teeger: [whispers to Monk] Try again!
[Kuramoto fires at them through the door with a Walther PPK. Monk and Natalie try to run, but one of the bullets hits Monk in the left leg, just below the knee]
Adrian Monk: Am I going to need a tetanus shot after this?
Natalie Teeger: Probably not. [As they reach the porch, Natalie sees a set of bolt cutters] Mr. Monk, the bolt cutters!
Adrian Monk: Oh yeah, those are nice.
Natalie Teeger: I don't see the bike. Maybe he's out riding it. [Monk peeks through the window blinds]
Adrian Monk: No, he's right in there! Playing video games, eating junk food. What are we doing here?
Natalie Teeger: The right thing. [Monk bangs on the door with his elbow]
Adrian Monk: Hello, Johnny! Open up, it's... it's Encyclopedia Brown! Sally and I want our blue bike back! [sheepishly] And the name of your decorator. [sighs] You're not in trouble! Nobody's gonna press charges! We just want the bike!
Natalie Teeger: [whispers to Monk] Try again!
[Kuramoto fires at them through the door with a Walther PPK. Monk and Natalie try to run, but one of the bullets hits Monk in the left leg, just below the knee]
TV Show: Monk
[After Monk gets shot, Stottlemeyer and Disher scramble to find Kuramoto, and late at night, they interrogate his cousin Vince]
Lt. Randall Disher: You don't know where he is? Well, you're staying at his house, Vince.
Vince Kuramoto: Hey, man. I'm just crashing at his place for a few days. He's my cousin. Do you know where all your cousins are?
Lt. Randall Disher: Where do you think he is, Vince?
Vince Kuramoto: [loudly and clearly into the microphone, emphasizing every word] I. Don't. Know. [hits the tape recorder's microphone with his hand. Stottlemeyer puts the microphone back upright]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Tough guy, ehh? [shows the bullet in an evidence bag] Look at this. See that? That's a bullet. That's a bullet that got dug out of our very dear friend's leg tonight.
Lt. Randall Disher: That makes your cousin a former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: Former what?
Lt. Randall Disher: Former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: You mean he used to shoot cops?
Lt. Randall Disher: No. He shot someone who used to be a cop.
Vince Kuramoto: Why didn't you say that?
Lt. Randall Disher: I did, it's the same thing.
Vince Kuramoto: It's not the same thing at all, it's not even close. [Stottlemeyer cracks]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Oh for God's sakes! What are you two, married or what?! Look, it's not complicated, Vince! If you know where your cousin is and you're not telling us, [lowers his voice and points his finger at Vince] that makes you an accessory after the fact.
Lt. Randall Disher: For aiding and abetting!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: For attempted murder, which is a very very VERY long goodbye! L
Lt. Randall Disher: You don't know where he is? Well, you're staying at his house, Vince.
Vince Kuramoto: Hey, man. I'm just crashing at his place for a few days. He's my cousin. Do you know where all your cousins are?
Lt. Randall Disher: Where do you think he is, Vince?
Vince Kuramoto: [loudly and clearly into the microphone, emphasizing every word] I. Don't. Know. [hits the tape recorder's microphone with his hand. Stottlemeyer puts the microphone back upright]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Tough guy, ehh? [shows the bullet in an evidence bag] Look at this. See that? That's a bullet. That's a bullet that got dug out of our very dear friend's leg tonight.
Lt. Randall Disher: That makes your cousin a former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: Former what?
Lt. Randall Disher: Former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: You mean he used to shoot cops?
Lt. Randall Disher: No. He shot someone who used to be a cop.
Vince Kuramoto: Why didn't you say that?
Lt. Randall Disher: I did, it's the same thing.
Vince Kuramoto: It's not the same thing at all, it's not even close. [Stottlemeyer cracks]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Oh for God's sakes! What are you two, married or what?! Look, it's not complicated, Vince! If you know where your cousin is and you're not telling us, [lowers his voice and points his finger at Vince] that makes you an accessory after the fact.
Lt. Randall Disher: For aiding and abetting!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: For attempted murder, which is a very very VERY long goodbye! L
TV Show: Monk
[Berry parks his ZAP Xebra at his house and sees Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer and Disher waiting for him]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What kind of gas mileage does this thing get?
Professor Dean Berry: Mileage? I haven't had to deal with mileage in years!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What kind of gas mileage does this thing get?
Professor Dean Berry: Mileage? I haven't had to deal with mileage in years!
TV Show: Monk
[Berry sees Monk in a wheelchair]
Professor Dean Berry: Mr. Monk, you know what I'm going to do for you? I'm going to adopt ten acres of Brazilian rain forest in your name.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. I don't have to visit it, do I? Or-or water it, or think about it?
Professor Dean Berry: No.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Professor Berry, somebody paid that young man to steal your bicycle.
Professor Dean Berry: You're kidding!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, sir, apparently they paid him a lot of money. We were wondering why.
Professor Dean Berry: Mr. Monk, you know what I'm going to do for you? I'm going to adopt ten acres of Brazilian rain forest in your name.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. I don't have to visit it, do I? Or-or water it, or think about it?
Professor Dean Berry: No.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Professor Berry, somebody paid that young man to steal your bicycle.
Professor Dean Berry: You're kidding!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, sir, apparently they paid him a lot of money. We were wondering why.
TV Show: Monk
Adrian Monk: What's the catch?
Dr. Neven Bell: With what?
Adrian Monk: With Marge, what do you suppose she's after?
Dr. Neven Bell: Uh, Adrian—
Adrian Monk: Every time somebody wants to be my friend, it turns out they're after something. They have an angle!
Dr. Neven Bell: Not necessarily.
Adrian Monk: How could somebody - how could anybody - love me unconditionally? I mean, come on, you met me!
Dr. Neven Bell: Adrian, I know you've been burned in the past, but you have to trust people. See, there's not always a catch.
Adrian Monk: Then how do you explain this? There's always a catch.
Dr. Neven Bell: With what?
Adrian Monk: With Marge, what do you suppose she's after?
Dr. Neven Bell: Uh, Adrian—
Adrian Monk: Every time somebody wants to be my friend, it turns out they're after something. They have an angle!
Dr. Neven Bell: Not necessarily.
Adrian Monk: How could somebody - how could anybody - love me unconditionally? I mean, come on, you met me!
Dr. Neven Bell: Adrian, I know you've been burned in the past, but you have to trust people. See, there's not always a catch.
Adrian Monk: Then how do you explain this? There's always a catch.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk surveys the jewelry store robbed by John Keyes the night before]
Adrian Monk: The killer wore a ski mask, ergo the killer was afraid he'd be recognized, ergo the killer must have worked here recently.
Lt. Randall Disher: [writes in his notepad] "Ergo the Killer". Is that Hungarian?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: His name isn't Ergo, Randy.
Adrian Monk: The killer wore a ski mask, ergo the killer was afraid he'd be recognized, ergo the killer must have worked here recently.
Lt. Randall Disher: [writes in his notepad] "Ergo the Killer". Is that Hungarian?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: His name isn't Ergo, Randy.
TV Show: Monk
[Last lines; Monk and Natalie have parted with Marge]
Natalie Teeger: A pirate?
Adrian Monk: It's more fun to be a pirate.
Natalie Teeger: That's good advice. Come on boss, I'll make you some lunch.
Adrian Monk: What are we having?
Natalie Teeger: Ooh, chicken pot pie, with a little Jolly Roger flag on top and a bottle of rum.
Adrian Monk: Okay, you don't have to beat it to death.
Natalie Teeger: [imitating a pirate] Shiver me timbers, you look hungry!
Adrian Monk: Yeah, okay, how is that funny?
Natalie Teeger: It's funny.
Natalie Teeger: A pirate?
Adrian Monk: It's more fun to be a pirate.
Natalie Teeger: That's good advice. Come on boss, I'll make you some lunch.
Adrian Monk: What are we having?
Natalie Teeger: Ooh, chicken pot pie, with a little Jolly Roger flag on top and a bottle of rum.
Adrian Monk: Okay, you don't have to beat it to death.
Natalie Teeger: [imitating a pirate] Shiver me timbers, you look hungry!
Adrian Monk: Yeah, okay, how is that funny?
Natalie Teeger: It's funny.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk and Stottlemeyer are at a tailgate party]
Adrian Monk: Who are all these people, and where are their parents?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's a tailgate party, Monk. People get here early, and they start to party and they get all pumped up for the game.
Adrian Monk: But they're... they're not actually playing in the game.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, it doesn't make any sense if you think about it. The trick is not to think about it. You just got to turn your mind off. You do have an off-switch, right?
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, here, you can borrow mine. Beer: Nature's off switch.
Adrian Monk: Who are all these people, and where are their parents?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's a tailgate party, Monk. People get here early, and they start to party and they get all pumped up for the game.
Adrian Monk: But they're... they're not actually playing in the game.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, it doesn't make any sense if you think about it. The trick is not to think about it. You just got to turn your mind off. You do have an off-switch, right?
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, here, you can borrow mine. Beer: Nature's off switch.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk learns about the Condors/Wildcats rivalry]
Captain Stottlemeyer: They're Wildcat fans, Monk. It's a big rivalry.
2nd Rowdy Fan: Two years ago they put a bag of bees in my car.
Chet Walsh: Yeah, then his mom spat on my mom, then we flipped his RV! God, I love football!
Captain Stottlemeyer: They're Wildcat fans, Monk. It's a big rivalry.
2nd Rowdy Fan: Two years ago they put a bag of bees in my car.
Chet Walsh: Yeah, then his mom spat on my mom, then we flipped his RV! God, I love football!
TV Show: Monk
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You used to be a fun guy.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. No, I remember. I remember the time when you graduated, right? We stole that rowboat, you, me, and Trudy. And the Lake Patrol stopped us and you started speaking Spanish. Now, that was funny! That was funny! Where's that guy?
Adrian Monk: Trudy died.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, Trudy died. But you didn't die. You're alive.
Adrian Monk: "Alive" is a funny word.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. No, I remember. I remember the time when you graduated, right? We stole that rowboat, you, me, and Trudy. And the Lake Patrol stopped us and you started speaking Spanish. Now, that was funny! That was funny! Where's that guy?
Adrian Monk: Trudy died.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, Trudy died. But you didn't die. You're alive.
Adrian Monk: "Alive" is a funny word.
TV Show: Monk
[Stottlemeyer and Monk head towards the gates, leaving Disher to brief some cops on David Gitelson's murder]
Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, hey, tell Bob Costas "Randy Disher says hi".
Captain Stottlemeyer: Does he know you?
Lt. Randall Disher: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, then, wouldn't that just confuse him?
Lt. Randall Disher: Only one way to find out.
Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, hey, tell Bob Costas "Randy Disher says hi".
Captain Stottlemeyer: Does he know you?
Lt. Randall Disher: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, then, wouldn't that just confuse him?
Lt. Randall Disher: Only one way to find out.
TV Show: Monk
[Monk is suspicious of Shawn Metzger]
Adrian Monk: Uh, you have a.. you have a smudge there. What happened there?
Shawn Metzger: What happened? I don't know. Do you remember every little smudge you ever got on your clothing?
Adrian Monk: Yes, yes, I do.
Adrian Monk: Uh, you have a.. you have a smudge there. What happened there?
Shawn Metzger: What happened? I don't know. Do you remember every little smudge you ever got on your clothing?
Adrian Monk: Yes, yes, I do.
TV Show: Monk
Adrian Monk: Roderick Brody changed my life, maybe as much as Trudy did. He ruined everything. It was childhood's end, really.
Dr. Neven Bell: You know, I had a bully in school too. He would wait for me every morning outside the bicycle rack.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me, sorry to interrupt. You went to your father for advice, and he told you to face up to the bully, and the bully backed down?
Dr. Neven Bell: Yes, more or less. Yes.
Adrian Monk: What a wonderful anecdote. It will give me something to think about at 1: 00 PM, when my head is in the man's toilet.
Dr. Neven Bell: Why don't you just cancel it? Just say you're busy.
Adrian Monk: Natalie won't let me! It's the first paying customer we've had in three weeks. Look, what I need is a note.
Dr. Neven Bell: A note?
Adrian Monk: Yes, a note from you, something I can show Natalie, to get me out of this.
Dr. Neven Bell: Adrian, I'm not going to write you a note.
Adrian Monk: You don't have to write it. [pulls it out of his jacket] It's already written. All you have to do is sign it.
Dr. Neven Bell: Adrian, this isn't gym class. Now you've been talking about this Roderick Brody since the first session. And as I recall, you're still having nightmares about him. You know, I think this meeting today is a gift. It's an opportunity.
Adrian Monk: Maybe you're right. But sign the note.
Dr. Neven Bell: It's an opportunity to confront your greatest fears, to finally resolve them. Put them all behind you. Not many people get this chance.
Adrian Monk: I see your point. I never looked at it like that. [pause] Can I have the note back?
Dr. Neven Bell: Sure. [starts to hand the note back, but stops] Wait, you're not planning to
Dr. Neven Bell: You know, I had a bully in school too. He would wait for me every morning outside the bicycle rack.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me, sorry to interrupt. You went to your father for advice, and he told you to face up to the bully, and the bully backed down?
Dr. Neven Bell: Yes, more or less. Yes.
Adrian Monk: What a wonderful anecdote. It will give me something to think about at 1: 00 PM, when my head is in the man's toilet.
Dr. Neven Bell: Why don't you just cancel it? Just say you're busy.
Adrian Monk: Natalie won't let me! It's the first paying customer we've had in three weeks. Look, what I need is a note.
Dr. Neven Bell: A note?
Adrian Monk: Yes, a note from you, something I can show Natalie, to get me out of this.
Dr. Neven Bell: Adrian, I'm not going to write you a note.
Adrian Monk: You don't have to write it. [pulls it out of his jacket] It's already written. All you have to do is sign it.
Dr. Neven Bell: Adrian, this isn't gym class. Now you've been talking about this Roderick Brody since the first session. And as I recall, you're still having nightmares about him. You know, I think this meeting today is a gift. It's an opportunity.
Adrian Monk: Maybe you're right. But sign the note.
Dr. Neven Bell: It's an opportunity to confront your greatest fears, to finally resolve them. Put them all behind you. Not many people get this chance.
Adrian Monk: I see your point. I never looked at it like that. [pause] Can I have the note back?
Dr. Neven Bell: Sure. [starts to hand the note back, but stops] Wait, you're not planning to
TV Show: Monk
[Monk and Natalie park at the Brody house]
Adrian Monk: Oh god.
Natalie Teeger: Let's just hear what he has to say. If you're not comfortable, we'll leave. I promise.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: I'm not comfortable.
Natalie Teeger: Come on. [They head towards the front door]
Adrian Monk: Not comfortable.
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, we haven't even said hello.
Adrian Monk: Oh god.
Natalie Teeger: Let's just hear what he has to say. If you're not comfortable, we'll leave. I promise.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Natalie Teeger: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: I'm not comfortable.
Natalie Teeger: Come on. [They head towards the front door]
Adrian Monk: Not comfortable.
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, we haven't even said hello.
TV Show: Monk
[Natalie rings the doorbell and Monk pulls a showercap out of his lapel]
Natalie Teeger: What is that? Is that a shower cap?
Adrian Monk: Sometimes, he let me wear one.
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, I don't think you're gonna be needing that. [She quickly puts it in her purse just as Marilyn reaches the door]
Natalie Teeger: What is that? Is that a shower cap?
Adrian Monk: Sometimes, he let me wear one.
Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, I don't think you're gonna be needing that. [She quickly puts it in her purse just as Marilyn reaches the door]
TV Show: Monk