Monkey Business Quotes
[to his secretary, whose assets are in other areas]
Oliver Oxley: Find someone to type this.
Lois Laurel: Oh, Mr. Oxley. Can't I try again?
Oliver Oxley: No, it's very important. Better find someone to type it for you.
Oliver Oxley: Find someone to type this.
Lois Laurel: Oh, Mr. Oxley. Can't I try again?
Oliver Oxley: No, it's very important. Better find someone to type it for you.
Movie: Monkey Business
Alky Briggs: Okay, he's in there. When he comes out, plug him.
Zeppo: What do we plug him with?
Alky Briggs: [referring to guns] Didn't I give you two "gats"?
Groucho: We had to drown the "gats", but we saved you a little black "gitten".
Zeppo: What do we plug him with?
Alky Briggs: [referring to guns] Didn't I give you two "gats"?
Groucho: We had to drown the "gats", but we saved you a little black "gitten".
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: [Lois is exposing a beautiful leg to show Barnaby the "new non-rip plastic stockings" he invented. Mr. Oxley enters and is startled] Miss Laurel was just showing me her acetates.
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: Aw, c'mon; let's scalp him!
Little Indian: No; first, we gotta do a war dance!
Little Indian: No; first, we gotta do a war dance!
Movie: Monkey Business
Barnaby: Now, Edwina, we drove all the way down here to enjoy ourselves and to pursue an important scientific experiment at the same time.
Movie: Monkey Business
Captain Corcoran: Stockholders, huh? Well, you look like a couple of stowaways to me.
Groucho: Well, don't forget, my fine fellow, that the stockholder of yesteryear is the stowaway of today.
Groucho: Well, don't forget, my fine fellow, that the stockholder of yesteryear is the stowaway of today.
Movie: Monkey Business
Chico: My father was-a partner's with Columbus.
Groucho: Your father and Columbus were partners?
Chico: You bet.
Groucho: Columbus has been dead 400 years.
Chico: Well, they told me it was my father.
Groucho: Your father and Columbus were partners?
Chico: You bet.
Groucho: Columbus has been dead 400 years.
Chico: Well, they told me it was my father.
Movie: Monkey Business
Gangster: Get out of that loft!
Chico: Well, better to have loft and lost than never to have loft at all.
Chico: Well, better to have loft and lost than never to have loft at all.
Movie: Monkey Business
Gangster: Get out of that loft!
Chico: Well, better to have loft and lost than never to have loft at all.
Chico: Well, better to have loft and lost than never to have loft at all.
Movie: Monkey Business
Gibson, First Mate: Sir, I have to report there are four stowaways in the forward hatch.
Captain Corcoran: Stowaways? How do you know there are four of them?
Gibson, First Mate: Why, they were singing "Sweet Adeline".
Captain Corcoran: Stowaways? How do you know there are four of them?
Gibson, First Mate: Why, they were singing "Sweet Adeline".
Movie: Monkey Business
Gibson, First Mate: Sir, I have to report there are four stowaways in the forward hatch.
Captain Corcoran: Stowaways? How do you know there are four of them?
Gibson, First Mate: Why, they were singing Sweet Adeline.
Captain Corcoran: Stowaways? How do you know there are four of them?
Gibson, First Mate: Why, they were singing Sweet Adeline.
Movie: Monkey Business
Gibson, First Mate: Who are you?
Groucho: I'm the tailor.
Gibson, First Mate: Oh, that reminds me, where are my pants?
Groucho: You've got 'em on.
Groucho: I'm the tailor.
Gibson, First Mate: Oh, that reminds me, where are my pants?
Groucho: You've got 'em on.
Movie: Monkey Business
Gibson, First Mate: Who are you?
Groucho: I'm the tailor.
Gibson, First Mate: Oh, that reminds me, where are my pants?
Groucho: You've got 'em on.
Groucho: I'm the tailor.
Gibson, First Mate: Oh, that reminds me, where are my pants?
Groucho: You've got 'em on.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: ...Columbus was sailing along on his vessel...
Chico: On his what?
Groucho: Not on his what, on his vessel. Don't you know what vessel is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel...
[starts whistling]
Chico: On his what?
Groucho: Not on his what, on his vessel. Don't you know what vessel is?
Chico: Sure, I can vessel...
[starts whistling]
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: [emerging from a haystack] Where's all those farmer's daughters I've been hearing about for years?
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: How about you and I passing out on the veranda; or would you rather pass out here?
Woman at Party: Sir, you have the advantage of me.
Groucho: Not yet I haven't, but wait till I get you outside.
Woman at Party: Sir, you have the advantage of me.
Groucho: Not yet I haven't, but wait till I get you outside.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: I know, heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: Mrs. Briggs, I've known and respected your husband Alky for many years. And what's good enough for him is good enough for me.
[He suddenly grabs her and pulls her down onto a couch]
[He suddenly grabs her and pulls her down onto a couch]
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: Nice old piece of melodrama, kidnapping a girl. You've been reading too many dime novels.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: Oh no, you're not gonna get me off this bed.
Lucille: I didn't know you were a lawyer. You're awfully shy for a lawyer.
Groucho: You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
Lucille: I didn't know you were a lawyer. You're awfully shy for a lawyer.
Groucho: You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: Oh no, you're not gonna get me off this bed.
Lucille: I didn't know you were a lawyer. You're awfully shy for a lawyer.
Groucho: You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
Lucille: I didn't know you were a lawyer. You're awfully shy for a lawyer.
Groucho: You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
Movie: Monkey Business
Groucho: Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean... flee to my lodge in the hills.
Movie: Monkey Business
Lois Laurel: [at her secretrial desk, responding to Barnaby's remark that she is at work early] Mr. Oxley's been complaining about my punctuation, so I'm careful to get here before nine.
Movie: Monkey Business
Lois Laurel: Mr. Oxley's been complaining about my punctuation, so I'm careful to get here before nine.
Movie: Monkey Business
Lucille: [talking to Groucho in the closet] What are you doing in there?
Groucho: Nothing. Come on in.
[Groucho does his famous eyebrow wiggle]
Groucho: Nothing. Come on in.
[Groucho does his famous eyebrow wiggle]
Movie: Monkey Business
Madame Swempski: I don't like this innuendo.
Groucho: That's what I always say: love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
Groucho: That's what I always say: love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
Movie: Monkey Business
Madame Swempski: I don't like this innuendo.
Groucho: That's what I always say: love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
Groucho: That's what I always say: love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
Movie: Monkey Business
Manicurist: Do you want your nails trimmed long?
Chico: Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothin' to do.
Chico: Oh, about an hour and a half. I got nothin' to do.
Movie: Monkey Business