My Boys Quotes
Brendan Dorff: [having followed an attractive but crazy woman to Tulsa] That woman is in-SANE! We partied in a quarry. We had sex in a nursing home. I got pushed in a river, we broke into a zoo! I had to take a bus home because somehow she got me on the no-fly list!
Bobby Newman: Tulsa has a river?
Bobby Newman: Tulsa has a river?
TV Show: My Boys
P.J. Franklin: Oh, my god, I gotta get out of here -- they're applauding a PAN!
P.J. Franklin: Oh god, there's no liquor in this punch!
P.J. Franklin: I've *got* to start carrying a flask.
P.J. Franklin: Oh god, there's no liquor in this punch!
P.J. Franklin: I've *got* to start carrying a flask.
TV Show: My Boys
P.J. Franklin: Bachelor parties and shower -- turns out they're both sexist rituals. But, the bachelor parties are so much less lame...plus, there's scotch.
TV Show: My Boys
P.J. Franklin: They're like a school of piranhas, right? No, they will take the baby deer that is our relationship and they will tear it to bits.
Bobby Newman: What is a baby deer doing in the Amazon?
P.J. Franklin: It lost its way?
Bobby Newman: ...Okay.
P.J. Franklin: See, the point is that they will tease us mercilessly.
Bobby Newman: Come on, they're not that bad.
P.J. Franklin: Brendan. He finally gets his dream job, right? And they treat him like he showed up to class in his underpants.
Bobby Newman: Okay, that is true. But to be honest with you, watching Brando pore over blueprints is like watching a bear try to fold a map. It- wow, I'm doing it too!
P.J. Franklin: You see?
Bobby Newman: What have they done to me?
P.J. Franklin: I don't know. You used to be so nice.
Bobby Newman: Man, it's like I want to support Brendan, I just... don't remember how.
P.J. Franklin: And, they will be relentless. I mean, they will mock us til we break up, and then they will mock us for that.
Bobby Newman: You're right. You're absolutely right. But they know you're dating somebody. So how do we handle that?
P.J. Franklin: Well, they don't really have the longest attention span. So I'm sure right now, they're wondering who would win in a fight, a badger or a raccoon.
Bobby Newman: Which is ridiculous because obviously it would be a badger. And why are there so many animals in this conversation?
Bobby Newman: What is a baby deer doing in the Amazon?
P.J. Franklin: It lost its way?
Bobby Newman: ...Okay.
P.J. Franklin: See, the point is that they will tease us mercilessly.
Bobby Newman: Come on, they're not that bad.
P.J. Franklin: Brendan. He finally gets his dream job, right? And they treat him like he showed up to class in his underpants.
Bobby Newman: Okay, that is true. But to be honest with you, watching Brando pore over blueprints is like watching a bear try to fold a map. It- wow, I'm doing it too!
P.J. Franklin: You see?
Bobby Newman: What have they done to me?
P.J. Franklin: I don't know. You used to be so nice.
Bobby Newman: Man, it's like I want to support Brendan, I just... don't remember how.
P.J. Franklin: And, they will be relentless. I mean, they will mock us til we break up, and then they will mock us for that.
Bobby Newman: You're right. You're absolutely right. But they know you're dating somebody. So how do we handle that?
P.J. Franklin: Well, they don't really have the longest attention span. So I'm sure right now, they're wondering who would win in a fight, a badger or a raccoon.
Bobby Newman: Which is ridiculous because obviously it would be a badger. And why are there so many animals in this conversation?
TV Show: My Boys
Rudyard Kipling: [after being informed of Jack's death] By all accounts he was very brave, so few of us have the opportunity to play our part properly. But he did. He achieved what he set out to achieve.
Caroline Kipling: He must have been in such awful pain.
Rudyard Kipling: If you talked to wounded soldiers they would tell you the pain only sets in later. So, he was lucky. I was done with quickly.
Caroline Kipling: Don't tell me he was lucky! He wasn't lucky, or... or Brave, or happy! Jack was eighteen years and 1 day old! He died in the rain, he couldn't see a thing, he was alone! You can't persuade me that there's any glory in that!
Caroline Kipling: He must have been in such awful pain.
Rudyard Kipling: If you talked to wounded soldiers they would tell you the pain only sets in later. So, he was lucky. I was done with quickly.
Caroline Kipling: Don't tell me he was lucky! He wasn't lucky, or... or Brave, or happy! Jack was eighteen years and 1 day old! He died in the rain, he couldn't see a thing, he was alone! You can't persuade me that there's any glory in that!
TV Show: My Boys
Stephanie: [about P.J. dating Bobby's brother] Listen, you have to run it by Bobby. Brothers tend not to like this kind of thing. Unless they do... and that's weird.
TV Show: My Boys
PJ: I've come to realize that almost everything in dating and relationships has a parallel to sports. Specially baseball. No. That´s probably because that´s what I do. I´m a sportswriter for the Chicago Sun Times. I cover the Cubs. It´s like for example your friends are you team. Okay that was easy.
TV Show: My Boys
Mike: After the third date chicks start expecting something.
PJ: Like a fourth date?
PJ: Like a fourth date?
TV Show: My Boys
Brendan: So guys, I have some uh... yeah, I guess we can call it news.. Well, I was gonna come up and say this...
PJ: You broke up with Wendy
Brendan: Yeah how did you know?
PJ: Dude you've broken up with her like 83 times. It was a good guess.
Kenny: Yeah, it´s like either you ate a hot dog today or you broke up with Wendy.
Mike: Yeah, it´s like you played Metallica on your radio show today or you broke up with Wendy.
PJ: It´s like you broke up with Wendy today or you broke up with Wendy.
PJ: You broke up with Wendy
Brendan: Yeah how did you know?
PJ: Dude you've broken up with her like 83 times. It was a good guess.
Kenny: Yeah, it´s like either you ate a hot dog today or you broke up with Wendy.
Mike: Yeah, it´s like you played Metallica on your radio show today or you broke up with Wendy.
PJ: It´s like you broke up with Wendy today or you broke up with Wendy.
TV Show: My Boys
Brendan: You know what I mean, right? Nothing happened.
PJ: Hum... huh.
Brendan: What ´huh´?
PJ: Brendan, you got a bootie-call.
Brendan: What? No, I told you nothing happened. We just talked.
PJ: No I know. See, sex is the guy´s bootie-call, you got the girl bootie-call.
Mike: The girl bootie call?
PJ: Yeah it´s the most complex of all bootie-calls. You see, with the girl bootie-call she needs that emotional fix. You know, the ´hold me I´m scared´, ´I´m so lonely here without you´.The minute she finds somebody else, you´re out.
PJ: Hum... huh.
Brendan: What ´huh´?
PJ: Brendan, you got a bootie-call.
Brendan: What? No, I told you nothing happened. We just talked.
PJ: No I know. See, sex is the guy´s bootie-call, you got the girl bootie-call.
Mike: The girl bootie call?
PJ: Yeah it´s the most complex of all bootie-calls. You see, with the girl bootie-call she needs that emotional fix. You know, the ´hold me I´m scared´, ´I´m so lonely here without you´.The minute she finds somebody else, you´re out.
TV Show: My Boys
PJ: Hey, do you wanna see my baseball card collection? It´s in my bedroom!
Bobby: That is some collection!
PJ: Yeah. I´ve been building it for a while.
Bobby: Hum, PJ I just wanna say I really like you and whatever happens tonight..
PJ: Oh, Bobby. You don´t need to give me the speech, okay?
Bobby: What speech?
PJ: Oh you know, the "we will be friends anyway" speech. I know we will be friends.
Bobby: You do?
PJ: Yeah. And let´s be honest, we are both grown ups here, right?
Bobby: Yeah, yeah, uhm... I guess...
PJ: What´s wrong?
Bobby: Uh... I don´t know, you are... you´re kinda freaking me out a little bit.
PJ: Why? Oh, oh God... I´m sorry. Here, come sit down... we´ll take it slower.
Bobby: Oh! That, that, that.. that´s freaking me out. Can you maybe not say that stuff?
PJ: What stuff?
Bobby: The guy's stuff! I mean, guys act like that. Girls say things like, uh.. 'Wait', 'Why is this happening so fast?' or 'How do I know this isn't just one night stand?'
PJ: That would be completely acting.
Bobby: Fine, but that´s hot.
PJ: Okay, fine! Okay, look Bobby... this is really happening so fast, and we don´t know each other very well, and how do I know this isn't just one night stand?
Bobby: So, you´re mocking me?
PJ: Hum, a little bit.
Bobby: That is some collection!
PJ: Yeah. I´ve been building it for a while.
Bobby: Hum, PJ I just wanna say I really like you and whatever happens tonight..
PJ: Oh, Bobby. You don´t need to give me the speech, okay?
Bobby: What speech?
PJ: Oh you know, the "we will be friends anyway" speech. I know we will be friends.
Bobby: You do?
PJ: Yeah. And let´s be honest, we are both grown ups here, right?
Bobby: Yeah, yeah, uhm... I guess...
PJ: What´s wrong?
Bobby: Uh... I don´t know, you are... you´re kinda freaking me out a little bit.
PJ: Why? Oh, oh God... I´m sorry. Here, come sit down... we´ll take it slower.
Bobby: Oh! That, that, that.. that´s freaking me out. Can you maybe not say that stuff?
PJ: What stuff?
Bobby: The guy's stuff! I mean, guys act like that. Girls say things like, uh.. 'Wait', 'Why is this happening so fast?' or 'How do I know this isn't just one night stand?'
PJ: That would be completely acting.
Bobby: Fine, but that´s hot.
PJ: Okay, fine! Okay, look Bobby... this is really happening so fast, and we don´t know each other very well, and how do I know this isn't just one night stand?
Bobby: So, you´re mocking me?
PJ: Hum, a little bit.
TV Show: My Boys
PJ: When you start dating someone or kinda dating someone, communication is key. Just like in baseball where every play depends on clear signals, one missed sign can cost you the game.
TV Show: My Boys
PJ: Oh that´s nice. That´s nice, huh?
Man1: It is. It´s really nice.
Man2: It´s nice
Man1: Nice. Nice
Man2: Nice
PJ: Come on you guys, he´s the new guy. He doesn´t know he´s not supposed to be nice around here. You´ll learn. All right you drunks, let´s go... Thank´s again man.
Bobby: Yeah, no problem... man.
Man1: It is. It´s really nice.
Man2: It´s nice
Man1: Nice. Nice
Man2: Nice
PJ: Come on you guys, he´s the new guy. He doesn´t know he´s not supposed to be nice around here. You´ll learn. All right you drunks, let´s go... Thank´s again man.
Bobby: Yeah, no problem... man.
TV Show: My Boys
PJ: You don´t know what it´s like okay? I´m the only woman. I can´t have a personal life at work, you know? It would rip me to shreds. I've finally got into a place where they forget I´m a woman.
Stephanie: You have such strange goals.
Stephanie: You have such strange goals.
TV Show: My Boys
Stephanie: No no no no no... this is going to be a very bad idea.
Brendan: Oh don´t you start on me now too.. I get enough from her.
Stephanie: You look too good and there´s an ex-girlfriend involved and a wedding
PJ: Wendy is going to take one look at you on that suit and either hating you from breaking up with her or wanting you back and either way it's going to be bad bad bad.
Brendan: You guys are being ridiculous! Alright, look. We are gonna go to the wedding, we are gonna eat our dried out chicken, we are gonna dance the celebration and when the open bar turns to a cash bar, we go on separate ways... oh so the tie works? Cause I wasn't sure to go bow or not.
PJ: My God! You love that you look that good!
Stephanie: Hoping to rub it in.
Brendan: No... no no no no... do you think it will work?
Brendan: Oh don´t you start on me now too.. I get enough from her.
Stephanie: You look too good and there´s an ex-girlfriend involved and a wedding
PJ: Wendy is going to take one look at you on that suit and either hating you from breaking up with her or wanting you back and either way it's going to be bad bad bad.
Brendan: You guys are being ridiculous! Alright, look. We are gonna go to the wedding, we are gonna eat our dried out chicken, we are gonna dance the celebration and when the open bar turns to a cash bar, we go on separate ways... oh so the tie works? Cause I wasn't sure to go bow or not.
PJ: My God! You love that you look that good!
Stephanie: Hoping to rub it in.
Brendan: No... no no no no... do you think it will work?
TV Show: My Boys
PJ: My point wasn't that I´m not interested, I just didn't want people from work to know.
Bobby: Including me apparently. okay I thought you weren't interested when you said 'Keep it professional'. And why didn't you say what you meant.
PJ: Well, it´s like we are in battle and behind the enemy lines and
Bobby: PJ, PJ! No! No more metaphors okay? I´m saying, I can´t read minds, okay? So when you act like you barely know me in front of the guys and then you say that you don´t want it to be awkward, what am I supposed to think? And my God, why is that every time I talk to you I feel like I´m a chick?
Bobby: Including me apparently. okay I thought you weren't interested when you said 'Keep it professional'. And why didn't you say what you meant.
PJ: Well, it´s like we are in battle and behind the enemy lines and
Bobby: PJ, PJ! No! No more metaphors okay? I´m saying, I can´t read minds, okay? So when you act like you barely know me in front of the guys and then you say that you don´t want it to be awkward, what am I supposed to think? And my God, why is that every time I talk to you I feel like I´m a chick?
TV Show: My Boys
Mike: Bottom line is that we need to go out and be piggish without you looking over our shoulders and, let's be honest, judging the prey that we then...snare.
PJ: Oh my God, that's disgusting. And shut up, I would not be judgmental of your women, okay? I never said anything about that total North suburban whore that you went up to Wisconsin...and shut up again, I know what I just did!
PJ: Oh my God, that's disgusting. And shut up, I would not be judgmental of your women, okay? I never said anything about that total North suburban whore that you went up to Wisconsin...and shut up again, I know what I just did!
TV Show: My Boys
Andy: Meredith wants to live in the suburbs.
PJ: What!?
Andy: I know.
PJ: And you're thinking of going with her?!
Andy: Well, you know how it is: more space, better schools, quiet desperation.
PJ: What!?
Andy: I know.
PJ: And you're thinking of going with her?!
Andy: Well, you know how it is: more space, better schools, quiet desperation.
TV Show: My Boys
Mike: Hey, what do you guys think would be the worst way to die? I'm gonna say being hit in the balls with lightning... or old age. Long and slow, that's no way to go.
TV Show: My Boys
Bobby: Why don't you guys just move it a night?
Mike: Move the Decathlon? Blasphemer!
Mike: Move the Decathlon? Blasphemer!
TV Show: My Boys
Andy: (told he can play in the Decathalon) Really? Seriously? Okay.
Mike: You know, uh, two seconds ago I just heard you say that the Decathalon was stupid.
Andy: Yeah, well you know, it is stupid, if I wasn't participating.
Mike: You know, uh, two seconds ago I just heard you say that the Decathalon was stupid.
Andy: Yeah, well you know, it is stupid, if I wasn't participating.
TV Show: My Boys
Kenny: Are you gonna be good? Because PJ's really good.
Andy: I'm gonna be... I'm gonna try my best.
Kenny: Oh, he's one of those people who says stupid things like that.
Andy: I'm gonna be... I'm gonna try my best.
Kenny: Oh, he's one of those people who says stupid things like that.
TV Show: My Boys
PJ: No, you can't start with Jenga, I wanna watch Jenga.
Mike: Wow, you made your choice there, PJ. You know we'd all like to put on a pretty top and go out tonight.
Mike: Wow, you made your choice there, PJ. You know we'd all like to put on a pretty top and go out tonight.
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PJ: I mean, what kind of relationship do you have if you can't come clean with the person you're with?
Stephanie: A relationship that will last! Look, it's like faking an orgasm or telling somebody that their baby is cute. These are good lies!
Stephanie: A relationship that will last! Look, it's like faking an orgasm or telling somebody that their baby is cute. These are good lies!
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Andy: [sits silent]
Kenny: Okay, just, give me a clue, clock's ticking.
Andy: Uh, uh...
Kenny: Anything, just say anything.
Andy: Uh...
Brendan: Nothin'.
Kenny: Okay, just, give me a clue, clock's ticking.
Andy: Uh, uh...
Kenny: Anything, just say anything.
Andy: Uh...
Brendan: Nothin'.
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Andy: Oh, uh, alright.
Kenny: Okay, you have to say something. You got to, just say any word at this point.
Andy: [talking over each other] Alright.
Kenny: We're running out of...
Andy: Alright, alright.
Kenny: A clue, please, a clue.
Andy: Alright, alright, alright.
Kenny: A clue, a clue, a clue.
Andy: Alirght. K-k-k-k.
Kenny: You're just going, k-k-k-k, and I don't know if it's a fit or a clue.
Andy: It's... it's round.
Kenny: A basketball, a baseball, the world, a planet.
Andy: No, no, no, no. It's not.. but it's not "round", it's... round.
Kenny: Okay, you have to say something. You got to, just say any word at this point.
Andy: [talking over each other] Alright.
Kenny: We're running out of...
Andy: Alright, alright.
Kenny: A clue, please, a clue.
Andy: Alright, alright, alright.
Kenny: A clue, a clue, a clue.
Andy: Alirght. K-k-k-k.
Kenny: You're just going, k-k-k-k, and I don't know if it's a fit or a clue.
Andy: It's... it's round.
Kenny: A basketball, a baseball, the world, a planet.
Andy: No, no, no, no. It's not.. but it's not "round", it's... round.
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Kenny: Uh, it's a car without a top.
Andy: Broken car.
Kenny: No. Uh, it's the kind of car you might take to the beach, but it's the car where you push a button and the top comes down.
Andy: Beach car.
Kenny: I don't know if you have a virus... or why you don't work properly.
Andy: You're not still giving me hints, are you?
Brendan: [laughing] Ah, that's money.
Andy: Was it a dunebuggy?
Kenny: A convertible!
Andy: A convertible what?
Andy: Broken car.
Kenny: No. Uh, it's the kind of car you might take to the beach, but it's the car where you push a button and the top comes down.
Andy: Beach car.
Kenny: I don't know if you have a virus... or why you don't work properly.
Andy: You're not still giving me hints, are you?
Brendan: [laughing] Ah, that's money.
Andy: Was it a dunebuggy?
Kenny: A convertible!
Andy: A convertible what?
TV Show: My Boys
Hank: When I was in my twenties, I hung out in bars, with a bunch of friends. Everybody goes through that phase.
PJ: Okay, it's actually not a phase.
Hank: No, hey. I know that you're going through a time in your life when you're supposed to screw around, you know. It's fun, do it. But when you... and I don't want to say "grow up."
PJ: Then don't.
Hank: You'll find, as you get older, a lot of that stuff just falls away.
PJ: Okay, it's actually not a phase.
Hank: No, hey. I know that you're going through a time in your life when you're supposed to screw around, you know. It's fun, do it. But when you... and I don't want to say "grow up."
PJ: Then don't.
Hank: You'll find, as you get older, a lot of that stuff just falls away.
TV Show: My Boys
Brendan and Mike: (together) Soooooooo-rrrrrrrrry.
Kenny: You're not sorry. Okay, you're not sorry at all.
Mike: Yeah!
Andy: You know what, apology not accepted.
Kenny: I would like a sincere apology.
Mike: It's sorry with an exclamation point. There's no apology, it's an "I'm sorry for you."
Andy: Alright. (pulls card) Sooo-rrry. Oh, it is a game of revenge, isn't it?
Kenny: You're not sorry. Okay, you're not sorry at all.
Mike: Yeah!
Andy: You know what, apology not accepted.
Kenny: I would like a sincere apology.
Mike: It's sorry with an exclamation point. There's no apology, it's an "I'm sorry for you."
Andy: Alright. (pulls card) Sooo-rrry. Oh, it is a game of revenge, isn't it?
TV Show: My Boys