My Hero Quotes

Mrs Raven: Unclean! Unclean!

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(Mrs Raven stops ringing the bell)

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Mrs Raven: You, over there.

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(Mrs Raven points to the seats surrounded by a fence with a biohazard sign attached to it, spraying the patient as she takes her seat)

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Janet: Did you get to your anger management class last night?

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Mrs Raven: No, the therapist is still in intensive care

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Janet: I know it's none of my business, Mrs Raven, but do you think some of this hostility might be because you're, well... unattatched?

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Mrs Raven: My sex life's my own affair, thank you Oprah. Always has been...Apart from the triplet incident.

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Janet: But if Mr. Right came along?

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Mrs Raven: There is no Mr. Right. There's only Mr. Crap, Mr. Tit and their friend Mr. Total Tosser! The only good place for a man's on a mortuary slab.

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Janet: Lovely.

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Piers walks into the surgery.

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Mrs Raven: Oh, fasten your seatbelt. Here comes Mr. Tit.

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[George is fixing things on the shelf behind the counter in his shop. He turns round and jumps in fright, gasping. Mrs. Raven is standing there.]

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Mrs. Raven: Did I scare you?

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George: You always scare me, Mrs. Raven.

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Mrs. Raven: Good.

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George: Now, how can I help you?

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Mrs. Raven: I'm desperate. The triplets have discovered thrash metal.

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George: Oil of Lavender. Very good for headaches...

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Mrs. Raven: No, I'd prefer something for the triplets!

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George: Mrs. Raven! I've told you before, I can't sell chloroform over the counter! Anyway, I'm sure they're not that bad.

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Mrs. Raven: You've never seen them, have you?

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[She gets a photograph out of her handbag and shows it to George. He gasps again.]

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George: Oh my god!

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Mrs. Raven: Yeah, that's the standard reaction.

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George: (Nervously) Are... are those horns?

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Mrs. Raven: No, that's just the way they like to gel their hair!

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George: What age were they then?

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Mrs. Raven: 6, 6, and 6! Now if that weren't an omen!

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