Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
[The title Body Care and Grooming appears on the screen.]
Joel: Is this an infomercial? Where's Cher?
Servo [as TV announcer]: Body Care! And Grooming! They're cops...
Joel: Is this an infomercial? Where's Cher?
Servo [as TV announcer]: Body Care! And Grooming! They're cops...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Rommel shows J.C. how to sidehack]
Crow: It was about that time the Duke boys decided they'd show ol' Boss Hogg just what sidehackin' was all about.
Crow: It was about that time the Duke boys decided they'd show ol' Boss Hogg just what sidehackin' was all about.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Paisley: Why can't I reach you?
Crow: There's a ladder in the way.
Crow: There's a ladder in the way.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Cortner emerges from his vehicle, to yet another reprise of the saxophone music.]
Mike [as Radio DJ]: Stay tuned for the Obscene Phone Call of the Day on... K-PORN!
Servo: [echoing, hushed]K-PORN!
Mike [as Radio DJ]: Stay tuned for the Obscene Phone Call of the Day on... K-PORN!
Servo: [echoing, hushed]K-PORN!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The monster, having escaped the closet earlier, bites out a chunk of Cortner's neck and quickly spits it out.]
Servo [as Monster]: That's one nasty McNugget! Ew!
Servo [as Monster]: That's one nasty McNugget! Ew!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[As the humans climb hand-over-hand under a bridge, Caroline knocks a small chunk of wood into the river.]
Crow [as Caroline]: My piece of wood! It died so that we might live.
Crow [as Caroline]: My piece of wood! It died so that we might live.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Frank arrives at the farm and sees Patrolman Hal]
Frank: [Jokingly] I give up, officer! What's the charge?
Crow [as patrolman]: Ha, ha! MANSLAUGHTER.
Frank: [Jokingly] I give up, officer! What's the charge?
Crow [as patrolman]: Ha, ha! MANSLAUGHTER.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow: I have a feeling one of these characters is about to see their own intestines!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Engineer: Why don't they look, Ralph? Tell me, why don't they look?
Tom [as Ralph]: You're deep, Ernie.
Tom [as Ralph]: You're deep, Ernie.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Patrolman: So, if the next car I stop happens to be yours...
Mike [as patrolman]: Save a place for me at your dinner table!
Patrolman: ...DON'T tell me that you were speeding a little, only BREAKING the law a little...
Tom: ...uh-oh...
Patrolman: ...only doing something a little bit wrong, save THAT for somebody else, brother!
Crow: OH, MY GOD, HE'S SNAPPED!
Patrolman: Because I've seen too many "litte bit" follies...
Tom: He's a bad cop on the loose!
Patrolman: ...and they end up a little bit DEAD!
Mike: Now I'm gonna grab me a little bit of lunch!
Mike [as patrolman]: Save a place for me at your dinner table!
Patrolman: ...DON'T tell me that you were speeding a little, only BREAKING the law a little...
Tom: ...uh-oh...
Patrolman: ...only doing something a little bit wrong, save THAT for somebody else, brother!
Crow: OH, MY GOD, HE'S SNAPPED!
Patrolman: Because I've seen too many "litte bit" follies...
Tom: He's a bad cop on the loose!
Patrolman: ...and they end up a little bit DEAD!
Mike: Now I'm gonna grab me a little bit of lunch!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
In the not-too-distant future,
Next Sunday, AD,
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different than you or me.
He worked in a satellite loading bay,
Just polishing switches, payin' his way.
He did his job well with a cheerful face,
But his bosses didn't like him,
So they shot him into space!
Next Sunday, AD,
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different than you or me.
He worked in a satellite loading bay,
Just polishing switches, payin' his way.
He did his job well with a cheerful face,
But his bosses didn't like him,
So they shot him into space!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
"We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst ever made
Joel says when you got lemons,
You make lemonade"
The worst ever made
Joel says when you got lemons,
You make lemonade"
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Now keep in mind he can't control
Where the movies begin or end
Because he used the extra parts,
To make his robot friends.
Where the movies begin or end
Because he used the extra parts,
To make his robot friends.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
In the not-too-distant future,
Next Sunday, AD,
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him,
So they shot him into space!
Next Sunday, AD,
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn't like him,
So they shot him into space!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
"We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind"
The worst we can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind"
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
Where the movies begin or end
Because he used those special parts,
To make his robot friends.
Where the movies begin or end
Because he used those special parts,
To make his robot friends.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
In the not-too-distant future,
Way down in Deep 13.
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank,
Were hatching an evil scheme.
They hired a temp by the name of Mike,
Just a regular Joe they didn't like.
Their experiment needed a good test case,
So they conked him on the noggin,
And they shot him into space!
(Mike: Let... me... go!)
Way down in Deep 13.
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank,
Were hatching an evil scheme.
They hired a temp by the name of Mike,
Just a regular Joe they didn't like.
Their experiment needed a good test case,
So they conked him on the noggin,
And they shot him into space!
(Mike: Let... me... go!)
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
"We'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind"
The worst we can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And we'll monitor his mind"
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends.
Where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
And other science facts,
Repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax."
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
In the not-too-distant future,
Way down in Deep 13.
The evil Dr. Forrester,
Was hatching a nasty scheme.
He hired a temp by the name of Mike,
Just a regular Joe he didn't like.
His experiment needed a good test case,
So he conked him on the noggin,
And he shot him into space!
(Mike: Let... me... go!)
Way down in Deep 13.
The evil Dr. Forrester,
Was hatching a nasty scheme.
He hired a temp by the name of Mike,
Just a regular Joe he didn't like.
His experiment needed a good test case,
So he conked him on the noggin,
And he shot him into space!
(Mike: Let... me... go!)
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
"I'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst I can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind"
The worst I can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind"
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends.
Where the movies begin or end
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
In the not-too-distant future,
Somewhere in time and space.
Mike Nelson and his robot pals,
Are caught in an endless chase.
Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl,
An evil gal who wants to the rule the world.
She threw a few things in her purse,
And in her rocketship she hunts him,
All across the universe!
(Pearl: I'll... get... you!)
Somewhere in time and space.
Mike Nelson and his robot pals,
Are caught in an endless chase.
Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl,
An evil gal who wants to the rule the world.
She threw a few things in her purse,
And in her rocketship she hunts him,
All across the universe!
(Pearl: I'll... get... you!)
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
"I'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst I can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind"
The worst I can find
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind"
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000