Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
[After Dr. Wyman views the strange egg-like alien cells in the body's blood.]
Mike [as Dr. Wyman]: What I'm about to say may sound strange, but I think we should eat this corpse.
Mike [as Dr. Wyman]: What I'm about to say may sound strange, but I think we should eat this corpse.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[After it's revealed that alien embryos have been implanted inside Major Corcoran's body]
Crow: This is still a better movie than Junior.
Crow: This is still a better movie than Junior.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The photographer Donna is staring at a photo she took of the satellite crash.]
Donna: Here's something to complicate things even more.
Crow: I took these upside down!
Donna: Here's something to complicate things even more.
Crow: I took these upside down!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Steve enters in from the lab.]
Steve: They're gone.
Crow [as Steve]: My brownies are gone!
Steve: They're gone.
Crow [as Steve]: My brownies are gone!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The scientists are making their way down a steep hill.]
Crow: Carry me.
Tom Servo: Shut up.
Crow: Carry me!
Tom Servo: Shut up.
Crow: CARRY ME!
Tom Servo: Shut up!
Crow: Unnnnnnh...
Crow: Carry me.
Tom Servo: Shut up.
Crow: Carry me!
Tom Servo: Shut up.
Crow: CARRY ME!
Tom Servo: Shut up!
Crow: Unnnnnnh...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Over the short's title screen.]
Crow: The Bill Clinton Story!
Servo: The chicken of tomorrow in a deadly battle against the chicken of today!
Crow: The Bill Clinton Story!
Servo: The chicken of tomorrow in a deadly battle against the chicken of today!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Over a dedication in the opening credits]
Crow: Dedicated to the chickens who lost their lives in the great chicken war.
Mike: Wait a minute! Men and women breeding better poultry? What kind of sick experiment is this?
Crow: Dedicated to the chickens who lost their lives in the great chicken war.
Mike: Wait a minute! Men and women breeding better poultry? What kind of sick experiment is this?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Narrator: After all these years, whether the chicken or the egg came first is still the subject of a lot of good-natured debate.
Servo: [chuckling] No, it isn't.
Servo: [chuckling] No, it isn't.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[A flock of chickens is hastily gathered around a feeding trough. One of them is actually standing in the trough.]
Servo [as chicken]: Betty, must you sit in dinner?
Servo [as chicken]: Betty, must you sit in dinner?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[As we begin to see what happens at the chicken farm]
Mike [as Narrator]: If you're nice, we'll hook you up to the milking machine!
Narrator: Of course, they have to be hatched before they can grow up, so let's start at the beginning, in the incubator.
Mike [as Narrator]: [muffled] I'm in the incubator now...
Mike [as Narrator]: If you're nice, we'll hook you up to the milking machine!
Narrator: Of course, they have to be hatched before they can grow up, so let's start at the beginning, in the incubator.
Mike [as Narrator]: [muffled] I'm in the incubator now...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[A worker is placing eggs inside a tray.]
Mike [as egg]: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Servo [as egg]: No, stay in there.
Mike [as egg]: Oh, come on. Can I go home?
Servo [as egg]: No, the door's locked!
. . .
Crow: I've seen the episode where the eggs come in too fast and she starts putting them in her mouth!
Mike [as egg]: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Servo [as egg]: No, stay in there.
Mike [as egg]: Oh, come on. Can I go home?
Servo [as egg]: No, the door's locked!
. . .
Crow: I've seen the episode where the eggs come in too fast and she starts putting them in her mouth!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[A worker puts trays inside the incubator.]
Narrator: The temperature is kept at 99 degrees to approximate the body heat of the hens.
Crow [as Narrator]: And this fellow.
. . .
Narrator: This one unit holds 85,000 eggs.
Servo: And one bathroom for all of them.
Narrator: The temperature is kept at 99 degrees to approximate the body heat of the hens.
Crow [as Narrator]: And this fellow.
. . .
Narrator: This one unit holds 85,000 eggs.
Servo: And one bathroom for all of them.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Watching footage of a baby chicken forming and hatching.]
Mike: This is gonna be hot, hot, hot!
. . .
Servo: Mork calling Orson...
Crow [as baby chick]: Hey, I'm trying to sleep in here!
. . .
Servo: That is one bloodshot eye.
. . .
Crow: Oh, wait. That's my Silly Putty.
. . .
Crow: [singing] How dry I am— [hiccups]
. . .
Narrator: And finally, the fully developed chick is ready to start breaking out of its shell.
Servo [as Narrator]: Sticks of dynamite are arranged carefully around the perimeter.
. . .
Crow: [singing]Come on down and meet everybod— Oh, sorry.
. . .
Mike: I hate it when people tape their own deliveries.
. . .
Servo: Aren't there supposed to be pantyhose in there?
. . .
Crow [as baby chick]: Oh, what did I do last night?
Mike: This is gonna be hot, hot, hot!
. . .
Servo: Mork calling Orson...
Crow [as baby chick]: Hey, I'm trying to sleep in here!
. . .
Servo: That is one bloodshot eye.
. . .
Crow: Oh, wait. That's my Silly Putty.
. . .
Crow: [singing] How dry I am— [hiccups]
. . .
Narrator: And finally, the fully developed chick is ready to start breaking out of its shell.
Servo [as Narrator]: Sticks of dynamite are arranged carefully around the perimeter.
. . .
Crow: [singing]Come on down and meet everybod— Oh, sorry.
. . .
Mike: I hate it when people tape their own deliveries.
. . .
Servo: Aren't there supposed to be pantyhose in there?
. . .
Crow [as baby chick]: Oh, what did I do last night?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Narrator: Sexing the chicks, or separating the males from the females, is a highly specialized trade.
Servo: Yeah, for pervs!
[A farmer inspects one of the chicks]
Crow [as farmer]: Whoa, Milton Berle there...
Servo: Yeah, for pervs!
[A farmer inspects one of the chicks]
Crow [as farmer]: Whoa, Milton Berle there...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[A worker is sorting out baby chicks.]
Crow [as worker]: Garage sale. Goodwill. Save for the kids.
[The baby chicks are being thrown into a small box.]
Mike [as baby chick]: It's nice. You know, it's small, the walls are neutral.
Servo [as baby chick]: Hi, Cindy. I'm so glad I'm gonan be in your group. This is gonna be a fun group!
Mike: 40 piece chicken nuggets to go!
Crow [as worker]: Garage sale. Goodwill. Save for the kids.
[The baby chicks are being thrown into a small box.]
Mike [as baby chick]: It's nice. You know, it's small, the walls are neutral.
Servo [as baby chick]: Hi, Cindy. I'm so glad I'm gonan be in your group. This is gonna be a fun group!
Mike: 40 piece chicken nuggets to go!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Narrator: But wait a minute, you may be saying...
Crow [as Narrator]: Why am I watching this?
Narrator: Can those chicks just out of the shell be sent without food on trips of a day, two days, even three?
Servo: You bet!
Narrator: Indeed they can!
Servo: [surprised] ...Heh, I was right!
Crow [as Narrator]: Why am I watching this?
Narrator: Can those chicks just out of the shell be sent without food on trips of a day, two days, even three?
Servo: You bet!
Narrator: Indeed they can!
Servo: [surprised] ...Heh, I was right!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The truck carrying baby chicks is driving very slowly.]
Narrator: Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that the motor truck plays a big part in poultry raising.
Crow [as Narrator]: I said, "Speed is ESSENTIAL"!
Narrator: Nevertheless, speed is essential and it's here that the motor truck plays a big part in poultry raising.
Crow [as Narrator]: I said, "Speed is ESSENTIAL"!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[As the truck drives as the scene fades.]
Mike: That guy's escaping disguised as a chicken!
[the next scene fades in]
Crow: Chickens!
Mike: That guy's escaping disguised as a chicken!
[the next scene fades in]
Crow: Chickens!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Two girls are feeding baby chicks.]
Mike [as girl]: How many are you sitting on?
Crow [as girl]: Dad went a little nuts this Easter.
Mike [as girl]: How many are you sitting on?
Crow [as girl]: Dad went a little nuts this Easter.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Narrator: Their immediate destination after leaving the incubator...
Servo [as Narrator]: Broadway!
Narrator: ...is the brooder house.
Mike [as Narrator]: Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.
Servo [as Narrator]: Broadway!
Narrator: ...is the brooder house.
Mike [as Narrator]: Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Narrator: From now on, their main job in life is to eat and grow.
Servo: [singing] Eat and grow forever...
Servo: [singing] Eat and grow forever...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[The narrator has talked about keeping paper on the floor to cover litter.]
Narrator: After the first few days, the paper can be removed.
Crow: Except for the sports section.
Narrator: After the first few days, the paper can be removed.
Crow: Except for the sports section.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Narrator: The range shelter should be very small, not holding more than a hundred birds.
Mike [as Narrator]: Or migrant workers.
Narrator: The shelter protects them from the sun and gives them a safe place to roost out of the way of rodents.
[Over a shot of chickens frantically fluttering out of a hen house]
Crow, Mike, Servo [as chickens]: RODENTS?! AAAAHHH!!
Mike [as Narrator]: Or migrant workers.
Narrator: The shelter protects them from the sun and gives them a safe place to roost out of the way of rodents.
[Over a shot of chickens frantically fluttering out of a hen house]
Crow, Mike, Servo [as chickens]: RODENTS?! AAAAHHH!!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Over a shot of chickens eating]
Servo [as chicken]: Heavens, I'm so fat. I just look at chicken feed and I gain weight.
Crow [as chicken]: Does this taste funny to you?
Servo [as chicken]: Heavens, I'm so fat. I just look at chicken feed and I gain weight.
Crow [as chicken]: Does this taste funny to you?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[On spacing range shelters to avoid chickens wandering off]
Narrator: You know how chickens are.
Servo: Yeah, they own everything.
Narrator: You know how chickens are.
Servo: Yeah, they own everything.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Narrator: Remember the old henhouse?
Servo: The one with the rats?
Narrator: It's now a hotel... a pullet hotel.
Mike: Rooms by the hour.
Servo: The one with the rats?
Narrator: It's now a hotel... a pullet hotel.
Mike: Rooms by the hour.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[Over a group of chickens in the henhouse]
Crow [as chicken]: Open your hymnals to number 325.
. . .
Tom [as chicken]: Everybody! Soylent Green is made from chickens!
Crow [as chicken]: Open your hymnals to number 325.
. . .
Tom [as chicken]: Everybody! Soylent Green is made from chickens!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
[On the trap nest, which is basically a chicken cage that can't be opened on the inside]
Mike: There's no point; it's just funny!
Mike: There's no point; it's just funny!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000