Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes


Joel: I think this movie just broke the goofy-meter.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Joel: Ice cream. I LOVE THIS PARTY.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Joel: I'd love an open sewer.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Joel: If you don't understand it, shoot it.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: So, d - do either of you guys know any songs about stock footage that could get us through this?
Tom Servo: Oh! I know a song about stock footage; goes like this: Bada-bada-da-da... EAT IT, MOVIE!
Crow: Woah! Woah! Woah!
Tom Servo: TAKE THIS STUPID LITTLE COCKROACH OF A FILM...
Crow: Mike, Mike, Mike...? Get...
Tom Servo: ROLL IT UP SOOOO TIGHT...
Mike Nelson: All right...
Tom Servo: AND RAM IT RIGHT UP... [starts sobbing]
Mike Nelson: [consoling Tom] All right! All right, all right, it's okay, you're okay, it's all right.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: So, the only effect of his complete immolation is... minor irritation and redness?

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: Soundtrack by my little brother's Casio.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: Soylent Green is made from people.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: That was an official thing I just did.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: The movie that dares to ask, will he find the dwarf?

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: The ONLY end, my friend.
Mike Nelson: Ya, and the children are all insane, right?

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: The only response to this film is pure, unbridled hate.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: The Queen Mother could heat up a room more than this.
Tom Servo: Yea. I've seen sexier girdle ads.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: There is NO way this guy is the hero of the film. Come on movie, movie can I see your supervisor movie, this will not stand!

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: They withheld all the interesting people 'till the end of the movie...

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: This film DARES you to watch it.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: This guy does not know how to make a normal entrance.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: This is an example of a time when parents should have crushed their child's dream of becoming a filmmaker.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: This is how I go fishing guys, with a flash light and a flamethrower.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: This looks like it was filmed in Mordor.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: This makes "Driving Miss Daisy" look like "Bullitt".

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: Thrill as they listen really hard.
Tom Servo: Marvel as they listen even harder.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: To be dead... to be nothing... to watch "Neptune Men" no more...

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: Tolkien couldn't follow this plot.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: Well Mike, that's just the difference between you and me.
Mike Nelson: You hire deranged psychopaths as caterers and I don't?
Crow: Exactly.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: Well, I suppose I could just eat the boat and spit them out.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: What did he say? Fart and get some sleep?

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: What's the point of a helmet in skydiving, in case you land on your head?

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: White Beer, there's a trailer park of taste in every bottle.

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: Whoa, huge slam on anteaters right out of nowhere!

TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000