Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
Tom Servo: You know, beer and porn DO make the shift go faster.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: You know, I'm at least as tense as I was during "A Very Brady Christmas".
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: You know, it's economical to not have a storyline, that way you can just film people saying stuff.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: You know, just because you CAN edit doesn't mean you SHOULD.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Please do not surcumb to the urge to eat each other.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Ray Dennis Steckler may have had some issues with women.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: So a scientist gets his information from a minimum wage park services guy?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: This is a story about a robot named Crow. Can you guess what Crow has been thinking? Crow has been thinking hard... or as hard as he can think anyway... on how the satellite has been so darn clean. It wasn't clean this morning, so think hard, Crow. Think really hard Crow - you poor dope. Scan that scrap heap you call a brain and...
Crow T. Robot: Hey, knock it off!
Tom Servo: [as different images of Gypsy are shown] Oh, sorry. Ah, yes. Who does these things when we're too lazy or too bloated on dinners of rich food and generous portions of our own gargantuan ego? Who debugs the massive computer control center because our own feeble brains can't add fractions? Who provides the water in which you could bathe your filthy oil-stained carcass? Who goes on mind-bendingly dangerous missions on the outside in cold unforgiving space while you sit cozy sipping cocoa and watching Tiny Toons? Pinch yourself hard, Mr. Robot. You deserve it. You think you're all sunshine and goodness, but you're just dirt between the toes of an evil troll. That's right. Who periodically changes the plutonium rods in the nuclear bowels deep inside the nuclear reactor of the ship while you sit feasting on gooey handfuls of Fiddle Faddle and play hopscotch and marbles and spring in the...
Crow T. Robot: Hey just a darn blasting minute. What are you trying to do, lay it all on me? You're the laziest robot I've ever seen!
Tom Servo: Oh, I see, It's me now is it. It's too painful to look into the deep dark truthful mirror, eh. You make me sick.
Crow T. Robot: [as Gypsy enters] I thought you looked sick but it's always hard to tell with you. [both see Gypsy]
Crow T. Robot: I gotta go clean my room now.
Tom Servo: I gotta go clean his room too.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: This is something Hitchcock would be proud of... his pet chimpanzee directing!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: This is the worst movie we've ever seen here.
Joel: Oh really, what about "Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"?
Tom Servo: Oh, worse, worse.
Crow T. Robot: What about "Side Hackers"?
Tom Servo: Worse.
Joel: "Cave Dwellers"?
Tom Servo: Worse.
Crow T. Robot: "Catalina Caper"?
Tom Servo: Worse.
Joel: "Pod people"?
Tom Servo: Worse.
Crow T. Robot: "Hell Cats"?
Tom Servo: Oh, worse.
Joel: "Daddy-O"?
Tom Servo: Oh, worse.
Crow T. Robot: "Rocket Attack USA"?
Tom Servo: Worse.
Joel: "Earth vs. the Spider"?
Tom Servo: Oh, definitely worse!
Crow T. Robot: "Ring of Terror"?
Tom Servo: Worse.
Joel: "It Conquered the World"?
Tom Servo: Uh... yeah, worse.
Crow T. Robot: "Lost Continent"?
Tom Servo: Oh, worse.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: This is very moving... in that it makes me want to MOVE out of the theater.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Thoughts of sex distracted me and now I have to immolate myself to subdue the buzzing in my head.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Two different kinds of plaid? Ew. I'm a naked robot and even *I* know that's a Fashion Don't.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Uh, can I have that back? I kinda' need it, it's my neck.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Uh-oh. Hilarity, guys. Not since the pie-fight scene in "The Great Race"...
Crow T. Robot: Not since the mudslide scene in "McClintock"...
Joel: Not since the wagon race scene in "The Hallelujah Trail"...
Crow T. Robot: Not since the chess-playing scene in "The Seventh Seal"...
Tom Servo: Not since the orgy scene in "Caligula"...
Joel: Huh?
Crow T. Robot: What?
Tom Servo: Um... well, hilarity, anyway.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Vacation. [deep voice]
Tom Servo: In the Forbiden Zone.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Well whaddaya know, a random citizen who can kick a werewolf's ass.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Well, guys, I guess no matter how hard you try, there's just no way to make parallel parking exciting.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Well, I see this movie wastes no precious screen time with a plot.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Well, there's a lot of congestion on the highway, so you might want to consider an alternate route. Like, down the side of a steep mountain.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000