Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
Mike Nelson: There! I think I've taught you not to rebuff my wiener innuendo.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: This is one of the most ambitiously bad movies we have ever done.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: This is the early version of "Snow White" called "Snow White and the One Normal Sized Guy".
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: This movie is crediting the entire United States person-by-person!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: This movie was like watching Casablanca, while having a small child use your groin as a punching bag
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Well I think Ed Wood has directed himself into a corner here.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Well, it's not a plot point... and it's not an action sequence... so what is it?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Were we supposed to do some readings for this movie?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: What I'm about to say might sound strange, but I think we should eat this corpse.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: What would Liberace do? Uh, I better not do that.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: When confronted by a werewolf, this is important, immediately leave your car and run out in the open.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Why you're a freak. A super freak. You're super freaky.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Wow, this is weird, this happened to me. I was on a first date with a girl and her grandma killed someone. Dated the girl for a while though!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: Wow. What movie is this. nothing's happening. I think maybe we should call the Mads, what do you think?
Tom Servo: Well, I guess I wouldn't advise it.
Crow T. Robot: Yeah, why get them involved.
Mike Nelson: I mean I think we should just call the Mads.
Dr. Forrester: [Forrester is excercising and singing] Frank, I could not stop picking at that pan of lemon bars. I ate half the pan. You're so lucky, you could eat anything and not worry.
TV's Frank: [Frank enters wearing a bathrobe and has his face covered with a beauty mask, eating ice cream, and reading a TV Guide] Oh, I would give anything to have that complexion of yours. Hey, wow! "Vicki" is on! [Mike and the bots look shocked]
Dr. Forrester: You know, Frank. This is exactly what I wanted to do today. Just have the whole day to ourselves.
TV's Frank: I'm declaring this "National Our Day." Please, do not let me eat all of this.
Dr. Forrester: Well I shouldn't. [Looks up and notices Mike and bots are watching, then runs back to the couch]
Dr. Forrester: Oh my god, Frank switch on a game, switch on a game! [Crow and Tom looking open mouthed in horror. Crow's mouth is so wide that Mike closes it up]
Mike Nelson: So, I guess we can call the Mads. You know what. I don't think we should do that again. We'll be right back.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: You failed to properly compensate during the ion storm. Your agonizer, please.
Crow T. Robot: But Captain Mike...
Mike Nelson: Your agonizer, please.
Crow T. Robot: Agonizer, agonizer... Where the heck did I put that doohickey?
Mike Nelson: It's right there on your belt.
Crow T. Robot: No. No, that's not it.
Mike Nelson: It is, too.
Crow T. Robot: Nope...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: You know Ed Wood agonized over this scene.
Crow T. Robot: And now we are.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: You know guys, the whole situation, being stuck up here in space, forced to watched cheesy movies, interacting with other life forms... it kinda bites.
Crow T. Robot: You're starting to catch on, Kimosabe.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: You know Krankor, I want you to leave.
Krankor: Oh, do you? Well, you may be interested to know that I have already conquered your puny satellite and that you have no defense against me.
Mike Nelson: Ahh.
Krankor: [terrified] : Oh, please don't hurt me. Don't hit, don't hit.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: You know, even when stuff happens in this movie, stuff doesn't happen.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: You know, if seasonal holiday depression has a sound track, this is it.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: You know, I'm a little vague on what you are talking about.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Mike Nelson: You know, it's possible they're making an electric Santa Claus.
Tom Servo: At this point, they could be doing anything.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000