Mystery Science Theater 3000 Quotes
Tom Servo: Why does he have to kill them to prove his point? Can't he just show them a pie chart or something?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: Yes I do. Remember, little boy: if I can leave you with one birthday message, it is... Greet each day with a mighty roar. And always know what time it is. And wear Old Spice. Walk briskly to and from your job, and remember: neatness counts. Fill your head with candy. You are how you look. Me? I'm a gumball machine! I embrace that and my colleagues respect me for it. Heed this advice and maybe, just maybe, you'll grow up to be like me, Tom Servo.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: You have my word of honor that the story I have been telling is the truth... Okay, mixed with a little fiction... Alright, I'm lying my butt off...
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Tom Servo: You want surreal? I'll give you surreal: A Very Brady Christmas.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Adam: He's not dead, I have these papers...
Crow: Proving he's not dead!
Adam: He's in a state of suspended animation.
Mike Nelson: Santa came down from heaven and made him better!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Adam: How did you know I was here?
Woman: I saw the flash light.
Crow: Plus you were crashing around like a drunk elephant.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Adam: You think this is all there is to America? Apple pie and all that jazz?
Crow: And hula-hoops and dungarees?
Adam: Well it's my job to keep the apple on the table and no-one questions how I do it.
Mike Nelson: I'll just need an hour to figure out your metaphor.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Akronas: When you seem to have reached the ends of the Earth...
Crow: ...ask for Earl.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Akronos: When it seems that nature herself is unwilling to accompany you any further, then you'd have reached the domain of Ator.
Tom Servo: Canada?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Andy Henderson: Hi, Santa.
Crow T. Robot: Get the hell out of my shop.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Badool: My name is Badool
Crow: No, wait, that's my intestinal condition.
Badool: Can you say "Badool"?
Pearl Forrester: Let me try. "Get bent". No, I guess I can't
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Batwoman: Stay where you are.
Rat Fink: All right, I will.
Mike Nelson: Ah, the compliant villain. Can-do.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Bela Lugosi: [on Lobo] Don't worry, he's as gentle as a kitten.
Tom Servo: Yeah, a big, bald, deranged kitten that could snap your neck like celery.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Bomar: The doll has a teddy bear's head, and the teddy bear has a doll's head.
Joel: Don't worry, we'll give them to dyslexic kids.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Boss: I always knew leadership was important dad, but I never thought about it n connection with my own business. But come Monday things will be different. [we cut to a meeting on Monday]
Joel: We're going to have leadership the way my old man told me. You, put a handkerchief on your head! You, swat at imaginary elves! You, rock on the porch all night!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Boss: I remember the first thing Harry drilled into me...
Crow T. Robot: Was Harry.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
CIA director: [sending a spy on a mission] I don't have to tell you that, if you're caught, we'll have to say we've never heard of you.
Joel: It'll be as if you were on the "Thicke of the Night" show.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Cook: They give you a thousand bucks to join, and a thousand bucks when it's over.
Tom Servo: That's at least a thousand bucks.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Danny Winslow: I'm Danny. Danny Winslow. What's your name?
Bix Dugan: [mumbling] Bix Dugan.
Joel: Big Stupid?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Detective: Now what can we do for you Mr Romaine?
Crow: Make me a salad.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Docter: I should've known he was as good as dead when they wheeled him in...
Tom Servo: Because he got me as his doctor.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Dr. Darwin: A blank brain.
Crow: [brainwashed] Hooray for socks.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Dr. Darwin: OK, let's keep this short.
Crow: Oh, why start now?
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Dr. Darwin: The computer sucked everything in.
Crow: "Sucked", Let's go with that word, movie.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank}: What do you *want* from us? We're *evil*. Evil!
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank: What do you WANT from us? We're EVIL. EVIL.
TV Show: Mystery Science Theater 3000